Operation 17 The Damage Done #2
But every instinct in him screamed to go to his partner, wrap his arms around him, press his face between his shoulder blades, and beg until his knees hit the concrete.
He didn’t.
Furi held the frame with one hand, digging his fingers into the smooth wood.
“Corbin,” he said humbly.
Syn didn’t respond.
“I know you asked for space,” he said. “And I’m trying so hard to respect that.”
Syn’s shoulders shifted, but he didn’t turn around.
“I know you’re still mad, and you have every right to be,” Furi croaked, forcing the words past the knot in his throat.
“I thought I’d know what to say when I got here.
I’ve been saying it in my head for days.
In the kitchen. In the shower. At the shop.
Every time I looked at my phone and hoped it was you. ” His voice caught.
He tightened his grip on the doorframe until his knuckles hurt.
“But standing here now, none of it sounds like enough.”
Syn remained still.
Furi’s eyes burned. He squeezed them shut, angry at himself. He’d promised he wouldn’t come here and fall apart.
He pulled in a breath that scraped all the way down.
“I miss you so much, love.”
Syn lowered his head even more, his knuckles whitening where he gripped the railing.
Furi saw it and almost stepped forward. Almost.
“I know I hurt you,” he continued. “I lied and I made decisions that belonged to both of us. I told myself I was helping take the pressure off you.”
A bitter sound left him.
“I was lying to myself before I lied to you.”
The railing creaked.
“I should’ve talked to you,” he confessed. “I should’ve sat at our table, looked you in the eye, and told you I was terrified and that I didn’t know how to save the shop. That I hated watching you work so hard. And that every time you came home tired, I felt like I was failing you.”
Please turn around…please.
“But instead of telling you the truth, I…” Furi’s voice roughened. “I never should’ve given those strangers what belonged to you.”
Outside was silent except for the whisper of evening traffic in the distance.
Furi lowered his voice. “And what I said to you before you left…”
He had to stop. That sentence was a blade that’d been cutting him deep.
“I had no right,” he said, the words pulled from a place that’d been rubbed raw. “No right, to say your name in the same breath as him.”
His hand slipped from the doorframe to his chest, pressing where the pain was the most intense.
“I know sorry isn’t enough. But I’m begging you.” He took a careful step closer to the threshold but still didn’t cross it. “Please forgive me. If you can’t tonight than someday. Just leave me a small place to earn my way back.”
Syn stayed turned away.
The silence stretched wider as he waited.
“Love,” Furi whispered. “Please look at me.”
Syn bowed forward as if it ached too much to stay upright, and Furi’s chest almost caved in.
He almost said his name again, pleaded harder. Instead, he forced himself to stand there and take his punishment.
“I’ve decided to close the shop,” he said after a long while. “I don’t think sinking more money into it is the best decision anymore. I paid out the remainder of the lease, and Marty is going to buy out my inventory for his shop.”
Syn shifted a fraction, but not enough to face him.
“It’s okay. I should’ve done it sooner.”
It hurt letting his dream go. He’d wanted to own his own shop since he used to help his dad repair bikes when he was ten years old.
But nothing hurt as much as this right now. Standing ten feet from Syn and feeling as though he was a thousand miles away.
“I was offered a manager job at Solo Motors in their parts division.” Furi wrung the small canvas bag strap between his fingers. “I start next week. It has good benefits. Steady hours.”
No response.
Furi nodded to himself.
He wanted Syn to say he was still pissed but proud of him. He wanted Syn to call him stubborn. He wanted him to tell him closing the shop didn’t make him a failure. He wanted his partner’s voice so badly his hands started to shake.
“Are you doing, okay?” he asked, voice fractured. “Do…do you need anything?”
He waited.
He wanted Syn to ask if he needed anything so he could tell him. ‘Yes. I need you to hold me. I need you to come home before your scent fades from our sheets.’
Furi stood there until hope turned cruel.
“Okay, um. I don’t wanna push you,” he said, voice barely holding. “I just wanted you to know that I love you. I love you more than anything, Corbin.”
Syn’s shoulders moved with one breath.
Furi turned away and went back into the house.
Ro was standing in the kitchen leaning against the island with a beer in one hand and his phone in the other.
Furi walked to the opposite side of the island, set the canvas bag down and opened it with hands he had to force to stop trembling. The moisture in his eyes gathered hot and stubborn, but he held it back.
“Um.” His voice broke anyway. “Ro, please make sure he’s taking his blood pressure pills.”
He took out the refilled prescription bottle and placed it on the counter, then the multivitamins.
“And I brought his vitamins because…”
He stopped.
The kitchen blurred.
Ro set his beer down.
Furi squeezed the edge of the counter. “He doesn’t eat right when he works too much. Or when he’s stressed. He forgets vegetables unless I put them on the plate and stare at him until he eats them.”
Furi tried to smile but it didn’t work.
“Has he been eating any fruit?” Furi coughed back the tears. “He likes bananas, and kiwi. Not the green ones, the golden ones.”
Ro came around the island and pulled him into his arms.
Furi gripped Ro’s shoulder and buried his face against him. The flood was right there, rising behind his eyes.
Ro’s voice was low near his ear. “I’ll cook a stir-fry tonight. Make sure he gets some vegetables. And I’ll put bananas and golden kiwi on the grocery list, okay?”
Furi dipped his head, then pulled back before he shattered.
He wiped under one eye quickly and pointed to the bag.
“There’re protein bars in there. The chocolate peanut butter ones he likes. And the electrolyte packets because he’ll drink more water if it has flavor. There’s also Tums and peppermint tea for when his stomach gets bad.”
Ro looked sadly at the bag.
“He left in such a hurry,” Furi whispered.
Ro touched his shoulder as he walked him to the front door. “I’ll make sure he gets it.”
At the threshold, Furi stopped and glanced back, but he couldn’t see the patio from where he stood.
“Call me if…”
Ro’s voice was gentle. “I will.”
Furi walked back to his Harley. He swung his leg over his bike and sat there, helmet resting on his thigh.
For a long moment, he didn’t start the engine. He didn’t want to go home.
He just stared down the street through burning eyes trying to convince himself that leaving didn’t mean he was giving up.