5. Chapter Five
Chapter Five
Summer
I curl up on the bench and stare out into space. My vision is blurry from the excessive amount of tears I let out, but I’m able to take in a normal amount of oxygen now.
It feels like I’ve been sitting here crying for hours, but I know it hasn’t been that long. The walk here was only twenty minutes, and I sat down five minutes ago.
I force myself to blink until my vision clears, and I dry my face with my fingertips, praying that I didn’t smear too much of my mascara. When I look at my fingers, I sigh. It’s definitely smudged.
Tugging my earbuds out of my ears, I roll the cord around my phone and place it on my side before bringing my legs back to my chest.
Grieving sucks. It’s not really an emotion. It’s more of a deep cut that was never properly stitched together—left to never heal.
“Rough day?” a man to my left asks, but I don’t bother to look. I don’t have it in me to spare this stranger a glance. But I also don’t want to be known as the bitchy girl who sits on a park bench crying, either.
It might be too late for the second part.
I answer with a shrug. “You could say that.”
He plops beside me, sighing, and from my peripheral vision, I notice his jacket. My entire body tightens, and my heart jumps into overdrive.
I’ve seen that jacket.
Three days ago, I saw that jacket on a lead singer.
One that was staring at me during the whole first song.
“Do you want to talk about it?” he asks.
My eyes drift slowly to him, catching sight of the swirls of tattoos covering his right arm, dipping under the sleeve of his short sleeve shirt, and hovering to the permanent ink on his neck.
Holy hell.
When my eyes meet his, my stomach flips as I stare into the most intricate pale gray eyes I had ever seen. They complement his tan skin and sharp jawline. I clear my throat, irritated that he’s bothering me but even more so that my body is reacting this way.
“I’ll take that as a no,” he continues, realizing that I’m not going to answer him.
I don’t mean to huff—it sort of slips out. I force myself to look away, focusing on the ground instead. I can still see him from the corner of my eye, and I hang onto my legs tighter as I watch a small army of ants crawl into a hole in a crack in the cement walkway.
If I keep my attention on the ants, maybe he’ll go away.
Too bad, that doesn’t happen. His eyes just burn a hole into the side of my head, frustrating me even more. I’m also angry that he’s really attractive.
God, can he just leave me alone?
I wouldn’t have these weird butterflies in my stomach if he would just disappear.
He reaches his arm up to scratch between his eyes. “Let me tell you a story.” I side-eye him, and he chuckles. “When I was younger, I stuck my finger inside one of those holes and was attacked by an army of ants.”
My head shifts toward him. “I’m sorry, what?”
He’s joking, right? He has to be. Ants don’t attack people. There are only a handful of ants that actually bite.
He shrugs. “It’s a true story.”
I laugh. “Yeah, and I know how to fly.”
He stares at me curiously. “You don’t have to believe me, but I am an honorable man.” His hand comes up to his chest.
“Oh, come on. They are ants, not bees. Yes, they may bite you, but not unless there’s a lot of them. Not to mention the size of the hole. There is no way your finger would fit.” I shift in my seat, crossing my arms over my chest.
His lips curl upward. “Alright. Can’t fool you. But at least I got you to laugh.”
I frown, remembering why I’m sitting here in the first place. His eyes skim over me, taking in my puffy red eyes. For some reason, swirls wiggle through my stomach, making me feel even more flooded with emotions than I was.
This is embarrassing.
“I appreciate the gesture,” I admit, checking the time on my phone.
He leans over, resting his elbows on his knees. “What were you listening to?”
“Who said I was listening to anything?”
“I saw you roll your cord up before I sat down.” He points to the phone that’s now in my hand.
“You were watching me?”
I remember how his eyes were glued to me at the concert, and slight discomfort makes its way through my stomach.
He adjusts himself on the bench, resting his ankle on his opposite leg. “Not precisely. Would you like me to?” When I don’t answer, he continues, “OK, honest truth. I saw you sitting here, and you looked like you needed company.”
“Thanks for pointing out the obvious,” is what I want to say, but I don’t. He hasn’t done anything wrong, so there’s no reason to bite back.
“Yeah, well, I think it’s safe to say that I am kind of lonely.”
“Alright.” He reaches his arm up and pulls a cigarette out from behind his ear. I hadn’t noticed it was there. Then again, I don’t notice much these days. He places one end between his lips and shuffles into the pocket of his leather jacket, pulling out a lighter. With one flick, the fire ignites, and he brings the flame to the other end. “Who do I have to fight?”
I laugh a little and shake my head. “No. No. My mother recently died, and I was…” I snap my mouth shut to stop myself from talking. He’s a stranger, and I shouldn’t have to explain anything to him.
He blows out a mouthful of smoke in the opposite direction of me. “I’m sorry about your mom.”
I press my lips together and sigh. “No need to be.”
Silence falls for a beat as I tap my phone in the palm of my hand, holding the white cord tight in my grip. He breaks the silence, saying, “So, are you going to tell me what you were listening to?”
I smile a little, unroll my cord, and pass him one of the earbuds before pressing play.
He takes his time listening to the song. His head lightly bobs, lifting his arm to take another drag of his cigarette. “You have good taste.”
That makes me smile, and I mean really smile. “Thanks.”
He reaches his arm toward me with the butt between his fingers, offering me a drag.
I scrunch my nose and shake my head. “I don’t smoke.”
He nods. “That’s a good thing.”
“Smoking kills, you know.”
The corner of his mouth curls upward. He looks away and continues to puff on his cigarette.
We sit in silence through the rest of the song. When the song comes to an end, he passes my earbud back to me and I roll the cord back around my phone. He takes two more drags of his cigarette before putting the end out on the cement and tossing it into the trash can across from us.
He didn’t litter.
That makes me happy, but I don’t mention it.
He faces forward when he sits back down. “I understand how you’re feeling.”
“How could you possibly understand how I’m feeling?”
He looks at me as if he’s trying to read my mind before looking at the ground. “My parents died when I was sixteen.”
Nice going, Summer.
My heart sinks, and I look away. “I’m so sorry.”
He shrugs. “They overdosed. I found them in the basement, but I was too late.”
“Shit.”
We are quiet for longer this time, but then he asks, “Can I tell you something?”
“Sure.”
I can feel him watching me again. It causes me to shift on the bench and let my legs fall to the ground.
“I know you saw me looking at you.” My eyes draw. “You looked astonishing. By far the most beautiful woman I’ve ever laid my eyes on. And when you noticed I was staring, your expression changed. Your skin lightened. I actually thought you were about to throw up. Then, when I saw you sitting here, it was like I was looking at an entirely different person. I just couldn’t leave you alone. Truthfully, no one likes to be left alone.”
I think I’m blushing—I can feel my cheeks heating up.
“That’s… oddly nice.”
He chuckles, and I really like his laugh. “What’s your name?”
I contemplate not telling him, but I sort of enjoy his company. “Summer.”
Even though I already know his name, I pretend I don’t.
“Well, Summer. I’m Alec.” He holds his hand out to shake mine. I think about it for a second before placing my hand in his. “I have another confession,” he continues.
“Give me your best,” I say.
“I really want to kiss you.”
My mouth falls open. I close it immediately, stunned into complete silence.
“Can I?” he asks. “Kiss you, that is.”
I almost laugh, thinking he’s joking. But the way his eyes pierce through me is enough for me to know he’s dead serious. I should say no. I should get up and walk away. I should run—far, far away. But instead, I nod like an idiot. I’m entirely too awkward.
He lets out a breath, and his fingers inch their way toward my chin, grazing against my skin slowly.Goosebumps prickle along every inch of my body. When he dips his head low, I lean into him. The scent of him causes a tingle in the middle of my stomach, right to my core. I’m not sure where this side of me is coming from—I don’t do things like kiss strangers that I’ve just met.
My eyes flutter, and my throat feels like it’s closing. As our mouths part, the piercing sound of his phone jolts us apart. I turn away, clearing my throat.
“I’m sorry, I should probably answer this,” he says, and I look at him again, nodding.
I slip my lip between my teeth and let out a long breath. He stands, pulling out his phone and a pack of cigarettes. Then he answers the call before lighting one.
“Yup,” he says. He sounds irritated. He’s silent while listening to whoever is on the other line. “Tell him if he hadn’t walked out on me earlier, we wouldn’t be in this situation.” He looks over at me and gives a light smile before turning his back to me. “Fuck. Fine. Give me five minutes.”
He hangs up the phone and slips it back into his pocket. He turns back toward me. “I’m sorry. I really have to go.”
I smile, but it’s not a real smile. “It’s OK. I should get back anyway. I’m having dinner with my dad.”
I try to ignore the slight twitch in his jaw as he looks down. Why does he seem upset?
Just as I was going to ask, he gives a short smirk and says, “Well, I’m glad I was able to keep you company. I hope you feel better.”
“I enjoyed your company. Thank you.”
He hesitates before walking away. I watch him walk down the sidewalk and jog across the street. I want him to turn back around. Look at me one last time; but he doesn’t, and quite frankly, I’m kind of disappointed by that.
***
“Thanks for coming,” I say to Chloe, plopping down onto the plush sofa in my living room and wrapping a soft blanket around me.
I called Chloe after leaving the commons I was sitting at, realizing that being alone is the last thing I need.
Lying on the couch brings back so many memories about how Mom would sneak into my bedroom, whispering to let me know the popcorn was ready. Then, we would tiptoe down the stairs quietly and pray Dad didn’t wake up. He always disliked the idea of junk food after seven. But Mom often broke that rule. She would let me choose a movie, and we’d snuggle up together on the couch. Dad and I did a lot together, but this was our time to savor. I often wondered if Dad ever knew. If he did, he never said anything.
Chloe gives me a soft smile, her dark brown eyes softening. “I’ll always be here when you need me. Unless I have to work.”
I frown, thinking about what I’m going to do with my life now. A college dropout certainly doesn’t look good on my resume.
I blow out a small breath. “Hey, Chloe. I have to tell you something.”
She blinks at me, tilting her head. “You don’t sound thrilled.”
My lips pinch, and I look away feeling the weight in my heart dip lower. “I sort of dropped out of college.”
She shoots up, straightening herself and crossing her legs. “Dude. Does your dad know?” I chew on the inside of my cheek and shake my head. Chloe lets out a long breath and runs her fingers through her black hair. “Holy shit. He’s going to flip out. I definitely want to be here when you tell him.”
Slouching down on the couch, I groan. I never did figure out when to tell my father. When I informed the school I was no longer going to attend, I knew I would tell Dad at some point. Given Mom’s passing, I couldn’t possibly tell him right away. But I never gave myself much thought about when .
“So, what are you going to do?” Chloe grabs the bottle of water she placed on the coffee table when she first arrived, twists the cap, and takes a sip.
I shake my head, ashamed of myself. “I don’t know. I just know it wasn’t what I was meant to do, you know.”
She licks her lips and nudges my arm. “You can come work with me.”
I nearly choke on my laugh. “Yes, because selling Taboo sex toys is my true calling.”
Chloe shrugs her shoulders. “Your loss. Great discounts. I think you could use a few of them.” She wiggles her eyebrows. “Take some of that stress off. Blow off steam.”
I give her a drool expression. “No, thank you, Chlo.”
She groans. “Come on, Summer. You really need to loosen up sometimes.”
I roll my eyes. “I don’t need sex to loosen up.”
“You need to learn how to have fun.”
“I know how to have fun,” I scoff.
She squints her eyes and stares at me long and hard. “Do you, now? Do you?”
Chloe takes another sip of water.
“I almost kissed Alec.” The words rush out of my mouth before I can stop them, and I scrunch my face. Regret weighing on my shoulders.
Clear liquid erupts out of her mouth as she spits her water across the room and chokes. Her hand flies to her chest until she stops coughing. Once she does, she looks at me. “What did you just say? Alec? As in the lead singer of Devil’s Riot? The same guy who was staring at you during the concert?”
I bite my lip and nod. When my eyes meet Chloe’s, my stomach coils as she stares at me in a statue-like state. I run my tongue across my bottom lip and wiggle on the couch.
“Are you going to say something?” I ask, blinking repeatedly.
“Start at the beginning. How? When? Where? Tell me everything!”
My chest tightens, and I flop down on her lap and start from the beginning. Chloe doesn’t say anything while I tell her exactly what happened the moment I walked out of the funeral home. She looks intrigued, as if she’s proud I wasn’t opposed to kissing someone I didn’t even know. Typical Chloe.
I run my palms down my face, dragging them dramatically off my chin. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”
She pushes me up from her lap, and turns to face me. “There is nothing wrong with you, Summer. You are twenty-three years young. You have needs.”
“I have needs?” I question.
“Duh. I mean, I was surprised you fucked Billy Rogers in high school, but that doesn’t mean you have to let your goods go to waste.”
I cringe, the memory of Billy fucking Rogers blasting through my mind. “Please. Let’s leave that embarrassing experience in the past.”
She laughs, wrapping her arms around me and resting her head on my shoulder. “That was the best story I have ever heard.”
I pout, closing my eyes. “It was mortifying.”
“Oh, hold on. Hold on.” She taps my shoulder before rushing off the couch. When I open my eyes, I make a face. Chloe clears her throat to make her voice sound low and rough. She pops her chest out and rubs her palms along her breasts. “Hey sweet thang, lemme pop that sweet cherry of yours. You can have all of this.”
My mouth drops. “Oh my god, Chloe. Stop!” I shout, leaving us both laughing.
“Seriously, did he really say that?”
I press my fingers to my temples and stare up at her through my eyelashes. “Close enough.”
We both shiver, disgust rolling through me.
Suddenly, the front door swings open with a loud bang, colliding with the wall and causing us to jump. We jerk our heads simultaneously to see my dad storming inside and going up the stairs. My eyes narrow as Chloe’s gaze locks with mine.
“What the…” she mouths.
I shrug, quickly getting up and running toward the stairs.
I rest my hand on the railing. “Dad, is everything alright?” I shout.
Dad curses, ignoring my question, and storms back down the stairs, passing me and slamming the door shut on his way out.
What the fuck?