Chapter Seventeen #2
“What a fine joke the king will have, if my freedom only lasts a fortnight, and for most of it I didn’t even know,” I say, angry at how quickly delirious joy can turn to bitter regret.
“Elianna should have remembered to tell you sooner.”
There’s more anger in his voice than seems warranted, and I decide I have nothing to lose by asking. “Kaelen, you and Elianna … There’s some tension there.”
“She should have told you. You could have been celebrating your freedom from the first day of this journey,” he says hotly.
“I know, but before that. Back in the palace. What is it?” I take a deep breath. “Is it something I need to know? Anything that could interfere with our quest?”
“No. I—No.” He shoves a hand through his hair.
“All right. It’s not terribly important for our journey, but Elianna insists my sister should go to the Sorcerers’ Guild for training.
She says Karrina has magical potential. Major potential.
I forbade her to do any official tests, but …
she says that informal observation tells her that Karrina could be the most powerful sorcerer Altarra has seen in centuries, with the proper training. ”
I can see that he’s completely resistant to this—both the magic and the training. “What happens if she doesn’t? Will the magic just go away?”
“No. That’s the problem. If she doesn’t learn how to control her magic, Karrina could seriously harm herself or others. And her heart is too tender to survive hurting someone.”
“And instead of being there for her, the king forced you to come along and babysit me.”
“No!” He turns back to me and touches my arm.
“Soli, it’s my privilege to be part of this mission.
If we don’t restore Artemisen and the balance in Altarra, all of us are lost. I worry about my sister, though.
I’ve protected her from the plots of courtiers, and the queen truly loves her.
But King Pallan has floated the idea of marrying her off for political gain to the Khyrran prince.
The man is older than me and a terrible drunkard. Karrina is only ten and eight!”
My heart wrenches at the anguish so plain on his face. “The queen is powerful. I’m sure she’ll protect Karrina until you get back.”
If we live through this.
“If we live through this,” he says, an eerie echo of my thoughts. He strides to the fire and stands staring down at it, his face in profile a mask of hard lines, every inch of his muscular body held rigid with unspoken tension.
Then he swears beneath his breath and whirls to face me. “Soli. Solitude Grace. May I kiss you in celebration of your new freedom?”
“I can’t think of a better way to celebrate,” I whisper, even though I know better. “But which Kaelen are you? The feral warrior who wants to eat me alive, or the honorable prince who wants nothing to do with me?”
“I don’t know. Sometimes, I feel like I’m splitting in two,” he confesses harshly, running a hand through his hair. “I don’t understand it, unless trying to live a fake life as a courtier in Pallan’s court has broken my mind and personality in half.”
“But—”
“Eat you alive, definitely,” he suddenly says, his eyes lighting up with wicked glee.
“I—What?” This mood change was too quick. I feel lost.
“I absolutely pick option one. I want to eat you alive. I want to put my mouth on every inch of your body. I want to taste your skin and lick the honey from your sweet, sweet—”
“One kiss,” I blurt out, my skin on fire with my blush. After all these years of servitude, don’t I deserve something totally and completely for myself? “One kiss.”
“You’re thinking too loudly again,” he murmurs, touching the side of my face.
His index finger gently traces my scar, and a flash of sensation sizzles through me.
I let my head fall back and close my eyes, focused so intently on the feel of his skin touching mine that everything else—danger and worry and anxiety—falls away, until only delight and anticipation and pure, primal feeling remain.
“Kiss me,” I murmur, and then I laugh and take matters into my own hands, tunneling my fingers into the thick, silken waves of his hair and pulling his head down to mine. “Kiss me for luck and for freedom. Kiss me for hope.”
“And for grace, my Solitude,” he says, his voice a harsh rasp against my lips.
Then he’s kissing me, and I melt against the hardness of his body.
I hold on to his shirt, pulling him closer and closer.
He smells of sandalwood and leather and sunlight and tastes like tea and mint and wonder, and my thoughts don’t even make sense, so I quit trying to think and only feel.
Just feel and feel and feel—his tongue licking at my lips, coaxing them to open, the way he tastes me.
His kisses are sweet and melting, like sugar-sap candy at Harvest Fest, and they’re sinking into me, surrounding me with sensations, deep and hot and delicious.
His tongue strokes inside my mouth, and nothing has ever felt like this. I don’t, I can’t …
I must. I can’t help myself.
I kiss him with all of my enthusiasm and passion and wanting, since I know I have little skill, but before I can retreat, before I can feel less-than again for my lack of practice, he groans—almost a growl, a feral noise—into my mouth and puts his hands on my hips and pulls me against him.
He lifts me, and I wrap my legs around his waist.
Kaelen raises his head, breathing hard, his eyes closed. “Soli. I want you so damn much. I need you. You have to tell me to stop.”
“More kissing, less talking,” I demand, and I’m so out of control I bite his lip gently, more like a nibble, and whatever barrier or resistance he tried to put between us shatters. I can almost feel the shards of his self-control cascading over my heated skin.
He strides with me still in his arms over to a stand of trees, moving behind one so we’re hidden from the fire and anyone who might return to it.
My back hits the tree, and his hips rock into mine, and I cry out.
I’ve never felt anything like this. My body is no longer flesh and blood but fire and starlight, and I want him, I want all of him, and I don’t care that we have no future.
I only care that we have now.
And I’m free. My body belongs only and completely to me, so I can choose—I can choose—and I choose him.
“I choose you,” I whisper when his mouth leaves mine to trace the line of my neck. “I choose this.”
He freezes and then raises his head to stare into my eyes, but the passion is draining from his expression. “And your choice is a gift,” he says gently, but with so much regret I can almost taste it. “But it reminds me I’m not free to choose. Anything or anyone.”
Suddenly, I’m so cold, so very cold, where I was burning up only a moment ago, and I shake my head, not wanting to know whatever else he’s about to say.
Elianna’s voice in my mind: He’s not for you. He’s not for you. He’s not for you.
Because I can’t bear to hear those words from his mouth, not now, not after this, I fight to get down and away from him and race to put space between us, stumbling as I run back toward the fire. I hear him call my name, but I can’t, I can’t, I can’t.
I reach the fire and whirl around, wanting to run away but knowing I have no place to go. Kaelen’s right behind me, reaching out to me, but I back away from him. “Please. I don’t want to hear it.”
“Soli, this war inside me is only about impossible choices, not about how much I value you. If nothing else, believe that. The side of me that wants you …”
But I’m shaking my head. I don’t want to hear him. I try to come up with the perfect words to stop him from speaking. Then I hear horses galloping toward us.
A familiar voice calls out: Chitai. “Hello, the camp. We need to move. Now!”
She and the sergeant are riding flat-out when they race into the circle of firelight, and Chitai leaps down before her horse even stops. “They’re no more than an hour behind us, if they start down the road now,” she says, breathing hard.
Kaelen snaps into readiness. Any sign of passion is gone from his face like it never existed. I hope my face is as calm. “Who?”
Elianna climbs down from the wagon and starts toward us. Neville waits till she’s in hearing distance to answer the prince. “A half-dozen Zhagarn and a full cadre of Fell. We snuck up on their campsite.”
“How could we miss the fact that an entire cadre was following us?” Kaelen clenches his jaw. “It’s just not possible.”
“Oh, it’s possible,” Elianna says, her voice shaking, which scares me almost more than the news of the Fell. If an Air Touched sorcerer is afraid, I should be terrified.
We should all be terrified.
“How?” I need to hear it, despite my fears.
“If they have a magic wielder with them. Someone who can conjure up shields and diversions that deflect the eye.” She starts packing up everything near the fire, and I rush to help, using the pot of water to douse the flames.
“Like invisibility?”
“No, there’s no magic that can turn living beings invisible, but a good enough practitioner can manipulate light so well you’d never know the difference.”
“We need to hurry,” Chitai says. “If you can wrap up camp and get everyone moving, I’ll ride ahead and alert Andras and the others to the danger.”
“I can do that,” Neville says.
She shakes her head impatiently. “I’m the fastest rider. You stay with Kaelen and Elianna and protect Soli and the amulet. But get on the road as fast as you can. If they get our scent or even a hint of us, they’ll be after us. Fast.”
In less than fifteen minutes, we’re on our way out of camp, but anyone can see we were here.
I poured more water over the firepit, but the evidence of a fire doesn’t just disappear, no matter how much water and dirt we use to cover it.
If—when—the Zhagarn and their twisted soldiers reach this spot, they’ll know we were here, and they’ll keep coming for us.
“Where can we go?” I ride up next to Kaelen on the little mare; Elianna is driving the wagon. “Where can we hide? They’re too many to fight.”
The lines of his face are sculpted stone in the moonlight. “We don’t have any choice, Soli. We have to enter the Barrows. Even the Zhagarn will hesitate to follow us there at night, and the Fell will fear the draugrs.”
Terror roars up inside me, and it takes everything I have to keep from losing my dinner right there on the road.
The Barrows. At night.
I force out a laugh, so I don’t cry. Or shriek.
Kaelen raises an eyebrow. “What?”
“At least I was free for an hour.” With that, I bend forward and encourage Cloud to run faster. I want to catch up to Trick and see him one last time before we all die a horrible death.
… until the end of her days.
Damn the king, anyway.