Chapter 29
When I see my reflection in the bathroom mirror, I let out a groan of frustration. I dig in my clutch for the small tube of concealer and the powder compact I always carry to weddings, knowing they won’t be up to the task in front of them. Kit absolutely ravaged me out by the fountain. All’s fair, I suppose, because I hadn’t shown him any mercy either.
My body buzzes like I had too much champagne, even though I haven’t had a drop of alcohol all night. My lips are swollen, lipstick kissed right off them. My chin and cheeks are red and flushed from being shamelessly smashed against Kit’s face while Cassidy and Steve filmed everything.
I’m desperately patting concealer onto my chin when Heidi pushes open the bathroom door and stares at me. A mischievous grin crosses her face. She crosses her arms and leans against the counter. “Well, that explains why your husband looks so flustered.”
“Don’t call him that,” I mumble. This concealer is only making me look white as a ghost, the pink of my skin still peeking through. “Is there something wrong with the dress?”
“All is well.” She gives me a look from my toes to my face. “Making out at a wedding; I never thought I’d see the day.”
“Shut up.” I cap my concealer and toss it in my bag with a little too much force. The whole clutch teeters on the edge of the counter before tumbling off.
When I bend to scoop it off the ground, Heidi lets out a laugh. “Holy shit.” She scoots around to look at my back. “You two really went for it.”
I turn around and look over my shoulder into the mirror. Fuck. Kit’s fingers left marks on my skin where he held onto me like I was his lifeline. I groan and bury my face in my hands, utterly humiliated. I’m supposed to be here in a professional capacity, and I got lost in Kit—his hands, his mouth, his words.
I’ll keep you safe.
“Relax.” Heidi rests her hands on my shoulders. She turns me back toward the mirror to assess the mess Kit made of my face. “With the way they were eye-fucking during the ceremony, the maid of honor and best man are probably against one of these fairy trees right now. Nobody noticed whatever you were up to.”
She grips my chin and turns my face this way and that in the light. Determining the damage is something she can work with, she pops open her bag and pulls out a travel pack of makeup wipes. I take a deep breath and savor the coolness of the wipe as she works.
“He says he has feelings for me,” I whisper, still terrified of the truth.
“Is that such a bad thing?” Heidi asks the same question Kit did earlier.
I close my eyes when she asks me to, and she begins wiping away my minimal amount of eyeliner and mascara. “It is when I’m supposed to divorce him in two weeks. I don’t want to hurt him.”
Heidi hums in a way that says she understands. “You don’t want to hurt him,” she repeats, switching to my other eye. “Because hurting him would hurt you.”
“Yes, because I—”
Oh no. My eyes pop open to see Heidi’s lips stretch into a smug grin.
“I hate you.” I cross my arms over my chest. She got to the bottom of that too quickly; it’s not fair. Has it been that obvious to everyone but me?
Heidi wipes away the last of my makeup and tosses the wipe into the trash. As she digs through her bag, she says, “Okay, let’s talk this through. He has feelings for you, and you have feelings for him.”
As much as I hate that she’s right, I give her a firm nod.
She squirts some tinted moisturizer onto her fingers, then begins to smooth it over my face. “If you don’t divorce him, what happens?”
“I lose out on the money I need to keep my business afloat until I can find investors,” I repeat mechanically. None of this is new information.
“What about a business loan?”
“No,” I say firmly. I saw what happened to the dry cleaner I worked for when they couldn’t make ends meet. Down went their business and, in turn, their whole lives. “Not an option.”
“What about Fashion Week?” she asks calmly, moving on to a tube of mascara. “I thought that was the whole point of you showing.”
“It’s not a guarantee.” As much as I believe in the dresses I’m making, it doesn’t mean anyone else will find value in them.
“Blink,” Heidi demands. I obey. “Would it be so bad to continue making custom dresses for a while?”
I bite the inside of my cheek. “I need room to breathe,” I say. “I don’t have that now. One bad review on a bridal website could ruin me.”
Heidi nods her understanding. She pulls out a tube of petal pink lipstick and smudges some onto my cheeks, keeping her silence.
“He offered to invest in my business,” I say quietly, remembering how earnest Kit sounded that night. Like he would give anything to make my dreams come true.
“Why don’t you take him up on it?” Heidi goes to work on my lips, smoothing the petal pink over them too.
I use it as an excuse to not answer. Kit could up and leave me—just like last time—and take the future of my business with him. More than that, though, it would mean answering to him, letting him in on my decisions. Everything I built on my own wouldn’t be mine anymore. It would be Clover Callaway’s cheating fiancé redux.
But now that Kit is all in, I don’t know if I can pull the trigger on divorce either.
Hurt him, hurt myself, stay stuck. None of my options look great at this point.
“Andie,” Heidi interrupts my spiraling thoughts. “Would it really be so bad to have someone on your side?”
“This wasn’t supposed to happen.”
I move to bury my face in my hands again, and Heidi grips my forearms, shaking her head. “Nope, you’ll ruin your makeup.”
I heave a sigh, slouching forward. “I’m so tired.”
“Take the night off.” Heidi shrugs. “Crystal can handle any dress emergencies, and everyone’s too tipsy to notice a bead loose anyway.”
“No.” I shake my head. “I mean, I’m tired of this show and trying to protect myself from whatever the hell is happening with Kit.”
“So let him in.” Heidi says it like it’s the easiest thing in the world. “He’s told you he cares about you; you care about him. Why not just see where it goes?”
“I—” I plan to list all the reasons I can’t do this. Kit will leave, just like the last time. Only this time, I know it will be because he decided it’s too much work to be with me. I’m too afraid, too distant. But if I give in, I know I’ll crave him like the air in my lungs. I wasn’t kidding when I told him it would be so easy to get lost in him.
Heidi pats my elbow, just like she does when she’s done giving a bride a pep talk. “If you both have feelings for each other, and you’re both clearly ready to jump each other’s bones, just do it. Forget about what comes next for a second. You have a man who is obsessed with you—as he damn well should be—and you want to be with him. So do that. Be with him.”
I deadpan, “Are you giving me permission to sleep with my husband?”
Heidi rolls her eyes. “I’m saying … you’ve been operating in survival mode for too long. Maybe it’s time to enjoy what you worked so hard for.”