14. CHAPTER THIRTEEN
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
SASHA
I caught my breath as my heart almost stopped. “What?”
“You say you know nothing about me, but I know everything about you, sweetheart.” Zeke swiveled and was now eye to eye with me. “For two whole years, I’ve watched you do everything except take a shower.”
“But I’ve only known you for a year and a half.”
“I found you long before that,” he replied. “I hid myself from you just like you hid yourself from me, too. Before we officially met I was a passenger on the cruise and you never knew me then.”
“That’s still creepy.”
He let out a soft, small laugh but there was nothing funny about this. Zeke’s voice dropped a little into a whisper. “About a month after you supposedly died, your mom reached out to me.”
I gasped. “My mother? She’s alive?” There was a slither of hope that perhaps she faked her own death too, but then I remembered she was gravely ill, and there was no chance she could be alive now. Zeke shook his head and my heart sank. “I just thought…”
“I’m sorry, Sasha, she’s not,” Zeke was gentle with his response. “After she reached out to me, she wanted to see if there was any chance you were still around. She offered me money to find you. A lot of money. I don’t know how she knew you were still alive but she did. It took a month to get your location and when I went back to tell her, she’d already passed away.”
“So she died not really knowing I was still alive?” Zeke nodded and I covered my face as I wept. “Why didn’t you say anything?”
“Your mom told me you were in danger.” Zeke clasped his fingers as he held his hands together. “She said that they might come after you. All I was supposed to do was find you. It’s what she paid me to do.”
I remember back after Baris was killed, Mom tried to comfort me. My mother’s eyes were heavy with guilt. They shone with tears that were meant for me. I saw her reflection in the mirror as she brushed my hair.
I’d just gotten out of the shower after scrubbing Baris’ blood off my hands, but I could still smell the metallic stench around me. I mustn’t have tried hard enough.
The lump in my throat blocked any air into my lungs and I couldn’t breathe.
I’d never witnessed such horror before in my life. My mother knew I was heartbroken and so she cried with me. “I’m so sorry, my darling.”
“I hate him so much.” I managed to say. “I want him gone. Dead. Out of my life.”
Guilt flooded me for even thinking such a thing even though it was the absolute truth. No one should live like this.
“Edric is a good man,” Mom said. “He will look after you and keep you safe.”
I loved Baris and Edric was in love with someone else. It was unfair that we had to pay the price for loving the right people at the wrong time.
“I’m not going to be around forever,” Mom said. Her eyes still glossed over with tears. “I need to know that you are safe and looked after.”
Mom didn’t like telling people she was going through cancer. She kept that to herself but I’m sure people knew. Her hair was thinning out and disappearing in patches. Her skin was pale and her eyes looked heavy. Mom lost a ton of weight and lacked energy. It took her extra time to do simple things that used to come so easily for her.
I prayed that the chemo worked. I couldn’t imagine losing Baris and Mom so close together. I was afraid I couldn’t handle such pain.
Mom was gentle with my hair with every stroke of the brush. She knew what Baris had meant to me and how much I loved him.
“I didn’t know what your father was going to do,” Mom said. “I begged him not to kill Baris. I told him it would break your heart but he didn’t listen to me. He never listens to me.”
It’s not like she could have stopped him even if she wanted to.
“He made me watch, Mom,” I croaked. "He laughed when he slit his throat. He and Edric’s dad. They’re both evil. I can’t do this anymore.”
I loved my mom, I really did. And I hated that we were both stuck and unhappy.
“You’re a strong girl.” She placed her hands on my shoulder and gently squeezed. “But we need to keep our heads down for now.”
I tilted my neck forward and felt the tears sting my eyes again. It was never-ending.
“One day you will be free, my darling.” Mom continued to brush my hair and for a moment I forgot everything. “One day we will both be free and I will get to see you happy again. I pray for that moment.”
I prayed for that moment too and wondered how long it would be for the two of us to finally be released from the restraints that made our lives a living hell.
I wished to god she was still here.
“Zeke Walker the freak Stalker,” I managed to croak out. When I looked at him, I kinda laughed with tears in my eyes thinking about my mom. “You know you’re making this too easy for me.”
“I know.”
“Why were you stalking me?”
Zeke stretched his lips. “Well, it wasn’t really stalking.”
“Oh, really?” My eyes bulged. “What would you call it then? You tracked me down, followed me, friended me, and watched me for two damn years. I’d say it’s pretty much the definition of stalking.”
“We’re not friends, remember?”
“Semantics, Zeke.” My voice was now harsh as I yelled out at him with dried eyes. “Why the fuck wouldn’t you just tell me instead of lying to me? I can handle it.”
“I couldn’t risk having you send me away,” he replied. “You’re like a light that blood sucking mosquitos attract. You’re not safe.”
“Why should I trust you? You lied to me.”
“To protect you, remember?”
I moved away from him slightly and scooted over to the other side of the couch. “Why’d you do it? Why’d you agree to help my mom?"
“Because she asked nicely and paid me money,” was his reply. “I happen to like money.”
“So, that’s all it was? Money?”
Zeke avoided eye contact with me and glanced at the painting of a whale that hung by the door. “What else would it be?”
Two years stalking me and getting paid, then it must have been about money. A fuck ton of money. “How much was I worth? How much did she pay you?”
Zeke looked at me again. “That’s between me and your mom.”
“Seriously, Zeke. How much?”
“Since I met you?” Zeke glanced up the ceiling like he was counting in his head. “A little shy under, not enough.”
Ha. Ha. Ha.
“Well, that’s too bad you can’t get a refund.”
“Not looking for one.”
“So, what do you get out of helping me now if you’ve already been paid?”
Zeke’s brows lifted and he raised his forefinger at me. “She only paid me half. Half when she asked me and the other half was meant to be paid when I found you.”
“If you think I have enough money to pay you, then you’re out of your mind.”
“I’m not after your money, Sash.”
“I mean, seriously. What do you get out of keeping me alive? Did you make some kind of deal? Am I something to trade?”
“Don’t flatter yourself, sweetheart. If you were, I would have traded you in a long time ago.”
“You didn’t make some deal to take me back to Turkey, did you?”
“I thought about it.” He smiled then shook his head. “No, I haven’t.”
“Then what is it?” I questioned. “You promised you’d be honest with me. What is it you want?”
“Not something you’d be willing to give.”
“Zeke, dammit, what are you after?”
“You, Sash!” His voice raised at first and then he muttered under his breath, “I’m after you.”
The hell was that supposed to mean. I abruptly stood and Zeke got off the couch with me. “What?”
“Your mom, she was the one who brought me to you but it was you who made me want to stay, Sasha. I stayed, looking out for you, making sure you’re safe… because of you.”
I swallowed down. “Me?” My heart knocked and bashed against my ribs. “You stayed because of me?”
“It was your goddamn smile that did it.” He reached the back of his neck and scratched just under his skull. “I can’t get over how beautiful it is.”
I couldn’t breathe. Zeke’s confession, which he hadn’t finished yet, not only made me lose my breath, but made me question every single thing about him. I felt like the shadow of myself that was left behind in Breckenridge.
“There’s no way,” I told him. “You’ve been trying to make my life hell since you started working with me.”
“Because it stopped me from getting too close to you.”
“Why didn’t you want to?”
“I’m a bad influence on girls like you.” His voice was low, almost hypnotic.
“Girls like me?” Ha. “You mean the kind of girls that have their father killed just to get away from them?” I cried tears of guilt. My chin dipped to my chest. “I’m not perfect either, Zeke. You could have told me the truth.”
Zeke stepped forward and there wasn’t a bone in me that wanted to move away.
“Please, stop crying,” he said. “Please, sweetheart.” His arms were by his side but they moved up to touch me once or twice, then he stopped himself. “I can’t stand to see you cry. I want to rip Nick’s throat out for lying to you. I want to stab him in the neck for hurting you. I can’t fix this right now, Sasha, and that’s all I want to do. I want to fix everything for you.”
“ You lied to me.”
“What?”
“You say you want to kill Nick for lying, but you lied to me too.”
“I lied to protect you. There’s a difference.” He grabbed my face with his warm, shaky hands and held me in place. Zeke appeared blurry through the tears that fell down my cheeks, staining them with fire. He inched closer which stopped my breaths. I stilled, waiting for his next move.
Zeke gently kissed each tear away, sweeping his tongue across every drop. Even though my tears slowed down, my face still felt wet. He was kissing my pain away, consuming each tear for himself so I’d stop crying. It should have grossed me out but it didn’t.
“Zeke, what are you doing?” I managed to say when I reclaimed my breath.
“It’s the only way I know how to help you right now,” he whispered.
The funny thing was it did feel like he helped me. As screwed up as that sounded, my heart rate steadied and my breaths went back to normal, that was until his lips touched a tear that went straight into my mouth. “How can you taste so sweet and salty at the same time?”
It was almost animalistic. I didn’t know if I was in the hands of the most caring guy or a complete psychopath.
“Have you ever heard of cute animal aggression?” Zeke asked. His lips were sinfully close to mine. “That’s you right now. You’re so fucking adorable that I want to strangle you.”
My head flinched back a little. Well, that answers that. He’s a psychopath.
“I’m so sorry.” Zeke pulled himself away and he paced backward. “This is what happens when I let myself get close to you. I’m not like other guys. I fell in love and I fell in love hard. I’ve become protective and possessive of what is mine.”
That quality in a man could be sexy as hell… in a book. But this was real life. Also, did he just admit that he was in love with me? Holy shit. He scared me and made me feel safe all at once.
“Oh, god. I need to lay down.”
Everything about my life was a lie. Even though my name had changed, the person I am is the person I wanted to be. But my life was bullshit. Nick was bullshit. Zeke… holy fuck. I don’t even know what to think about him.
I avoided using my sprained wrist when I crawled on the bed and collapsed onto the fluffy pillow which was about to be stained with my tears. The mattress dipped when Zeke lay beside me. I was too confused and exhausted to argue with him or ask any more questions despite my desperation to hear his answers.
Holy crap. What world was I in where Zeke’s confession turned out to be the biggest shock of all?
Zeke Walker the Freak Stalker was in love with me and I wasn’t scared of him. Not even a little bit. What the hell did that make me?
W arm hands smoothed my hair from my forehead to the nape of my neck. When I slowly woke up, I glanced up at my stalker and squinted my eyes. He looked different somehow. Nothing about his appearance had changed, but it was more so the way I saw him. I could admit to myself that I was attracted to him before and now I was just confused, wondering if my feelings would disappear the more I learned about him.
Sometime during my sleep, I must have turned over and rolled my head on Zeke’s chest. My leg was sprawled over his lap like I wanted to cuddle him. I quickly shifted my body away from his and went into a fetal position. “How long was I asleep for?” I asked.
Zeke looked down at me and smiled. “Pretty much the entire afternoon,” he said. “It’s just after nine. How are you feeling?”
“I’m still tired.”
“Stress can do that to you.”
My eyes flicked up to his. “Who are you, Zeke?”
“You want to know what I did before I worked on the ship?” I nodded and Zeke turned to face me on his side. He rested his head on his hand. “I used to work for the US army special forces. I did covert ops, counter terrorism, hostage rescues, even killing high value targets. They hired me because they questioned my lack of integrity. I was a good fighter, thought quickly on my feet, and had steady hands with an MK22. I was willing to do what other soldiers didn’t and had trouble with the law and authority. It was either prison or the army so I chose the army.”
“Did they fire you?”
“No, my contract with them ended,” he said. “I was about to sign another one when I met your mom. I asked her how she sought my services, but she wasn’t willing to tell me. I don’t know even until this day. Everything changed after that. I still have contacts and they reach out from time to time. They want me on their team again.”
“So, you’re a good guy.” I breathed out. “You worked in the army.”
“I’m far from good, sweetheart.”
That didn’t help my confusion though it didn’t turn me off from him either. “Is there anything else I need to know?”
“Yeah.” Zeke’s lips tilted to the side. “You tried to kiss me that night, you know?”
Excuse me?
I sat up in the bed and gasped, feeling my face burn with heat. “What?”
“You tried to kiss me.”
“Was that before or after I threw up?” I grimaced at what his answer would be.
“I refuse to answer that question.”
Oh, shit. Definitely after. “You stopped me though, right?”
“Well, yes, obviously.” He nodded.
I tucked my knees toward my chest and wrapped my arms around them. “But did you want to?”
“Did I want to, what?”
“Stop me.”
“Did I want to? No.” Zeke shook his head with tight lips. “But I knew I had to. You were drunk.”
“So you have wanted to kiss me.” I remembered him telling me one time I have never nor do I ever intend to kiss you. Another lie of his.
“Sash, I’ve been wanting to kiss you since the first moment I laid eyes on you,” he replied, then sat up next to me in the same position as me. “Hell, I wanted to do more than kiss you.”
I gnawed at my lip and almost drew blood. “Like what?”
Zeke smiled. “Nothing your innocent ears should hear.”
“I’m not innocent.”
“You’re too innocent for me, sweetheart.”
“I’m almost twenty-four.” I told him.
“And I’m older than you at twenty-nine.”
I was getting bolder with my responses. “And yet you still wanted to kiss me.”
“More than kiss you, remember.” Zeke paused briefly and the silence between us was too fucking loud. “Were you telling the truth?”
“About what?”
“Has it really been that long since you’ve been with someone?”
I sighed, laid back down on the bed and turned my head to him. “Yes.”
Zeke slowly inclined a little closer to me and scooted down on the bed to reach my height. He was so much taller than I was. His lips were so close to mine that I could almost taste him. “I’ve been fighting with myself to stay away from you.”
“Look what good that did.”
“I’m bad for you, Sash. You’re everything in this world and I am nothing.” He inched just a little more. “I shouldn’t even be this close to you.”
“No, you really shouldn’t.”
“I’m serious, Sasha,” he whispered. “I never wanted to kiss you because I knew once I started, the hardest thing for me would be to stop.”
“Should I be afraid of you, Zeke?”
“Maybe a little, but everyone else should fear me more.”
I crossed my brows. “Why?”
“Because they don’t know what I’d do to protect you.”
“Because you care about me?”
“Because I’m in love with you.” Zeke swept a strand of hair off my face and his touch sent another shockwave in my body. “I’m so in love with you. I would take my last breath if it meant you could keep yours.”
No one had ever cared about me that much, to end their own life to save me.
“Are you afraid of me, Zeke?”
“I’m afraid if I don’t kiss you right now, I might die.”