Chapter 22
twenty-two
CHRISTY
The cool grass was making my legs itch. I needed to get up and get in my truck. I had a billion things to do before I headed to the school to help Holden coach the first Riverbend district tournament game. But I kind of didn’t want to leave the peace of this place. My head was clear here.
I’d come to Savannah’s grave, at a small Baptist church on a back road on the north side of town, at least four times since Lemon had pointed me to the Google search.
I didn’t have many friends in Seddledowne, and I knew nothing about the girl who’d died a decade ago, but the fact that we’d loved the same man made me feel connected to her in some inexplicable occult sort of way. Even if he had loved her more.
I sat, legs crossed, next to her headstone.
Not on top of her grave, which looked way more comfy.
Someone took very good care of it, keeping it fertilized, weeded, and carefully trimmed.
I didn’t know if it was true, what people said, but I’d always heard that if you walked on a grave, it was disrespectful to the deceased. And this girl deserved all the respect.
My hands cupped my phone, and I groaned in frustration.
“This is what I’m talking about,” I said to Savannah as if she were sitting next to me, looking at the screen.
“He’s so confusing, and I don’t know if I can trust him.
Is this real? Or will he change it next week when he has another freakout?
” I’m sure I looked ridiculous, talking to nobody, and if a stranger saw me, they might want to get me checked out.
But my frustration was legitimate. Holden had lavender roses delivered yesterday.
And there was a card that said, I’m sorry I panicked and ruined everything between us.
You’ll never know how sorry. I hope, in time, you’ll trust me again.
And then there were his social media profiles.
Holden had untagged himself from every one of those stupid date photos back when we officially started going out.
For real, not fake. But just yesterday, still one hundred percent broken up, I realized he’d unfriended more than two thousand people until there was nothing left but guys and relatives.
He hadn’t left a single female other than Anna and Lemon.
And me. Which was insane. Sweet, but insane.
Because there was no way some of those women weren’t just friends.
He was making a statement. He knew I’d be checking.
And he was right. I couldn’t imagine how many of those women had messaged him when he’d disappeared from their feed.
I’m sure there had been plenty. A thought I didn’t want to entertain.
And then last night, as if that wasn’t enough, he’d posted a new profile picture.
I’d taken the picture using his phone. A selfie of me and him that first fake-dating night in the back of my truck.
I was snuggled in his lap, his chin resting on my shoulder, his ginormous biceps locked around my waist. We were both wearing a mischievous smile like we had a secret.
Because we did. We were pretending to be a thing when we weren’t.
Present me, looking at past us, smiled. We’d enjoyed that opportunity to put our hands on each other, way too much.
If only I’d known then, the heartbreak loving Holden Dupree would bring.
What was he trying to pull? Posting this couple shot for the whole world to see, staking his claim when I’d told him we were done, was…
“So confusing,” I said again. “Was he this flip-floppy when you knew him?” I asked ghost Savannah.
“Oh, hello?”
My head shot up with a startle to see an older woman standing there, a bouquet of pink silk tulips in her hand. Shoot. My newfound, weirdo penchant for speaking to the dead was busted. Probably by Savannah’s relative. I shifted to stand. “Oh my goodness, I’m so sorry, I—”
“Oh, no, you don’t need to get up.” The woman smiled and knelt next to me, eyeing me curiously. Her hair was a shock of silvery-gray, cropped at her chin, and her face was pretty but wrinkled in a way that said she took good care of it, but she’d been through hard stuff. “Did you know Savvy?”
I froze, not sure if I should bolt because, who goes to the grave of someone they didn’t know and sits there, chatting it up, like they did. Or did I stay? Because her eyes said she had questions and I owed her answers.
I shook my head, chagrined. “No. I just…”
The woman’s hand reached down in an offered shake. “I’m Savannah’s grandmother, Dahlia. It’s nice to meet you.” Her last word hung in the air, waiting for me to respond in kind.
“Christy.” I shook. “Thornbury.”
Her eyes flickered with recognition like she suddenly remembered who I was. But that couldn’t be. We’d never met. But maybe she’d heard about the shirtless kissing too. Everyone else in town had. “I’m so sorry, this must seem odd to walk up and find a stranger at your granddaughter’s grave.”
She knelt, two feet away, and smiled. For an older person, she was impressively mobile. “Not at all. Holden told us what you did at that volleyball game. Calling that horrible woman out. You are most welcome here anytime, Christy Thornbury.”
My mouth had parted at Holden’s name and was still hanging there. “Holden told you about that?”
She nodded, lips pursed in an almost smile. “He did.” So he was still close with Savannah’s grandparents? The thought made my heart flutter. It was so…sweet.
But then I felt defeated and my eyes dropped to my lap because I was right. She was the love of his life and she always would be. Maybe this woman could give me closure. Or, and I shouldn’t have hoped it, a reason to prove me wrong.
She reached out and put a hand on my knee. “He loves you, you know.”
My head jerked up. “He told you we…” What were we?
Another gentle smile. “He did. Came to see us last week.” She lowered to a seat, settling in as if she knew this might take a while. “I think he wanted our permission to move on.”
I swallowed, letting that settle. “Our?”
“Me and Randall, my husband. He’s home mowing the lawn one last time for the year.
At least that’s what he said. He’s kind of obsessive about it.
Anyway, we raised Savannah. Her mom…” She shook her head, a wistful sadness in her eyes.
“Well, she got caught up in drugs when she was in high school and she just wasn’t able to care for Savvy like she should.
” They’d lost their granddaughter to suicide and had to deal with a daughter’s drug addiction too? “I’m sorry, I’m rambling.”
“No.” I laughed. “Please ramble. I have so many questions.” My hands flew out. “Not that you have to answer them. It’s none of my business.”
“I’m sure you do.” She studied me. “You’re struggling with this whole thing.
” It wasn’t a question. I didn’t want to say anything that might take away from the love Holden had for Savannah, but I also knew if anyone could give me a different picture of who Holden really was and what he’d been through, it was this woman.
I tucked my hair behind my ear. “The whole thing has been a struggle. He’s so tightly wound over,” I gestured at the headstone. “Her. And then there’s Amber Taylor. And I’m not sure what to believe or if…” I bit my lip, hating to admit it. “If I can trust him. I already got burned once.”
“Holden’s been through a lot. You need to know that upfront.”
I nodded, hoping she’d elaborate.
She plucked a blade of grass. “I’m not sure how much he’s told you.”
I blew out my breath. “Not much. He’s kind of closed off about it all.”
Her eyebrows puckered. “Then you probably don’t know that after Savannah passed, Amber accused him of sexual assault.”
If this kind-faced old woman had suddenly punched me in the stomach I couldn’t have been more shocked. “I didn’t…” Why couldn’t I complete a stupid sentence? And why hadn’t that come up in a Google search?
She went on. “It was an empty threat. And it never made it to court because,” she rolled her eyes and scoffed, “it wasn’t true. She had no proof. But it shook him hard. For weeks, he was sick with worry that his future was over.”
“Why would she do that?” I asked, horrified.
Dahlia’s eyes blazed. “Because she thought with Savvy out of the picture that he’d cave and give in to her.
She was patient. I have to give her that.
She waited about a year, until about a month before graduation.
Then she went after him hard. But instead of turning to her, he ripped her apart.
Told everyone he could that it was Amber’s fault Savannah killed herself.
” One shoulder lifted. “I guess it made her mad, so she went for blood.”
“So after losing the girl he loved, he had to deal with all that too.”
She sighed. “I had no idea that he’d still been dealing with Amber all these years.” Her gaze met mine. “I’m hopeful that now, after what you did the other night, she’ll finally back off.” I hoped so too. Whether Holden was mine or not, he deserved a life free of Amber Taylor.
I chewed my lip, digesting it all. “Can I ask you kind of a hard question?”
She nodded. “Of course.”
“Why didn’t you take Amber to court for what she did to Savannah?” I tried my hardest not to sound accusatory, but I had to know.
“Oh, we tried. Right after Savvy passed, Randall, Holden, and I spent hours at the courthouse, with the police, and with Jedd Pruitt.” Her eyes crinkled at the corners.
“That’s how Holden met Jedd and fell in love with law and the idea of making it a career.
” I’d had no idea. “But Amber had been so subtle. A lot less bold than she’s been with you.
There were no texts or anything online. It was all in-person bullying, getting inside Savannah’s head.
Trying to repeatedly seduce Holden and then denying it when he called her out.
Savannah was so twisted up inside, that she didn’t know who to believe.
And then the final blow happened.” Her chest rose and fell.
“The final blow?”
“Same thing as what she did with you. Slipping Savannah pictures of her and Holden in bed together. Holden told Savvy they weren’t real.
Amber had doctored them. But,” her face went soft, heartbreak permeating every line.
“Savannah’s mom was on drugs when she was pregnant with her.
We’re pretty sure it messed with Savannah’s brain chemicals, and she struggled with depression.
We tried to get her help.” She shook her head.
“She even spent a couple of weeks in the hospital. But in the end, it was just too much.”
I leaned back, my hands propping me up. “That’s awful. I’m so sorry you all had to go through that.”
She twisted the blade of grass around her pinky finger.
“It was. A real-life nightmare that you never wake up from.” But then she leaned toward me, eyes serious.
“But I’ll tell you what I’ve told Holden many times.
” She waited like she was making sure she had my full attention before she went on.
“Maybe Savannah couldn’t live a life of happiness, but that doesn’t mean he shouldn’t.
And last time he came to visit, I reminded him of that.
” Her head tilted. “We also told him he’s not allowed to come see us anymore.
” I blanched. She patted my knee again. “Not because we don’t love him or don’t want to see him.
But because he’s been carrying this torch of guilt for way too long.
And I think he’s been holding back all these years, and with you, because he didn’t want to hurt us. ”
“Oh.” Wow.
“Please don’t hate me and Randall. We never meant for him to miss out on life just to spare our feelings.”
“Of course not.”
“We just loved seeing him whenever he came home to visit his family. And it always felt like he brought a piece of Savannah with him. But we should’ve made it clear long ago that if he met someone else.
No.” She shook her head, determined. “When he met someone else, that we would be nothing but thrilled for him.”
“He visits you every time he comes home?”
“He does.” She nodded and then shook her head. “He did. But no more.”
My hands flew out. “But don’t you think that’ll hurt him?”
She shrugged but there were tears in her eyes.
“Maybe. But he looked a little relieved too. Like we’d lifted a weight off of him.
” She shifted and smiled. “We told him he can come back once a year, if he really wants, but only to visit. Not to ease his guilt.” Then she pinned me with her green eyes.
“And not until he’s married to the woman he loves.
And then, and only then, he has to bring her with him.
I think he’s been ready to move on for a while now. ”
My forehead furrowed. “You don’t know me and we just met but…
” I cocked my head. “Do you truly think he loves me?” I mean, she’d seen Holden in love before and she’d known him all these years.
And if anyone had a motive to lie, it was her.
But there was an honesty in the whole conversation that said she was trustworthy.
That she wanted what was best for him. I mean, I knew his family thought he loved me.
But they were biased. And they really wanted this for him.
“I’m just trying to figure it out because we already tried once and it ended disastrously. I don’t know if I can do that again.”
“He loves you,” she said so plainly. “So much it hurts. I’ve never seen him like this over another woman before.
Not even close.” I thought she’d preclude that with Savannah but she didn’t.
She squeezed my hand. “I don’t have any right to ask this of someone I just met a few minutes ago, but Holden is dear to my heart.
I truly hope you can find a way to love him for who he is, and who he’s become with all that he’s been through.
After all this time, he deserves happiness.
” Her last sentence reminded me of what Tally had said about Rochester.
He deserves love. The memory of Ashton and Tally arguing furiously made me smile.
Maybe I’d have to read Jane Eyre again soon.
But right now, I needed to go get ready for the big game. And to fix things with Holden. He’d been through enough.