Chapter 82
(Third Person POV)
(Present time, outside Benedict's cottage)
Rhaevan Aetheris had faced monsters, rogue mages, assassins, political disasters, and Archmage Theodore's disappointment.
None of them were as difficult as Cassiane.
He remained outside the house long after she had disappeared through the front door. The evening air was cool, the village unusually quiet, yet his thoughts refused to settle. Her words continued to echo in his mind:
"I finally do something useful and you're angry."
She was wrong. That was the worst part. He wasn't angry. He had never been angry with her- terrified, perhaps, and furious with himself, but never with her.
He let out a slow breath and glanced toward the warm light spilling from the windows. She was inside. Safe.
That should have been enough. It wasn't.
The kidnapping had changed something in him.
Before that day, Rhaevan had understood that Cassiane was in danger.
He had known that her connection to Ardentia made her a potential target, and he had known that the Veiled Thorn would eventually come looking for whatever remained of her bloodline.
He had tried to keep those dangers away from her whenever he could, but there had always been a part of him that believed he could control the situation.
Then she had been taken.
For days afterward, every time he looked at her, he remembered the possibility that he might have arrived too late. He remembered how helpless he had felt, how close he had come to losing her, and the thought had settled into him with a weight he could not shake. Worse still was the guilt.
Cassiane had been dragged deeper into this world because of the people around her, and Rhaevan considered himself one of the people responsible.
She had not asked to become entangled in a conflict that had existed long before she had even understood what was happening.
Yet every time danger came, she was there, and every time she was hurt, Rhaevan found himself wondering how much worse it would have been if he had failed to reach her.
He had spent the days after the kidnapping quietly searching for ways to change things.
He had been finding a way to keep Cassiane away from the more dangerous investigations and taking on the work himself.
He had never told Cassiane any of it because there had been no point in frightening her with plans that might never work.
He only needed to find one way to get her out of this mess.
Then the Heartforge expedition had come.
Theo had entrusted Cassiane with the mission, and she had accepted.
Rhaevan had felt something inside him sink the moment he learned of it.
He had spent weeks trying to find a way to pull her away from the danger, only for Cassiane to willingly walk toward the most dangerous mystery they had encountered yet.
The Heartforge was connected to secrets that had already cost people their lives. He knew exactly what they could encounter along the way, and the thought of Cassiane standing in the middle of it made every instinct in him rebel.
He had intended to find her immediately, to reason with her, to convince her to refuse. And if reason failed, he would have abandoned every shred of pride he possessed to keep her away from that mission.
He had stormed out of Theo's office determined to stop her, but he never reached her. Lysenne had found him first.
He respected Lysenne. He valued her trust and had never intended to betray it.
That was why, when she confessed her feelings, he had rejected her as gently and honestly as he could.
Lysenne deserved the truth - someone who could return her feelings without hesitation, without doubt, without a part of his heart belonging elsewhere.
Rhaevan could never be that person. Not for her. Not ever.
Because somewhere along the way - without ever noticing when - he had already surrendered his heart.
To a strange girl who had once glared at him over a piece of treasured bread.
His thoughts drifted to the Tower gardens later that same night. He had finally gone looking for Cassiane, only to find her sitting with Lucien. He had meant to interrupt, until he heard her voice:
"This mission... it's my last favor to Eryndor."
"After this... I'm leaving."
"There isn't anything left for me in Eryndor."
The words had rooted him to the spot. What had Eryndor ever given her except danger? What reason had she ever had to stay?
Viremont was different. There, she would be welcomed, protected, and free from impossible battles or a hunted bloodline. Lucien had offered her a place there without a moment's hesitation, and Rhaevan couldn't blame him.
Lucien had become someone Cassiane trusted easily. They laughed together. Lucien could make her smile without trying, and Cassiane seemed comfortable enough around him to speak about things she rarely said aloud to anyone else.
Rhaevan had told himself that it was a good thing. Lucien was her friend. He cared about her.
There was no reason for Rhaevan to feel anything but relieved.
Unfortunately, that was not what he felt.
Every time he saw Cassiane and Lucien growing closer, something unpleasant twisted in his chest.
He had no right to feel possessive. He had never told Cassiane what she meant to him, and he had deliberately kept his distance from her.
If Lucien made her happy, then Rhaevan had no grounds to resent him.
That did not make watching them together any easier.
His chest tightened as he thought about what he had given her. Every disaster that had entered her life since the day they met seemed to trace its way back to him.
Theo had always insisted that Cassiane should be involved; Rhaevan had disagreed every time. Her abilities, her connection to the matter at hand, it did not matter.
Rhaevan had never believed any of it justified placing her in danger. But Theo never left much ground for argument, possessing an irritating habit of making decisions before anyone else had finished objecting to them.
And Cassiane was no better in that regard. If she believed there was even the slightest chance she could help someone she cared about, she would throw herself into the middle of it without a second thought.
The moment he had found Cassiane in the same place he had reached after following the Veiled Thorn mages, whatever composure Rhaevan had spent years cultivating had disappeared with her.
When it came to her, the High Arcanist had a remarkable talent for forgetting every lesson he had ever learned about keeping his emotions in check.
The truth was painfully simple: He loved her. Far more than he should have.
Perhaps that was why he was so protective of her. And perhaps that had been his mistake. He had been so focused on keeping Cassiane alive that he had forgotten she wanted something else too.
To be trusted.
To be treated as an equal.
Not shielded from every difficult decision simply because he believed he could bear the consequences better than she could.
And every day since they had met again at Miss Ann's inn, he had fallen deeper and deeper for Cassiane Valerith Ardentia, the reckless, infuriating, unbelievably stubborn woman who had somehow become the only person who truly mattered to him.
But feelings clouded judgment. Feelings made warriors hesitate. And hesitation cost lives. Losing Cassiane was something he could never tolerate.
So he had done what seemed sensible. He had built walls between them. Kept his distance. Let coldness do what reason could not. He had told himself that if he remained distant, perhaps Cassiane would hate him enough.
Perhaps, when the mission ended and she finally left for Viremont, saying goodbye would hurt less because he had never allowed himself to become too close to her.
Unfortunately, the plan was making him absolutely miserable.
Every time her smile faded because he had ignored her, something inside him cracked a little more. Every time she stopped trying to draw him into conversation, he hated himself for being the reason. He had wanted to keep her safe. Instead, he was hurting her.
After today, he realized that avoiding her would no longer work.
He had planned to somehow complete the mission by himself, believing that if he could keep Cassiane away from the danger, he could protect her.
But the more he stayed away from her, the more obvious it became that she would simply jump into danger herself, all alone.
And it was not only that.
The distance was hurting her too. He could see it in her eyes.
She had believed that his silence meant disappointment, when the truth was that every harsh word and every cold look had been born from fear.
Yet there had been no shred of hatred towards him in her eyes.
She had simply smiled and forgiven him whenever he approached her.
That was what made it worse.
He wanted to become someone deserving of her. Someone she could trust completely, someone who could stand beside her without making her feel as though she needed to fight for the right to be there.
But he doubted if, in this lifetime, he would ever become it.
He had wanted to protect her from the consequences of his actions. Instead, he had become another source of pain in her life.
The realization was almost unbearable.
He wanted to go back inside and take her into his arms. He wanted to apologize for his failures.
More than anything, he wanted to tell her what she meant to him.
He wasn't ready to say all of it. Perhaps he never would be. But he could no longer pretend that distance was the answer.
If Cassiane insisted on walking into danger, he would walk beside her. If she wanted to fight, he would fight beside her. If she wanted to leave Eryndor when everything was over, he would accept that choice.
But he would no longer make her feel as though she had to face any of it alone.