Chapter 13
CASSIE
Rent and Mae are waiting at the bowl when I step out of my cabin.
Tornado's batting at a piece of grass at the porch edge.
I pour the dry food. Steve's asleep against the bottom porch step.
Lightning's at the far edge of the porch, watching me with her wide gray eyes.
I crouch down at the far end of the porch and check under the lattice.
Biscuit's tucked against Mae's spot in the back corner.
I put the food bag inside, pour my coffee, and come back out.
I sit in the rocker and watch them eat and watch the lot.
I know his arrival window. He texted last night, somewhere around Billings, and said he'd be here before lunch. That's Dad math, which means he left before four this morning, and he'll be here around nine. I know his truck the way I know his voice. I'll see it before he parks.
The kittens scatter when I move off the porch and head toward the dining hall for breakfast.
***
I'm coming out of the dining hall when the truck comes through the gate. He's early.
It's a dark blue F-350 with a Colorado plate and a long scratch on the driver's side door from a gate latch that I caught three years ago. He never fixed it. I used to wonder if he kept it on purpose, some reminder he wanted where he could see it.
He parks and gets out. Stands beside the truck for a moment, hands loose at his sides, and looks around. Taking his time.
I cover the last of the distance, and Dad turns when he sees me coming. He's forty-seven now, lean and weathered, dark hair gone mostly silver at the temples. He looks at me the way he's looked at me my whole life, like he's checking something off an internal list and the results are good.
"Hey, kid," Dad says, grinning.
"Don't call me that."
He hugs me anyway.
I hug him back, holding on an extra second, which I'll deny if anyone asks.
Sawyer comes off the dining hall porch, and Logan follows a half step behind her. Dad sees them and smiles. He crosses to meet them.
Logan extends his hand. "Good to see you, Reid."
"You too." Dad shakes his hand. "Place looks good."
"Gets better every year," Logan says.
Sawyer steps in and hugs him.
"Good to see you, Reid," she says.
"You too, Sawyer." He pulls back and looks at the property. "You've added more on to this place."
"We have," she says.
Sutton appears from the direction of the arena at a dead run and plants himself directly in Dad's path.
Dad stops. Crouches down, bringing himself to Sutton's level, hat and all.
"What's your name?" he says.
"Sutton." Sutton crosses his arms. "I'm the ranch manager."
"That right?" Dad nods like this is the most reasonable thing he's heard all week. "What's the job involve?"
"I make sure everybody does their jobs," Sutton says. "And I check on the horses, and I help on the side-by-side sometimes."
"That's a full day," Dad says.
"That's why I need Bingo," Sutton says seriously.
Bingo puts both front paws on Dad's knee. Dad shifts his weight and scratches his ears.
Kade walks over from the barn and shakes Dad's hand. "Hi, Reid."
"Kade." Dad nods. "Horses look good."
"Been a good summer," Kade says.
The side-by-side comes around from the arena side, and Levi cuts the engine and steps off. Dad extends his hand.
"Good to see you again, Levi."
"You too, sir."
"Don't call me sir," Dad says. "Makes me feel old."
Levi laughs. I know that laugh. I know what it costs right now.
I look toward the pasture. Cricket's at the fence, head up, watching the lot.
She's standing by the water trough. I cross to her. She lifts her head when she hears me coming. I put my hand on her neck and stay there. She's warm from the sun. I stand with her until my shoulders come down, then I head to the arena.
***
Sawyer runs the afternoon T&O session while Rhea and I work alongside her.
Finn brings Dusk through first. The blue roan takes his time at the tarp, drops his nose to it, walks the edge once, then crosses it with care. I'm already moving to the right of the bridge before Sawyer says anything. Finn notices. He nods without commenting.
The rest of the group runs clean behind them, Cal, Vera, Sable, Grant and Jo, one after another, nothing that needs my attention. Petra comes through last, Gypsy studying every post before she passes it. I shift wide before they get there. Gypsy needs the space.
I'm already moving before the next horse comes through.
Dad's by the gate when I look up, hat pulled low, one boot on the bottom board. I don't know how long he's been there.
I go back to work.
Sawyer calls a water break, and the group moves in that direction. I stop at the rail near Dad. He doesn't say anything for a moment. Just watches the horses at the far end.
"You were already moving before that gray mare got to the mailbox," he says.
"Gypsy telegraphs," I say. "She tips her hip right before she drifts off the obstacle."
Dad nods, slowly. He's looking at the arena, not at me. "You've been paying attention."
"I’ve been paying attention my whole life," I say.
"I know." He says it quietly. He's not making a point of anything. It's just true.
I push off the rail and go back to work.
***
Darla and Mandy put out lunch like they're feeding twice as many people as are actually here.
Dad's already at a table near the counter when I come in, leaning on his elbows.
Darla comes out of the kitchen and stops when she sees him. "Reid Holt." She points her spatula at him. "What's it been, six years?"
"Give or take," Dad says.
"I don't give or take." She turns to the griddle. "You like brisket?"
"Love it."
She fills a plate with a brisket sandwich and potato salad and brings it to his table. "Eat up."
He's smiling when he turns around and sees me.
I get a plate from Darla and take the seat across from Dad.
"There she is," Darla says.
"Here I am."
Dad looks at me. "Good session today."
"It was."
Mandy comes by with the coffee pot and tops off his cup.
"How you been, Reid?" she says.
"Good, thanks." He picks up the mug. "You?"
"Can't complain." She moves on.
She gives me a look over her shoulder that says she approves, which is not a look I asked for.
Londyn drifts through to drop napkins and refill the water glasses. "Welcome back, Reid."
"Thanks."
She keeps moving.
The dining hall fills fast. The T&O clients come in, Macy talking before she's fully through the door.
Jo finds a chair near the wall and settles in.
Sable and Vera take a middle table. Grant comes in behind Finn and Cal.
All three of them argue briefly about who gets the seat nearest the window before Finn wins by sitting down first. Petra fills her own plate at the counter without waiting for anyone to offer.
Sawyer and Logan come through the line and sit on either side of Dad. Sutton appears from nowhere and climbs in. Kade and Levi load up at the counter and drop into the table next to ours. Rhea settles in beside them and gives me a look I pretend not to see.
Sutton begins his official Bingo briefing. Dad picks up his fork and listens to every word of it.
"He ate a sock Tuesday," Sutton says. "It was mine."
"Socks are a real hazard," Dad says seriously.
"I told Bingo that," Sutton says. "He didn't listen."
I watch Dad give my five-year-old ranch co-worker the same quality of attention he gives everyone. I've been watching him do that my whole life. I know exactly how rare it is. I know how much I've tried to inherit it.
At the next table, Levi's already deep into something with Kade and Logan, voice low and timed, building toward something. He pauses at exactly the right place.
"So Donnie counts the bags," Levi says. "Which is fine. That's fair. But then he counts them again. Out loud. While making eye contact with me. Like I'm going to wander off."
Logan puts his coffee down. "Wouldn't be the first time."
"From a feed delivery?" Levi looks genuinely offended. "I have never once wandered off from a feed delivery."
The table laughs. Even Grant, from the next table, who doesn't laugh at much.
Sawyer says, "Donnie counted wrong last spring. We were short on mineral supplements for two weeks. You wandered off in March."
"I went to get coffee," Levi says. "I came back."
"After forty minutes," Kade says, without inflection.
I laugh before I can stop it, short and quiet. I press my lips together and look at my plate.
"Cass." Levi tips his cup in my direction. "Tell them. Did I come back?"
Dad goes still from the corner of my eye. Fork in his hand, eyes moving to Levi.
I look at Levi. He's watching me with that easy expression. There's nothing in his eyes except the setup.
"I wasn't there in March," I say.
"But if you had been," he says. "You would've believed in me."
"Probably not."
Levi grins, shaking his head, and lets it go.
Kade says something under his breath that makes Logan laugh. I don't hear it.
I catch Dad from the corner of my eye. He's looking at me now.
I don't look back. After a second, he picks up his fork. "That covered arena's new," Dad says to Logan. "Are you running clinics year-round now?"
"A few years now," Logan says. "Best thing we ever added."
Dad nods and goes back to his food.
But I saw it.
And I know what clicked.
***
The fire pit fills up after dinner. The T&O clients drift out in ones and twos, beer going around, the night air cool enough to make the fire worth sitting close to.
Macy finds the chair next to Cal and starts talking about the tarp obstacle with the kind of energy that suggests she's been thinking about it since the session ended.
Jo settles into her chair at the edge of the circle with her beer and her dry attention and doesn't say much.
Grant is across the fire with Petra and Vera.
Sable and Finn are across the circle from me.
I can hear Cal adding something to Macy's story that she immediately corrects.
Darla and Mandy pulled chairs to the far side. Rhea is next to Londyn on the log bench. Kade has his usual spot where the firelight thins, close enough to be there, far enough to watch everything.
Dad is in the chair beside Logan. He's been talking to Kade about horses for the last twenty minutes.
Levi's across the fire next to Kade.
I know exactly where he is. I've known since he sat down. I can't do anything about that, so I don't look. I face the fire and keep my eyes where they belong. I've been good at this for almost four weeks.
Sutton's on the ground next to the fire with a stick, dragging it through the dirt while Bingo watches it like it owes him something.
Levi plays something quiet and easy, filling the space the way he does when he thinks nobody's paying attention to him. I see him shift. The guitar goes soft for a measure.
I don't look.
I look.
It's one second. A glance that could be anything, could be the fire, the tree line, or the beer bottle in my hand. But he's already looking at me. His eyes hold mine for a breath.
I look away first.
Dad says something to Logan. I hear him laugh at whatever Logan answers.
I glance at Dad. His eyes move from Levi to me, then back to the fire. He takes a drink of his beer.
He doesn't say anything. He doesn't have to.
Levi doesn't know. Or if he does, he doesn't show it. He goes back to the guitar.
"I still can't figure out if Clover hates the strips or loves the drama," Macy says.
That pulls me back.
"Probably both," I say.
Macy points at me. "That is exactly it."
After a while, the circle empties down to just the crew.
"You get much snow up here last winter?" Dad says to Kade.
"Enough to keep us honest," Kade says.
Logan leans over to Sutton. "Let's go, boss."
"Do we have to?"
"Yeah. Let's go."
Sutton drops his stick and gets up. Logan follows him toward the cabin. Sawyer squeezes my shoulder on the way past. Bingo following behind.
Darla stops on her way out and puts her hand on Dad's arm. "Good to have you here, Reid."
"Good to be here, Darla," he says. "That brisket was something."
She pats his arm and heads toward her cabin. Mandy follows.
Kade stands. "Good talking to you, Reid."
"You too."
Kade heads to his cabin. Rhea and Londyn leave together.
Levi gets up when the circle is nearly empty. I feel him go. "Night, Reid."
Dad nods. "Levi." Then he's gone.
Dad stands, then I do, and we walk to my cabin.
He doesn't say anything for a minute.
"You look right here," he says finally.
I keep my eyes on the path.
"I mean that." He looks at me. "The way you were picking up on those horses today. That's not something you get from watching. That's something you've been doing."
"Somebody taught me," I say.
He looks at the arena. "You took it further than I did."
Neither of us says anything for a minute. The path curves past the arena, and we follow it. He's looking at the ground. "Sawyer told me a little about Levi," he says. "He's thirty-one."
I don't flinch. "I know."
"I know you do." He looks at me. "I'm your father. I needed to say it."
"And now you've said it."
We stop at my cabin door, he pulls me in, and I hold on.
"And now I've said it," he says into the top of my head. "You're a good kid."
"Don't call me that."
I step back. He waits while I get the door open.
"He makes you laugh," he says. "Even when you don't mean to."
"Yeah," I say. "He does."
He pulls back and looks at me, his expression quiet, and gives a small nod. I have no idea what he just decided, and I'm not going to ask.
"I'll find you before I go," he says.
"Okay,"
“I love you.”
“I love you too, Dad.”
He turns and walks back toward his cabin, and I go inside.
***
I lie on my bed in the dark with my boots still on and the ceiling above me. I know what tomorrow looks like. Dad will get up before it's light. He does that everywhere he stays. He'll find his coffee and walk the property the way he walked it when he arrived.
He'll go to the barn.
Levi will be there.
He'll know the second he sees me. He's been reading my face my whole life.
I pull my boots off and get ready for bed. When I lie back down, the ceiling is the same, dark and quiet.
I'm already waiting for the quiet moment when it's just the two of us.
A cat meows outside the door, then goes quiet.
I don't sleep for a long time.