Chapter 31
Chapter Thirty-One
S kye
"Oh my gosh. I cannot believe that you and Kingston have been dating for two months now," Juniper says, staring at me over her cocktail while she shakes her head. "I am in disbelief. How did I not know this?"
"Well, we're not dating, dating," I say, smiling at her. "We've just been hanging out on the weekends, and man, I can't believe it's been two months already either. It's felt like a whirlwind."
"Were you going to tell me?" she asks quietly as she nibbles on a piece of sashimi.
“I’m not really sure what you want me to say?"
"I mean, if I hadn't walked into the office yesterday and seen you dashing away from him and straightening out your shirt, then you may not have felt like you had to tell me."
"It was just something Kingston and I have been keeping to ourselves. And it's not like it's anything special. I don't think it's special to him. Every other Saturday, I plan a date, and the Saturdays I don't plan, he plans, and yeah, we've been spending almost every weekend together, and it's been great. And yeah, maybe we've also been spending a couple of nights together."
"I thought you guys came into the office together a couple of times."
"We try not to, but it's just something that happens, especially if we have early morning sex." I giggle. "Oh my gosh. Do I sound absolutely horrible?"
"No, not at all," Juniper says wistfully. "Good for you. I'd love to have a love affair with someone."
"Oh, yeah?" I ask her. "Anyone in particular?"
"No," she shakes her head. "I mean, I'd just like to be seen, you know?" She shrugs. "It's weird that I work in a law firm where there are a lot of hot attorneys and none of them notice me, not even my own boss.
"But I mean, that's maybe because he's preoccupied by the fact that he now has a daughter."
"I know," she says. "Can you believe it? I think that he's going to have her with him for the first time in a couple of weeks."
"Oh, really? What's going on there?"
"So…" She lowers her voice and looks around. "Just in case," she says, grinning.
"I get it."
"They did DNA tests, and it turns out he is the dad."
"Wow."
"And I guess she wants child support, and he wants visitation, and I guess they're working on it now, but I think that his first visitation is coming up soon. I don't know what he's going to do, because he's a ladies' man through and through, and I don't know what ladies’ man knows how to deal with kids," she shrugs, “but anyway…"
"Yeah. I cannot see Remington Parka as a father. This is going to be crazy."
"Yeah, but my point being, even he doesn’t notice me, and I work for him, and he notices every other woman in the world."
"True, but maybe it's good that he didn't notice you. You wouldn't want to complicate your life, right?"
"Yeah, but it would be nice to be noticed by someone."
"I know I've brought this up before, and Lila has as well, but would you be open to a makeover?" I ask her, not wanting to offend her.
"Yeah," she says slowly. "I really would. It's been me and my dad for a really long time, and he doesn’t really know anything about clothes or makeup or hair, and I guess I just never really learned, but I don't want to be single for the rest of my life. I don't want to be a spinster, and I certainly don't want to be invisible in every room. So if you could even make it so a guy on the side of the street working on a construction site whistles at me, that would be cool."
"Oh, I can do more than that. I can't do this weekend because I have plans."
"With Kingston?"
"Yeah, with Kingston," I say, smiling, "But what about the following weekend?"
"Okay. Are you sure?"
"Yeah, it'll be fine. I'll just tell Kingston I can't meet up that weekend.
"You'd do that for me?"
"Yes," I reach over and squeeze her hands. "You're one of my best friends now, Juniper, and if you want a man, we're going to make sure you get you a man. I mean, I think you can get a man looking like you do, but if you want to wow everyone in the office, I can get you there. Trust me. You just have to listen to what I say."
"Girl, I'm more than willing to. You're so naturally gorgeous. If I looked even half as good as you," she grins.
"I think you're going to look better," I say.
My phone beeps and I look down at it. It's Kingston.
"What's going on?" she asks.
"He wants to know what I'm up to."
"Ooh, but it's Thursday night."
"I know. He probably wants me to come over. I bet he's horny."
She laughs. "So is sex with him good?"
"Um," I grin. "Let's just say good is an understatement. On a scale of one to ten, he's a thirty."
"A thirty? Whoa. I wouldn't mind a thirty in my life."
"Yeah? We'll get you a fifty."
"I just want to have sex," she says.
"What?" I blink at her. "You're not a virgin."
She looks me up and down and makes a face. "Come on now. Does it look like I've been getting plenty of sex?"
"I mean…" I pause. “I don't know."
"Well, let's just say I haven't. I've wanted to save myself for the right guy, a man that's going to sweep me off of my feet, but obviously that hasn't happened, because I don't even put myself out there anyway, but I'm ready now. If I'm going to write the romantic book of the year, I have to be able to write some good sex scenes, and I'm not going to be able to write some good sex scenes if I've never even had sex."
"We will definitely make sure that you get laid by the hottest dude on the market. He's going to be flipping you back and forth."
"I hope so." She leans back and sips on her cocktail. "So you're going to go over and see Kingston tonight?"
"Yeah, I'm thinking about it, but..." I lick my lips nervously.
"What is it?" she asks.
"So a couple of weeks ago, actually, maybe over a month ago, I applied to be on a TV show and I just got an in-person audition."
"Oh, no way. What show?"
" Love is Blind ."
"Oh my gosh. I love that show. I was just watching the UK version. It was so good."
"Yeah, I'm going to be on the US version if I get cast, but I would need to have two months off of work and it's just kind weird and complicated to bring it up now"
"Why? Oh, you mean because of Kingston? Is he your boyfriend then?"
"No. If he was my boyfriend, I would not even consider going on the show. It's just…we aren’t boyfriend and girlfriend. We're boss and employee with benefits, but only a little bit more."
"So you are dating?"
"Technically, yes, but officially, no." I sigh. "Kingston is not looking for a relationship and he doesn't want anyone in the office to know. I don't know why at this point, because he's always all over me half the time."
"I know. I mean, I caught you guys. I don't know what I caught you guys doing, but it was obvious you'd been doing something."
I grin at her. "Let's just say that he was having some fun with my fun bags." I wink at her and she giggles.
"Okay. I'm not sure I want to know exactly what he was doing."
I stare at her. "Probably not."
"Oh my gosh. You're not going to leave me hanging. I do want to know, Skye. You have to tell me."
"I'm embarrassed," I say, blushing.
"Come on. Tell me."
"Fine. Let's just say that he was titty-fucking me." I giggle and drink some more of my cocktail. "I don't know why I just said that. I'm embarrassed. Do not judge me."
"I’m not judging you. But that makes sense why you rushed to button back up your shirt, and it was wrinkly and not buttoned correctly, and why your bra was on his desk still."
I blush. "I know. At least you didn't see anything of his, right?
"If you're asking if I saw his manhood, no. Remember, he pushed his chair under the desk?"
"I remember. We were so embarrassed. I promised him that you most likely didn't understand what you'd seen, because you’re not a woman of the world like that. But obviously, you kind of knew what was going on."
"I knew that your bra was off and your top had been off at some point. I don't know what else was happening." She laughs. "You're totally having an office romance affair and it's great."
"I'm really enjoying being with him. We go on these dates, and yeah, the sex is great, and I just love the feel of him and the touch of him, but I just like being with him as well." I sigh. "But I don't want to ask him if he's feeling anything more for me or if anything's going anywhere, because well, he hasn’t brought it up."
"Oh," she says. "I understand. Are you going to tell him about the show?"
"I don't know." I sigh. "I have to decide by tomorrow evening though, because they want to know if I'm going to accept the audition or not." I bite down on my lower lip. "Maybe I will tell him tonight."
"Yeah. I mean, if you really think that you want to go on the show."
"I do. Why not? I'm kind of like you."
"What? You're a virgin?"
"No, I'm not a virgin, Juniper." I laugh at the idea. "I just told you my boss was titty-banging me."
"Well, it wasn't inside you, inside you." She giggles. "Maybe he was doing that because you're not letting him inside of you all the way."
"Oh, he's been inside of me." I wink at her. "All the way."
"No way," she says, and then laughs. "I don't know why I said that. I already could tell that you guys were banging, banging."
"Yeah. He got a thirty for a reason."
"I bet he did."
"Honestly," I lower my voice and lean forward, "We've done some other stuff as well, and let's just say that this man knows how to work his fingers, his tongue, his cock, his thumb."
"His thumb," she says and looks at me in confusion.
"Let's just say that if a guy offers to thumb your ass, don't say no."
"What?" Her eyes widen.
"I'm not talking about this anymore. We're at a restaurant and we're drinking and I don't want to gross you out, but let's just say that Kingston Chase has got some moves." My phone pings again. "Hey, do you mind if I take this real quick? I'll be right back."
"Not at all," she says. "In fact, Remi sent me a couple of text messages that I should probably answer, so I'll just do that while you take your call."
"Sounds good. I'll be right back." I get up and leave the table and head outside and call Kingston. He answers on the second ring.
"Where are you?" he says.
"I am having drinks with Juniper, remember?"
"Oh. Yeah, yeah. I was wondering what was going on."
"Okay. What's up?"
"I wanted to know if you wanted to come over tonight."
"I don't know. I mean, we'll see each other on Saturday."
"Yeah. Well, I was kind of thinking we could see each other tonight as well. You know, get our fun times on a little earlier this week?"
"Kingston."
"Obviously, if you are not interested in that, it's fine. I can call someone else. I just?—"
"Excuse me?"
"I'm just saying. I'm just joking," he says, though, for a few moments, I don't actually think he's joking.
"I heard back from Love is Blind ," I blurt out, and I'm not sure why.
" Love is Blind . What's that?"
"The show I told you about, the dating show?"
"What dating show?"
"The dating show I told you I was applying to be on, because?—"
"Oh, okay. So what about them?"
"I have an audition for the next step," I mumble.
"Oh," he says.
"And I have to let them know by tomorrow evening."
"Okay, so what are you saying?"
"I'm saying I'm wondering what you think I should say." I feel awkward and weird and uncomfortable as I stand here. If he tells me not to move forward, I'll know that I mean something to him, that this is more than just a friends with benefits, let's-see-how-it-goes situation. I'll know that he's falling for me, like I've been falling for him.
"Is this something that you really want?"
"What do you mean?"
"What do you think I mean? Is this something that you really want?"
"I want a boyfriend. I want a commitment. I want to find the love of my life, yeah," I say, honestly.
"Then I guess you should do it."
"Okay. I guess I will let them know. If I get on the show, will you allow me to take the time off, or will I have to reach out to HR?"
"If you get on the show, we can figure something out," he says. “It depends on how long you'll be away.”
"Okay, then. Fine. I will check when I have the audition." My heart feels sad that he doesn’t care enough to tell me not to do it.
"Okay, then. So are you going to come over tonight?"
"You still want me to come over tonight?"
"I bought some anal beads and a butt plug for you."
I let out a sigh. "Really?"
"What? You liked the anal play that we did before, and I figured this was?—"
"Sometimes you just don't have a clue, do you, Kingston?"
"So you're saying you didn't like the anal play?"
"That's not what I'm saying. I just told you that I'm applying to be on a dating TV show, and that I have an audition coming up and you're telling me that you want to fuck me up the ass."
"You didn't say you disliked it when I fucked you in any of the positions we have fucked in before or when I ate your ass out or?—"
"You know what? I think I'm just going to go home tonight."
"We don't have to do fucking anal. I just thought it would be something new for you to try. Shit. When you go on that dating show, you can tell them you could teach them new tricks."
"Really?"
"What? I'm just saying, seeing as this is something you really want to do, and?—"
"Who said this is something I really want to do? I was just mentioning?—"
"I literally just asked you to come over tonight, and you start telling me about how you have an audition for a reality dating TV show. Did I ask you about that? No. I just wanted to see you. I missed you. I wanted to be with you tonight. I wanted to touch you, and yet you just wanted to tell me about how you want to go out and fuck other men."
"That is literally not how the conversation went, Kingston. I was just…" I pause. "You know what? Forget it. Look, I've got to go back inside. Juniper is waiting for me. I'll speak to you later, okay?"
"So are you coming over tonight or not?"
"I'm not coming over tonight, Kingston. Bye."
I hang up and power my phone off. I'm infuriated, absolutely infuriated. I head back inside the restaurant, take a seat, and wait for Juniper to come back from wherever she has gone. "Hey, sorry about that." She smiles. "Just went to the restroom."
"No worries." I signal to the waiter. "Two more, please," I say loudly, and he nods.
"Hey…" She frowns. "Is everything okay?"
"I'm an idiot. Kingston is an idiot. I'm done. I'm absolutely fucking done. It's over."
"What's over?"
"Whatever the situation with him and me was, it's no longer going to happen."
"So you're not going over tonight or?—"
"No, I'm not going over tonight. All he wanted to do was fuck me up the ass. Do I look like the sort of person that wants to be fucked up the ass every fucking night?" I go off and take a deep breath. "Sorry. I didn't mean to just start going crazy on you."
"It's okay, but I thought you said you enjoyed it…" Her voice drifts off.
"It was fine. It felt different, and it's been nice experimenting with him, but I don't expect the man that I've allowed to fuck me in the ass to tell me to go on a dating reality show, and then, after he hears about the dating reality show, tell me about the other shitty ass things he wants to do." I wrinkle my nose. "Quite literally."
She giggles. "Do I want to know why that's literally?"
"No," I say, chuckling, and take a deep breath. "You know what, one piece of advice, Juniper?"
"Yeah?"
"One. Never, ever mess around with your boss."
"Oh. Trust me when I say that's not even going to be a problem." She laughs. "Remington Parka has never looked at me. I don't even know that he knows that I'm a woman. He would never want me."
"I'm just saying that if, at such a time, he does look at you and he does proposition, and you are even tempted for a second, just say no. It is not worth it. I don't even want to go to work tomorrow, but I have to because I need the money."
She stares at me, "But I thought you had?—"
"I quit my job on the weekends because I was spending all my time with fricking Kingston, and I can hardly be going on dates with Kingston and working bachelor parties at the same time, can I?"
"No," she says, shaking her head.
"And he keeps me so busy during the week that I haven't had time to get another job in the evenings." I sigh. "He's monopolized all my time, and for what? Just so that he can fuck me when he wants me?"
"But you liked spending time with him, right?"
"I did. I guess I'm just annoyed and frustrated." I can feel tears running down my face. "I'm hurt. I feel stupid, because I shouldn't be hurt. I feel stupid, because he told me in the very beginning that this wasn't going to be anything. I just didn't think he would so casually tell me to accept the offer to go on a dating show. He didn't even hesitate. He didn't even say that he wouldn't be comfortable with it. He basically was like, 'Good luck. I hope you meet the man of your dreams.' Like, stab me in the heart, why don't you?"
"You like him?" she asks.
I stare at her for a couple of seconds.
"You like him, like him. You love him."
I shrug and look away, because the truth of the matter is that I'd realized, for a while, that I'd been in love with him, but I'd ignored it because I knew my feelings meant nothing and could go nowhere. Maybe a part of me had hoped, in the back of my mind, that he was developing feelings for me as well. But no man that was developing feelings for me would tell me to go on a dating show. "I'm just a fucking idiot," I say. "I guess I fucked up again."
"Hey. Don't be so down on yourself, Skye. It's not your fault that you fell for him."
"He warned me, before we even started this arrangement, 'Don't fall for me. Don't get any plans in your head that we're going to end up like Lila and Max, because it's never going to happen,' and I got so upset. I even went off on him, and look where we are. I fell for him. I am an idiot. How can a man tell me, 'Don't fall for me,' and then I fall for him?"
"Because you just don't know what's going to happen in life, girl."
"I guess you're right. You just don't know." I shake my head. "I feel like a bit of a fool."
"You shouldn't. So what are you going to do now?" she asks.
"What am I going to do now? I guess I'm going to go into work tomorrow morning and be the best actress I can fucking be. I'm going to pretend I don't care that he doesn't care. I'm going to pretend I'm excited for this audition, and I'm going to tell him that our fun dates and our fun nights are over. So if you want that makeover this weekend, it's on," I say. "I don't even have to wait until next weekend."
"Wait. Are you sure? I don't?—"
"I'm sure. I can't continue like this. I was an idiot, Juniper. I fell in love with my boss. I fell in love with the one man that told me, 'Do not fall in love with me. You will never have a long-term relationship with me.' I don't know how I could have been so stupid, and now I have to be the best actress of my life and pray that I do get onto Love is Blind , and pray that I find someone that I can love and to be with, at least fifty percent as much as I love to be with Kingston, because he's special."
"I'm sorry," she says. "Maybe he..."
"Maybe he, nothing," I say. "It doesn't matter to me. I was the dumb one. I know it was me, and I just have to move on with my life. I'm not going to let him know what he's done to me. I'm not going to let him know that I'm in love with him. I'm not going to let him know that I wish that he and I could have a happily ever after."