Chapter 44
Between his increasingly demanding online persona, his new role as pharmaceutical spokesperson, and the mounting threat of being arrested, Emmett had neither the time nor energy to address his relationship with Aaron.
It had been limping along for months, held together by occasional sleepovers and the fear that if things ended badly, both their jobs would be in jeopardy.
An undercurrent of unacknowledged tension crackled beneath every interaction, as if they both knew that one wrong move could bring the whole thing crashing down.
Aaron spent Christmas with his family in New York, and Emmett told his family that he’d gone with him; in reality, he spent the day at the Castillos’ being force-fed tamales and pozole by Lizette’s mother and tías, wondering if Aaron was equally grateful for the distance between them.
Emmett wasn’t necessarily opposed to quitting the museum.
As much as he’d wanted the job, it involved far more meetings, admin, and management of his younger team members’ emotions than actually educating.
Aaron had no interest in his ideas for new programming, and the office politics and gossip were verging on toxic.
Financially he’d be fine. Between his trial payments and his coaching business, he had a decent safety net, even before his other Monstera money came through.
That was another thing he’d need to address with Aaron at some point: the partnership deal. He didn’t have long. The announcement was scheduled to go live on Emmett’s Instagram in a few days’ time, and he really didn’t want that to be how Aaron learned he was on Obexity.
The Thursday between Christmas and New Year’s, Emmett sent a text: Hey, hope you’re having fun with your family. Do you have a minute to talk?
Aaron called him soon after. There was something unspoken in his tone as they exchanged pleasantries about their Christmases. “So you wanted to talk?”
“Yeah… I just think we should, don’t you?”
“I can’t do this right now, I’m with my—”
“When you get back, then. There’s something I need to tell you. Nothing serious, just—”
“I’m back Friday, but I’m having drinks with a friend.”
A friend. Emmett had been his friend once. It seemed like a long time ago now.
“Saturday, then?” Emmett said.
“Fine. I’ll text you when I’m home.”
Aaron seemed to be avoiding the conversation.
He failed to text when he got back into town and ignored Emmett’s messages until New Year’s Day.
Emmett had insisted they speak in person that night, before their return to the office.
The following day was the big announcement, and he needed Aaron to know before it went live.
Emmett knocked at Aaron’s apartment, five pounds thinner than he’d been before taking his two remaining doses the previous night.
Lizette had made a huge deal about how sickly thin he looked, but that wasn’t why Emmett did it anymore.
Losing weight gave him a feeling of control, of order, a feeling that recent events had erased from his life.
Aaron opened the door, already awkward. They didn’t hug. He invited Emmett inside and led him into the kitchen.
“All right, let’s talk,” he said, pulling a pair of wineglasses out of the cupboard.
“None for me.”
Aaron returned one of the glasses.
Emmett’s stomach felt like a nest of fire ants. “How was your New Year’s?”
“Just say what you came here to say,” Aaron said.
“Okay… well. Obviously things have been off between us and I… I just think we need to figure out what we’re doing, before things get too uncomfortable at work.”
“Before they get uncomfortable?”
Aaron uncorked a bottle and filled his glass, not looking at him.
Emmett bristled. “Do you want to stay together?”
“Sorry, with you or the Emmett I started dating four months ago?”
“Aaron—”
“Don’t,” Aaron said, taking his wine into the living room. “Don’t pretend like you haven’t changed.”
“You mean my body?”
“I mean everything.” He sat on the couch, feet on the coffee table. “Your clothes, the way you act online. You’re like an ‘influencer’ now.” He made air quotes around the word.
“And that’s a problem?”
“You act like these people are your friends. You don’t even know them.”
“You don’t really know me, but that’s never stopped you from putting my toes in your mouth.”
“Fuck you,” Aaron said.
“Wish someone would.”
Aaron’s mouth puckered into a scowl; he slugged his wine.
“You used to like that I was popular online,” Emmett said. “Just be honest about what this is. You’ve barely looked at me since you saw me in the bathroom that day. You didn’t like what you saw.”
“All right, fine: the loose skin isn’t exactly a turn-on.”
Emmett had asked for it, but it still hurt.
“Nothing’s fucking good enough, is it?” he erupted.
“You didn’t want me when I was fat, and now I’ve lost weight and you have a problem with my skin.
Like, sorry, but I can’t just wave a magic wand and be this idealized body.
I’m fat, I’ve been fat my whole life, and there’s no getting away from that. ”
“Don’t let your followers hear you say that, ‘thetrueme.by.emmett.t.’ ”
Emmett’s gut blazed, Hungering for blood and meat and revenge.
He needed to get out before he lost control, before he did something he regretted. He turned and rushed out of the apartment.