Chapter 16
After wandering awkwardly through our show-provided, already furnished apartment, I heave Andie’s bag onto the bed in the only bedroom. The apartment is maybe six hundred square feet, with modern finishes and some city views. It’s definitely a little cramped with Cassidy and Steve in here too.
I’m still processing how Andie lives where she works, and all I could think as we packed up her few belongings from her loft was that I wonder if she gets cold in the winter. Those windows were older, and I bet when the wind picks up her whole studio is drafty.
Then that fucking Italian lace. The way she’d looked at it—fondly, admiring. Smitten. Being jealous of a scrap of lace wasn’t on my bingo card for today, but here I am.
Andie begins sorting the clothes she’s brought from her place. She lives where she works. It’s sparsely decorated and lacking basic comfort. And I noticed as we packed up her outfits from the tiny IKEA wardrobe in her bedroom that none of her own clothes had designer labels on them. Or labels at all, actually.
I put her toiletries on the counter in the bathroom for her to sort out later. When I return to the bedroom, I lean against the closet door and ask, “Andie, do you make all your own clothes?”
She snorts and waves it off. “Not all my clothes.”
I give her a stern look. Everything in her life is streamlined as an arrow, pointing straight at her goals. Making her own clothes must be another cost-saving measure.
She rolls her eyes at me and stuffs some shirts in a dresser drawer. “I like dresses and skirts with pockets. They’re harder to find than you think. I don’t make anything special.”
Fucking pockets. I’ve never seen anyone deny their own genius with the excuse of pockets before. Does she not understand how special she is? Before I can argue my point, there’s a knock at our door. Cassidy suggests I answer it, which means she knows who’s on the other side.
I open the door for Dr. Kenneth Leon, one of the show’s hosts and therapists. He’s in a sharp suit with a polka dot bow tie, and his smile is blinding. “Hi, Kit.” He shakes my hand firmly and comes into the apartment. Cassidy has wrangled Andie from the bedroom and asks us both to sit on the couch in the living room.
Dr. Leon takes the uncomfortable-looking chair by the window. He tugs on his lapels before saying, “It’s good to see you both. It’s been a while, hasn’t it?”
“Since our interviews, I think.” Andie nods, folding her hands in her lap. Both Dr. Leon and Dr. Shaw had interviewed us individually, almost a month ago now, before they made their final picks for the show.
Dr. Leon leans his elbow on the arm of the chair and gives us both a curious look. Sunlight glints on the lenses of his gold wire-rimmed glasses. Finally, he says, “Before I ask about the honeymoon, I heard that you two aren’t strangers at all.”
“It’s been ten years since I saw him,” Andie says with a sweet smile. “We might as well be strangers. Right?” She looks at me for confirmation.
I shrug. Despite the way I told her our past was ancient history, all our moments together keep flooding back. It’s a tidal wave I can’t outrun.
“But you dated each other; is that right?” Dr. Leon frowns.
“We did,” I confirm it. “For a few months.”
“Why did it end the first time?” He rests his chin on his fist, ready to wait us out.
I look at Andie, and surprise flashes in her eyes. I clear my throat and tell Dr. Leon, “A lot of things happened at once.”
Andie adds, “We were twenty-one. Kids. How often do those relationships work out, you know?”
Dr. Leon nods sagely. “That’s true, but for you to form a lasting, deep connection now, you’re going to need to make peace with your past together.”
“Ten years apart isn’t peaceful?” Andie asks, her voice teasing. She’s trying to keep things light, but I don’t miss her pulse pounding in her throat.
“You are here for the right reasons, aren’t you?” Dr. Leon won’t let her get away with it.
“I don’t understand.” I lean forward with my elbows on my knees. “Are you suggesting that we … planned this?”
“People have done wilder things to be on TV, son.” Dr. Leon shrugs.
I can’t help but let out a puff of laughter.
“What’s so funny?” Andie asks, her brows drawing together.
“I’m here because my mom asked me to give it a shot.” I shake my head and press my thumb against my lip. I watch Andie to gauge her reaction. She frowns. “She was diagnosed with breast cancer and knew I would do anything to make her happy. She said she wanted to see me settled and gave me the application for the show.”
“That’s sweet, I guess.” Andie wrinkles her nose. “You must be really close with her.”
“I am.” I nod.
“Andie, why are you here?” Dr. Leon asks.
She looks at her hands in her lap and stays quiet. I know why she’s here, because she told me. But she’s not about to tell Dr. Leon that she’s here for the divorce money that’s hidden in the show’s contract. Someone’s phone buzzes in their pocket, but it’s ignored.
“Andie?”
“I think”—she spins her wedding ring around her finger—“despite everything I’ve experienced, I do want to believe that love exists. The forever kind.”
I swallow. I want to believe she means that.
“Are you concerned that we’ve paired you with someone you’ve already dated?”
“Of course I am.” She sighs and runs her hand through her hair. “Kit and I failed at this once already. I’m not sure what you saw in us that makes us a match.”
Dr. Leon smiles. “I suppose that’s for you both to figure out along the way. You may already have a guess based on how your relationship went the first time.”
I look at the ring on my finger.
“Kit, what drew you to Andie the first time you dated?”
My eyebrows shoot up, surprised he asked. I clear my throat. “Um. She’s beautiful, obviously.” I gesture vaguely in her direction. “But I think my favorite thing about her is how she held space for me to dream bigger at a time in my life when I was barely getting by.”
Andie’s gaze softens as she looks at me, her lips parting. I don’t think I ever articulated that feeling when we were together, if only because I only recently was able to parse it into words. “It’s true,” I assure her.
“Andie, what drew you to Kit ten years ago?”
“Aside from his thighs?” she quips, and I can’t help but laugh.
Dr. Leon chuckles too. “You know what I’m asking.”
Andie takes a deep breath. “Back then he felt … so steady. My life had always been chaotic, and Kit felt like the calm in the storm. When he left so suddenly, I realized maybe I’d been wrong.”
I frown. “You know why I left.” I yelled it to her through the crack in the door while her roommate blocked me from coming in.
“Why did you leave?” Dr. Leon asks gently.
“My dad passed,” I tell him, but keep my eyes on Andie. “I got the call in the middle of the night and took the first bus home. It took me a few weeks to get my head on straight enough to get back to school and find Andie.”
Andie shakes her head. “You were gone before then.”
“What do you mean?” Dr. Leon asks.
She pauses, picking at one of her cuticles. Finally, she says quietly, “He wasn’t ready for a relationship. So he checked out.”
“Is that true, Kit?” Dr. Leon frowns at me.
My mouth goes dry. I remember the night Andie told me she loved me. We were half asleep. She’d spent hours crying on my chest because her mom was going through a divorce.
I drag my hands down my face and echo what we’ve already said ten times over. “We were twenty-one. I had no idea what I was doing.”
Dr. Leon nods. “I suppose the question now is: are you both going to be able to put that piece of your past behind you and start fresh as adults?”
“I’d like to,” I say truthfully. How many times have I wished we could go back and do it differently?
“Andie?”
She looks me over, then turns her gaze on Dr. Leon. “I’ll try.”
“That’s all we ask.” Dr. Leon shifts in the chair and flashes his smile. “Now, let’s hear about the honeymoon.”