Chapter 53
53
CRYSTAL
I’d already been wondering if the time had come to tell Gemma everything. I’d begun to think that she was never going to forgive me for my faux pas, taking Poppy out on New Year’s Day – she’d kept her distance for weeks and although I was missing her and Poppy so much that it hurt, I knew I had to wait until she was ready to give me another chance – but was that ever going to happen? I guessed her parents were probably telling her to drop me. I supposed I could understand it; they’d only ever seen, or heard, the worst about me, and that was partly my fault too.
Despite all this, I’d been so happy. The extra trip to see Evie had gone so well that the social worker was actually beginning to talk about the possibility of her coming to see me at my own place soon. Of course, the foster mum would come with her, but it was such a massive step forwards and everyone was sounding so positive about it. Evie had actually let me give her a quick hug, she’d smiled, called me Mummy again and during the entire visit hadn’t run out of the room or started crying. Whatever had happened to promote this change – the social worker suggested it was simply a case of Evie growing up a bit and beginning to understand the situation better – I had clung to the memory of that day and the hope for the next visit. It had, at least, lessened the pain of the separation from Gemma and Poppy, just a little.
But now this. She’d found out about the so-called child abandonment . I’d thought, immediately, that it was the other thing… and because of my reaction, she now knew there was something else I’d been hiding. Now, I could see that the only possible way forward was to tell her about that, too. If I didn’t, there was never going to be any coming back from this: it was obvious that she’d come to see me that afternoon with one clear purpose – to break up with me, permanently. To ban me from seeing Poppy, ever again. I had to try to explain why I’d lied to her, and all I could do was hope she’d understand.
But it was going to be the most difficult conversation of my life.