Chapter 65
McKenna may have been tempted to believe Nate’s rah-rah speech when they were crowded together in a pantry closet beneath a bright lightbulb, but now, hours later, standing alone next to the goat pen beneath a pale quarter moon .
. . well. She couldn’t stop the fears attacking her any more than she could stop the mosquitoes. She slapped at another one.
“Need some bug spray?”
McKenna turned. The light spilling out of the house revealed Nate’s solid build walking toward her with a bottle of bug repellant in his hand. “Tried getting out here sooner, but one of the Harrys cornered me upstairs and wouldn’t stop talking.”
“Thanks, and don’t worry.” She took the bottle and sprayed around her neck and arms, flooding the air with the scent of citronella. “All you’ve missed is me lamenting to the goats about how I’m doomed to stay stuck in Nebraska forever.”
Nate folded his arms and leaned back against the fence. “Why do you say that?”
“How can I not say that?” She set the bug spray down, then mimicked his position and tilted her head, peering up at the night sky blinking with stars.
“We don’t have a celebrity. I can’t get ahold of Oliver to warn him.
I have nothing special to add to my portfolio, not that it matters if this proposal falls through.
It feels like everything in my life is falling apart again. Same way it did when I was eighteen.”
Nate pushed off the fence and made a slow half circle until he was standing in front of her, angling his head to the side as he met her gaze. “Remind me again why your entire life revolves around this proposal?”
“You know why. She’s my sister. I made a promise.”
“Sure. Twelve years ago when your sister was ten. Don’t you think you’ve fulfilled that promise by now? Don’t you think it’s time to let your sister stand on her own two feet, proposal or no proposal?”
“Not if she still needs me.”
“What about what you need?”
“I need to not let Momma J down. That’s what I need.”
“How is living your own life letting your mom down?”
“You don’t understand.”
“I think I do, actually.” Nate closed the space between them, lifting his hands to her elbows as his voice gentled to nearly a whisper. “I understand you’re trying to earn something that you shouldn’t have to earn. You deserve to be every bit as happy and well taken care of as Bobbi.”
“It’s not the same. Bobbi was Momma J and Travis’s daughter. Their real daughter. She’s always been special. I’m just . . .”
“What?” His thumbs grazed across the skin in the bend of her arms with the same tenderness she heard in his voice. “Who are you, McKenna?”
She clutched the sides of his T-shirt, not trusting her voice for several seconds. Who was she? “A girl with a debt I can never pay off,” she eventually worked out past the tightness in her throat.
He shook his head. “Love doesn’t work like that. You’re a daughter every bit as much as Bobbi is.”
Now she was shaking her head as her grip released the soft fabric of his shirt only to latch on to the belt loops on the side of his jeans.
“It’s different. Momma J chose to make me her daughter when she didn’t have to.
That’s why I owe her. I could’ve spent my entire childhood bouncing around in the foster system.
Do you know the statistics for how many kids can’t find a job once they age out?
How many become homeless? Have some sort of substance abuse problem?
I do. I know all the statistics. I read each and every one of them when I was twelve, right after I nearly let Bobbi drown because I hadn’t been keeping my eye on her like I promised I would.
The whole time she was in the hospital with pneumonia, I thought for sure Momma J would put me back in foster care for almost letting her real daughter die. ”
He pushed a curl away from her eyes. “Aw, honey. You didn’t really think that, did you?”
McKenna shrugged and lifted her gaze to the starry sky. “Momma J never breathed a word of blame against me. But that doesn’t mean I didn’t blame myself. Bobbi was only four. I should’ve been watching her better. She was my responsibility.”
And that responsibility only grew when Momma J passed away six years later, leaving McKenna the sole caretaker for her little sister.
“Truth is even if Momma J hadn’t made me promise to always look after her, I would have vowed to do it anyway.
Bobbi’s the only family I have, Nate. I could never leave her behind until I knew she was settled and taken care of.
Which is why I’m freaking out a little right now because . . .”
The stars blurred. McKenna blinked. “Because I’m not so sure I can leave you either.”
Yeah, those stars weren’t clearing up at all now.
“Hey, now. Hey.” Nate’s hands cupped her face as he thumbed away a tear. “Remember what I said earlier? We’re going to figure this out.”
“I’m not sure we can.” As nice as the Harrys all were, by the time they’d finished eating supper and retiring to their rooms earlier this evening, McKenna felt certain that Oliver wasn’t going to find a single thing proposal-worthy about their performances.
That is, if Oliver even showed up. Didn’t help that Bobbi had texted a bit ago saying her flight wouldn’t be landing until Saturday afternoon now.
“The more I think about it, the more I don’t see how this proposal is going to go smoothly.
Bobbi’s going to be exhausted, then probably confused why Oliver would choose a concert full of Harrys as his perfect moment to propose.
Not that he will propose. If Oliver even arrives, he’s going to take the whole Harry fiasco as a sign not to propose.
Which means we’re all going to end up back in Nebraska right where we started and everything that’s happened these past few weeks will have been for nothing and—”
Nate’s lips didn’t let her finish. Which was fine. This shushing technique was far superior to the finger-against-her-lips technique. Nate could shush her all night long as far as she was concerned. Anything to make this quiet moment last.
Their kisses by the waterfall had been strong and passionate. This kiss was steady. Peaceful.
Like a loud television playing in the background, McKenna hadn’t heard all the worried noise polluting her mind until Nate’s lips muted the chaos. The more he nuzzled and caressed, the more the hectic frenzy ticking inside her slowed.
With every stroke of his lips, the weight on her shoulders lifted. And lessened. Until McKenna wouldn’t be surprised to open her eyes and discover she was floating.
“Any chance we could just stay right here in this moment forever?” she murmured against his lips.
“Zero,” he murmured back, dotting each corner of her mouth with another soft kiss.
“But I’m not giving up hope that we’ll find our way to some great moments in New York.
Like you finding a job in New York . . .
You marrying and living with me in New York .
. . You making babies with me in New York . . .”
She couldn’t help a small laugh. They might be getting a little ahead of themselves, but yeah, New York. With Nate. McKenna liked the sound of that. Except . . .
She leaned back. “Saying the proposal works out, saying Bobbi gets engaged in two days, saying I do find a photography job close to you in New York later this summer . . . you don’t think we’re being crazy, do you? Making all these big plans when we’ve only known each other a few weeks?”
Nate held her gaze. “Is that what you think?”
“A little bit. Until you start kissing me.”
“Well, then.” Nate closed the distance. And for a long time into the night McKenna moving to New York to spend the rest of her life with Nate didn’t seem crazy at all.