Chapter 60
Chapter Sixty
DeadStrings: So you were indeed awake?
DeadStrings: You want to talk about it?
DeadStrings: If it makes you happy, go for it.
StringTheory27: Not sure if I can use the word happy. It’s freeing in ways I didn’t know, but it’s also sad. Weird, huh?
DeadStrings: Is that why you’re awake?
StringTheory27: That and I was watching a movie with Allegra.
Pretty in Pink. That’s when I realized it’s all a lie.
Movies give you an ending that sucks—there’s nothing happy.
Yet, they have to give you that satisfactory ending.
But was it? Like in this case, Andie ends up with the asshole instead of reliable Duckie.
DeadStrings: You wanted her to go with reliable but not in love?
StringTheory27: No, I wanted her to have a third option because Blane is going to leave her. That parking lot kiss is a lie. A lie. They’ll have a fight, things will go back to what they were before, and can you spell broken heart?
DeadStrings: So, you’re saying you don’t believe in second chances?
StringTheory27: At life or at love?
DeadStrings: Both.
StringTheory27: Second chance at life is valid. Everyone should have that not only once but several times. We’re not perfect; all we can do after falling is try again and again until we make it.
DeadStrings: How about love?
StringTheory27: A second chance at loving the same person or just at love?
DeadStrings: Either.
StringTheory27: That’s tricky. I think after you lose the love of your life, you have every right to find someone new. Fall in love again.
DeadStrings: Is that possible?
StringTheory27: I want to believe it is. Unless . . . unless that other person has a grasp on your soul and then you can never love again. Then, that’s a tragedy.
DeadStrings: Then what do you do?
StringTheory27: Find a new way to love?
DeadStrings: What if you can’t stop loving that person?
StringTheory27: Have you tried?
DeadStrings: No. This is the first time I’m wondering if I can get a second chance. Though I have to fix myself before I can attempt anything.
StringTheory27: Fixing? You’re not a car.
DeadStrings: How would you rephrase it?
StringTheory27: Find yourself?
DeadStrings: What exactly am I looking for?
StringTheory27: The person you’re meant to be, who you’re meant to love before you can love anyone else.
DeadStrings: Wow, that’s deep.
StringTheory27: I got it from a self-help book I bought yesterday after I broke up with my boyfriend.
DeadStrings: Oh, so there’s a breakup, huh? Was your boyfriend a Blane?
StringTheory27: Yeah, I realized we weren’t compatible. He was trying to save me or . . . not sure what he was trying to do. He wasn’t a Blane, more like a combo of Duckie and Steff McKee.
DeadStrings: And you don’t want to be saved?
StringTheory27: I don’t know if I have to be saved, but if I do, I want to do it myself. Does that make sense?
DeadStrings: Somehow it does.
StringTheory27: And you’re trying to save yourself too?
DeadStrings: That’s the idea. I fucked up—a lot. Now it’s time for new beginnings.
StringTheory27: How about new music?
DeadStrings: Do I have to change my tunes?
StringTheory27: No, but you can add to them.
DeadStrings: Maybe I will. New beginnings deserve new soundtracks.
StringTheory27: You ever do that? Make playlists for eras of your life?
DeadStrings: Yeah. I think I’ve been doing it without realizing I was.
StringTheory27: Like your heart knew a chapter was ending before your head caught up.
DeadStrings: Exactly. I’d find myself listening to the same song or songs on repeat.
StringTheory27: And you don’t even know why they fit, they just do.
DeadStrings: They say what you’re not ready to say. Or maybe what you’ve been screaming inside without making a sound.
StringTheory27: You ever make one for someone else?
DeadStrings: I’ve made a few tapes for her, does that count?
StringTheory27: Tapes always count. Did she know?
DeadStrings: No, I never sent any of them.
StringTheory27: What would you call it?
DeadStrings: Something stupid like “Songs I Couldn’t Say Out Loud, Volume: (whatever number of tape it was).”
StringTheory27: That’s not stupid. That’s simple.
DeadStrings: You ever get tempted to send yours?
StringTheory27: I almost did. Once.
DeadStrings: And what stopped you?
StringTheory27: I couldn’t figure out if I wanted him to hear the songs or feel him. Plus, I didn’t want to give him one more thing to ignore.
DeadStrings: Shit. Yeah.
StringTheory27: Sorry, that came out harsher than I meant it to.
DeadStrings: No, it’s fair. I’ve ignored songs. Words. People.
StringTheory27: That’s the thing. Music remembers what we try to forget.
DeadStrings: So what now? I start a new playlist?
StringTheory27: Yeah. Something without sad endings. No saving. Just songs that feel like maybe . . . we’re starting to live again.
DeadStrings: I’m in.
StringTheory27: Want to go first?
DeadStrings: Sure. One condition.
StringTheory27: What is it?
DeadStrings: You can’t make fun of me if it’s too cheesy.
StringTheory27: I make strategic commentary. Never mockery.
DeadStrings: Alright then. I’ll start soft.
DeadStrings: “In a Lifetime” —Clannad & Bono
It’s like a deep breath you didn’t know you were holding. It doesn’t ask for resolution. It just says: you were here, I was here, and maybe that’s enough.
StringTheory27: Oof. Okay, I felt that.
DeadStrings: Your turn.
StringTheory27: Only if I get to counter that with something unreasonably hopeful.
DeadStrings: Please do.
StringTheory27: Then it’s “A Little Respect” —Erasure.
DeadStrings: Of course.
StringTheory27: What?
DeadStrings: I already know about you and your Erasure shrine.
StringTheory27: I don’t have a shrine. I have a profound emotional alliance.
DeadStrings: Sure. But I’ve never seen someone fight sadness with that much synth before.
StringTheory27: Because they get it. You can cry and dance at the same time. That’s the dream.
DeadStrings: Alright, alright. I’ll allow it.
StringTheory27: You don’t allow anything, DeadStrings. You sulk and overanalyze.
DeadStrings: Guilty. Got another one for me?
StringTheory27: Give me a minute. Hope takes effort.
DeadStrings: Take all the time you need. I’ll be here, sulking and overanalyzing in the meantime.
StringTheory27: At least you’re consistent.
DeadStrings: Hey, I contain multitudes. Mostly regret and sarcasm.
StringTheory27: Here’s something: “Everybody Wants to Rule the World” —Tears for Fears. It’s about how fragile everything is. Power, control, time . . .
We chase things like they’ll fix us, but half the time they break us instead. Still, there’s something freeing in that chorus. Like maybe letting go is the only way to win.
DeadStrings: That song always made me feel like watching the world end through a grainy lens. Like standing in the middle of a storm, arms open, saying okay, fine, take it. But then dancing anyway.
StringTheory27: That’s what I mean about hope.
DeadStrings: And here I was hoping it would just show up like a late train.
StringTheory27: Nope. It’s more like a song you forgot you loved until it comes on again when you need it most.
DeadStrings: Okay, your turn to sit down for this one.
“Under Pressure” —Queen & David Bowie. Surprisingly enough, this one is about release.
That moment when you finally admit everything’s too much and someone else says, “Yeah, me too.”
And suddenly the pressure doesn’t crush you—it connects you with others.
StringTheory27: Ooof, that song. That bass line? That piano? It always sounds like panic turning into prayer.
DeadStrings: And that last part? When they say it’s their last dance . . . themselves. It gets me. Every single time. Like it’s saying, “Yeah, it’s all on fire, but you’re still here.” And that matters. You get it.
StringTheory27: And as much as I do, I have to say goodbye. I’m falling asleep and my cat is demanding attention.
DeadStrings: You have a cat?
StringTheory27: Yes, Allegra. And that doesn’t make me a cat lady—not yet. I’m planning on getting a second one.
DeadStrings: But dogs . . . why not a dog?
String Theory27: I would love to have one, but they need more time, and I can’t give it to them.
DeadStrings: Fine, since I have more time than you, I’ll get the dog, and we can exchange notes.
StringTheory27: Can’t wait for the pictures. Hope you have a good night’s sleep.