Chapter 25
EMERY
At the beginning of summer, I was sure Honey Grove was trying to reject me, but now I’m wondering if the mystical forces at hand are trying to keep me here.
Or maybe it’s just him. No matter how hard I try to pull away, Knox is still there like a really stubborn rubber band that refuses to snap.
The reaffirming sign of my rusty pick-up trying to turn over for the tenth time burns in my ears. “Ugh,” I groan, leaning my head back. The same Honey Grove welcome sign that reconnected me with my past glares down at me.
I glance at the time on my phone, and my hopes of getting to my sister’s at a decent time slowly fade away.
After pacing back and forth in my apartment last night and annoying Klepto as he tried to sleep, I realized that if I wanted to clear my head and make a decision about my life, and about him, I needed to get out of Honey Grove for a little bit.
Was it a sad cop-out? Yes. But I needed the stoic wisdom of my little brother and the sharp, no-nonsense advice of my big sister. And if that means running off for a few days, so be it.
My fingers wrap around the key again as I send up one silent prayer. But apparently God isn’t taking requests right now because the engine lets out one weak cough before settling into a mocking silence. A frustrated laugh pours out of me.
Unfortunately, there’s only one clear solution to my problem, and I basically told that solution to go fuck itself last night.
But I know if I call, he’ll pick up and come barreling down here with his heroic curls floating in the wind.
Yet another reason that proves to me that he’s changed.
Even if I wasn’t looking for a hero, he’d always be mine.
I guess that’s one thing to throw into the “reasons for staying” column.
My hand shakes as my thumb hovers over his contact on my phone. I take one deep, much-needed breath before pressing the call button.
He only lets the phone ring once before he answers.
“This doesn’t feel like space, Bambi,” he says, not bothering with a hello.
“Yeah, I know,” I reply, trying to keep my voice steady, “and I wouldn’t have called if I didn’t need you.”
“What’s wrong?” he asks quickly. A rustling sound fills the background of him grabbing his keys or pulling on a shirt. I can just picture him jumping into action, and it makes me feel…wanted. Something I’ve never had to doubt when I’m with him. Even when we were just faking it.
“The truck broke down on me again,” I sigh, pushing my bangs away from my forehead. “It looks like I need a tow.”
“Shit, really?” he asks. The sound of a door shutting filters through the speaker. “That shouldn’t have happened. Where are you?”
“Uhh, remember where you picked me up the first time?” I ask.
“Yes,” Knox answers with a light chuckle. “I’ll be there in ten minutes.”
He doesn’t take ten. He takes five, which tells me he sped the entire way here.
Anxiety pools in my stomach when I see him.
I was right when I asked for space because being near him makes me lose my grip on that small string of control I hold so tightly.
I want to ignore everything and run straight into his arms.
When he gets out of the truck, he stops for a moment. My breath gets stuck in my lungs when our eyes connect, and I feel that gravitational pull toward him. But I keep my feet planted.
He shakes his head before clearing his throat. “I’ve got to say this is a little bit of a hit to my ego, Bambi. I’ve never had this much trouble with an engine.”
I muster up a weak smile, even though the tension between us is enough to crumple under. “I guess there are some things that even the great Knox Cooke can’t fix.”
His smile slips for a second and I feel a rush of guilt assault me. “That’s not what I meant,” I say, trying to cover up my ignorance. “I mean—”
“We don’t have to talk about it,” he says, but I see the flicker of uncertainty in his eyes.
He promised me space, and for once, Knox is holding back.
It almost makes me miss his unfiltered spirit that I seemingly stomped out.
Guilt rages inside my mind. “Let’s just focus on getting you back on the road. ”
Knox walks up to the front of the truck, but then he stops dead in his tracks. When I look up, his eyes are glued to my large suitcase sitting on the bed.
“Wait a second,” he says, spinning to face me. “You didn’t mean space in the literal sense right? You’re not seriously running away.”
Heat flashes over my face. “Why would you assume that?” I ask, crossing my arms.
“I don’t know,” he says, twisting his lips into a straight line. “Based on the huge ass suitcase sitting in the bed of your truck.”
My mouth goes dry and my pulse thrums under my skin. I was 100% running, but I wasn’t willing to admit that to him.
“Listen, Knox, I’m just going to visit my sister and brother for a little bit.”
Knox nods, carefully dissecting every word coming out of my mouth. “How long?” he asks. His voice is softer now, like he’s trying to reel his emotions in.
“I’m not sure,” I lie, knowing damn well I plan to be back early next week. “I’m coming back, though. I wouldn’t leave after—well, I just wouldn’t do that.”
“Are you sure?” he says, stepping closer. “Because you were going to leave without telling me. That’s not okay.”
My throat tightens. Dammit, he’s right. I wanted to wait to talk to him until after I decided what to do but standing here in the place where it all started, I can’t keep holding everything inside.
“I know,” I admit, hanging my head in defeat. “I guess I’m the idiot now.”
Knox’s face eases from tense to amused in five seconds. He laughs quietly and shakes his head. “Please don’t do that, Bambi. It’s impossible to be mad at you when you say shit like that.”
“But it’s true,” I defend, shoving my hands deep into my pockets. “I should’ve told you I was leaving for a few days, but I was scared that if I did, I wouldn’t want to go. And I also knew that if I saw you before I left, I’d have to tell you something. Something that isn’t easy to talk about.”
“Why does it sound like we just had this exact conversation?” he asks, leaning against the truck.
“Kind of seems like that, doesn’t it?” I joke, half trying to lighten the mood and half trying to stall.
“Well, don’t keep me waiting,” he says, nudging the words out of my mouth.
“I got a call last night from someone who owns some storefronts near the Hollow Hinge, and they offered to buy my building.”
The color drains from Knox’s face as he stands up straight. “That’s—um—are you going to take the offer?”
“I don’t know,” I answer truthfully. “That’s why I was going to visit my sister.
I needed some time to think about everything.
That money could help me start up a legit refurbishing business, but I don’t want to see my grandma’s shop get destroyed.
Plus, I’ve been working my ass off for the last few weeks to get it ready to reopen.
I’d be giving up everything I worked for. ”
“Yeah,” he says, pressing his lips into a thin line. “If you sell, does that mean you’d be leaving then? For good?”
Dread claws up the back of my throat. “I don’t know,” I answer with a silent, yet waning laugh. “Can I be honest for a second?”
“Always,” Knox says, those blue eyes shining brightly with a glimmer of hope.
“When you told me how you felt about me, it was terrifying. And not because I don’t feel the same way—well, it’s actually because I do feel the same way.
But it’s mostly because I’m worried that if things don’t work out with us, I won’t just be losing you again, I’ll be losing this town.
I know we’ve changed a lot since we were kids, but my connection to this place hasn’t.
Somewhere deep inside me, I’ve always known this place was my home and I don’t want to give it up. ”
“Bambi,” Knox says, stepping forward. “I wouldn’t expect you to do that. But trust me, if you give this a chance,” he says, motioning between us. “I promise I won’t make the mistake of giving you up again. I think—no. I know I’m in love with you.”
And there it is—the words I wished for when I was sixteen. Butterflies swarm the inside of my stomach, and a warm, wanting pressure builds there so big and powerful that I know I’ll never experience it quite like this again.
“You what?” I ask, my heart pounding against my chest. I place a hand there just to steady the chaotic energy crashing through me.
“I love you,” he says, stepping forward. The smell of motor oil and amber overtakes my senses. “And I’m not just saying that to sway your decision or beg you to stay. I’m saying it because it’s the truth, and I’d never forgive myself if you walked away without knowing that.”
My mouth falls open, and then clamps shut again. I’m speechless. Unsure of what to say or do in this moment. Of course, I know what I should do, but I can’t find the words, and I’m having the worst case of Déjà vu. This is all happening so fast.
I bite the inside of my cheek, and the taste of metal fills my mouth.
The world feels like it’s spinning around me, and my only anchor is the Honey Grove welcome sign mocking me from afar.
My feet are restless and ache to run into his arms, but the weight of everything else presses down harder, holding me in place.
“I’m still going to see my sister, Knox,” I say, my voice faltering, but then I look at my truck, and I realize that statement doesn’t hold much weight without a working vehicle.
“Well, I wanted to anyway. I forgive you for not telling me about Henry, but I still need to figure out what I really want.”
“I get it,” he says, surprising me. Then again, he’s been doing that all summer. “You can borrow my truck while I get yours fixed.”
“No,” I say, shaking my head. “That’s kind of you, but I can’t do that. Also, why would you want to help me? You just told me you loved me, and my response is to leave.”