THIRTY
ALAN ARRIVED AFTER dinner. The distraction was enough to inflate the mood again. Her uncle spoke at length about their walk, sparing just a few comical side glances her way. He hadn’t called her out for disappearing with Baer, which she appreciated, but he hadn’t missed their impromptu departure either.
As the debate raged over what they should do before bed, she could already tell this would be a night more of conversation than activity.
The chill in the air prompted her upstairs to grab a sweater from the bedroom. As she came out into the hall again, Nickson was disappearing into his own bedroom. The door stayed open and she didn’t hear voices. She could go talk to him. Would that be a good idea? She shouldn’t meddle. Roxie would meddle. Baer didn’t want them getting too involved.
This was her cousin. A woman she’d known her whole life. Whether she had a right to say something or not, didn’t she have a duty to speak up?
Aware he could come out at any time, she took slow steps, craning to hear for signs he may not be alone. The affianced couple’s bedroom was opposite her and Baer’s. At the top of the stairs, she lingered. Do or die. Either she went back downstairs to join the merriments, or she kept on going and got herself involved.
Screw it.
Bypassing the stairs, she went around the banister and tapped a knuckle on the ajar door without giving herself a chance to hesitate. It was one thing injecting herself, it would be another if she was caught just standing there like a snooping eavesdropper.
The door was opened by Nickson and, immediately, he frowned. She bobbed a little left and right, up and down, trying to see around his formidable form, checking for his fiancée.
“Are you alone?” Maybe not the best opener; his puzzlement intensified. “Is Kelly here?” she asked, clarifying her reasoning. “And you know why am asking.”
Their locked eyes fought a battle. Of judgment? Hostility? Without saying a word, she called him out.
“No.” He went back into the bedroom, leaving the door open. “She’s downstairs, if you want to talk to her.”
“It’s not her I want to talk to.” Despite the lack of invitation, she crossed the bedroom’s threshold and nudged the door with an elbow. Catching it as she leaned back to balance against it, she kept it open, almost closed, with the squeeze of her elbow holding it in place. “We haven’t had a chance to talk. You and me. By ourselves.”
She didn’t cut the most intimidating figure, no kidding herself there. In that moment, being innocuous worked, this shouldn’t be adversarial, she wanted him to see sense and had no interest in strongarming him… unless it was necessary.
“I say we don’t need to talk.” He was rifling in a holdall open on the bed. “Though I was surprised. You? Squires gets all kinds of clients. But a woman like you…? Just what are you worth? How many billions? And looking the way you do… You have to pay for sex? Fuck, you must be into some helluva kinky shit.”
The tone was light, sort of conversational, yet the mocking was more than apparent.
“My crime, if one has been committed, hurts no one. Yours, by comparison, deserves its own scrutiny, wouldn’t you say?”
There was a time for etiquette and breeding to be practiced. This probably wasn’t it. She was tense, it came out all on its own. Maybe she should’ve called Roxie, asked her friend to feed her appropriate words for the moment.
“I’m not committing a crime, babes, not anymore. Your guy on the other hand…” That hung in the air, sinking and floating, trying to find its level. A statement? Threat? Whichever, she wasn’t afraid. “If you’re here to offer me cash—”
“Cash? Why would I offer you cash?”
“To get rid of me? I’m not going anywhere. I’m marrying your cousin.”
“Are you? My whole life, others have scrutinized my relationships, I know what it’s like. I know it’s none of my business—”
“None of your business, that’s right.” He flipped the lid of the bag over again, not finding whatever he was looking for. “Stay the hell out of it.”
“You’re lying to her,” she said, beseeching him. “How can you possibly marry her when there’s this blackhole in her knowledge?
“Don’t turn this into some sanctimonious crap. Admit it, there’s only one reason it bothers you.”
There was, yes, the lie. Somehow, she doubted that’s what he was referencing. “One reason?”
“You’re scared for your reputation. That’s all it is. Don’t come in here all righteous, telling me to do the right thing, when you’re trying to destroy a man because of his history.”
Slack-jawed, she could hardly believe it. Did he really just…? The gall! Who the hell did he think he was?
“For your information…” she said, affront blasting out all on its own. “I don’t care what you used to do. I spend my nights sleeping next to a man who does the same job. Would I do that if I had a problem with the profession?”
“Yeah, yeah, that’s just it. You don’t want the world to know you pay for it, I’ve met plenty of broads like you. The ones who are happy to take it every which way, so long as it’s in secret. You’re disgusted by it.” With one long stride, he put himself at the footpost of the bed. “You think if it gets out that your cousin is marrying a guy who used to make his money dirty, the world will find out your kinky secrets.”
“If my concern is so selfish, why wouldn’t I tell Kelly the truth? Why wouldn’t I poison her against you?”
“Because if you share my secret, I’ll share yours.”
So much for do or die. “My secret? That Baer works at Squires? Share it.” Hell, if her and Baer were going to be together, that truth was better out than in. “I’m not afraid of that. I’m not afraid of the truth. Or people knowing it.” Except maybe Truman. No, that was less fear and more apprehension. Her grandfather tended to act first and ask questions later, which, on occasion, caused harm. “Baer knows my secrets and I know his. You can’t damage us.”
“Would damage your precious charity though, wouldn’t it? What is it they call you? ‘Angel’? Wonder if that would change when people discovered you’re a secret sex slut.”
“Oh, be thankful Baer didn’t hear you say that. The people I help don’t appreciate me for any reputation. They appreciate me, and the work I do, for saving the people they love.”
“You’re probably right, they’d take your money anyway, wouldn’t stop them judging you.”
“What about you? You declare to the world who I am, what Baer does, and all those other guys at Squires… Conrad, Lyon, Dirk, Berwick… Donaghue, should I keep going? How will those guys like it if you tell the world about the agency? Talk about reputations? You’d be outing a whole community of people doing what they do to survive. You take away their ability to exist with security, how do you think they’ll like that?”
“You’re threatening me?”
“As you did me.” She exhaled. “No one needs to threaten anyone. There’s no reason we can’t get along. Just tell my cousin the truth. I don’t want her to leave you.” Unless she wanted to. She’d support whatever Kelly decided. “I want her to know the truth, so it can’t blindside her later. Can’t you see how much easier things would be if you just came clean? Surely it’s a weight off your shoulders.”
“You don’t know anything about me.”
“No,” she said, releasing the door from her elbow to venture a couple of steps closer. “And neither does Kelly. Because it doesn’t matter how many truths you tell her, if you conceal one, there’s still a part of you she doesn’t know. She’s not marrying the whole you, she’s marrying only the pieces you give her. That isn’t fair. Grant her the right to make this decision herself. How would you like it if the shoe was on the other foot? If she was hiding such a big secret from you?”
“You think I know her entire work history? We don’t sit down and go over each other’s resumes on date night.”
“If it’s not a big deal, tell her.”
“With her mom and dad in the next room?”
“If that’s the problem, book a restaurant, talk about it over a meal. My aunt and uncle will understand you want some alone time. We can sell that.”
He scoffed. “You think it’s better to tell her in a crowded room?”
Okay, fair point. Kelly was her first concern. How would her cousin react to the news? If she absorbed it and it made no difference, the couple could laugh in fun and continue their meal, which would give Kelly a chance to ask questions.
But if her cousin wasn’t okay with it, if it hurt and shocked her—that was probably unfair, one way or another there would be shock. She and Kelly had known each other their whole lives, yet she couldn’t anticipate how her cousin would feel about this. It wasn’t something that came up in conversation. And, in fairness, she hadn’t known what her own reaction would be until Holly brought it up. Sometimes she still wasn’t sure. Either way…
“Please trust me when I say the lie is worse. This vacation may not be the ideal time to tell her. But do you want to spend the next two weeks bonding with her family, only to break her heart when you get home?”
“Why would I want to do that? Why would you want me to do that? It’s in the past, forgotten, she doesn’t need to have her heart broken. I look after her.”
“And in future if you need cash?”
“You accuse every Squires guy of that?”
“You’re the only Squires guy who counts right now. And the way you’re talking… did you ever plan to tell her? Did you ever plan to tell her about Squires?”
“What’s Squires?”
Only after she turned, did the door open, and there was Kelly scrutinizing them both.
Damn. Of every way Kelly could’ve found out, this had to be the worst.
“Nothing,” Nickson snapped and marched toward them. She was quick to get out of the way, Kelly pushed the door closer to its frame, blocking his way out. “It’s nothing, baby. Let’s go back downstairs.”
“No, what’s Squires? Is that why you’ve been in a mood? Why does Freya know and I don’t?”
She’d really rather not be in the room for this. This should be a private conversation. Unfortunately, there was only one exit, and the couple blockaded the route. She’d be quiet. Stay quiet. Let them talk. As soon as Kelly moved out of the way—
“What is it?” Oh, bad, bad, Kelly was looking at her. “Freya, tell me. What is Squires?”
“You keep your mouth shut,” Nickson barked, shaking a finger at her. “Don’t say a damn word.”
“It’s really not my place…”
“If he won’t tell me, you have to. What is it? Did you two hook up or something?”
“No!” Not that she should be so offended by the idea. “It’s nothing like that.”
“Then what?” Kelly’s pleading tugged at her heart. “Please, someone tell me what I’m missing.”
“It’s nothing. I said it’s nothing.” Nickson adamant in the statement. “Forget about it. Trust me. You don’t need to know.”
“If I go downstairs and ask Holly? Baer? Donaghue? You think I’m an idiot, I get that. I’ve seen the way all of you whisper behind my back.”
Which was exactly what she hadn’t wanted.
“Tell her.” As adamant as Nickson was that Kelly should forget and move on, Freya was just as adamant that she should know the truth. “You’re not going to get a better time. She knows that something—”
“Because of you,” Nickson barked. “Why couldn’t you just keep your nose out? You think because you’re rich you can tell people what to do?”
“I think because you’re marrying her, she deserves to know the truth of your past. You tell her, right now, or I will.”
“Try it and I’ll go straight downstairs.”
“I told you that doesn’t scare me,” she said, edging closer. Her cousin needed support, to know she had allies, that people were looking out for her. Right now, Kelly probably felt ganged up on. “It’s not a big deal, Kelly, just something that you should—”
“Shut your mouth! Don’t you say another damn word!”
“What is it?” Kelly begged her fiancé. “Nothing anyone could say would change the way I feel about you. I love you. We’re getting married—”
“Then what does it matter?” Nickson had quickly turned from hostile to placating. “Just trust me that it’s not important. It’s just a dumb, stupid mistake, from a long time ago.”
A long time ago? Not that long ago, in fact they hadn’t got to the bottom of just how long his work at Squires overlapped with his and Kelly’s relationship. Did the time elapsed really matter? Maybe not. If he’d been sleeping with other women while sleeping with Kelly, yes, that made a difference.
“Then why wouldn’t you tell me? Why would you tell my cousin—”
“I didn’t tell her. She found out on her own. No one’s going to talk about it again. We’re going to forget it, completely forget it, and have a happy, fun vacation. That’s it, over. No more Squires talk.”
Forgetting that two of its current employees were nestled with her family downstairs.
He tried to put his arm around his fiancée. Pushing it away, Kelly shoved his chest, sending him back a step.
Getting close, Kelly hit his shoulder with the side of her fist. “We’re supposed to be real with each other. I can’t marry a man who won’t tell me the truth.”
“You know everything. Everything important, this is just bullshit. Your cousin’s interfering because she doesn’t like me.”
Kelly’s focus darted to her. “Is that true? You don’t like him? Why? Freya, what did he do? How do you know each other? If you didn’t hook up—is it Chapman?” Back to Nickson. “It’s Scott Chapman, isn’t it? What did you do? Do you have a record?”
“Never heard of a Chapman.”
“This isn’t Chapman.” Though she couldn’t say with a hundred percent certainty the men hadn’t come across each other, she didn’t decipher any recognition in Nickson. “And we’ve never met, Nickson and me, not before this vacation. It’s—”
“I told you to shut your mouth!”
“Stop talking to her like that,” Kelly bit back, leaving her fiancé to approach, probably sensing she was the weaker link. Though in this scenario, was that such a bad thing? Telling the truth wasn’t a sign of weakness… was it? “Whatever it is, Freya, you know I need to know. You know what it’s like when your guy’s lying to you. If any of us knew the truth about Chapman—”
“I know,” she said because her family would’ve told the truth. Except did Chapman still have to come up in every conversation regarding her love life? The sooner the world knew about her and Baer the better. She needed to move on from the Chapman debacle. “I want you to know the truth, but it’s better coming from him. He has to want you to know.”
He had to show her that respect at least. Choosing not to should be a major red flag from Kelly’s perspective, would be from hers anyway. Though they’d all been guilty of being blinded by love in the past; a relationship meant for the altar needed a different kind of scrutiny, in her opinion.
“Nick doesn’t want me to know. I don’t know why—”
“Because it’s irrelevant.” He jumped in. “Why won’t you trust me?”
Now offence became affront. “Don’t turn this around on her. She’s done nothing wrong.”
“Oh, and I have?” When he stomped closer, Kelly got between them and planted a hand on his chest. “Ignore her, baby. She’s a troublemaker.”
A troublemaker? And there was Roxie in her head again. Plenty may accuse her friend of that, but if Roxie heard it laid at her door… The Crimson Empress would take matters into her own hands. Roxie wouldn’t see honesty as a weakness.
Nickson gathered Kelly’s hand from his chest and curled her fingers into his while kissing her knuckles. “We love each other. That’s enough. Haven’t we always said that’s enough?”
“It is enough. But you’re asking me to trust you without trusting me. You have to trust me to hear this and still love you, that I’ll still want to be with you regardless of this secret.” Yes, exactly. Good. “What is Squires? Just tell me what Squires is.”
The door moved again, she saw it first, the other eyes in the room weren’t far behind. Internally, she cringed when Baer’s scowl darkened the room. Whoops, boy, now it was a party.
“This is staying out of it?”
Some of that cringe seeped onto her expression in a wince. “It got away from me.”
“Mm hmm.” So he was unimpressed, he didn’t look mad… Not too mad. “An escort agency.” His honesty opened her mouth in disbelief; his cool gaze slunk to Kelly. “Squires is an escort agency.”
“An—”
“What the fuck?” Nickson hollered and turned on Baer.
Her guy wasn’t concerned. “You want to start something with me, Nick, I’ll put you in a box anytime.”
“What fucking right do you have to talk about my life, to my fiancé? Want me to start spouting your secrets?”
“Go ahead. I’ve got nothing to hide.”
“An escort agency?” Kelly’s confusion was forgiven, there’s no way the woman anticipated this. Of all the things in the world… “It’s an escort agency? I don’t understand. Nick, you use this… escort agency? You use an escort agency? Why would you pay to…?” Kelly backed away. “You’re sleeping with other women?”
“No! Not anymore.” Wow, Nickson flipped his mood quick. “And it’s not like that—”
“What is it like? What is it—do you have an addiction? Is that what it is? Is that what you didn’t want to tell me?” And suddenly there was hope and Kelly’s voice. “Is that how Freya knows? She’s helped you. Through her foundation? One of her charities? She has contacts in the medical world—”
“It’s a male escort agency,” Baer clarified. “He’s not paying to sleep with women, they paid to sleep with him.”
Kelly’s expression didn’t change. She wasn’t sure either of them breathed, that news required a little mental alone time. The poor woman hadn’t wrapped her head around the first revelation, this clarity was another gut punch. Her hand moved to Kelly’s loose one to lace their fingers together, hoping to give the woman some comfort and support. Not that it would mean much. Holly should be there. Ultimately to know that the news was out, yes, and she would be a better sounding post for Kelly in her time of need.
“Honey—”
“Don’t you talk to her!” Nickson rounded and shoved Baer hard. She gasped though Baer hadn’t so much as rocked on the spot. Hadn’t she earlier anticipated a brawl, and been thankful Baer would be around to defuse it? Please say she was right about his restraint. “Who the fuck do you think you are? Who gave you the fucking right—”
“Grow a set. You make your choices, and you live with them. You choose this woman? You give her the truth. There’s no other way.”
“You’re as bad as that bitch!”
Before Nickson could get so far as to gesture at her, Baer’s form was already growing. Oops, not the right thing to say. She quickly weaved her way over there, hoping to keep her guy calm.
“Let’s accept he’s having a bad day and didn’t mean that,” she said in a singsong voice. “We’re not getting involved.”
In fairness, he’d been the one to say that. A little reminder wouldn’t go astray. In the end, he’d been the one to tell the truth. Go figure. So who really was more involved? He’d cut to the chase. No patience for it? Boy, was that the truth. He’d cut through the bullshit so they could get to more important things. That depended, of course, on how the rest of the conversation played out.
“An escort agency…” Kelly murmured. “A male…” Her attention flew to her fiancé. “You’re a gigolo?”
“Was.” When Nickson tried to take Kelly’s hand again, she tugged it away. “It was a long time ago.” Hmm, a little lie there. “I was stupid, it was easy money and—”
“When?” Kelly demanded. “When did you do this? When were you a gigolo?”
“You said it didn’t matter. That you loved me no matter what and I should trust you to still want to be with me.”
“That was before… Oh my God, you weren’t going to tell me? You thought I would just… How could you keep this from me?”
“I love you. I didn’t want to change what we—I love you. This doesn’t change anything.”
“If it wasn’t for Freya, for Baer—oh my God. How could you hide this from me?”
“Skit,” Baer said, attracting her focus.
He dipped his head to the side. Yeah, this was the kind of conversation the couple should have alone. There was still a chance Nickson wouldn’t tell the full truth, so some part of her wanted to hang around, just in case. But that really would go against Baer’s request they stay out of it. Besides, Kelly could be done with him. If she was, did it matter what stories he told? And if she wasn’t, Holly would get the full rundown. She trusted one cousin to set the other straight if it was needed.
“Wait a second…” Kelly halted them before they could leave. “How did you know this? How did you know that he…?”
Her eyes tracked to Baer’s, whose stuck to her cousin. “‘Cause I work there too.”
Judgment or disgust be damned, an odd ball of pride warmed her. Wherever the chips fell, his honesty prevailed. And he hadn’t hesitated.
With an arm around her, he guided her out to the hall and closed the bedroom door. His trajectory suggested he intended to take them downstairs again. She turned to him, pushing her weight against the arm he had around her to angle him her way.
“I’m sorry,” she said. “You said stay out of it and—”
“It’s done now. She knows. That’s what you wanted.”
Was that why he’d done it?
“You didn’t have to tell her the truth about you.”
“Nick will tell her anyway. If he’s going down, he’ll take someone with him.”
“Not you.”
“If your family find out—”
“Find out what? That I’m with a good, honest, decent man? A man willing to do whatever it takes to save his own family, people he loves, from enduring hardship and tragedy? I’m not ashamed to be with that man. I’m not ashamed of what you do, or why you do it. Our jobs, in one sense, are the same. We help people. We do for others what they can’t do for themselves.”
She did it with money. He did it with his body. It just so happened that the people he helped, who couldn’t help themselves, were two twelve-year-old boys and his parents. The essence was the same.
“What will we tell your aunt and uncle?”
She sighed. “That the couple want an evening to themselves.”
“Won’t they assume that means sex?”
“If we’re lucky,” she said, hoping there wouldn’t be too many questions. “Better they assume that than we just—”
“Detonated their relationship?”
Not quite the way she’d have put it. Was that what he thought? She’d gone in there to blast the couple apart. Now she doubted not only her role but her motive. She’d never thought of herself as someone who created drama or coveted it. It was supposed to be quiet conversation, a request Nickson tell Kelly the truth. She hadn’t intended for it to play out the way it did.
“They’ll be okay. It’s a shock, but she’ll get over it.”
“Are you sure?”
No. No one could be sure of anything in this world. If it didn’t work out, would that night forever tarnish her relationship with Kelly? Would they get over it? The couple had to hash this out themselves. Until that happened, there was nothing anyone else could do.