Chapter 23
Rory
“I’ll see you guys again soon,” I promise, giving Mom and Dad each a hug, my old riding boots gripped in one hand.
I do feel lighter after spending a few hours with them, but I couldn’t bring myself to tell them everything, and I know I’m still going to have to come clean.
The teasing about Spam aside, they didn’t give me the hard time I was worried about.
Not about Finn or my job or…anything. And even their jokes about Spam didn’t hurt because they were all in good fun.
Mom is already in love with my little guy.
But I didn’t tell them about what’s been going on between Nate and me. As far as they know, we’re friends. Which technically isn’t a lie.
I pull the truck door open. Spam props his front paws on the running board, waiting for a boost, and when I give him one, he scampers across the driver’s side and climbs into the passenger seat.
I’m glad I only finished half of that second beer.
Even one drink tends to get me a little tipsy.
It’s been half an hour since I stopped, though, so it should be okay.
It’s 12:00 now, and I realize that means I started drinking before noon, but then again, we were talking about ex-boyfriends and losing my job, so I like to think I have an excuse.
It also means that I have almost a full five hours to get ready before we have to be at the reunion for the cocktail hour before dinner. Plenty of time to do my hair so I can wear it down like Mom suggested, even if I stop at the barn to fill Mandy in on how things went with my parents.
And maybe ride.
I finger the leather of the boots, worn and soft from years of use. I peer at Spam, who blinks up at me with innocent eyes.
“Yeah, I love you, but I don’t trust you not to chew on these,” I tell him.
I shut the door so he doesn’t make a quick escape as I stick the boots in the bed of the truck along with my muck boots.
I’m feeling okay about my driving ability, but wrestling boots away from a miniature dog may test that, and I don’t want to become tomorrow’s headline.
“CAR WRECK A RESULT OF MINIATURE PINSCHER’S ANTICS” may sound like an intriguing story, but they’ll have to come up with something else to top the injured owl. I’m trying to lie low.
My phone vibrates in my pocket as I pull open the driver’s door again. I slide into the seat and pull out my phone.
Stacey
So everyone knows you’re coming to the reunion with Nate. Just a heads-up. Need me to meet you out front so you don’t get accosted by Yvonne or her lackeys as soon as you get there?
You’re too sweet. I think we’ll be fine. I’d love to see Nate take down Yvonne, honestly. I’ll see you there.
You’ve got it. Can’t wait to see you!
I put the car into reverse and back down the short driveway. It occurs to me that I’ve talked to Stacey, who I hadn’t seen in ten years, more in the past week than in the last decade, and a pang of regret hits me that I didn’t keep in touch with her over the years.
Maybe more good will come out of this situation than I originally thought.
Spam sits patiently while we make the short drive to the barn safely, where two other cars are parked in the dirt lot. My spot next to Mandy’s truck is open, so I pull in there and park.
Spam hops out of the truck and dashes off while I pull on the muck boots, then I go in search of Mandy.
I find her in the center of the arena, giving a lesson.
“Trot with Wally,” she says, instructing the young rider to pick up the pace.
I raise my hand in a wave when she notices me in her peripheral vision.
She walks toward me, still directing the student. “Which side are you going up with?”
I can tell without looking that the kid is posting on the wrong side because Mandy only offers the correction when it’s not right.
“How do I switch?” The girl sounds so worried I almost laugh.
“Sit for two beats then stand up,” I offer.
The girl does, then she lets out a surprised laugh. “I did it!”
“Good job,” Mandy says over her shoulder. “And trot with Jack.”
The second student nudges the black horse into a trot, and Mandy leans her back against the fence next to me, turning to keep an eye on the riders.
“How was it? As stressful as you thought?”
I can’t hide my smile. “You were right. As usual.”
She gives a short nod. “Damn right I was. They still love you? Proud of you and all that shit? Walk with Wally,” she adds, watching while the rider slows the horse.
“It was stressful as fuck. Don’t get me wrong. But it wasn’t too bad, and it’s done.” That was more than I was hoping for, to be honest, so I’ll call this a win.
Mandy looks over at me, her brows pinching together. “Have you been drinking?”
I breathe into my hand and sniff in. Even though it’s been a while since I finished my drink, you can smell the beer on my breath. Oops.
“Uh, yeah,” I admit, shrugging my shoulders. “Just one, at my parents’ house. Anyway, do you need any more help today? I can help with lessons or turnout or something, or just head back to Nate’s house to get ready.”
Mandy turns her back to the riders, looking me dead in the eye, and I inwardly cringe, steeling myself for what she likes to call her Mandy moments, when someone pushes her a little too far.
“Over my dead body are you getting back in your truck with alcohol on your breath or touching a horse. Go muck some stables for an hour, and we’ll talk. ”
She turns her back to me, the matter settled.
I inwardly groan as I make my way to the barn, but she has a point. Mandy usually does. I’m not drunk, just the tiniest bit tipsy, but I’ve known since high school that drinking before riding is a big no-no.
The first time Allie and I drank, stealing a couple of wine coolers from her parents that we drank in her backyard treehouse before biking over to the barn, Mandy had us mucking stalls for a week straight before we were allowed to ride again.
Let’s just say some lessons stick with you.
An hour later, when Mandy stops by to check on my progress, my hair is sweaty, and I smell worse than the stalls. I’ll never understand how even though we cleaned the stalls this morning, almost every one has more to clean out already.
“You sobered up enough to exercise Starfire?” Mandy asks.
My heart leaps at the chance. I pull on my riding boots and fetch the mare from where she’s standing in the pasture with her friends.
“Ready to go for a ride, Star?” I ask, clipping the lead line to her halter.
She follows me dutifully as I lead her up to the barn and hook the crossties to her halter to keep her in place. They’re not really needed, since she loves being brushed and wouldn’t walk away even if she wasn’t clipped in place, but rules are rules.
Plus, you never know what’s going to spook a horse, and I don’t need her running off because she saw a plastic bag.
I brush her coat while I talk—ostensibly to her, but really to myself.
“So I finally went to see my parents, Star. And they weren’t mad, even about the job.
And I told them I was staying with Nate.
” I move to her other side and run the brush down her flank.
“I told them we were friends. Nate and me. Remember Nate, the one I told you about like ten years ago?”
Starfire turns her head to look at me, like she does indeed remember a conversation from a decade ago.
“Well, I’m staying with him while I’m in town for the reunion. He said he’d be my date, but that was the deal. And I thought it was no big deal, right? But then we…had sex. More than once.” I whisper the last words.
“You use protection?” Mandy asks.
I jump at the sound of her voice, almost kicking Spam, who chooses that moment to scamper through the barn and into an open stall.
Starfire startles, lifting her head and stepping backward until the crossties pull taut.
“Jesus, fuck, Mandy. I didn’t know you were there.” I smooth a hand down Starfire’s neck to calm her.
Mandy throws her head back and laughs, that throaty, all-consuming humor that’s so much a part of my childhood. “I’m everywhere in this barn. So you and Nate did it, yeah?”
I nod because there’s no hiding the truth from Mandy.
She looks me up and down. “Good. Just make sure you use protection. You guys have enough of a complicated relationship without adding a baby to the mix.”
“I thought you liked me and Nate together. You gave me so much shit about it after graduation.”
Mandy feeds Starfire a peppermint and points her finger at me. “That’s because you were an idiot. I do like you kids together. But you need to be smarter than last time. Don’t hurt him, Rory.”
My face flushes as Mandy verbalizes my greatest fear.
He’s so confident now, self-assured, that it’s easy to forget sometimes that I’m the one who broke us back then.
To forget that we may still be so broken that fixing us isn’t possible.
And to forget that the past ten years have shown me that a relationship isn’t for me.
It’s only a matter of time before things end.
Mandy hands me a saddle. “Think about it while you ride. Remember, you’re a team. Starfire depends on you for direction and to keep her safe. You depend on her to listen and to keep you safe, too. You’re equal partners. Trust and communication.”
As I cinch the girth, holding the saddle in place, I realize that maybe she’s not just talking about horses.
Ten years is a long time. Particularly when it comes to athletic endeavors, because my legs and abs are burning. People who say horseback riding must be easy because the horse does all the work? They’ve clearly never ridden a horse. The horse does a lot of the work, but so does the rider.
I squeeze my inner thigh to press Starfire toward the outside edge of the ring. She listens, moving in that direction, and then picking up her pace to a trot when I gently push my heels into her flank.
Mandy watches us from the side of the ring. I expected some direction—after all, it’s been ten years since I’ve ridden—but she seems content to let me and Starfire go at our own pace, and it’s exactly what I’ve needed.
We started slow, but as we go around and around the practice ring, it’s coming back to me, and I’m gaining confidence. I didn’t realize just how much I’ve missed this.
Horseback riding.
Starfire.
Lonesome Acres.
High Lonesome.
Nate.
I may have no idea what I’m going to do next, but all of this feels too good to last.
“Good girl,” I tell Starfire as she keeps the pace going strong.
We circle the ring twice before I ease her down to a walk.
“You want to canter?” Mandy calls.
I look at her, startled at the suggestion. “It’s been a while.”
She shrugs. “If you’re up to it.”
I rub Starfire’s mane. “Think we can do this, girl?” I say, more to myself than to her.
As we round the corner, I press one heel into her side, and she breaks into a faster pace, smooth and controlled. I let her go all the way around the ring before I pull back on the reins to slow her down, laughing.
“Still a natural, huh?” Mandy says, winking from the sideline.
I look at her, a broad smile painted on my face. No amount of overthinking about my future can take away the absolute joy of riding. “That was amazing. I forgot how good it feels.”
“Once you fly, you can never go back,” she says. “You want to cool her down? Or keep going?”
I take inventory, noting my sore thighs. I’m not sure if they’re sore from riding Starfire or from my extracurricular activities with Nate last night—and the nights before—but either way, I’m going to be hurting if I push it too much more.
“I’ll cool her out. Thanks for letting me ride.”
Mandy gives me a short nod. “Like I said, she needed the exercise. You can put her in her stall when you’re done. And make good choices tonight. Got it?”
I mull over things while Starfire walks around the arena, cooling down from our ride. Maybe I’ve gotten over the hurdle of what to do about my parents, but we still have the reunion to go to. All those old classmates I haven’t seen in years. What do I tell them about me and Nate?
By the time I get home, I’ll have just over two hours to wash off the sweat and horse smell, to make myself look presentable, and to quell the nerves that simmer in my stomach. Because tonight is it.
The moment of truth.