Chapter 25
The carriage moved in heavy silence as I sat rigidly in my corner, my gaze fixed on the passing blur outside, though I could no longer see anything clearly through the tears threatening my eyes. I refused to look at him, because if I did, I might say something reckless, or worse, something honest.
Across from me, Rhaevan remained silent for a while before finally speaking. "Cassie-"
"Don't," I cut in sharply, my voice sharp enough to wound.
Silence followed, and then, slower and colder, I turned toward him. "You do not get to call me that."
Rhaevan's jaw tightened. "Cass-"
"No," I said with a short, humorless laugh. "Actually, no. You do not get to talk to me either, but since we are trapped inside a moving carriage, I suppose we are both being inconvenienced today."
Fluff lifted his head from Rhaevan's lap, and I narrowed my eyes at the cat. "Not you." Fluff blinked and settled back down, traitor that he was.
I turned back to Rhaevan, any softness gone, replaced by cold, controlled anger. "So tell me, High Arcanist Rhaevan Aetheris," I said, deliberately emphasizing every syllable of his title, "was any of this real?"
His expression shifted, pain flickering across his face, and I felt a grim satisfaction at it. "Cassiane-"
"No, I am asking questions now," I interrupted, my voice rising despite myself. "You answer."
He fell silent, which only confirmed what I already suspected. "How long have you known where I was?" I demanded.
He did not answer immediately, and that hesitation twisted painfully in my chest. "How long?" I repeated.
His voice came quiet. "Please let me explain-"
"No," I cut him off instantly. "No, because I am trying very hard not to throw something at you, and explanations are not helping."
My breathing had turned uneven, and I hated that he could see it. "The attack," I said suddenly, watching his eyes sharpen. "The attack in the forest-was that real, or was it staged? Did you weaponize your cat?"
Fluff opened one eye, and Rhaevan actually looked offended. "I did not weaponize Fluff."
"I could have been killed by him that day."
"He was startled."
"He was homicidal."
"It wasn't intentional, Cassiane. He was scared."
I let out a disbelieving laugh, the absurdity of it almost overwhelming before the humor vanished just as quickly. Leaning forward, I pressed on. "So what was the plan?"
"There was no plan," he said.
"Really?" I shot back. "You just accidentally stumbled into my life, accidentally stayed, accidentally earned my trust?"
His silence only fueled my anger. "There it is," I snapped. "That silence. I hate that silence, because if you speak, then maybe I can decide whether I hate you."
His face changed at that, and I felt a grim sense of satisfaction. "Did you report to them every time you disappeared?" I asked.
He said nothing, and I laughed again, though this time my vision blurred. No, absolutely not-I would not cry, not because of this, not because of him.
"How could I be this stupid?" I whispered.
His expression broke. "Cassiane-"
"No!" The word came out louder than I intended, raw and angry, as I finally looked at him fully.
For the first time since entering the carriage, the full weight of it hit me. I knew this story, knew how it ended, knew the kind of person he became, knew he would choose them, and still, I had trusted him. Just once, I had trusted him, and I had done it again.
I swallowed hard, but it did nothing to ease the burn behind my eyes. "Do you know what the worst part is?" I asked.
He said nothing, which was good, because I did not want comfort. "The worst part is not even that you lied," I continued, my voice shaking. "It is that I knew better."
Angry tears spilled before I could stop them, and I wiped them away immediately, furious and humiliated. "I knew better, Rhaevan."
His entire posture stiffened at the sound of his name spoken without softness, stripped of any warmth. "I saw the signs. I noticed the disappearances. I knew something was wrong, and I still chose to believe you."
He moved forward. "Cassiane, please-"
"Stop explaining!" I nearly shouted. "Do you understand what infuriates me? With everyone else, I expect manipulation, hidden motives, betrayal," I said with a bitter laugh. "But you..."
I hated how broken that sounded, hated it completely. "You asked to be my friend."
His face went pale as I continued mercilessly. "You sat there and asked me for friendship like some absurdly sincere idiot."
His hands tightened. "Because I meant it."
"Did you?" I fired back instantly. "Did you mean it when you smiled, when you stayed, when you called me Cassie?"
He opened his mouth, but I did not let him speak. "Or was that part of the mission too?"
That finally hit him like a physical blow, and I took a grim satisfaction in it. My voice dropped into something colder, more dangerous. "For once in my miserable, pattern-deficient life, I trusted someone despite every warning sign screaming at me not to."
I wiped another tear away with visible irritation before meeting his eyes directly. "Here is your answer, High Arcanist Rhaevan Aetheris."
His breath caught, and though to anyone else the next words might sound petty, to us they were a knife. "I do not accept that silly friendship of yours, mister."
Silence fell, absolute and suffocating, even Fluff remaining still. I leaned back into my corner, exhausted and burned out, and without looking at him, I added quietly, "And right now, I dislike you too much to let you fix that."
Silence swallowed the carriage once more.