Chapter Thirty
Present Day
“Let me make you some tea,” I said, pulling back gently. “Or coffee? You must be jet-lagged out of your mind.”
“Tea’s good.” He released me reluctantly, his hands sliding down my arms to catch my fingers, holding on for a second longer before letting go.
I moved to the kitchen, a familiar sanctuary of small tasks.
Boiling the kettle, getting mugs, the chamomile teabags—it was all wonderfully, achingly normal.
Theo leaned against the doorframe, watching me.
His gaze was like a physical touch, but it wasn’t the hungry, desperate look from the hallway.
This was softer. Observant. The way he’d look at me through his camera lens when he thought I wasn’t paying attention.
“How’d you even know what my apartment number was?”
“Sloane. I called her from the airport. She was… surprisingly not murderous. Just told me not to fuck it up again.”
I handed him a mug. “Wise advice.”
We moved to the living room couch. It was a decent size, but suddenly it felt intimate and enormous all at once. He sat on one end. I sat on the other, tucking my feet beneath me. A careful three feet of cushion lay between us, a new kind of pillow wall.
For a few minutes, we just sipped our tea in silence. The domesticity of it was surreal. Theo Bennett, world-traveling photographer, sitting in my modest apartment in pajama pants, blowing on chamomile tea.
And then I realized something. Part of me still wanted to dissect every word, understand every motivation, trace the exact moment fear made him stupid.
But I also realized that humans are complex characters, made of flesh and bone, but also nuanced thoughts and feelings and emotions.
We weren’t perfect and we weren’t always going to say or do the right thing.
He’d explained. I’d heard him. The specifics mattered less than the pattern change.
And we knew it, we felt it, and we’d chosen each other anyway.
“What do you need from me, Gin?” he asked, his gaze locking onto mine. “Not what you think you should ask for. Not what’s easy. What do you need.”
The question stunned me. In all my past relationships, it had been about accommodating, shrinking, accepting the scraps of affection offered. No one had ever asked me what I needed to feel safe. To feel valued.
But asking for what I needed… It felt like being naked. Visible and exposed in all the ways that I’d feared my entire life.
But being naked in front of Theo… I’d learned, was not something I had a problem with. He’d loved me and all my curves - not in spite of them, but because they were a part of me.
“I need you.” It was a simple request, but it was the truest one.
“You have me,” he murmured.
“Heart and Soul?”
“Heart, soul, mind, body and spirit.”
I half laughed and shook my head. “No - You said you applied for the job at Heart and Soul.”
He just nodded and his cheeks pinked a little.
“If it’s too much, let me know - I’ll work at the mall taking photos of babies if I have to. I just need to be close to you.”
My heart warmed, though I didn’t think he was going to need to work in the mall. HS would be mad to not employ him. I placed my hand out, across the pillow divide and waited until his slipped in mine.
“It’s not too much.”
“You think I have a chance?”
I chuckled. “I think Heart and Soul might be a little worried about your salary expectations, but yes… I think you have a chance.”
He lifted my hand to his mouth and kissed my knuckles. “I think they might realise I don’t care about the money when I said in the application - I’d work for free if it meant working alongside you.”
“You didn’t say that.”
His eyes were playful now, and a genuine smile crossed his face. “I promise you I did.”
I shook my head and then Theo moved the cushion that was dividing us, he moved closer, until my still folded legs sat ever so slightly above his.
“You’re obsessed.” I teased.
He opened his mouth, and went to argue but nothing came out. He shrugged and then smiled. “Yeah. I guess I am. Only for you Gin.”
Theo let his head rest against the back of the couch, I could feel the exhaustion radiating off him in waves.
“You can stay here tonight.” I offered. His eyes widened and for a moment I noticed a spark of life jolt back into them. Just as quickly though they dulled again and his eyes closed slowly. I suspected he’d been awake for almost 24 hours, and he needed sleep.
I placed my hand on his cheek and then kissed his forehead
“I have this nice chaise you can sleep on.” I bit back a smile, desperate to tease the man who’d always teased me.
My sofa was three times the size of the stupid half sofa in the hotel room, but my comment evoked a guttural laugh from Theo anyway.
“I’d sleep on the bathroom floor if it meant being near you.” He breathed out.
I stood up and pulled him to his feet. This wasn’t all fixed, it wasn’t all perfect but neither was life. Right now we had chosen each other and the rest was going to follow - bit by bit, moment by moment.
“Come on, let’s go to bed.”
Theo stood and pulled me in for a sleepy kiss. “You sure, I will sleep on the chaise… sofa, couch thing if it makes you more comfortable.”
“I will be the most comfortable with you next to me. The last few days have been torture. I didn’t realise how much I missed you before I had you, and now that I’ve felt what it’s like without you.” I kissed him. “Come to bed with me.”
Theo followed behind me, his hand still in mine.
Once we made it to my bedroom my still made bed looked like a cloud made for two emotionally wrecked individuals who’d finally come together as one.
I hadn’t slept in my own bed since I’d been back.
The couch had been my everything spot - I’d only moved to get food or use the bathroom.
Together we chucked the throw pillows to the ground and Theo murmured. “No more fucking pillow walls.”
“No.” I agreed. “Or any other kind of walls. Promise? From here on - we tell each other how we’re feeling. We let each other in.”
Theo nodded. “I can do that.”
Once we were in my bed and under the covers, Theo pulled me in close.
He smelt like a beautiful mixture of his cologne and my clothes.
His lips pressed against my forehead and sucked in a deep breath, and I felt his body drift away into sleep - and mine, equally weightless and whole after a few days of feeling shattered followed along shortly after.