Chapter 18
Chapter Eighteen
O ver the next few weeks, Justin and I work to cross things off my list of things to do before the baby arrives. Since he doesn’t have a lot of time, we started with things around the city. I just have this overwhelming sense of urgency, even though I know it’s still very early in the pregnancy, to do all the things I’ve talked about doing at some point in my life. Yes, it’s still possible to do some of these things after the baby is born, but I don’t know what my life with a child is going to look like.
We walked across the 520 Bridge, which is something I’ve always thought about doing, but never wanted to do it by myself. I’m glad I did it, but I wouldn’t want to do it again. We also got a cup of coffee (decaf for me) at the very first Starbucks location at Pike Place. It’s one of those things that tourists do, but as a local, I’ve always avoided Pike Place Market because it’s always crowded and finding parking is a chore. And guess what? It was crowded, finding parking was a chore, and it was the same cup of coffee I could’ve gotten at the Starbucks around the corner from my house.
On the bright side, I finally went up in the Space Needle, which was really cool. I don’t know why I hadn’t done it before, but probably the expense is what kept me away all this time. My parents never wanted to spend the money to send all of us there, and the way my dad always put it, “You can get views that are just as good for free if you know where to look.” And I went to my first Kraken game. I wouldn’t consider myself a hockey fan, but ever since Seattle got its own hockey team, I felt like I had to. Now if we could just get the SuperSonics to come back, I’d be set.
Today, Justin and I agreed to do something a little farther out. We’re headed to Snoqualmie Falls and then we’ll find someplace to eat either in Snoqualmie or North Bend. I think I’ve been to Snoqualmie Falls once as a child, but it was so long ago, I don’t remember what it was like. And now is a great time to see the Falls, or so I hear, because we’ve had a lot of rain over the past few days, so hopefully that’ll lead to a more stunning waterfall.
“What time is Justin supposed to pick you up?” Fern asks from the kitchen.
I’m sitting on the couch in a comfy sweatshirt and jeans watching a British baking competition on one of the many streaming services we subscribe to. This show is one of my favorites because everyone is so nice to one another. And the best part about it is there’s no cash prize or anything like that. All the winner gets is a trophy and bragging rights. I look down at my phone because any minute now, Justin is supposed to be here. “Soon,” I say. But the reality is, he should’ve been here fifteen minutes ago.
Right at that moment, there’s a knock on the door, and I get up from the couch to answer it. Justin is on the other side, and in his hand, he has a box of chocolates and there’s a sad look on his face.
“What are those for?” I ask.
“They’re for you,” he says, handing them over.
He’s wearing some dress slacks and a button-down shirt, not the casual clothes you’d expect from someone going to see a waterfall. “You’re not dressed for Snoqualmie Falls,” I say, stating the obvious.
His head droops. “No, I’m not. I’m so sorry, but I’m not able to go. One of my friends from school had a family emergency, and they asked if I could cover their shift at the hospital. I couldn’t say no, but saying yes meant missing out on time with you. I feel terrible about it.”
I try to cover up my disappointment. This makes the second time this week he’s had to cancel on me. I was supposed to go over to his house after work on Wednesday to have dinner and maybe spend the night, but he got called in to the hospital. I guess Dr. Tarlton wanted him to assist with a delivery, and he can’t really say no to him. “It’s okay. You do what you have to do. I’ll be fine here.”
“This isn’t how I wanted this day to go,” Justin says, holding my gaze. “But this will free me up for next weekend so we can go out with your friends like we’d talked about.”
“I know it’s not what you wanted. Thanks for these though,” I say, holding up the box of chocolates. “It’s a poor substitute for spending time with you, but it’ll provide me some temporary happiness.”
“You don’t have to worry about her,” Fern says, coming up behind me. “I’ll take her to Snoqualmie Falls for you.”
“Thank you for doing that,” Justin says. “I’m sure you two will have fun today.” He checks his watch. “I’m sorry, but I’ve got to run.” He gives me a kiss, letting his lips linger while his hand palms the back of my head.
“Are you sure you can’t come in?” I say between kisses.
“You know I would if I could.” He kisses me once, twice, then a third time before pulling away entirely. “See you soon.”
I watch as he gets in his car, feeling sorry for myself that our little interaction will have to hold me over until the next time we’re together, whenever that is. With a heavy sigh, I close the door and turn to face Fern. “You’re not even dressed to go out.” It’s eleven in the morning, and she’s still wearing the pajama pants and baggy T-shirt she wore to bed last night.
“I’ll be five minutes. Just wait for me. Besides, what else are you going to do?” she says, a grin stretching across her lips.
Dammit. She’s got me there. I have absolutely nothing else to do now that Justin bailed on me. Part of me wants to sit around the house and see how fast I can consume this box of chocolates. But then the reasonable part of me knows that I would only feel miserable, and the best thing for me would be to get out of the house.
Fern dashes off to her room, and I plop down on the couch, tossing the box of chocolates on the cushion next to me. I check my phone for the time so I can yell at Fern when it takes her longer than the five minutes she promised. And when she comes back into the living room ten minutes later, I can’t help but say something about it.
I narrow my eyes. “You said five minutes.”
“That was five minutes.”
“It was ten. I was keeping track.”
“So what? Did you have someplace to be?”
“Boy, you’re really rolling with the insults today, aren’t you?”
“I’m sorry your day didn’t turn out like you wanted, but now we get to spend some time together. There are worse things, right?” She bats her eyelashes at me.
I stay silent because there’s no point in continuing this line of conversation anymore. We’re just going to keep talking in circles, and no one is going to get anywhere.
Fern senses my annoyance. She comes over and tugs on my sweatshirt sleeve. “Come on. Let’s go. We’re burning daylight here, and if we’re lucky, we might have a break in the rain while we’re there.”
“Fine.” I grab my jacket because even though it’s supposed to quit raining here in the next thirty minutes or so, the forecast is never that reliable, and conditions vary so much depending on what area you’re in.
The drive to Snoqualmie Falls is quiet because I’m too busy having my own pity party to carry on a conversation.
“Don’t tell me you’re still upset about my comments,” Fern says, tapping on the steering wheel to the beat of the music. We chose to take her car because it’s newer than mine and more reliable. Mine still runs just fine, but I don’t like taking it on long trips because I’m always worried it won’t make it back. And since it’s her car, she drove.
“It’s not that.” Her comments annoyed me, but that’s not what’s running through my head. “I’m just wondering what a future with Justin is going to look like. Is it going to be a lot of missed dates and apologies? And what about when the baby comes? Is he going to miss out on family time because he’s at work all the time?”
Fern glances my way. “You just have to be patient with him. This is a busy time for him, and I know he doesn’t enjoy having to bail on you at the last minute. Didn’t you see his face? He looked downright tortured.”
She’s right. He did look incredibly upset, and I shouldn’t add to his misery by making things difficult for him. But I do want my concerns to be heard, and it’s something he and I will need to discuss at some point—whenever he’s not busy. “I hear you. And I get that things are difficult for him right now, but do I need to remind you that I’m the one carrying our baby and this is also a big time for me?”
Wisely, Fern stays silent.
“My entire life is going to change, and all I want is some support from him throughout the process.”
“He’ll be there for you. I know he will. And I’m sure that once his residency is over, things will get easier. When did you say he’ll be done with his training? I don’t know that you’ve ever said.”
“He’ll be done this summer.” It seems like it’s forever away, but it’s only a couple of months.
“That’s plenty of time before the baby arrives. You’ll have lots of time to strengthen your relationship, and then once the baby comes, you’ll have all the kinks ironed out.”
“Yeah, just in time for new kinks,” I say, giving her the side eye.
“You’ve seen how connected Mom and Dad are. I’m sure it wasn’t always that way. They probably went through their fair share of problems when I was born. And by the time you were born, they were a well-oiled machine. You should talk to Mom. I’m sure she’d love to tell you all about it.”
Maybe it would do me some good to talk with our mother. I could use some motherly advice since this is new and very scary territory for me. Maybe she could help quell some of my fears.
Fern pulls into the parking lot at Snoqualmie Falls which is very empty for a weekend day. Although, the lack of people isn’t all that surprising since we’re not in tourist season. The dark gray clouds are thick and hanging low in the sky, threatening to rain on us any minute. I slip my jacket on, and Fern does the same, and we walk across the pedestrian bridge to get to where the falls are. It’s chilly out, so my hood is up and my hands are stuffed in my pockets.
Once we get to the viewing point for the falls, the massive surge of water coming down the rock face is awe-inspiring. In constant motion, the murky brown water from the Snoqualmie River swirls and churns before crashing down onto the boulders below. It’s much louder than I would’ve expected from where we’re standing, and all I can hear around me is a constant white noise. A fine mist blows in our direction and covers us.
“Isn’t this amazing?” Fern yells, loud enough to be heard over the noise. She’s got a goofy grin plastered on her face, her expression like that of a child who can’t believe their eyes.
I nod, agreeing with her assessment of the waterfall. “I can’t believe I haven’t been here more. This is practically in our backyard.”
We stand, staring at the falls, mesmerized by its beauty, until Fern taps my arm and points to the other viewpoints. I follow her lead, and we visit the other viewpoints, enjoying the falls from different angles. Along the way, we learn about the history of Snoqualmie Falls, what the hydroelectric power that’s generated is used for, and see some of the old equipment that’s on display. The gift shop on the grounds is open, and we can’t resist stepping inside to take a peek. There are a few baby items that Fern and I look at, the usual touristy trinkets, and some local jams and jellies. While I wasn’t really looking to buy anything, there’s a candle that has a very soothing lavender scent that I can’t resist. Fern is nice enough to purchase it for me because, as she says, “You need to save your money for the baby.”
On our walk back to the car, the skies that had been threatening rain all day finally let loose and provide us with a heavy rain.
“It’s a good thing we left when we did,” I say.
“Agreed. The mist from the falls got us wet enough. We didn’t need to add to it with the pouring rain.”
Before we leave the parking lot, we do a quick Internet search for places to eat near us. We find a no-frills bar and grill in North Bend that sounds good and has good reviews. It takes us about ten minutes to get there, and even less time to walk in and get seated at a table.
Around us is a lumberjack-esque interior. It looks like a log cabin in here, and there are some deer antlers hanging on the wall that could be real or fake. I can’t tell from here, not that I’d be able to tell the difference anyway. A few axes are affixed to the wall, and pictures of burly men chopping trees are scattered throughout.
I flip through the menu, which consists of very American food, and settle on the fish and chips. Unhealthy, fried food is speaking to me right now. Maybe that’s pregnancy cravings kicking in already, or maybe I want to drown my sorrows in fried food since my day didn’t turn out as planned. But spending the day with my sister hasn’t been bad. Other than a few unnecessary comments, we’ve actually had a good time.
When our food gets delivered, Fern lets me get in a few bites before starting with her questions.
“Would you mind sharing with me what some of your concerns are?”
“Concerns about what? You need to be more specific,” I say.
“What are some of your concerns about having a baby? And what concerns do you have about your relationship with Justin?”
“How are you going to help me with my concerns about having a baby? Do you have experience? Do you have some secret child somewhere that no one knows about?”
Fern narrows her eyes. “You know I don’t. I’m just trying to be nice.”
“I guess my concerns about having a baby are the same as anyone who’s ever had a baby for the first time. So much is going to change, and I feel like I’m not prepared for it.”
“You have a pretty vast support network who would love to help you out whenever you need it. And you know Mom will babysit for you as often as you need. All you have to do is ask,” she says, then takes a sip of her soda.
“I know, but I’ve never met Justin’s family. Will they like me? And what will they think of him and I having this baby?” I can’t imagine what my first meeting with his mom and stepdad is going to look like. Is it going to be all, “Hey, Mom. This is my girlfriend, Dahlia. She’s carrying my baby.”
“I’m sure they’ll love you. And if they don’t, just remember that you don’t have to have a relationship with someone who doesn’t respect you. And what about your other concerns? What are your concerns about your relationship with Justin?”
“I feel like our relationship is still so new. Can it survive the birth of a child?” Our relationship feels very insta-love though that’s not really the case. Even when we were apart and I was seeing Wesley, he never left my mind.
“Relationships take work no matter how long you’ve been together. Couples that have been together for decades still have to work at it. Things aren’t always sunshine and roses with me and Brett, but we love each other. And it’s our love that carries us through. Do you love Justin?”
“I do.” But is it enough?