Not The Villain

Chapter 38

For the next few days, I religiously avoided Rhaevan.

I even wrote a formal letter to Theo asking for a leave of absence from training.

I wasn't entirely sure if people in this fantasy world wrote HR letters, but I needed to make my point clear.

I wrote that I had been "injured, both physically and emotionally, during the previous lesson" and required "time to recover."

I thought it sounded incredibly professional.

I hid in my room and tried to ignore everyone, including Martha. Eventually, though, I realized that surviving without her bringing me snacks dumb. So I let her back in under one strict rule: No questions. She agreed. I still ate all my meals, because starving myself felt unnecessarily dramatic.

I even visited the library. I just made sure to dive behind bookshelves whenever I saw a certain dark-haired mage walk by. This, in my opinion, was a flawless compromise.

Everyone else disagreed.

One afternoon, I was lying on my stomach, hugging my pillow and sulking for reasons I refused to think about. A knock sounded at my door.

I didn't even look up. "The door is open. Come in, Martha."

The door opened, footsteps walked in, and then they stopped.

I sighed into my pillow. "Stop acting weird. Just put the food on the table and leave. I'm not moving for at least another hour. Maybe ever."

Silence.

I frowned. "If you're here to lecture me, don't bother. I said no questions, or I'm kicking you out."

"I see you're still hiding from me."

I blinked. When did Martha's voice become so deep and husky?

I rolled over and nearly dropped my pillow. Rhaevan was standing inside.

Crap.

I sat up immediately and crossed my arms. "I'm not hiding from you."

"No?"

"No. I'm... hibernating."

He raised an eyebrow. "Was it also hibernation when you crouched behind a history book yesterday to hide from me?"

I blinked. "You saw that?"

"I was walking right past you," he said with a small shrug.

I narrowed my eyes. "Then technically, weren't you the one ignoring me?"

He looked mildly confused.

I raised my chin. "You were in the library too."

An awkward silence settled over the room. Then he said quietly, "It wasn't your fault, Cassiane."

I looked away immediately. "From where I was standing, I blasted my teacher. Honestly, it looked a lot like attempted murder."

A soft laugh escaped him. I whipped my head back around to stare at him.

"Did you just laugh?"

"A little."

"This is serious!"

"I know."

"You seem pretty cheerful about my magical disaster."

"I just don't think it was as bad as you think."

I let out a heavy sigh and sat cross-legged. "It was dangerous, Rhaevan." He took a step closer, but I kept going. "No, I don't think you get it. There was blood."

"Barely any."

"You were bleeding!"

"I've had paper cuts that hurt worse."

I scowled. He was totally ruining my guilt trip. Also, what kind of shitty paper was that?

He looked at me for a long moment. Then, he stepped forward and gently grabbed my hand. I stared down at our fingers, then back up at his face.

"Come with me," he said.

"Where?"

A small smile appeared on his face. "You'll see."

I studied him, trying to look tough. "Fine. But if I mysteriously disappear, I want it on the record that I went against my better judgment."

He chuckled and held the door open. I walked past him, giving him a suspicious side-eye.

I followed him through the Tower in total silence. Mostly because I had no idea where we were going, but also because I was trying really hard to stay mad at him. He, annoyingly, seemed totally fine with the quiet.

Eventually, we left the main building and took a narrow dirt path down the hillside. I slowed down. I'd never been this way before. The noise of the Tower faded, replaced by birds and rustling leaves.

"Is this a hill climbing exercise?" I asked. "Because I didn't dress for a hike."

"We're almost there."

Frustratingly vague. Typical.

A few minutes later, the path opened into a hidden little meadow.

I stopped. It was actually beautiful-totally cut off from the rest of the world, full of wildflowers and grass, with a massive green tree right in the center.

A cool breeze swept past, and the whole place felt completely peaceful.

Like the world had just decided to be nice here.

"I come here whenever I need to think," Rhaevan said quietly. "It's a secret. Nobody else comes down here."

I turned to him. "Then why bring me?"

He looked at me for a long beat. "I wanted to make sure you were okay."

I didn't really know what to say to that, so I said nothing.

He walked over to the giant tree and sat down in the shade. After a second of hesitation, I walked over and plopped down next to him.

For a while, we just stared at the grass. Then he looked out at the meadow and said, "Let me tell you a story."

I glanced at him.

"Once, there was a boy," he started, his voice calm and thoughtful. "He grew up in a terrible orphanage. He spent most of his childhood hungry, the other kids bullied him, and the adults didn't care. He learned really early that it was easier to be alone than to expect people to be nice to him."

I listened, keeping my mouth shut for once.

"Then one day, he found out he had magic. Massive, powerful magic. At first, he thought it was a gift. He thought if he got strong enough, people would stop hurting him. So, he fought back. He used his magic to hurt the people who bullied him."

"Did it work?" I asked softly.

He smiled a little, but it was a sad smile. "No. It just made them completely terrified of him. They called him dangerous. They treated him like a monster. So, he ran away with nothing, and he just kept walking until he hit this kingdom."

"And then?"

"Then he met someone who didn't see a monster. The Master found him, took him in, and taught him that power wasn't something to be afraid of. He taught him that making a mistake didn't make him evil."

Silence dropped between us again.

"The boy still messed up," Rhaevan continued, looking right at me. "He lost control. He got hurt. He failed more times than he can count. But every time he fell, he remembered what he wanted."

"What did he want?"

Rhaevan was quiet for a second. "Someone was once kind to him when he had absolutely nothing. He just wanted to become the type of person they would never regret believing in."

I stared at him. "That sounds like a ridiculous amount of self-imposed pressure."

He actually laughed. "It probably was."

He looked back out at the trees. "But he kept trying. He worked harder, he learned, and little by little, he figured out how to control it."

I blinked, finally putting the pieces together. "...That boy sounds suspiciously like you."

He laughed again. "He does, doesn't he?" Then his face turned serious. "I brought you here because I don't want you to think your magic is just a weapon that destroys things. You've spent the last few days convincing yourself that you proved your worst fears right."

I looked away instantly, staring hard at a random flower. My silence was basically a confession.

"You didn't," he said gently.

"You sound really sure about that."

"I am."

I glanced back at him. "Why?"

He gave me a small, quiet smile. "Because I know exactly what it's like to be terrified of your own skin."

I looked at him properly then. The wind blew his dark hair around, and the sunlight filtering through the leaves made him look... entirely too soft. And then I saw them.

The dimples.

Oh, great. Apparently, I had missed them. That was a deeply concerning realization.

Even more concerning? My heart suddenly decided to start running a marathon in my chest. Really, Cassiane? Your timing is officially the worst.

Before he could notice my face turning bright red, I cleared my throat and looked away. "...Do you think there are berries here?"

He blinked, totally thrown off. "What?"

"I've heard meadows usually have berries. I'm hungry."

A look of pure amusement crossed his face. "We were having a serious conversation about your magic, and you randomly thought of food?"

I avoided his eyes. "It's a valid question."

"Interesting."

I frowned at him. "Are you making fun of me?"

"Maybe a little."

I huffed and crossed my arms. A massive smile tugged at his lips, and honestly, it was annoying how handsome it was.

"You have a very creative way of dodging difficult topics," he murmured.

I couldn't even think of a comeback. Instead, I muttered, "Do you bring everyone down here when they're having an emotional breakdown?"

He let out a soft laugh. "No."

"Oh."

That one word made my heart rate significantly worse. I decided right then and there to absolutely not think about why. It felt way safer for my survival.