Chapter Twenty-Three
Gwen slept the whole day after Thanksgiving. She had the apartment to herself, so she just cuddled in a nest of her blankets and cried. After her sparse response to Alex at eight a.m. stating that she was already back in New York and wouldn’t need a ride, she had turned off her phone and tried to enjoy the silence.
When she finally woke up at four o’clock that afternoon, she turned on her phone to find seven voicemails, twenty-three texts, and one email from Nathan, asking if she and Xander could come in on Saturday to discuss the photo shoot.
Gwen buried her face back in her pillow. The Valentine’s Day concert would have to be canceled. They’d have to think of something else to bring in money for the rest of the season. She rubbed the sleep out of her eyes, took a deep breath, and read Alex’s texts through the night, asking her to call him. She couldn’t look at them without tearing up. She wanted to put off dealing with the aftermath for a few more hours. She emailed Nathan back, and they made an appointment for ten a.m. Saturday morning. She turned over and fell back asleep.
On Saturday, she showered for the first time and washed Alex’s scent off her. She took the train down to Carnegie Hall, and just before she entered, she took a moment to stare up at the building. She remembered the day she’d come to audition for the Pops, nineteen and scared. She had thought herself unworthy to even stand on the stage at Stern Auditorium. Now it was her stage, just as much as it was Nathan’s.
She passed through the side door and trudged upstairs toward the office she knew so well. After she knocked, Nathan called out a “Come in!” and Gwen pushed open the door. It was a comfortable room, filled with framed awards and pictures of Nathan with Stephen Sondheim and John Williams. Nathan sat at his desk, scrolling through sheet music, and Ava sat on his couch with her iPad and stylus. They both grinned up at her when she entered, and Gwen tried to grin back now that she knew so much about them.
“Gwen,” Ava said, “how was Boston?”
Her lip trembled, but she bit down on it. “It was fine—”
“No Alex with you?” Nathan asked, looking around her to the hallway.
“No, unfortunately.” Gwen shut the door behind her and folded her hands in front of her. “And I’m sorry to be the one to tell you…” She took a deep breath. “Thorne and Roses are going on tour with U2.”
It was deadly silent in the office. Ava took off her reading glasses and rubbed her brow.
“I haven’t—” Nathan blinked. “I haven’t been informed of this.”
“It just happened on Thursday,” Gwen said.
Ava put down her iPad and patted the seat next to her on the couch. Nathan turned to his computer, running through emails and searching for anything about it. Gwen sat and turned to Ava.
“And Alex and I broke up, I think,” she said, her voice cracking. Gwen swallowed, biting her cheek and trying to keep the tears out of her eyes. Ava took a deep breath and took her hand. “And I’m very sorry about the Valentine’s Day concert—”
“Nonsense,” Ava said. “He has to do what’s best for his future, and you have to do what’s best for yours.”
Gwen did cry then. She nodded and stared down at her lap as the tears dripped off her eyelashes. “They…they wanted me on tour with them. U2 wanted me with Thorne and Roses, and I just—”
“What did you say?”
Gwen’s head snapped to Nathan, finally looking away from his computer screen. He looked almost nervous.
“I said no. I said I had the Pops.”
The tension dripped off Nathan’s face. Gwen wondered how he could even worry about that option.
“How are you?” Ava squeezed her hand. Gwen wiped away her tears, and before she could respond—
“Aha!”
Gwen and Ava looked to Nathan. He stood from the computer with a victorious smile.
“There’s no U2 show on February twelfth. That was the other free day at Carnegie.”
Gwen stared at him in confusion. She didn’t understand what he meant until Ava cleared her throat.
“Gwen and Alex broke up, dear.”
“Right,” Nathan said, waving his hand and turning his eyes on Gwen with an apologetic look in his eye. “I’m sorry, Gwen. The two of you were great together, and I’m sure this is a difficult time for you. I’m just thinking…” He moved out from behind his desk, starting to pace. “Well, think of it this way. If we kept the show on the twelfth, Alex flies in from Texas that morning…We really only need a sound check with you two. You are both accomplished enough to play without much rehearsal.”
There was ice lodging in her throat, sliding down into her stomach, sending chills throughout her body. She felt Ava’s hand stiffen in hers. Nathan continued.
“All the publicity can be done separately,” he said softly, as if that were the crushing blow. “You two wouldn’t have to even see each other until the day of—”
“You want us to still play a Valentine’s Day concert?” Gwen asked flatly. “And still advertise us as a couple?”
“People do it all the time, Gwen,” Nathan said.
Ava withdrew her hand from Gwen’s and pressed her knuckles to her lips. Gwen stared at her, asking for help, but as Ava’s fingers pressed over her mouth, Gwen could see the words fighting to escape—yet being pressed back.
“Let me contact Lorenz today. Obviously, Gordon will sub in for first cello for the rest of the season—we’ll need to rethink ‘Baby, It’s Cold Outside’—but I can see what Lorenz thinks about flying him in—”
“Nathan,” Gwen whispered. “I need to think about this.” He stopped his pacing and spun to her. “This is a lot to think about when we’ve just broken up.”
“Oh, Gwen, of course.” Nathan swiftly sat next to her on the couch, wedging her between Ava and himself. “Please consider it. But I think we can make this as painless as possible, and still be able to fund the rest of the season with this concert.”
Her skin felt tight. Her lungs were stiff against her ribs. She’d made such a mistake by putting her faith in him before, assuming it was all in her best interests. She felt like her rose-tinted glasses had been removed.
“I see.”
Nathan smiled and squeezed her shoulder.
When Gwen left, Ava was still running her fingers over her lips, like she could physically catch her voice before it poured out of her.