Chapter 20 Gracie #2
Henry’s easy smile returns. “I get that. And to be fair, he is a total commitment-phobe.” He leans forward with his elbows on the table, lowering his voice.
“But if you want to know my secret theory, I think he just hasn’t found the right person yet.
When he does, I have a feeling he’s going to be more of an insufferable romantic than I am. ”
He grins, and I’m left feeling winded. With every revelation Henry has divulged about Jude, my questions have only deepened.
Thankfully, I don’t have a chance to linger over them as our server comes to clear our plates and replace them with the final course. For the rest of dinner, we don’t talk about Jude, even though the thought of him lingers like a well-dressed phantom at the edges of my mind.
It’s not fair to Henry at all. By all my pre-Jude standards, it was the best date of my life. But as Henry and I leave the restaurant, the butterflies I’ve been urging to take flight all night may as well still be caterpillars.
He walks me to my car beneath the glowing string lights that crisscross over downtown Providence in a golden blaze, our hands in our respective pockets. Trading furtive glances, we’re quiet as the perennial first date question mounts: Will there be a first kiss, too?
“I’ve been trying to think of something better to say than ‘I had a really nice time’ for the whole last block,” he says, turning toward me when we stop in front of my Camry. “But it’s the truth. I had a really nice time, Gracie.”
He says this so earnestly and looks so handsome beneath the warm glow of lights, I could kick myself for not wanting to kiss him.
Old me would probably be wondering if she could get away with casually asking how long he thinks two people should date before getting engaged.
But somehow, in the few short weeks I’ve known him, Jude has taken the checklist of everything I’ve always thought I wanted and added things I’ve only ever felt with him.
I’ve tried denying it. Tried ignoring the quickly shifting landscape of my heart with every one of our conversations.
But then he changed the chemistry of my brain with one single kiss.
And in the aftermath, I now understand that it’s possible to know someone is the worst person for you, while also feeling like you might just die if they never touch you again.
Which is why, despite all good sense, I tuck my hands a little deeper into my coat pockets and say, “I had a nice time, too. Now I get all of Jude’s hype about you as his best friend.”
I try to say it warmly, but the moment the word friend leaves my mouth, I see a crestfallen flicker of disappointment in Henry’s eyes.
“I do pride myself on not sucking as a friend,” he says. “But I have to admit, I’m interested in more than that with you, Gracie.”
Once again, Henry proves to me that there are still men in this world who have the courage to lay it all on the line. My instinct is to try shoving down all the doubt Jude has sown and snap this man up before anyone else discovers him.
But the truth is, I’d hoped this date would make me feel swept off my feet, and instead, I spent nearly our whole time together thinking about his best friend. And even if I have no future with Jude, that’s not the way I should be starting a relationship with anyone else.
I force myself to meet his hopeful gaze. “I really like you, too. But I’m just not sure we have that kind of spark, Henry,” I say quietly. Apologetically.
His expression falls as he fixates blankly on a point in the distance.
When he looks back at me, his gaze is determined.
“Listen. I’m not usually pushy, and I’d never want to make you uncomfortable.
But not every relationship has to start with fireworks.
Sometimes slow and steady is the best way to start something that lasts.
And given that you’re a wedding planner, I’m guessing you’re interested in finding that one person to do life with.
Marriage, a mortgage, maybe some kids, right? ”
I shift on my feet, wondering if he’s aware that he’s just spoken my love language with perfect fluency. “Of course I’d love to find that person,” I say.
He nods eagerly, like I’m finally catching on.
“Me, too! So just hear me out—we can go as slow as you want. If you need to put me in the friend zone for a while as we get to know each other, that’s fine.
I’m basically the mayor of the friend zone.
All I ask is that you don’t close the door on the possibility of more. ”
Maybe he’s right. Just because my feelings for him aren’t the all-consuming kind, it doesn’t mean that passion couldn’t develop, right?
They say what burns hottest also burns fastest. I’ve had enough of flaming out, and given the impossible circumstances with Jude, I don’t know what else could possibly happen with us.
Maybe all I need to get over my ridiculous crush is a little time.
So, with a deep breath, I look at Henry and say, “Okay. Let’s just take it slow. I promise not to shut the door.”
He grins like I’ve just agreed to move in and file joint taxes with him.
When we say goodbye, I don’t pull away when he gently kisses my cheek.
I swear to myself I will give this wonderful man the chance he deserves and ignore all my unreliable gut feelings.
But for the rest of the drive home, I can’t help wondering if I’m just leading both of us on.