Chapter 9
EMERY
Knox’s one rule is that we can’t tell anyone our relationship is fake. Lying is not how I wanted to rekindle my friendship with Marie, but I need to at least get my truck back before I start bending rules.
Scratch that—bending rules that Knox cares about. The pet name thing doesn’t count.
“I was embarrassed to tell you before because I know how much you didn’t like him when we were kids.
I didn’t want to scare you away,” I say, acid burning in the back of my throat.
If it is this hard to lie to Marie, I can’t imagine what it is going to be like with my sister.
Shit—I have to remember to tell Eli that Eve doesn’t know.
Marie purses her lips as she considers my bullshit excuse. I’m not very good at thinking on my feet. “Now I feel like a complete ass for talking trash on him,” she says, draping one arm over the back of the bench.
“You’re not mad?” I ask, arching one brow.
“No,” she sighs. “I’m just surprised. I know we were young, but his rejection devastated you. You rarely came back to Honey Grove after that, and you fell in love with this place that summer. I remember how excited you got when you talked about staying.”
The sharp reminder of the past pokes at my side. I spent a lot of time wondering what things would’ve been like if I had stayed. However, I’m a big believer that everything happens for a reason, and for some awful, slightly humiliating reason, I was meant to get my heart broken by Knox.
“Yeah,” I say, trying to drum up a response in the back of my mind.
“Knox has changed since we were kids. It’s hard to explain, but he seems different—almost more grounded, if that even makes sense.
He has plans for his future, and he’s not the same boy who wasn’t ready to settle down.
He’s still a work in progress, but so am I. ”
The words surprise me as they tumble out of my mouth. Knox was still the same annoying cocky bastard, but even I can admit he’s found the drive he was lacking when we were kids.
Marie leans back and quietly assesses whether my words hold any weight. “And you trust him now? With your heart?”
I numbly chew the inside of my cheek, biting back the no forming on my lips. “I don’t know if I trust anyone with my heart,” I scoff, trying to lighten my words with a low chuckle, “but I trust that he’s trying hard to earn that right and that has to count for something, right?”
She studies me more before slowly nodding. “Yeah, it does.”
I relax, but still feel guilt pressing deep inside my abdomen. There’s a lull between us as we both watch a group of kids run past with candy apples and cheap stuffed animals balanced in their hands. Marie watches them with the peaceful longing of nostalgia before turning back to me.
“For what it’s worth, I don’t hate Knox. He’s always been kind where it counts. But if he breaks your heart again, I’m fully prepared to shave his head in his sleep.”
“Oh no,” I laugh, picturing how Knox would look bald. “I’m going to hold you to that. He’d be nothing without his hair.”
“Exactly,” Marie winks, leaning forward with a satisfied look.
“I missed you,” I sigh, wiping a stray tear from the corner of my eye. Before I can say anything else, a familiar voice calls out from behind us.
“There you are,” Knox huffs. “I’ve been looking all over this damn fair for you.”
He jogs up, slightly out of breath with his baseball cap turned backward—aka my secret kryptonite. That and lip piercings, but that was between me and my very short-lived Tumblr boy phase.
I stare at him and almost forget that I’m upset with him. Almost.
Marie crosses her legs intimidatingly. “We were just talking about you.”
Knox blinks slowly but tries to cover up the nervous energy radiating off him with a cool side smile. “All good things, I hope.”
“Don’t worry, lover boy. I’ve decided not to castrate you yet, but the night is young, so don’t get comfortable.”
He swallows hard, making me choke down a laugh. “It’s always a pleasure, Marie.”
Marie snaps her lips into a tight smile. “I know,” she says sweetly, getting up from her seat and giving him a light pat before turning back to me. “Make this loser win you a stuffed animal, Em. It’s the least he can do.”
I shoot her the world’s biggest smile before she disappears into the crowd in front of us. I am going to buy her the biggest bottle of wine and whatever else her heart desires.
“That went better than I expected,” Knox says, sliding into the seat next to me. I want to create more distance between our bodies, but unfortunately, I’m at the end of the bench. I didn’t realize how small it was until he sat down.
“Yes,” I say coldly, my irritation starting to boil over again. A painful silence wraps around us, and I’m tempted to get up and leave, but I don’t want to give him the easy out again.
I expect Knox to make some stupid comment or excuse about how I need to be better at pretending to like him, but his typical happy-go-lucky energy has shifted. It throws me off.
“Emery, I’m sorry,” Knox says, resting his elbows against his knees.
“Wait, what?” I say, angling my body toward his.
“I thought we could forget about what happened between us and move on. I was perfectly fine with the idea of you hating me. I thought it would make our arrangement easier. But then I saw the anger in your eyes when we were talking to Beau, and I realized I never apologized for hurting you.”
My mouth goes dry, and my tongue feels unbearably heavy. “I wasn’t upset about that. I—”
“I know,” he says, cutting me off. “You were upset about me getting off easy and being labeled as the heartbroken one instead of the heartbreaker. I get it. But there’s something you need to understand.”
He sighs and runs a hand over his clean-shaven face.
“I was upset when you left. I really liked you, Emery, and we did have a special connection, even if my sixteen-year-old self couldn’t see it at the time.
I was an idiot for hurting you like that, and I could’ve handled it a lot better, but we were also just kids.
The thought of you making that big a decision for me was terrifying.
I’m not justifying my reaction, but you have to understand that. ”
I blink once. Then again, slower, trying to comprehend the most adult conversation I’ve ever had with this man. My skin seemed to cling to my body in a way that made me very aware of the uncomfortable emotions running through me.
“I—” I pause, torn between all of the hurt I’ve kept bottled up for years and the sweet feeling of closure just within arm’s reach. “You’re right.”
“Can you repeat that?” he asks, keeping his eyes pointed at the ground.
“Just when I think you’re being mature, you—”
“Fine. I’ll shut up for once.”
I tip back my chin, surprised yet again.
I clear my throat and continue my thought.
“You were a jerk and made me feel like shit for taking that big of a leap, but you’re right, we were kids, and it was crazy for me to want to move somewhere after only seeing a guy for a few weeks.
We weren’t even official, and I wanted to change my entire life for some good dick. ”
I don’t mention the part about telling him I loved him, or how much it hurt when he froze up after I said it. I was okay with overlooking that detail.
Knox’s face lights up and turns toward me, the bench creaking beneath his weight. “You thought it was good?”
My eyes narrow. “That’s really what you want to take away from that?”
He chuckles and musters up a crooked grin. “If I made that big of an impression when I was sixteen, imagine what I could do now.”
Oh, I have, but I’m going to keep that information to myself. “You’re such a prick,” I say, reaching up to massage my temples.
He smiles again, but then it softens into something warm and tender. Not a cocky smile that says I give good dick and know it—no, this is something more sincere. “But I meant what I said. I was an idiot and I’m not proud of hurting you.”
“Thank you for saying that,” I whisper, lowering my own gaze toward the ground. “Whether I want to admit it or not, it wrecked me.”
Knox’s brows pinch together like those words alone stir up the guilt displayed on his face. At least I know he isn’t completely unfazed.
We sit in silence again, but it doesn’t feel as suffocating as before. If anything, I can imagine the thick fog surrounding us starting to lift.
Knox bumps his shoulder against mine, pulling my attention back to our little bubble. “I don’t want to be that guy anymore.”
I stare at him with a skeptical look on my face. “An idiot?”
He laughs again and shakes his head. “That too. But also, the guy who breaks hearts and pretends not to care. I’m not saying I’m ready to start shopping for rings and strollers, but I do want to settle down someday. I want to find someone I can connect with for more than one night.”
“That’s really…sweet,” I say, rubbing my palms together. An unexpected warmth swirls at the base of my stomach.
“I’m just being honest,” Knox says, grabbing the bill of his hat and sliding it back to its rightful place.
“Emery, we’re going to be spending a lot of time together these next few weeks, and as much as I love making you squirm, I don’t want this to be a painful experience for either of us.
As crazy as it might sound, I’m a traditional guy, and I’d like to attempt to be civil with my fake girlfriend. ”
I laugh, nodding my head. When our eyes meet, something shifts on his face. He’s wearing the same smile he always does, but there’s a soft satisfaction teeming behind his complexion.
“I’m not promising anything,” I mumble, rubbing my hands up and down my thighs, “but I’m willing to be less…hostile.”
The wall is still there—thick and impenetrable—but I’m a reasonable person. I can play nice when it’s mutually beneficial. And maybe someday when he stops driving me insane, we can be fri—nope. Not there yet.
“Okay, good.” He smiles, slapping his hands against his legs and pushing his body off the bench. “Then let’s go back to the fair. I owe you a stuffed animal and a funnel cake.”
He holds out his hand, and I stare at it. It felt like our own personal white flag, and I didn’t have that nauseous feeling in my stomach anymore. But I was still a woman, and unfortunately, his touch sends small jolts of electricity across my skin that are getting difficult to ignore.
“New rule,” I say, ignoring his hand and standing up by myself. “No touching when no one’s looking. I don’t need you getting any ideas.”
His eyes sparkle, bouncing back into the comfort of our back-and-forth antics. “And what kind of ideas do you think I’m getting?”
“The idea that I like you,” I tease, easing back on the usual bite in my tone. “Being civil and liking someone are two totally different things.”
“Mhmm,” Knox hums to himself. “Fine, Bambi. All touching will be strictly performative and public.”
I roll my eyes, but reward him with a gentle smile. I can sense the ease of his shoulders every time I give him more than a frown or a scowl. We start walking back toward the neon lights shimmering off the hectic crowd that’s only seemed to grow larger since we got here.
“Are you actually good at any of these games? I don’t want to get my hopes up,” I ask, letting my arms dangle at my sides.
He scoffs, throwing a hand on his chest. “Please. I don’t know if you know this, Bambi, but I’m pretty much great at everything I do.”
“Right,” I deadpan. “How do you walk around with a head that big?”
“Other parts of me balance it out.” He winks, earning yet another unwarranted laugh from me. I need to reel it in.
When we reach the edge of the crowd, we both pause. His hand slips back into mine like clockwork, and we both take a conjoined deep breath before putting the mask back on.
But now I feel lighter and more at ease.
Maybe even comfortable.
Definitely less like I’m about to drown.
But deep down, I’m dangerously close to enjoying myself.