Chapter 15
15
GEMMA
‘Poppy cried after you left on Saturday,’ I told Crystal. It was Monday, and it was raining again, so we were sitting inside the pub instead of in the garden. ‘It took me ages to cheer her up. You were a real hit!’
Crystal smiled. ‘I’ve loved getting to know Poppy over the last few Saturdays. She’s so sweet. But I’m sorry she cried after I left.’ She paused, hesitating, fiddling with her plate and cutlery for a moment before going on quickly, ‘I’ve got a suggestion to make, actually, Gemma. If Poppy has really taken to me, and if you wouldn’t mind, I wondered if I could maybe come round occasionally… perhaps on days when you work at home, after I’ve finished work, or maybe at weekends… I just wondered if it would be helpful for you, if you’re busy, to have someone around to play with her or… I don’t know, just help out. But say no if you think it wouldn’t be a good idea, I won’t be offended, I only want to help.’
She lapsed into silence, and then, before I’d had a chance to answer, rushed on. ‘I feel for you, that’s all. On your own with Poppy. Because of what her dad’s done. And I’ve been wondering how I can help.’
I was a bit taken aback. She’d sounded awkward, almost nervous – and why? I’d kind of assumed she’d come round to see me and Poppy again; it felt like we were good friends now, and I thought it was taken for granted that we’d continue to spend time together. I hadn’t, of course, been expecting her to offer to help me in any way, but that was nice of her, so why sound so embarrassed about it? Perhaps she’d thought I might be offended?
‘Of course you can come round,’ I reassured her. ‘And thank you for saying you’d like to help with Poppy. I don’t normally need it, to be honest – I try to get as much of my work done as possible if she has a nap – she doesn’t, always, now. Or in the evenings – and on Fridays, when Mum has her. But yes, sure, if you’d like to come and play with her, I’m sure she’d love that!’
‘I know you’re managing OK – sorry, I mean you’re managing well. I didn’t mean to imply that you’re not, obviously.’ She sighed, shaking her head, seeming to have trouble expressing herself. ‘But I thought that perhaps, if I could look after Poppy for you, just for an hour or so sometimes, it might give you a chance to get ahead of your deadlines, and maybe even approach some potential new clients. Build up your business a bit more.’
‘Oh, I see. Well, you’re right, it wouldn’t hurt at all to acquire a few more clients. It’s really nice of you to offer, Crystal. But only if you’ve got a bit of time to spare occasionally. You’re working full-time yourself.’
‘Yes, but I’ve got nothing whatsoever to do with myself in the evenings. Watching TV on your own gets boring, night after night. Honestly, an occasional hour or so of playing with Poppy before she goes to bed would seriously break up the monotony of my week.’
‘OK, then.’ I smiled my agreement. I could sympathise, when she put it like that. If I didn’t have Poppy, I’d probably be climbing the walls myself, being at home on my own, night after night, with just the TV – or more work – for company.
‘So how about this Wednesday?’ she said. ‘About half past five? I can come straight from work.’
‘Um… yes, OK, that’d be good. I might still be giving Poppy her dinner though. She normally has it around five, or five-thirty.’
‘No problem, I can help with that, can’t I?’
All her hesitation and awkwardness seemed to have suddenly vanished; she was sounding almost excited now. I couldn’t help laughing.
‘It’s the first time I’ve heard anyone sound so chuffed at the thought of helping with a fractious toddler at the end of a long day. She’ll be at her worst, you realise? Tired and grumpy, not all smiles like she was on Saturday, full of ice cream.’
‘All the more reason why it would help you to have some backup. Seriously, Gemma, I just want to help. Give you a bit of support. What are friends for?’
‘Ah, bless you. Well, if ever I can do anything for you in return, you must let me know, then, OK?’
‘You are. You are doing something for me – letting me spend time with your daughter. It’s going to be a pleasure.’
I thought about this later, on my way home that evening. It had seemed really odd, the way she’d approached her offer, all awkward and embarrassed. I couldn’t quite make it out. But I supposed that if it did give Crystal some degree of happiness, to have an hour or so with Poppy now and then, and at the same time gave me the chance to start trying to expand my business, perhaps I should think of it as a mutual benefit. I’d seen the way she’d looked at Poppy, so longingly, and I did feel for her, knowing how much she’d have liked a child herself. And Poppy seemed to really like her, so where was the harm?
Crystal arrived straight from work that Wednesday, as she’d suggested – she must have left on the dot of five o’clock as she was with me by five-fifteen – and immediately took over from me, dishing up Poppy’s dinner and shooing me out of the kitchen, telling me to get on with my work. It felt odd, just walking away, leaving someone else in charge of my kitchen and my daughter, but I did have quite a lot of work to get through so I obeyed, settling down at my laptop and closing the door behind me – as she’d suggested – to block out the sound of the chatter between them. After half an hour or so, though, I couldn’t resist having a peek into the kitchen, to see Crystal washing up and Poppy sitting at the table, engrossed in crayoning on a sheet of paper from her ‘craft drawer’. She looked up, saw me and gave a squeal.
‘No, Mummy, no looking!’ she said, trying to cover the paper with her arms.
Crystal turned round and smiled at me. ‘It’s supposed to be a surprise for you. It’s not finished yet. Go on, get back to your work – we’re fine, aren’t we, Poppy?’
‘Go on,’ Poppy echoed. ‘We’re fine.’
‘Well… I normally let her watch half an hour of TV – the children’s programmes – before bed. Wind-down time.’
‘Lovely. Well, if you find the right channel and put it on for us, Poppy and I can just finish off in here, then we’ll swap rooms, OK?’ Crystal stopped, looking at me thoughtfully. ‘Didn’t you say you normally work upstairs?’
‘Well, yes.’ I had a small computer desk in my bedroom, and it was true, that was where I usually worked. ‘But I didn’t want to shut myself away up there, while you’re down here, in case?—’
‘In case we needed you?’ She smiled. ‘Honestly, we’ll be absolutely fine. The whole idea is for you to be able to get on in peace.’
‘We’re fine,’ Poppy mimicked again.
‘Well, OK, then,’ I said. ‘But call me if you do need me for anything, all right?’
‘Sure. We will.’
Feeling slightly redundant, I went back to the living room, turned the TV on to one of Poppy’s favourite programmes with the volume low, then took my laptop upstairs and settled back down to work. I left my bedroom door ajar, so after a few more minutes, I was able to hear the volume raised just a touch, and hear Crystal and Poppy laughing together as they watched the cartoon. I had to make a supreme effort not to go downstairs and watch it with them. I went back to concentrating on my work, but when, a little later, I heard Poppy clambering up the stairs I immediately got up and went out to meet her at the top.
‘Hello! Are you getting ready for bed now, sweetie?’
‘Getting my PJs,’ she said, rushing past me and into her bedroom.
‘Ready for your story?’ I asked. ‘Which one shall we have tonight?’
‘Want Crystal to read my story.’ Poppy gave me a frown. ‘Not Mummy.’
‘I’ll read it down here,’ Crystal called up from where she was waiting at the bottom of the stairs, ‘so we can leave you in peace.’
‘No, honestly, I can take over now,’ I said. ‘I’ve had plenty of?—’
‘ Not Mummy!’ Poppy repeated, giving me a little push back into my bedroom. She was holding her pyjamas in a bundle in her arms and the smell of warm milk was wafting up the stairs.
‘Wait at the top of the stairs, Poppy,’ Crystal said. ‘I’m coming up to help you.’ She smiled at me as she appeared on the landing. ‘I don’t want her falling down the stairs, carrying her PJs. Have you chosen a story book, Poppy, or would you like a made-up story?’
‘Made up!’ Poppy’s eyes were bright with excitement. She looked back at me and frowned again. ‘ Not Mummy.’
‘Go on, Gemma, get on with your work, we’re having fun! I’ll get her ready for bed and clean her teeth, don’t worry.’
I felt dismissed but I just shrugged. ‘OK. But be very good, all right, Pops? I’ll come and kiss you goodnight when you’re in bed, then.’
‘OK.’
To be honest it was difficult to concentrate on working, after that. From downstairs I could hear the low murmur of Crystal’s voice as she told her story, and the occasional giggle from Poppy in response, and a little later I heard them coming back upstairs, heard all the familiar bedtime sounds – the bathroom tap running, the loo flushing, the blinds being pulled closed in Poppy’s bedroom, even the creak and bounce as she threw herself onto her little low bed. Then the night light being switched on and the murmur of voices – Good night, sleep tight. And ridiculously – instead of feeling grateful for the heaven-sent opportunity I’d been given to have an hour or two to myself, to concentrate on my work… I felt left out. Replaced. Almost… dared I say it? Jealous.
Telling myself not to be so childish, I closed my laptop and got to my feet, meeting Crystal as she came out of Poppy’s bedroom, and – whispering a thank you – tiptoed into the bedroom myself and sat down on the bed. Poppy was pretending to be asleep already, but I put my arm around her and planted a kiss on her forehead.
‘Night night, my angel,’ I murmured. ‘See you in the morning.’
She opened her eyes. ‘Crystal be here?’
‘Not in the morning, sweetie, no.’
‘Owh,’ she complained, pulling a face. ‘Not fair.’
‘I can’t thank you enough,’ I told Crystal when I joined her in the kitchen, where she was wiping down surfaces and putting things away.
‘Oh, honestly, I’ve loved every minute of it. I should be thanking you! Poppy is such a little darling. Oh, look, this is the picture she made for you. She was supposed to give it to you, sorry – she must have forgotten.’
That says it all , I thought, slightly resentfully, as I looked at the picture: an almost-square red shape with black circular squiggles underneath it.
‘Poppy was singing “all day long” to herself while she was crayoning,’ Crystal said, looking mystified.
I nodded and smiled. At least this was something Poppy and I shared just between us. ‘It’s a bus,’ I said.
‘Ah yes. I can see it now. Very artistic!’ Crystal smiled back at me. ‘Did you get plenty of work done?’
‘Well, yes, quite a bit. But some of it was thinking time,’ I said, as if I had to excuse myself for the little I’d done. ‘I’m planning an advertising campaign.’
‘For one of your clients?’
‘Well, actually – for myself. You’re right, I need to attract some new clients if I want to expand my business. And I do need to do that, now I’m the only wage-earner.’
‘Excellent idea, Gem. Well, in that case, the more I can do to help you out with Poppy, the more you’ll be able to work on the campaign, and in time, the more clients you can take on.’
‘But in that case I’ll have to pay you?—’
‘Absolutely not,’ she shot back. ‘Pay me for enjoying myself?’
I stared at her. She meant it – I could see she did. She was actually offering to help me with Poppy – to help me to get more work – simply because it made her happy. I felt my earlier resentment slip away. How ungrateful of me to begrudge such absolute kindness. What was the matter with me? I should feel nothing but gratitude. It was wonderful that Poppy and my new friend seemed to have developed such a rapport in such a short time. Only a pathetic, immature version of a mother would be jealous. Only an idiot would resent such an opportunity.
I turned back to face her, smiling.
‘I’ll tell you what, then,’ I said. ‘I’m going to get us a takeaway, OK? It’s not much of a payment, but…’
‘Well, OK. But only tonight – not every time I come to help. That’ll be too much. Maybe next time we can cook together.’
‘You’re on.’ I gave her a hug. ‘Thank you so much. I’m so grateful.’
‘Me too,’ she insisted. ‘Same time tomorrow, then?’