Chapter 17
Dixie returned from her almost daily trip to the service station.
Going on her scooter was probably a good workout but it was only exercising one leg and she had fears that she’d end up lopsided with one chunky leg and one skinny one.
She picked up the scooter and walked the last few metres into the woodland.
It was too bumpy to ride over anyway. Up ahead, through the trees, she thought she saw a flash of colour.
A bird perhaps. Or was it a dog-walker? Dixie crept up to the side of Elsie and peered through one side of the cab.
Her view was a little grubby but there was nothing to see.
That was until something else grabbed her attention. Another note on the windscreen.
She stomped around the van and snatched the piece of paper. The note read:
And there was a scrawly signature on the bottom.
Heck, thought Dixie. Maybe this was more serious than she’d realized.
But it was still very rude. She did a short video showing the note and expressing her dismay at the powers-that-be trying to end her adventures, and hastily posted it on social media.
Perhaps if she could find the person who had been leaving the notes she could have a sensible conversation with them and explain her situation.
She would like to move the van but that wasn’t currently possible without her feeling a failure and disappointing her parents.
At least if she could manage to make her adventure last a bit longer it wouldn’t look like she’d given up at the first hurdle.
And now she had used the showers at the services she felt she could definitely manage a few more days.
She put the scooter in the van, locked it up and with the note in her hand Dixie set off to find who was leaving the rude messages.
It was a glorious day and the way the sun came through the trees in bright rods was fascinating.
She walked at a brisk pace in the hope that she would catch them up but that was only going to work if she was heading in the right direction, and apart from the tiny flash of colour she’d seen she had no idea if she was on the right track.
Scanning the trees ahead it was clear there was no sight or sound of anyone else.
After a while she slowed her pace and became distracted by nature.
In the past she had paid to be this zen.
She’d done quite a few lovely retreats: yoga, meditation, wellness and even ayahuasca.
There were similarities between her current situation and the ayahuasca retreat.
That one had been held in a forest near Torremolinos, where they slept on straw in open tents.
It had been sort of like all the other retreats put together but with cleansing drinks containing plant medicines and led by a shaman called Galaxy, although she had overheard other staff call him Stan.
With hindsight, it may not have been completely legit.
There were parts of that week she didn’t remember at all, but she could vividly recall being chased by a giant blue marshmallow.
Living in a wood with Elsie was definitely better than that, and cheaper too.
Dixie came to the area where the trees thinned out and she could see further ahead.
There was no sign of anyone else. Her shoulders sagged a little.
She didn’t want to get towed away and she was sure there was an easier way to resolve the problem.
Something caught her eye and distracted her.
A squirrel. Dixie stayed completely still so as not to upset the creature.
She watched as it sniffed the ground, dug a hole and then moved on.
It looked like the poor thing was searching for food.
A pigeon landed nearby and spooked the squirrel and it disappeared up a tree at lightning speed.
There was nobody here except her and the wildlife.
Back at the van Dixie had an idea. If she left a nice reply under the windscreen wiper, hopefully when the person returned and read it they would be mollified and a little more understanding. She set about writing a note. It took a few goes but she was pleased with the final version.
To Whom It May Concern, I am truly sorry if I have upset anyone by staying in this beautiful spot.
I’m afraid I am not here by choice. My campervan is old and ailing and sadly chose this peaceful place to rest for a while.
I am behaving in an eco-friendly manner and I’m disposing of my rubbish responsibly.
I respect the green cross code and nature.
I am hoping that you will understand my predicament and let me stay here a little longer while I enjoy the tranquillity and serenity of the woodland and work out how best to get my van fixed. Yours truly, Dixie Pike.
She reread it and added her mobile number because she had yet to be there when any notes had been left.
This way they could contact her without having to leave another snotty message.
Dixie folded it up and tucked it under the wiper.
That was one job done for the day. What to do now?
She had got talking to the lady in the shop at the services, who had told her about a farm not too far away that had a makeshift shop at reasonable prices.
Dixie loved the idea of food straight from the farm and as she literally had nothing better to do she decided to track it down.
*
Nora had laughed so hard she was struggling to get her breath. Jay was sitting on her sofa waiting patiently for her to get things under control.
‘That’s not even the worst of it,’ said Jay, who was retelling the poo-nami story.
‘While I was trying to work out how to lift him, he trotted into the hallway and he shook himself. Like proper full-on, top-to-tail, shake-all-that-he-owned shook himself. And all I could do was watch as he redecorated my walls with someone else’s poo. ’
Nora tried to stifle the laughter but it was impossible. ‘That’s awful,’ she said at last.
‘Awful? You have no idea.’ Jay splayed his hands for emphasis. ‘The stench. The coverage on everything.’
The thought of it made Nora feel less giggly and more sympathetic to Jay’s situation. ‘I bet it took hours to sort out.’
‘It did. It took absolutely ages. But I had to leave it initially—’
‘To ferment?’ asked Nora with a splutter.
Jay rolled his eyes. ‘So that I could wash Bruce.’
‘How did you get him clean?’ She was already quite impressed that Jay had taken on bathing the dog by himself.
Jay’s head flopped to one side. ‘In the shower.’
‘You gave the dog a shower?’
‘Well, I had to get in there with him. He can’t operate it on his own and he needed a proper shampoo. That coat was full of … liquid. It took half an hour of constant cleaning and half a bottle of doggy shampoo.’
‘Were you naked?’
‘What sort of perv would that make me? No, I had my rubber duck swimming shorts on.’
Nora was laughing again thanks to the image this conjured up. ‘I’m sorry but that is the funniest thing.’ A quick look at Bruce and he appeared to be grinning at her.
‘I’m pleased someone is finding it funny. I’m sure I will too, in about thirty or forty years,’ said Jay. ‘I think I’ve got some sort of shit PTSD because I swear I can still smell it. Can you smell poo?’ Jay leaned forward. ‘Be honest.’
Nora sniffed the air. She inched a little closer and sniffed harder. ‘Nope, you smell poo-free.’ He actually smelled really nice.
‘Thank goodness for that. Anyway, how’s things with you?’
‘I got totally ambushed at Dad’s birthday as to why I am still single. But Dad loved his sweater vest. I might make it for him again but a few sizes bigger so that it actually fits him.’
‘Good idea,’ said Jay, nodding sagely. ‘And the ex-boyfriend strategy. How’s that going?’
Nora felt a squiggle of something in her gut. ‘I tracked down Liam and we’ve been messaging.’
‘Liam, is he the one who dumped you, like the only person who has ever dumped you?’ asked Jay.
‘Not the only one. There was Nicholas Badcock.’
Jay snorted a laugh. ‘That’s not a nice nickname.’
‘Badcock is his actual surname. And anyway we were twelve so I can’t comment on his anatomy.’
Jay got himself comfortable. ‘OK. Let’s start with Nicholas. Why did he dump you?’
‘Abby Hobbs offered to share her doughnut with him if he went out with her so he told me I was chucked.’
‘Shallow Master Badcock. Although …’ Jay pouted. ‘What sort of doughnut? Because if it was jam and fresh cream then I’d do the same.’
Nora whacked him with a cushion. ‘It wasn’t fresh cream. It was that awful bright white plastic-tasting stuff.’
Jay tilted his chin. ‘Still, any doughnut is pretty good,’ he said, taking another cushion to the head. ‘And why did Liam end your relationship?’
Nora took a moment. ‘Because I put weedkiller on his sticky willy.’