Chapter 11
Eleven
Ari
My heart pounded to the exact beat that my shoes made against the pavement, and my lungs burned at the sudden exertion I wasn’t used to.
I probably should have run somewhere else, somewhere far away from here where Jake could come rescue me and V would never find me, but I knew that wasn't what I wanted.
Even if it meant my life was almost over, I would take a monster over boring predictability.
I didn’t stop running until I made it to my destination, adrenaline coursing through my veins at the reality of what I had just seen.
Confusion wracked my brain as my thoughts jumbled together, and I knew I was doing something crazy.
Because I hadn’t run somewhere for safety.
I had defied all logic and gone back to V’s apartment where I was supposed to be waiting for him to come back.
I slipped inside without a sound, locking the door behind me.
Being here felt like finality, maybe, or relief?
I wasn’t sure. The room was still dim, the clock on the wall ticking away as if it were screaming out my location, betraying the silence that had settled into my bones.
I leaned my forehead against the wood and waited for my hands to start shaking, but they never did.
Instead, all my heart did was slow slightly, racing with a steadiness beneath the adrenaline that made my skin feel tight.
There was a precision to it, an electric jolt in my system that felt right, somehow, so I pressed my palm to my chest as if that might convince my body to feel what I knew I should be struggling with.
Fear.
I knew I should feel fear, but when it finally came, it wasn’t so much terror as it was laced with something else.
I wasn’t afraid of him. I was afraid he wouldn’t want me anymore.
My eyes squeezed shut at the thought, and the image of V in the park resurfaced in my mind.
Not the violence of it, or the way the blood had dribbled down his chin.
Forcing myself to focus on either one of those things would make me be afraid of him.
It would be easier, but no matter how many times I told myself I should be, I couldn’t see him any other way.
Instead, my heart skipped a beat at the memory of the way he had moved through the dark. The way he had controlled his movements, or the way he’d effortlessly used his strength to hold the man down on the bench.
It should’ve scared me to know that if he wanted to overpower me, he wouldn’t even break a sweat, but it only made me want him more.
I wasn’t convinced he had done it for the thrill. It had looked like a ritual—a sacrifice—and I licked my lips as it replayed in my mind again and again.
I had watched something intimate, and I found myself wondering if that’s what he’d look like on top of me.
The thought sent chills skittering down my spine, so I opened my eyes again and pulled away from the door with a jolt. I backed away slowly, not turning my back to the door until I was halfway in the room, but when I did, I saw the bed where his mouth had claimed me as his forever.
All of the reasonable next steps were lined up in neat rows in my head. All of the options most people would have chosen were ready to be dusted off and put to use, but I never reached for them. Instead, I pushed them away one-by-one, justifying reasons why they were pointless.
When I looked in the bathroom mirror, I saw the reflection of a girl I didn't recognize. Her eyes were bright with a spark I hadn’t seen in years, and her mouth was too soft, parted like she was only seconds away from laughing with joy. Like she was full of feelings she thought weren’t real.
I knew I should be afraid, and maybe the smallest part of me was, but not in the way I should have been. I was intrigued by what he was. I reveled in the thrill of the mystery, and I wanted more.
That was the thought that made my breath catch in my throat.
He had seen me, without a doubt, and the certainty that he knew I’d discovered his secret held me in place with alarming ease.
He would come for me.
I was being hunted, very likely his next victim, but the thought of his hands tangled in my hair again and the feeling of his teeth sunk deep into my flesh was enough to make my pulse stutter.
I was sure he was not human, but it didn’t matter.
I wanted him. Even if it killed me.
I tried to think of a better way to spend my last breath, but I couldn’t.
Call it fate or destiny or whatever the hell else there was that I wasn’t sure I believed in, but all I knew was that there was no reality where I could avoid whatever he’d decided to do with me, and it was fine.
Truly. I let myself hope—for the slightest, smallest moment—that he would at least take his time with me before it was over.
That he would take me back to his bed to finish the job before killing me. That, I think, was the best way to go.
The seconds ticked by until time stretched and thinned.
Every sound in the building sharpened as I waited, until my ears pounded with the sound of the distant hum of pipes clinking softly in the walls, and the muted footsteps of someone walking across the floor in the apartment above this one.
I knew that staying here made me a sitting target, but I couldn’t go.
Not now. Not ever.
A soft knock on the door pulled me out of my thoughts.
They were two deliberate thuds, placed on the door in the exact place where it would carry loudest throughout the room.
My breath stuck to my lungs, and my fingers curled into the fabric of his shirt that still clung to my skin, but beneath any feelings of nervousness was the feeling of something dangerously close to relief.
I never wanted him to chase me or drag me back to his lair.
All I wanted was his voice in my ear, humming my name low and steady while we fell over the edge together over and over again.
Each step was deliberate as I walked across the room, each footfall silent against the tile as if sound might shatter the moment.
He had locked the door behind him when he left, so I knew he had a key.
The knock had been an unnecessary courtesy.
One that I returned when I unlocked the deadbolt without a word.
As the door creaked open, I waited to see if a monster stood on the other side, but it was just him.
There was no blood on his mouth or visible evidence of what I'd seen him do.
His clothes were still neat and unwrinkled, his posture relaxed, and his face was composed to a point of serenity that stole my breath away.
He was perfect, and if I hadn't seen what he had just done in the park with my own two eyes, I might have believed this was the same passionate man I had seen before. The one who poured his heart and soul into a viola. I almost convinced myself that nothing had happened at all.
His eyes found mine immediately, but there was no hint of surprise. Just the cool caress of warmth that made me want to throw my arms around him to welcome him home, but I didn't.
“You didn't go far,” he said, a hint of surprise dusting the edges of his words as they curled around my ears. Even his voice was just as calm and low as it had been before. There was no accusation in it, or threat. Just a statement of fact.
“I still ran,” I said, my throat tightening slightly.
“I know.”
He stepped closer, surveying me as if he was waiting for me to flinch, but I didn’t. Instead, the space between us felt charged, like lightning was threatening to strike at any moment.
“I suppose you saw everything,” he continued, as calmly as if he had commented on the weather. “Although I’m not surprised. You did exactly what I expected you’d do.”
My pulse stuttered slightly, and his pupils dilated in response. “Which was?”
His mouth curved slightly. Not into a smile, but into something adjacent to it. Something restrained, or maybe… sad.
“You panicked.”
“I didn’t—”
“You did,” he corrected sharply. “But then you… came here. You didn’t scream for help. You ran straight back to this apartment where you knew I would find you.” His eyes flicked down to the shirt of his I’d borrowed, and his eyebrows knitted together in confusion. “Why? Why would you come back?”
His head tilted slightly as he studied me, genuine confusion appearing on his face as if I were something that didn’t make sense. And maybe I didn’t.
“I'm not afraid of you,” I said firmly, clutching my hands into fists.
“Yes you are.”
“No, I’m not,” I said, raising my voice, and the words tumbled out of my mouth without any hint of hesitation.
“You know, I’ve finally figured you out.
You think you know everything all the time, and you think you can predict who people are just by staring at them, but you can’t.
Sometimes you’re wrong, and I don’t think you know what to do when you are,” I stepped closer until we were only inches apart. “I’m not afraid of you, V.”
His breathing was ragged, as if he was doing everything he could to contain himself, and I hoped he was. I hoped he felt the same thing I did, because if it was only a single percent of what burned within me, it would be enough to keep the world warm forever.
“No,” he whispered finally. “Fine. That’s fair.” Silence stretched between us, until he slipped a finger beneath my chin and forced me to tear my gaze away from his mouth. “Do you still want to know what I am?”
I didn’t nod, but the look on my face must have been enough of an answer for him, because he leaned forward slightly, opening his mouth just wide enough for me to see two fangs where his canine teeth should’ve been.
The realization that he could kill me here and now pressed in from all sides, but it didn’t scare me away.
“You could have tried to run for help,” he continued, his eyes swapping back and forth between mine. “Everyone does. They see the truth of what I am, and survival takes over. I am nothing more than a monster that lurks in the dark, and people always run. It’s just biology.”
I blinked a few times as puzzle pieces fell into place, and something clicked.
Everything he did—everything he said—was just the side effect of a man living a lonely life of rejection and pain, and I knew what that felt like.
I knew how much it hurt to show people the real you, just to have them turn around and hate what they saw, but worse than that…
I understood the deep, unfulfilling sadness of trying to hide what you really wanted, so I smiled at him and tucked a strand of hair behind my ear.
“Was it weird to follow me here?”
For the first time, his face actually softened, and he looked at me in a way that broke my heart. “I didn't follow you.”
“No?”
“No. When I realized where you were going… I-” he paused, struggling to find the words to say. “I came to you. There’s a difference.” His voice was so quiet, I almost couldn’t hear what he said.
The silence stretched between us for what felt like hours as my mouth hung open, reassessing every moment of our interactions together over the past four years.
Had he ever hunted me? Surely, that’s why he had been staring at me like that at the club.
I remembered seeing the same look in his eye that had surfaced tonight after he killed the man in the park.
As I pieced the past together, V watched my every move as if I were nothing more than prey, threatening to bolt, but I wasn’t. My whole life had worked hard to domesticate me especially for him, and I had no intention of going anywhere.
“Ari, I know you came to Milan to find me. The only question left now,” he said, his voice lowering just enough to feel intentional, “is what I’m supposed to do with you.”
“What are your options?”
“In reality, there's only two,” he said, reaching up slowly to brush his thumb against my cheek.
I took a sharp breath in at his touch, and his eyes darkened as he said, “I have never let someone live if they remembered me after I moved on, so either I can break my rule and kill you tonight… or I have to wait nineteen more days to do it.”