Chapter Thirty #2
“So lovely,” he murmurs, almost absently, before bending his head to kiss the slope of my breasts, first one, then the other, closer and closer to my nipple, until I put my hands in his hair and pull him to me, making small sounds that at first I don’t even realize are coming from my throat.
“Yes?” he asks, his lips against me. Finally.
“Yes,” I groan, and his laughter rumbles against my skin, but then he licks my nipple into his mouth and sucks on it, hard.
I cry out and arch back, my body dissolving into pure desire.
He holds me in place with one hand at my back and uses the other to toy with the breast not in his mouth, and a bolt of sheer lust sears through my body to make me so wet and hot between my thighs that I have to tighten my legs against the feeling.
When he raises his head, his eyes are purple flames in the moonlight. I pull his head to mine and plunge my tongue into his mouth, writhing against him, wanting and needing, making small, wordless sounds that mean nothing and everything all at once.
The emotions soaring through me are a revelation. Beyond desire, beyond passion.
Astonishment.
Awe.
Disbelief.
Gratitude.
I don’t know how to fit all of these wild feelings inside me without expanding and floating up off the bed and out of the room and into the starry night.
“Oh, Kaelen,” I whisper.
“Still yes?” he asks, his voice daring me to deny him.
“Yes,” I gasp, laughing and trembling and touching him. When I reach down between us and grasp the hard length of him, it’s his turn to gasp, and I revel in the purely sensual power I have over this moment, over this man, who clearly wants me as much as I want him.
How is it possible to want so much and not die of it? When his hungry, wickedly sensual smile flashes, I know I spoke the words aloud.
“Still yes?” he asks, his hand sliding down my stomach until his fingers rest between my legs.
“Oh, yes,” I say, over and over and over, as his fingers slide into the heat and wetness of my longing for him.
A feeling spears through me like nothing I’ve ever felt before, and I cry out again before falling back against the bed’s single pillow, my body bowed up, my thighs tightening around his wrist to hold him in place.
“Remember, Soli, bandits ravish,” he murmurs, then slides farther down on the bed.
Gently pushing my legs apart, he puts his mouth on me.
At the first touch of his tongue, my trembling turns to a tempest. I want more, want to hide, want to never, ever move away from this man, this place, this wonder.
“Kaelen,” I moan. “Please.”
He laughs, the sound a vibration against my skin. “Once I steal you, I may never let you go.”
When he moves his fingers inside me in a rhythmic counterpoint to the motion of his tongue, I tense, clutching his hair, whipping my head back and forth on the pillow. My muscles tense, and my back arches, my entire being focused on the waves of feeling threatening to wash me away.
When he puts his lips on me and sucks, I fly off the bed and into space, sparkling bursts of starlight and moonlight turning cartwheels in my dazzled mind and body, with only a tiny corner of my brain functioning well enough that I stuff my fist into my mouth to keep from screaming his name.
“Too much,” I rasp out. “Too much sensation, too much—”
“Not enough,” he growls. “Never enough.” But he raises his head at my words, though I can see his eyes burning with need.
He gently strokes my side until his hand curves around my hip, waiting for me to settle enough to say yes again.
If it’s possible, his restraint makes him even sexier to me.
I can tell he wants to plunder—wants to relinquish himself to the animalistic urges within—but he’s waiting for me. For my agreement.
Waiting for our mutual surrender to this whirlwind of sensation.
Bit by bit, my body relaxes back onto the bed, the rigid, spasming pleasure washing gently through me like the tide from the shore. I don’t know how to look at him. I’m not embarrassed; it’s just wonder, pure wonder, and even awe.
“Still yes?” He moves up to position himself over my body, his long, muscular legs nestled between my trembling thighs.
“Always yes,” I whisper.
“Soli, I need you,” he rasps, and I see how much he does.
I take his face between my hands and kiss him with every bit of that wonder and awe, and all the wanting, so much wanting and need.
Then he moves, and he’s inside me, all of him, so hard and long and thick I spare a moment to wonder how he can possibly fit.
Feeling deliriously happy that he does.
He thrusts into me as far as he can go, his hips slamming into mine, and I urge him on with words and hands and lips and even my legs wrapped around him, holding him, feeling every bit of him in me and on me and around me until I’m going to come again.
The almost unbearable pleasure swirls inside me, building strength before it crashes home.
“Soli. Come for me. Now,” he demands, his voice hoarse with strain.
I dig my fingers into the muscles of his strong back, and I let go, open up to the physical sensation threatening to hurl me off the edge of the Indigo Cliffs into the unknown depths of the Thalassian Sea.
Above me, Kaelen tenses, his rhythm quickening as he drives into me harder and deeper until I’m sure I must explode—and then he says my name.
Just “Soli,” as he falls into sensation with me.
I close my eyes and soar into the moonlit dark, but not alone.
Finally, not alone.
We soar together.
When his breathing steadies, Kaelen rolls us over until I’m lying on his chest, still shuddering with aftershocks.
He wraps his arms around me and, though the room is chilly without a fire and I’m entirely naked, I feel warmer than I have since we began this journey.
I twist around to grab the quilts and pull them up over us, then snuggle back into the curve of his arms. We doze off together in a delicious haze of sated contentment.
When I wake, I’m on my side, and Kaelen is stroking my back and pressing kisses to my scars.
“Did you sleep?”
“A little,” he murmurs. “I didn’t want to miss this, though. Finally, being able to hold you like this. Just the two of us. I feel a peacefulness I haven’t felt for a long time.”
“Maybe we could light the fire,” I offer drowsily. “I know how now.”
“I know. Soli?”
“Hmm?”
“Not now, but someday, I need for you to tell me about the scars.”
He feels me flinch and swears beneath his breath.
“I’m sorry. Now was not the time to bring that up. Forget I said anything. I’m an idiot.”
I pull the quilts back up over us and snuggle into the curve of his arms. “No. It’s fine. You know about the scars on my cheek, hand, and wrist from the accident. The ones on my back are … The first Inquisitor they sent decided I was lying about Gray Mind.”
Closing my eyes, I shove sense memory away, determined not to allow it to enter this perfect space and time.
“When I remember it, I feel that same trapped helplessness. That same hopeless, powerless sensation of someone else having complete control of me, being able to hurt me as much and as often as he wanted. It’s not … It’s a memory I try to avoid.”
“I’m so sorry I asked.” His voice is heavy with remorse, but I don’t want those emotions here with us.
I sit up, the quilt twisted around me, and wrap my arms around my knees. I shake my head. “No. It’s fine. You must have plenty of difficult memories yourself.”
He sits up, too, and leans back against the headboard, one hand toying with my hair.
“Too many. My parents—the escape. I was fifteen, more than old enough to have helped fight.
I was furious and ashamed that they were sending me away, making me run from the Zhagarn.
But they told me I had to protect my sister, and I swore I would.
“When I remember my parents—that horrible night and the nights and days that followed, racing away and across the country, knowing I’d be unwanted in Khyrrus, hoping Karrina could be safe in Pyrrh—I turn into someone else.
” His hands clench into fists. “I’m no longer Kaelen.
No longer a man, or a son, or a brother.
I’m nothing but the memory of a prince; a shadowy vessel containing lost traditions and failed expectations.
Floating through that farce of a life at Pallan’s court like a soap bubble, ephemeral and easily crushed. ”
“You’re so much more than that, Kaelen. You’re the man who took charge of this mission, even though you wanted to stay with your sister. You’re the man who saved our lives again and again. Your family would be proud of you.”
This time, he’s the one to flinch. “I’ve done nothing to make them proud.
All I do is hate, even knowing the futility.
One man by himself can’t defeat the Zhagarn and Fell who conquered my country, no matter how much I train until my fingers bleed from gripping my sword.
I’ve been secretly in touch with some of my people, and there are enough of them in hiding to mount a rebellion, if I could ever show up to lead them.
“If Artemisen entrusted the amulet to me, I’m not sure I wouldn’t make the selfish choice to save my people and say to the ravens with the rest of Altarra.” His eyes are bleak with despair. “Sometimes I think I’m not even human anymore, Soli. Merely vengeance fashioned into a weapon.”
“But not now.” I lean forward and wrap my arms around him. “Not here.”
“No. Not now. Not here.” He pulls me onto his lap and holds me so tightly I can feel his heartbeat.
We sit in silence for a while, and I dare to wonder what might have happened if he’d been a commoner and I a farm girl or a pig keeper or anything but an indentured servant, and we’d met, and maybe kissed at the Harvest Fest, and …
“You’re thinking too hard again,” he murmurs against my hair.
“It’s a curse. Too much thinking,” I say lightly.
“Too many books?”
I pretend to gasp and poke a finger in his chest. “Bite your tongue! There’s no such thing!”
He catches my finger, brings it to his mouth, and kisses it. “I’d rather bite your tongue.”
“Maybe you should show me how that would work,” I say, laughing. We shove serious and painful thoughts away and turn all our attention to making joyous, passionate, tender memories I can hold close to my heart, no matter what comes next.
Later—much later—after he talks me out of returning to my room, Kaelen jumps out of bed and walks over to the chair where his bag sits, giving me a terrific view of what must be the world’s best backside.
When he turns around, he catches me looking and a smug smile of pure satisfaction spreads across his beautiful face.
He even puts a little extra swagger into his walk when he returns to bed.
It’s such an effective distraction that I don’t even notice he’s holding something until he lifts my hand and slides a heavy metal band onto my wrist.
I look down and gasp. “What is that? Kaelen … what?”
It’s a cuff-style silver bracelet with a gorgeous inlaid design—a snarling, black-and-white snow leopard encircled by green-and-blue scrollwork. I recognize the Valourian royal crest and start shaking my head before he even speaks.
“I want you to have it, Soli.”
“Oh, no, you can’t give me this. It must be a family heirloom!” I pull it off and hold it out to him. “It’s a lovely thought, but you don’t need to give me anything. I’m not—You don’t—”
He takes the bracelet and puts it back on my wrist. “I want you to have this. Please. I …” He shoves a hand through his hair.
“I never—I’ve never given jewelry to any woman before, let alone something so important to me.
It … it was my grandmother’s. We were very close, and I’ve always carried it with me as a kind of talisman since she died.
” He touches the cuff and smiles wistfully. “She’d like you.”
A wave of warmth flows through me. He wants me to have this.
This bracelet that was so important to him he’s kept it all this time.
But of course, I can’t. With so much regret, I shake my head and pull it off again.
“Kaelen. I’m sure I’d love her. And this—that you want to give it to me—it’s one of the most special and wonderful moments of my entire life. But I can’t. Karrina—”
“Karrina has her own.” He puts his hands behind his back, so I can’t put the bracelet in them. “I want you to know how much you mean to me, even though … even though I still don’t—can’t—deserve you. Please. For me.”
“But—”
His expression changes, and I can all but see a new idea come into his mind. “Besides, it covers the brand, and we’re in Khyrrus. At least wear it on the journey. For me? You can consider it a loan.”
I don’t have any way to argue against that.
We are in Khyrrus, where my brand is a genuine danger.
If I keep the cuff mostly hidden by my shirtsleeve, nobody will see the whole of it and recognize the Valourian royal crest, which would surely make them wonder.
Plus, mercenaries like shiny things. So, it would be in character for me to wear it.
For my disguise, I tell myself, already feeling possessive of the beautiful bracelet.
And of the man who gave it to me, despite my best efforts.
Slowly, I slide it back over my wrist. “A loan, then.”
“For now.” His smile is triumphant. “We’ll talk more about it later. After we find the second key.”
I try to answer him, but an enormous yawn comes out when I open my mouth.
“Agreed,” the prince says, then climbs beneath the quilts with me. He pulls me against him and closes his eyes. “And quit thinking so hard.”
“I’m too tired to think,” I mumble, holding the wrist with the bracelet against my chest and smiling despite myself. “Just need a little sleep before I start again.”
The next thing I know, the sun is shining through the window, and somebody is banging on the door to our room.