Chapter 32
Chapter
Thirty-Two
Tatum
Death had a lot of paperwork.
My head swam as Calix steered the car onto my parent’s street.
The houses looked the same as they had when I was twelve and street hockey was a neighborhood event. The trees were spaced at the same intervals. Even the cars were similar.
But as we pulled up outside my parent’s two car garage, it felt like a stranger’s house.
The air wouldn’t smell like Ma’s cooking. No one would be asking for the television to be turned down because the neighbors didn’t care who was pitching the ninth inning for the Coyotes.
“I’m alone now. Everyone leaves me,” I whispered. Staring sightlessly out the car’s windscreen, my mind flashed through a montage of loss.
A dark night cut apart by flashlights as we searched for Danny in the woods near our house.
The text that felt like it had jump started this whole phase of my life, and the empty apartment that proved I wasn’t worth fighting for.
My father who desperately wished I could fill the void of the son he lost, and ultimately chose to leave me, too.
And Ma.
I didn’t get to say goodbye.
So much loss. So many examples of me not being enough.
“I think you had better get out and see them before they bust in here.”
Calix’s voice broke through my morose thoughts, reminding me that, if only just for now, I wasn’t entirely alone.
My muscles ached as I released the seatbelt and pulled my body out of the car.
“Angel.” Tobias pulled me into a tight hug that was simultaneously too much, and exactly what I needed.
The sweet scent of watermelon Jolly Rancher wrapped around us, and I allowed his warm tattooed arms to hold me for a quiet moment.
The candy clicked against his teeth as he sucked on it.
I wondered if his sugar cravings were worse because of the stress I might have caused.
“What the hell were you thinking running off like that?” There was a new strain in his voice.
Something I hadn’t heard before, even when he’d woken from nightmares in the early days.
“You had shows to play, and I was needed here. I didn’t think you would care.
” The excuse sounded lame, even to me. The truth was, I’d been terrified of what it would mean if I asked them to come with me.
And how I would cope if they’d said no.
“Angel, when I detoxed, what did I tell you?”
I didn’t want to think about that time. It was another example of almost losing someone.
He hooked a finger under my chin and caught my eye. The intensity in his face melted some of the numbness I’d been carrying, sparking a reminder of the connection I’d felt with him all along.
Why was I such a goner for this man?
“That you would do it for me.”
“That I would do it for you. You are my new addiction, and I couldn’t be happier about it. Wherever you are is where I need to be, so please don’t make me chase you again… unless we’re playing that kind of a game.” He winked and pressed a sweet kiss to my mouth.
“I love you.” I blinked and glanced around like the words could have come from someone else. Before I could start panicking Tobias chuckled and pulled me back in toward him.
“Good,” he breathed across my lips. “Because we love you too.”
“We?”
He cut off my question with his mouth. The sweetness of a moment ago was gone as he licked into me, claiming without words. I ran my hands over his chest and paused when I felt him flinch.
His eyes were cautious as I pulled back and peeled his shirt away from his body to reveal saran wrap covering a fresh tattoo. On either side of the pocketwatch over his heart now stretched a beautifully detailed pair of angel wings.
“I love them.”
“I love you.”
A genuine smile welled up within me, something I wouldn’t have thought possible an hour earlier. I cupped his cheek, guiding his mouth back to mine when we were interrupted by a throat clearing.
Otis stood in the front doorway, an arm looped casually around a scowling Harvey who was rubbing his stomach.
“He’s vicious when he’s not doped up. Far too much like his twin for my liking.”
Toby chuckled and Harvey stopped complaining as he noticed our attention.
“Come inside, we’re about to make some lunch. Have you eaten?”
I barely made it through the door before Otis and Harvey crowded in on either side and took turns kissing me hello.
”We must have done a really shit job at showing you how we feel, Tater tots,” Calix said, leaning against the wall watching our reunion. The nickname gave me a stab of grief, but in its wake was a small sense of joy that a small piece of Ma was still here.
“You’re never going to be alone again. We’re your family now. For better or worse, every one of our fucked up group is yours for as long as you’ll have us.”
“And even after that,” Toby agreed.
“This was supposed to be a short term thing,” I murmured again, the shock of their confessions burning across my already raw nerves. “What if it doesn’t work out?”
Otis grunted something close to a laugh.
“You’re going to have fun watching them grovel.”
Calix raised an eyebrow at him, but I kind of liked the idea of these men on their knees.
“And what if I’m in love with all of you?” I asked, wanting to be sure they’d thought this through.
“That’s what we’re hoping for,” Harvey said as Calix spoke over him.
“Are you?”
I stared at the surly lead singer for a long moment, seeing past his carefully built defenses to the traumatized man who struggled to trust. Despite how we started, he’d chosen to follow when I ran. He was there for me when I needed him most.
“Yes.”
The tension in the room broke at the simple confession.
Whatever came next, I knew I’d be able to face it with these four flawed, beautiful men at my side.
They stayed with me for the funerals and helped me pack up my family’s life while the days ticked past and Otis made quiet phone calls to delay shows and cancel tour stops.
I tried several times to get them to return to the tour, but each time whoever was closest would give me a patient look and tell me you’re our priority. We’ll get back to the tour when you can come with us.
A week later I signed the final piece of paperwork, and felt adrift. Nothing tied me to this place anymore.
It was time to leave.
Otis wandered into the hotel room we’d booked after we finished with the house and gave me a soft smile.
“What do you need?”
I lifted my face for a kiss he gave eagerly and sat back, frowning as I tried to remember the date.
“Where are you guys supposed to be?”
“Here,” he said without hesitation.
“No, I mean on the tour.”
“Oh, uh… Bismarck is the next stop. I’ve delayed canceling because it’s the first show Red String Riot is playing with us. I wanted to see how you were feeling.”
Ruby’s band was heading for Bismarck. They were finally joining the tour.
We booked a last minute flight and had to fly economy, with Calix complaining the whole flight, but the second we stepped out of arrivals, Ruby was there with flowers and my whole world was right again as I hugged my best friend with my men at my back.
“I’m sorry about Ma and your dad,” she whispered. I wiped my wet eyes on her shoulder and squeezed her a bit harder.
Red String Riot killed their opening night, and I screamed for them from the wings as Ruby seduced every member in the audience. She was a natural and I was so damn proud of her.
Goats and Vandals proved the time off had done nothing but make them hotter — in my humble opinion — and the crowd ate up every moment of their set.
When they got to the acoustic portion of our set, Calix sang a song that was still a work in progress, and bittersweet tears clouded my vision at the memory of that night in my parent’s house.
It was perfect.