Chapter 56 Owen
“ I love you too,” I say against her hair, loud enough for her to hear over the grinding coffee. “Do you want to start the water?”
“Of course.” She tightens her arms once and steps away, filling the kettle.
God, all of this feels so damn normal and natural . Samson meows at us, rubbing against our legs as he walks around. He’s likely trying to guess who is going to feed him this morning. Poppy started doing it when she’s the first to wake up after I walked her through what he needs in the mornings. But how much longer will that happen?
She might move.
Trying to be a good boyfriend, I kiss her on the cheek and mutter that I’ll be right back on my way to the bathroom. Once the door is closed, I give myself a moment to just stand there, trying to absorb my shock. I can’t wrap my head around the possibility of her being in Toronto.
She’d really leave?
Her parents are here. Her best friend is here. Her students are here.
I’m here.
And she knows that this is where I plan to stay. Where I hope to stay.
Shaking myself out of this stupor, I take care of business. As I’m brushing my teeth, I think back on every time I’ve watched her with a camera. She has always had a specific demeanor when she’s looking at the world through a lens. Confident and relaxed. Excited and at home.
I can’t be surprised that her photos have been great for marketing. She’s amazingly talented. It’s just…a lot.
Splashing cold water on my face helps to reset my mind. She didn’t seem too keen on diving into a conversation about this since she doesn’t have a lot of information and I can wait while she gets what she needs.
Receiving an offer doesn’t mean she’s gone. I can’t ask her to stay just for me. She needs to be able to process this and decide what she wants. Even if my heart feels like it’s growing more and more numb.
When I’m back in the kitchen, Samson is sitting at her feet, his eyes glued to the can of food in her hand. He hasn’t figured out how to easily perch on her shoulder like he does for me. And he might not need to figure it out since she might be moving.
God, I have to just focus on what we have. We can talk about what we want later. I think.
What if she has to give them an answer soon?
“What kind of cheese would you like?” I blurt, needing to do something normal so I can stop obsessing over something she doesn’t have details about.
“Whatever you’re having is good,” she says brightly. Almost too brightly.
She usually requests either the block of mozzarella or whatever shredded blend I have on-hand. I usually like fresh mozzarella or sharp cheddar.
“Are you sure?”
“What can I say? I’m feeling adventurous this morning.” Her tone is light and playful, but then her eyes widen a fraction while watching me. Shit, I didn’t even realize I took a step away from her.
Moving to Toronto would be an adventure for her and apparently all I can do right now is see how I’m going to lose her. I have to get it together right now so I can wrap my head around this logically and not be such an asshole.
I can hear when she grabs my favorite pan for cooking omelets while I get the rest of the ingredients from the fridge, trying to make a mental list of things I’m out of to grab at the store later. She’s already getting the cutting board out and my heart gives a painful squeeze because we’ve built something here.
But does it have to only work here ?
“Want to put some butter in the pan and turn it to medium heat?” I ask, leaning down to kiss the top of her head. There’s this strange mix of feelings of needing to reassure her that I’m not freaked out by this job prospect while giving myself a little space so I don’t get more hurt than necessary if she takes it.
She looks up at me and stands on her toes for a quick kiss. Something that’s normal for us, but there’s a worried strain in her expression that helps shake me out of my mini spiral of doom. Gently grabbing her chin before she can turn back to the stove, I hold her gaze a moment. I can’t make her any promises and it wouldn’t be fair for me to ask any of her, so I repeat the words that are at the center of everything for us.
“I love you.”
Her eyes get a little misty as she nods. “I know. I love you too.”
“I know.” Leaning down, we kiss, letting ourselves relax a little, to just be in this moment. When we break away, I smile and say, “You’re lucky you wanted the same kind of cheese as me this morning.”
“Why is that?”
“My parents must have snacked on what was left and I’ve been a little too distracted to go to the store with my girlfriend coming over.”
She smiles, just like she does every time I call her my girlfriend. “Well, it’s a good thing my boyfriend has excellent taste, isn’t it?”
“Absolutely.” I rinse the tomatoes and peppers while she finishes prepping the pan.
“Should I start a list for groceries?” she asks, grabbing the notebook I keep in the kitchen for that purpose.
“Yeah, that would be great.” My mind goes to doing this simple thing with her each week. Heading to the grocery store together. I try to picture what it would be like in Toronto and feel a little…cold.
I know what it’s like for me to live in a big city. The only reason I stayed as long as I did was because my parents lived there. Could I potentially move for Poppy without one day resenting that choice?