Chapter 12
Nate
Ifucked up. I know I did.
I run a hand down my face as I walk into the bar, my stomach twisting like I’ve already had one too many drinks. I don’t want to fight with Rory, and certainly not about something so silly. I didn’t think it would be such a sore spot, or I wouldn’t have pushed.
Or would I?
I’m not even sure what I said to set her off, if I’m being honest. High Lonesome is a great place. She’s planning to be up here for at least two weeks, and there are almost certainly jobs available.
I don’t understand why Rory’s so against it.
I wave to the bartender, Joe. He holds up a pint glass with a questioning expression, and I shake my head.
No beer for me tonight. I’m on call—with the small number of guys on the force, we take turns being the backup person.
It’s rare that they need us, but just in case, I don’t drink on these nights.
Joe nods, understanding, and fills a glass with Sprite instead. The beauty of a small town—one of many things I love—is that it’s like Cheers. Everyone knows your name, and every bartender at the two bars knows your order, even for those like me who don’t come here often.
“Here you go,” he says, sliding it across the bar top to me.
I thank him and take a large gulp of the cold soda, turning on the bar stool to see who else is here.
There are the regulars, of course. I raise my glass toward the fire chief, who’s squeezed into a booth with the mayor, both men sitting next to their wives.
Most of the seats are empty, though, the high tops shiny with disuse.
This time of year, we don’t have as many tourists.
There was a time when High Lonesome was a much bigger city, with a growing population, restaurants, and entertainment.
There’s plenty of mining work in the mountains, or there was at one point.
Now that the mines are closed, we’re at risk of becoming just like most of the other spots that were once booming with the mining business.
They’ve all turned to ghost towns. Cute little tourist attractions where people can come to stare at what used to be the height of civilization and gush about how quaint it all is.
I take another sip, hoping the sweetness of the lemon-lime will chase away the memory of this fight with Rory. I thought we were getting somewhere, Rory and I. That she was letting me in. How did I screw up so badly?
“What’re you drinking?” Lawton slides onto a barstool next to me as he motions to Joe.
“Sprite. I’m on call.”
Joe is ready with Lawton’s order, too, and lands a pint of Guinness in front of him.
“Thanks, Joe,” Lawton says, lifting his head. “Put these on my tab. Travis should be here soon.”
Joe nods in acknowledgement, taking Lawton’s credit card and pulling another pint glass to fill.
Lawton lifts his glass, holding it in front of him. “I thought you said things were going well. That you were working on rekindling whatever high school romance you two had.”
He tips the glass up to take a sip, his dark-brown hair falling away from his face as his head tilts back.
Lawton is cynical when it comes to love. He’s a big city boy who thought he was moving to the small town with the love of his life, only to have her leave him the first winter. It’s been a couple of years, and I’m still not sure he’s gotten over the whole thing.
“It wasn’t just a high school romance, though,” I say.
It was deeper than that. My mind wanders back to those days in the halls of LoPine High, back when life was perfect, or as close to perfect as mine’s ever been.
I wait outside of the English classroom for Rory. My math class is two hallways over, but the school is small, and we get more time between classes than one really needs to get from one place to the next, which gives me the freedom to do this.
Spend every minute I can with Rory.
She’s holding a stack of books in front of her when she walks into the hallway, and I grab several of them without asking.
“I’ve got it,” she says.
She does, too. Her arms are strong and toned from the hours she spends at the barn after school every day. Carrying around a few textbooks is easy when you’re used to tossing hay bales that are half your body weight.
I grin and sling my arm around her shoulders, pulling her close to me. “I know. I just like helping you.”
Her expression softens, and she leans into my side.
“Thanks. I know. I just… I don’t want to get too used to it, you know?
We’re going to different schools next year.
It’s going to be different. I don’t want to be that girl who can’t carry her own books because she’s so used to someone doing it for her. ”
I shift the books in my hand. “I know. And don’t worry. You’ll be fine. You carry things a lot heavier than textbooks. And remember, I’m only a phone call away. It’s only for a few years.”
She smiles at me, that beautiful, full-face smile that makes my knees go weak, and snatches the pile of books out of my hands as we reach her next class.
“Thanks, Nate.” She gives me a wink as she makes her way through the doorway to Spanish 3.
I watch her go. I’ll see her again in an hour when we change classes, but it seems so far away.
I can’t even imagine how it will be this fall.
She’s headed to Fort Collins to study animal science at Colorado State, and I’m sticking closer to home, enrolling in the police academy in Glenwood Springs.
We’ll be three and a half hours apart without traffic.
But we can make this work. That’s what I’m counting on.
I’ll make the drive whenever I can, and we’ll see one another during the summers and breaks.
It’s only four years, and then forever for us.
That’s why I gave her the promise ring that she’s worn on her left ring finger for the last three months.
It’s my promise that I’m in this for good. That I don’t care about the distance or the years it takes us to get back to HiLo. That we know where this is going and what we want from life. Each other.
When I gave it to Rory, there were tears in her eyes.
“Are you sure?” she asked, at least three times, like she didn’t have every indication that I’m head over heels for her.
I was sure then, and I still am. More than sure. Because she’s it for me. I may only be seventeen—eighteen next month—but I know that no matter how long I live, I’ll never find someone else like Rory Kelley.
Joe sets a pint of IPA on the bar, just in time for Travis to slide onto the barstool, pick up the drink, and take a long sip in one smooth move.
He sets the glass back down and wipes his mouth with the back of his hand. “What did I miss?”
Lawton shakes his head and places his beer on the bar. “Not much so far.” He turns to me, pointing a finger toward my chest. “You’ve been hung up on this girl for what, ten years?”
“More,” I say, lifting my glass.
It’s been ten years since she broke my heart. We were together for three years before that. And before that, we grew up together. We were in the same class at school, the same kiddie sports programs. I don’t have a memory that doesn’t have Rory in it.
Travis’s brows pull together. “So why would you give up after one fight? Figure out some common ground and move forward. From what you’ve told me about the two of you, this is a minor bump in the road.”
I think while I stare at the wall behind the bar. The bottles of hard liquor stand at attention, lined up in exactly the manner someone planned. Someone decided exactly how it was going to go and made it happen.
See? Things can go according to plan. That’s what I’m banking on.
“You’re right,” I finally say, blowing out a long breath.
“I just don’t know why this set her off so badly, that’s all.
We can get past this, I think. We didn’t fight much when we were together, and we were teenagers back then.
Now everything is different. I don’t know how Rory fights, or if she hangs on to things. ”
Lawton lifts his beer to his lips with a nod.
Travis’s attention is on the TV screen behind the bar where the baseball game is on. The Denver Falcons are up, two to nothing.
“So why are you here?” he asks, keeping his eyes on the game. “Shouldn’t you be back there, talking with her?”
I don’t know why I’m here, honestly. Running off to dull my problems in a bar doesn’t seem like the best coping mechanism, especially when I can’t even drink tonight. “I just needed some time away.”
Lawton gives me a side-eye. “Mature of you.”
I resist the urge to punch him. “I know. Maybe I needed some perspective, too. I’ve spent so long building this up in my head, everything with me and Rory.
” I run a finger around the rim of my glass.
“Besides, I’m just…giving her time to cool off.
That’s all. It’s not like she’s going to leave. She’s staying in my house.”
Travis brings his beer to his lips, looking thoughtful. “Have you reminded her of your pact?”
I should. But then, how could she not remember? It’s the one thing I made her agree to before I walked away.
“Promise me one thing, Rory,” I say.
She finally looks me in the eye. A tear slips out and trails down her cheek. She’s just as unhappy about this as I am. So why is she insisting that we break up?
“What’s that?” she asks.
I reach out and hold her hand in both of mine. “When we turn twenty-eight, that’ll be ten years from now. We’ll know who we are and what we want from life. Right?”
She nods and sniffles, wiping her nose with the back of her free hand.
“So I want us to make a promise. A pact. That if we’re both still single when we turn twenty-eight, we’ll come back to one another.” I squeeze her hand.
She thinks for a minute, the tassel from her graduation cap hanging in her face. She pushes it to the side. “Okay.”
“Promise me, Rory.”
She squeezes my hands back. “I promise. If neither of us is in a relationship or in love ten years from now, we’ll give it another chance.”
I open my arms, and like so many times before, Rory falls into them, her body pressed against mine. I hold her there as long as I can, and when she pulls back, I kiss her forehead.
Ten years is a long time, but I can handle it.
I’ll wait forever for Rory if I have to.
I tip my glass up to swallow the last of my soda then place it on the bar. Joe holds up a finger and twirls it in a circle while he arches his eyebrow, asking if I’d like another one. I shake my head.
“I haven’t brought it up yet,” I say.
Lawton looks thoughtful, his gaze focused on something behind me as he rubs his chin. “How do you think she’d react? Think she remembers?”
Travis chuckles. “Oh, I’m sure she remembers. Everyone in town remembers.”
He’s right, but so much has changed in the last ten years. We’re different people now.
In the short time since Rory got here, though, it’s becoming increasingly apparent that my feelings haven’t completely disappeared in the last ten years.
All the things that drew me to her back then are still there.
And now, there are all these new things about her, new sides to her personality that draw me in further.
Not the dog, but I like her in spite of that thing. The fact that I haven’t kicked Spam out of my house already is a testament to how much I’m invested in getting to know her again.
And this time, I’m not giving up on us.
“She hasn’t brought up the pact. I don’t know if she remembers, honestly. And I don’t want to scare her off. I want her to come back to me because she loves me, not because of some promise we made to each other a lifetime ago.”
Lawton nods and summons Joe with a tilt of his head. “I’ll take another, Joe. You sure you don’t want another, Nate? It’s on me.”
“I’m good, thanks.” I slide off the barstool and take a deep breath. “I should get going. Thanks for listening, guys.”
“Good luck, man,” Travis says. “Keep us updated.”
Lawton picks up his glass, now full with a second round of Guinness. “You’ve got this.”
I push a hand through my hair. “Will do. If it doesn’t go well, I’m sure I’ll be back to drown my sorrows.”
I clap Lawton and Travis on the shoulders, then I turn to leave.
It’s a short walk back to my house from the bar. The night sky is clear, and this far from the city lights, you can see millions of stars. Rory and I once lay on a blanket on the high school football field, counting them. I’ve never been able to look at stars since then without thinking of her.
Since graduation, I’m not sure I’ve been able to look at anything without considering what Rory would think or what she’d say about something.
I’ve tried to date, to move on, but it’s like she’s firmly entrenched in my life.
I can’t move on without closure, and seeing Rory again, I’m not sure I want to.
And if she leaves me again, I’m not sure I’ll survive it.
I need to apologize. I need to make this right before she walks out of my life again. Because this time, it might be forever.