Chapter 17 Elyse
ELYSE
My parents called fairly often, especially now that Holly was staying with us, but knowing that still didn't take away the anxiety I felt every time I saw one of their names pop up on my phone.
I got him caught up on the latest developments in Holly's life, including her new job working at the bakery and her recent babysitting gig.
"She does like to stay busy," said my dad.
I agreed wholeheartedly. "There's no moss growing under her feet, that's for sure. She cleans her room almost daily. I never have to remind her to do her laundry or clean up her bathroom."
"I'm starting to wonder if she might just have a better life down there with you guys than she does up here," my dad said jokingly.
"Well, I am her auntie and all," I said. "It's my job to spoil her."
"Which brings me to the reason for my call. As much as I love to hear your voice, I did actually have a purpose for calling you today."
My stomach clenched painfully, pulling my chest tight in the process. "Oh yeah? What's that?"
"Your sister contacted us," he said slowly.
"Okay..."
"It sounds like she's not looking to come back to her daughter anytime soon. She mentioned terminating her rights."
If I hadn't been on the phone with my dad, a number of expletives would have come from my mouth at that point.
"So what does this mean for Holly if Rachel doesn't come back? Can she terminate her rights?" I whispered. "Legally, I mean."
After we talked for a few minutes, I realized I needed to bring Drew into this sooner rather than later.
"I'll talk to Drew," I said as I moved deeper into the kitchen. "We'll need to figure out what to do if Rachel terminates her rights."
I heard a gasp.
When I turned toward the sound, I saw Holly standing in the kitchen. I didn't have to wonder how much she had heard, judging by the look on her face.
"Holly," I said, reaching for her.
She turned and ran toward the front door. A moment later, I heard it open, then slam shut.
I raced out the door to see if I could stop her, but by the time I got to the yard, she was nowhere to be seen.
"Dad, I'm going to have to let you go. I think Holly overheard the worst part of that conversation."
"Oh no, poor Peanut," he said. "Okay, go ahead and take care of her and we'll continue this conversation later."
"Love you, Dad," I said.
"Love you, too, Pumpkin."
After texting the Sensational Six that I was going to be headed out looking for Holly and if they could please keep an eye out for her, I hopped in my car and pulled out of the garage.
At the end of the driveway, I didn't know which way to turn.
If I went left, I was headed for the beach.
If I went right, I was headed for the shops.
I headed toward the shops, thinking she might want to distract herself with a bit of window shopping (and hopefully only window shopping). I drove up and down the main drag but didn't see any sight of her.
I pulled into the public parking lot so I could go in and out of some of her favorite stores. I knew that Jenna had just paid her for a week's worth of work, and I thought she might have had some money burning a hole in her pocket.
I checked my phone to see if she had reached out and saw a slew of texts from my friends.
Grace: Oh no, what can we do? I'm home and can come by right now. Just say the word.
Sarah: I'm on my lunch break, but I can head your way after work.
Jenna: Everything seemed fine yesterday when she was here. Did something happen?
Paige: I texted Ben to see if there's anything that he can do. Let me know if I need to head your way and I can help you look for her.
Cat: No sign of her here, but I'll keep my eyes open. Do you need me to shut down the cafe?
My friends were the best, and I loved how willing they were to jump into action when needed.
Thank you all. I'm not sure what I need right now. I'm looking for her at the shops in Clearwater, hoping she's doing some window shopping.
Paige: Ben is off today and we are headed your way. Where should we go?
Paige: Never mind. Ben has some ideas. We're going to just start looking for her. Let us know if you find her.
Thank you.
It was all that I could muster, and I'm sure they understood why I wasn't more verbose at that moment.
I went in and out of every shop that looked like it would draw her attention.
I tried calling her phone to no avail and kicked myself for not signing up for Life360 for moments like these.
After about a half an hour of searching, I was about to give up and head back home in case she showed up there when I got a text.
Paige: We've got her. We're headed to your house.
The relief I felt in that moment was indescribable. I raced out of the gift shop I was in, ran to my car as fast as I could, and was home within ten minutes. Holly was nowhere to be seen, but Paige and Ben were sitting on my front porch.
"She's here," said Paige as I flung my car door open.
"She jumped out of the car and went straight inside when we pulled up.
I didn't want to just go in, but I didn't want to just leave until you got here and I could give you a big hug.
I know how scary this must have been for you," she said as she wrapped her arms around me.
"Where was she?" I asked, finally able to form words.
Ben stood next to Paige and took his turn for a hug when she stepped back. After a brief embrace, we walked up to the porch swing.
"She was at the beach."
"The beach." I said, slapping my forehead with my palm. "I wasn't sure if she would be there or at the shops. Good thinking."
"Well, it's where I used to always go when I needed to think as a teenager."
"And she came back with you willingly?"
Paige laughed. "I think she was getting a little hot and was more than willing to get in Ben's truck as soon as she saw him. We sat and talked for a few minutes first, but she was silent all the way home. She's got a lot going on in that beautiful head of hers."
"Well, I'm gonna have to talk to her."
"What happened?" asked Paige.
"She overheard a conversation between me and my dad. My sister reached out and wants to terminate her parental rights."
"You're kidding," said Paige.
"I wish I were."
"So what's next then?" asked Ben.
"I'm not really sure, but I have to call my dad back. We were in the middle of the conversation when I heard Holly gasp, and you know the rest of the story."
"Well, we will leave you to that," said Paige.
"Thank you both so much for coming to my rescue and helping me find Holly. I would still be looking through the shops."
I found Holly sitting on the back porch steps, her knees pulled up to her chest, staring out at nothing in particular.
The evening air was thick with humidity, but she didn't seem to notice the stickiness or the mosquitoes that would soon be out in full force.
Eden lay beside her, head on paws, offering the silent comfort only dogs seem to know how to give.
My heart ached looking at her—this fierce, beautiful girl who'd already weathered more storms than anyone her age should have to face. Paige and Ben had brought her home an hour ago, and she'd immediately retreated outside without saying more than two words.
I slid the glass door open and stepped out, making enough noise that I wouldn't startle her.
"Mind if I join you?" I asked.
Holly shrugged, not looking at me. "Free country."
I settled beside her on the step, careful to leave a little space between us. Eden immediately betrayed Holly by shifting to place her head on my foot, ever the diplomat.
For a few minutes, we just sat in silence. The sprinklers kicked on in the neighbor's yard, creating a gentle background rhythm. The sun was beginning its descent, painting the sky in soft pinks and oranges.
"I'm sorry," I finally said. "I didn't realize you were there when I was talking to Grandpa."
Holly picked at a loose thread on her shorts. "It's fine. I shouldn't have been eavesdropping."
"You weren't eavesdropping. You were walking through your own house and heard something that was about you. Something that hurt you deeply." I paused, choosing my next words carefully. "Something you deserved to hear about directly, not by accident."
She glanced at me then, her eyes red-rimmed but dry. "So it's true? She wants to terminate her rights? Just... be done with me?"
The rawness in her voice nearly broke me. I'd spent years managing my own complicated feelings about my sister, but this was different. This was watching her wound her child, and it made me furious in a way my own pain never had.
"It's complicated," I said, because it was. "Your mom's addiction makes it almost impossible for her to think clearly about anything else."
"Not even her own kid?" Holly's voice cracked on the last word.
I turned to face her more fully. "Addiction is like... imagine the worst hunger you've ever felt. So bad your stomach is cramping and your head is spinning and you can't think about anything else. Now imagine feeling that way all the time, but about a substance instead of food."
Holly's brow furrowed. "So she's choosing drugs over me."
"No, that's the cruel part of addiction.
It's not a choice anymore. The drugs hijack the part of her brain that makes choices.
" I ran a hand through my hair, frustrated at my inability to explain it properly.
"Your mom loves you, Holly. I've never doubted that.
But her addiction has stolen her ability to act on that love in any meaningful way. "
Holly wiped roughly at her cheek with the back of her hand. "Then why doesn't she get help? Why doesn't she go to rehab or something?"
"She's tried. Many times." I sighed, memories of late-night phone calls and emergency room visits flashing through my mind. "It's not as simple as just deciding to get better. Recovery is hard, grueling work, and it often takes multiple attempts."
"So what happens to me while she's figuring it out?" Holly asked, the question that had clearly been weighing on her since she'd overheard my conversation. "Where am I supposed to go? What am I supposed to do?"
I reached out slowly and placed my hand on her shoulder, relieved when she didn't pull away. "That's where the rest of us come in. Your grandparents, me and Drew, we're here to make sure you're safe and cared for while your mom works on herself."
"If she works on herself," Holly muttered.
"If," I acknowledged, not wanting to offer false hope. "Either way, you're not alone, Holly. You have people who love you and want what's best for you."
She stared down at her hands. "But I'm still just this... problem to be solved. This obligation that gets passed around."
"No." The firmness in my voice made her look up. "You are not a problem or an obligation. You are a person—a smart, talented, incredibly resilient young woman who deserves stability and love and a chance to just be a teenager."
Her lip trembled slightly. "Then why doesn't she want me?"
The question hung in the air between us, so raw and fundamental that it took my breath away. I had to fight back my own tears before I could answer.
"Oh, honey." I shifted closer, wrapping my arm around her shoulders. "This isn't about you not being wanted or loved enough. Your mom's brain is literally rewired by addiction. She can't be the mother you deserve right now—maybe not ever. But that's about her limitations, not your worth."
Holly leaned into me slightly, her resistance beginning to crumble. "I hate that I still miss her. That I still want her to get better and come back. Is that pathetic?"
"Not even a little bit," I said firmly. "She's your mom. No matter what she's done or not done, it's completely natural to love her and want her in your life."
"It feels like betraying her," Holly admitted in a small voice. "Being here with you guys, being... happy sometimes."
"Being happy isn't betraying anyone," I told her. "And I promise you, the version of your mom that exists beneath the addiction, the real Rachel who's buried under all that pain, she would want you to be happy. To be safe. To thrive."
Holly was quiet for a long moment, absorbing this. Then she asked, "Do you miss her too? The real her?"
My throat tightened. "Every day. I miss the girl who used to make up silly songs with me when we were supposed to be doing dishes.
Who taught me how to French braid hair and sneak out the bathroom window when we were teenagers.
" I swallowed hard. "She's still in there somewhere.
But I've had to learn to love her from a distance that keeps me safe. "
"I don't know how to do that," Holly whispered.
"I know. And you shouldn't have to figure it out at your age." I gave her shoulder a gentle squeeze. "But you're not doing it alone, okay? Uncle Drew and I are here. Your grandparents are here. We're all just trying to give you space to grow and heal while your mom works on her own journey."
Holly nodded, then turned to look me in the eye. "I'm sorry I ran off. I just... couldn't breathe."
"I understand," I said, and I did. How many times had I felt that same suffocating panic when dealing with Rachel? "But next time, please tell one of us where you're going, ok? You don't have to talk if you're not ready, but just let us know you're safe."
"I promise," she said, sounding older than her years. "I won't disappear without saying anything."
"Thank you." I pulled her into a proper hug, and after a moment's hesitation, she returned it, her thin arms wrapping around my waist.
We sat like that as the last rays of sunlight faded from the sky, Eden now sprawled across both our feet, connecting us.
I couldn't fix everything for Holly. I couldn't make her mother well or erase the pain of the past. But I could be here, solid and present, offering the stability she'd never had.
"Are you hungry?" I asked eventually. "I was going to reheat Uncle Drew's lasagna from the weekend."
Holly pulled back, wiping her eyes one last time. "Starving, actually."
"Well, let's go feed you then." I stood, offering her my hand. "One day at a time, okay? That's all any of us can do."
"One day at a time," she repeated, taking my hand and letting me pull her to her feet.
As we headed inside, I sent up a silent prayer for my sister, wherever she was. And another prayer of gratitude that somehow, despite everything, her daughter was here with us. Battered but not broken, learning to trust again one careful step at a time.