Chapter 6
Lying in Jana’s bed had never felt so foreign.
Even more so than on that first night here a few days ago.
As tired as I’d been, I could hardly sleep, and I found myself staring at the ceiling.
I hadn’t heard from Jana today, and I was trying hard not to be resentful.
There were times before she had her dream job and worked around the clock that we talked all the time.
We moved to the city together, had dreams together.
I’d always felt like she’d do anything for me, and I for her. But right now, I felt angry.
It was partially about the sudden shift in Jade.
Was she just trying to use me to get back at Jana somehow?
I wasn’t sure what to think. Then there was the fact that despite my better instincts, I felt something blooming for her.
A fact that would make Jana freak out and made me feel guilty for even going there.
All I wanted to do was talk to my best friend, but she wasn’t available, nor would she be empathetic to my plight.
As I closed my eyes, I could feel the ghost of Jade’s hand running through my long auburn hair, tangling it around her soft fingers.
It sent lightning through me; just the simple interaction felt so forbidden and wonderful all at once.
Just like before, as I focused on that touch, I drifted off to sleep.
We had so much left to do. Thankfully, as I hoped it would, a night of sleep gave me a clearer mind.
So what if Jade flirted with me? It didn’t mean anything, and Jana would never even know about it.
Not to mention that before I arrived here, I was so scared she’d hate me.
Shouldn’t I be thankful that we are getting along so well?
I mean, how could Jana expect me to get this favor done for her if I didn’t befriend her sister at least somewhat?
Feeling lighter and back to my focused self, I got ready for another busy day.
While I put my makeup on, I thought about Jade’s comment about me seeming high-maintenance.
I simply enjoyed wearing and doing things that made me feel confident about myself.
Something I struggled with in my younger years.
Since I worked from home, it could put me in a bad headspace if I just stayed in loungewear and my I just rolled out of bed face.
Jade was very direct and honest, while Jana was more about just making people feel good.
Kind of like the other day when she told me how cute I looked when I knew it was bullshit.
But it wasn’t necessarily fake with her, more that she never wanted to hurt your feelings.
We were similar in that way. I was usually quieter than she was, but I hated making people feel bad, and we often hyped each other, and those around us, up.
Wanting to switch it up, I made French toast for breakfast. I’d hoped Jade would enjoy it, but seeing as I had no complaints so far, I figured she would. Just as I placed the first piece of toast on the skillet, my phone rang.
“Hey stranger,” I picked up Jana’s call, cradling the phone between my shoulder and ear.
“Hey Lib! Sorry I’ve been so busy lately. I’m on my way to work now and was hoping I could catch you.” I could hear faint sounds of traffic around her.
“You got me,” I said with a giggle.
“Well, you know how things are going with me—same old work stuff. Tell me about you!” she commanded happily.
“Oh, well. It’s been fine; we’ve knocked out a couple of rooms and stuff on the first floor. Not sure which room is the plan for today, Jade hasn’t come down for breakfast yet.”
“You two have been having breakfast together?” She asked, her voice sounding a tad annoyed.
“Well, yeah, you did realize that we’d have to work together to get this done, right?” I was being more intense than necessary. Not projecting at all or anything.
Closing my eyes, I inhaled the creamy, cinnamon scent of the toast before flipping it.
“I guess you’re right. Sorry. I just can’t help but feel a certain way about her. It’s not your fault, Lib, I know you are MY friend at the end of the day.”
I mentally kicked myself for feeling anything negative toward Jana. She was such a good friend to me, and doing this for a couple of weeks wasn’t that big of a deal. As long as things stayed innocent with Jade, everything would be fine.
“That’s true. You know you’re stuck with me for life, girlie,” I teased her with a laugh, trying to lighten the mood.
“Better be!” she laughed back.
We kept talking for a while about nothing in particular.
What we wanted to do for our girl’s trip this year, when we were going back to the outlets together.
She’d be footing my bill as one of my solids, which she didn’t know yet, but I knew she’d be fine with.
I could hear Jade enter the room after a few minutes and instantly felt awkward.
If I cut off the call, it would be suspicious to both of them.
But I also knew that Jana would feel uncomfortable having Jade in the background of our conversation.
“When you get back in town, Lib, we need to go to The Lantern. My boss wants me to network with some people who frequent there. Not to mention, the last time we went, that bartender couldn’t keep her eyes off you.
” Well, I guess it was good she wasn’t trying to talk about Jade, but I also didn’t want to talk about a one-night stand of mine.
“I’m thinking one of my solids may be not having to go there,” I said, trying to be vague.
“I thought you said she was good in bed; did you lie to me?” she asked playfully.
“No, I didn’t, but…you know what, fuck it.
” I didn’t know why I was being so weird.
So what if I saw Rayne again? It would probably be a lot of fun.
My anxiety was unwarranted. Did I not just tell myself earlier that I needed to be neutral?
If either of them had a problem, they could deal with it themselves.
“That’s my girl! Besides, I may or may not have had some luck that last time myself. You remember Kyle, huh?”
“Oh, how could I forget? Doesn’t he still send you flowers every blue moon?” Feeling more like myself, I finished the toast and plated it for Jade and me.
“Yeah, but he just needs to accept that I can’t have a relationship right now. I mean, hell, I can barely talk to you. I don’t have time for a clingy man.” I laughed because she hit the nail on the head there. “But I wouldn’t mind running into him and having a little fun.”
“You may need to find someone else, Jan; he may propose this time,” I teased while pouring two cups of coffee.
“Whew, maybe you’re right!” she agreed with a giggle. “It was so good to talk to you, Lib. I’ll try to call you tonight, I promise!” I could hear the desperation in her voice, and I again felt bad for any of my negative thoughts toward her.
“It’s all good, Jana. I know you’re busy.”
“That’s cause you are the best! Love ya!”
“Love you too!” I ended the call and looked up to see a sleepy Jade sitting at the bar-top.
“Morning!” I said kindly, not allowing myself to feel weird. I did nothing wrong.
“Good morning,” she replied easily before covering her mouth from a yawn. It was pretty cute how tired she was in the mornings.
I set the plate, coffee, creamer, and syrup in front of her before taking the seat beside her with my own items. Taking a bite, Jade moaned and looked over at me.
“Fuck, princess. I don’t even usually eat breakfast, but after you’ve been cooking for me, I feel like my day would be ruined without it. It’s delicious!” I blushed at her praise and tried to hide it by looking down at my plate.
“Thanks, I’m glad you like it.”
“You are so welcome,” she said with a full mouth.
We ate in silence for a bit, and I started thinking about my upcoming meetings for the day.
“May I ask you something? It may sound prying, but I’m not trying to be.
” Curious what she might ask, I nodded lightly.
“How is Jana doing? Like her job, her life, all that stuff. I haven’t heard from her in so long, and I just want to know if she’s okay.
” Taken aback by her words, I contemplated my response.
She seemed seriously concerned for her sister’s well-being, and that was just shocking to me based on what I’d known of their relationship.
“Well, she is busy with her job twenty-four-seven, but she absolutely loves it. She’s hella good at it too,” I stated before taking a sip of coffee. “Overall, I believe she’s happy.” I wasn’t sure what else to say, what would be too much to share from Jana’s perspective.
“I’m glad to hear that,” Jade replied, sounding down.
“May I ask you something?” I inquired. Might as well, since she seemed so open this morning.
With a nod from her, I continued. “I know it’s a lot of different things.
But I guess I want to know from your perspective what ended things between the two of you.
” I bit my lip, thinking I might be pushing too far.
She seemed to consider for a moment before speaking.
“I’m sure you know parts of the story, but anyway.
Our parents kind of sucked, and they played favorites.
We grew up competing for attention with them.
There never seemed to be enough love for both of us, so we fought to be the one to get it.
” I felt choked up at her words. Jana had told me a similar story, but this was a much more psychological view of things. It actually made sense to hear.
“There were plenty of times that I was mean to Jana. I hated her for a long time because I genuinely believed that she was my enemy. But looking back, we were being manipulated. If we were always competing with each other to be the best daughter, then we caused fewer problems for our parents, who didn’t have time for us.
" Jade shifted in her seat and then placed a loose strand of hair behind her ear.
“The sad thing about it all was that we could have spent all that time using each other as someone to lean on, but we were too focused on winning some imaginary game. If I could go back, I’d do so many things differently.
” I couldn’t think of Jana ever mentioning wanting to do things differently.
Her perspective was always that of a victim, but I’m sure that was valid.
“You can’t blame yourself for the choices your parents made.
I mean, you were both kids. They should have done something, seen what they were doing to you guys and changed.
That was out of both your and Jana’s control.
” My hand hovered momentarily before I grabbed my plate and stood to walk towards the sink.
I had wanted to reach out and comfort Jade, but I didn't want to overstep.
I was unsure how Jana would feel about my discussing this with Jade, but what I said wasn’t untrue.
She looked over at me and gave me a small smile.
Like some sort of gravitational pull, I couldn’t help but admire her beauty, such a resilient, intelligent woman who had survived so much.
She was admitting her wrongdoings and taking blame for them, which was both revealing of her character and showed her growth.
This was not the same Jade that Jana talked so poorly about; it couldn’t have been.
“If you’re asking what was the straw that broke the camel’s back, I really couldn’t tell you.
It was more like a long list of things, and when Jana and I had the chance to split ways, we took it.
” The whole situation broke my heart. They both deserved so much better than what they went through.
Maybe I could help to be the bridge between the two of them, help them become cordial again at the very least.
Jade placed her empty plate on top of mine in the apron sink, her free hand briefly touching the small of my back. It took an embarrassing amount of strength not to lean in and savor it.