Chapter 10
TEN
LEAVING THE MEDKIT in his seat, Cam got up to go do something by the window.
“I love him,” Terra said. “I love Mason.”
Elle put a dressing on the wound. “Good for you.”
“Should I just… Should I let him be with other women?”
If men didn’t usually leave her, Terra had her pick. Why fixate on Mason? He was no major prize. Matters of the heart played by their own rules. It wanted what it wanted. She knew that better than most.
“Not if you have any self-respect,” she said. “If you wanted a casual or open relationship, that’s a group decision. Doesn’t seem you’d be happy with that.”
“I want him to love me. That’s all. It’s not… he should want to be with me, shouldn’t he?”
“Don’t let yourself be used. If you let someone walk all over you, they’ll keep doing it. There’s no incentive not to. If you’re happy to feel this way, that’s a choice.”
“He doesn’t get it,” Terra said. “They don’t get it. Guys don’t know how to chase women. Didn’t they used to chase us?”
“I think that only happens in romance novels.”
“The twenty-first century sucks for dating. For single women. Guys sleep with us and dump us.”
Elle stuck the adhesive. “We’re expected to be sexually liberal, while also being demure and, best case scenario, virginal too. Be innocent and know all the fancy bedroom moves. It’s a no-win game.”
“So how do we win?”
“We don’t. You can’t please everyone all the time. Prioritize you. The sexual revolution messed up a lot of things for us,” Elle said, humoring the woman. “All you can do is know you and what you want. Commit to learning yourself before asking someone else to commit to learning you.”
Listen to her, the wise old sage. True or not, it sounded like she had a clue. Maybe. A little bit. What a con.
Didn’t matter, she may as well have said nothing.
“And, oh, you! Oh, the sisterhood! I betrayed the sisterhood!” Terra grabbed her hands. “I messed up. I didn’t—you must hate me!”
“There’s a car outside,” Cam said, returning. Finally! Her patience was thinning. “It will take you home, Terra. You should rest up.”
“A car?” Terra asked. “You’re really amazing, Mr. Collier.”
She leaped up to throw her arms around him. Cam stood rigid while the woman squeezed and squeezed… and squeezed. They could be there all night. Eventually, Terra eased back, arms still around him.
“No big deal,” Cam said, jaw ticking.
“Do you want anything?” Terra’s tone changed to something much more intimate. “Can I… do anything for you? Anything?”
Ding ding, the bell was wrung.
“Okay,” Elle said, standing to pry the woman away from Cam. “Let’s go. When you get home, drink some water, go to sleep. You’ll feel better in the morning.”
She urged Terra to walk down the stairs while waiting at the top. No way she wanted to go down there. Mason could be hanging around, which might mean another scene. The party was supposed to be fun; drama was unwelcome.
When Terra got to the bottom of the stairs, one of the security guards turned to look up, seeking instruction.
“Make sure she gets in the car out front,” Elle called down to him and was acknowledged with a nod.
She watched the guy guide Terra through the party until she couldn’t see them anymore.
Exhale the tension.
And back to the bedroom she went. Cam was at the window. She slipped in front of him to watch Terra get into the car below. The security guard waited until the door was closed and the wheels rolling.
“You have incredible patience,” Cam said as the car disappeared. “To talk like that with the woman who… You never cease to amaze me.”
Spinning around, she looked up into him. He was calling her incredible? He’d dealt with Terra on his own in the restroom, but that wasn’t what astounded her. She was stuck on what he’d said downstairs.
He’d considered her feelings, her perception. He hadn’t taken Terra to the medkit for fear she’d hear and get the wrong idea about them disappearing upstairs alone.
For a long time, people didn’t consider her.
She was an object to be discussed and scrutinized, deconstructed and pitied.
Her and Cam had been playing with this thing, but they weren’t a thing.
Yet she’d been at the forefront of his mind.
That put this guy on a whole other level.
How could she match him when he was already ten rungs ahead?
Fingers parted, she slid them onto his cheeks, down and back up, reassuring herself that he was real. They continued to the sides of his head, giving her the strength to pull him down. Transition from their random kiss back to colleagues? Yeah, right. Tonight proved that would never happen.
He didn’t resist her control. He accepted her kiss like they did this all the time.
Resisting was impossible. This night would change everything.
After this, there would be no party planning to keep them occupied, no distraction to give them reason to avoid talking to each other about the chemistry and the kissing.
This time was different than the last. Unlike before, she was the instigator, ready and prepared for whatever might come next.
Damn, she loved that he was tall, but it meant they couldn’t get close until he decided otherwise.
When his arms came around to force her to the tips of her toes, he crouched to deepen the kiss.
Yes, the heat, the need, the scale of desire flaming across her skin aroused the sensitive flesh that needed exactly what he could give.
With her arms trapped, he wasn’t easy to direct.
Cam’s insistence was exactly what she needed.
The return of her volley, the offence to match hers.
No one was in charge, yet both were dominant.
Equal. She pushed and he yielded only to push back harder, hotter, wilder.
He ducked lower, pressing his lips to the underside of her jaw, forcing her head back.
This was more than a one-off forgettable clinch.
Grabbing his shoulders, she squeezed and pushed, trying to encourage him to reverse.
“Bed,” she murmured, stealing his lips again when they rose. “Back up…”
He slanted away, searching her. “Baby…”
His conflict was almost funny; she wasn’t suggesting what was on his mind. She wouldn’t ask him to sacrifice a promise he’d made to himself. And this was new, no need to rush.
“No pressure,” she panted. “No sex. Just fun.”
Hadn’t he said fun could still be had in bed?
She wanted to be close to him, to lie with him, to nestle herself in close.
Being horizontal would be intimate in itself, no need to go all the way.
Regardless, if he was uncomfortable, it was not her place, or anyone’s place, to coerce him into anything, even a simple position adjustment.
“Or we can just do this,” she said. Wrapping her arms further around him, she grasped her own elbows, angling to taste him again. “If this is where you’re happy, baby…”
Something about that last whimpered word spurred him into action. Fingers locked together, he spun so fast that she stumbled out of the room and along the broad hallway, past the stairs down to the party and on to the stairs that took them up. Up into the loft… to his bedroom.
Coming around the balustrade in a U-turn spun her head, he swept her in an arc to toss her down on a firm cloud scented just like him. Then he was there on top of her, fingertips skimming her thigh, mouth again seeking hers.
Nothing else matched that moment. Cradled in the security of his bed, the breadth of his capable hand squeezing her thigh, this was home. Thoughts of tempering herself and being patient dwindled in the fog of hedonism.
“Maybe this wasn’t a good idea,” she said, her lips curling as his trailed down her throat.
Encouraging him hadn’t been on her agenda, but now all she could think about was closing the deal.
Control. She just needed a little restraint, a lot of restraint.
Her body rippled and writhed beneath his, moving without thought or intention.
This wasn’t just need, it was desperation.
The only way she’d survive to take another breath was if this man finished himself in her.
“Right here,” he murmured, skimming a fingertip into the groove of her collarbone.
“Drives me crazy… You’re so soft.” Ah, okay, that made her feel a little better.
She wasn’t the only one struggling with restraint.
Maybe they weren’t the right people to be trusted with this, together at any rate.
His mouth moved to her shoulder, sampling its way up to the sweet spot behind her ear. “All I think about is kissing you.”
The twist in her belly sprang like a coiled spring losing its shape. “Baby…”
Rules were unclear, boundaries hazy, but there was something exciting about that.
Something novel in their roaming hands and desperate mouths.
The destination wasn’t a foregone conclusion.
Anything could happen or nothing. This could be a start with no end.
If this went on forever, just like that, she’d live happy for the rest of her life, lost in this man.
“Mmm,” she said, loosening a couple of his shirt buttons. She wanted him happy, relaxed, warm. “This was an amazing idea.”
Rolling as much to the side as she could with him above her, she fumbled for the side zipper of her dress.
He braced his hands either side of her as she slid down her straps. Boosting up the bed gave her a chance to wriggle it down to her waist.
He was slacking, taking too much time, so she reached for him. “Second base, Cowboy.”
No mixed signals. Clear boundaries.
He kicked off his boots. “Works for me.”
When he vaulted up the bed, she laughed at his enthusiasm. A starving man offered a feast didn’t think to temper himself when only so much food was available. Why shouldn’t he take advantage? He might not get his fill, but he’d enjoy the moment. They both would.
His delight and fervor roused her own. The thrill was novel. How long had it been since he’d enjoyed a woman? He’d chosen her to break his drought. It wasn’t just she was the closest warm body, there were dozens of them downstairs. He’d chosen her.
This passion was for her. He deserved it for her. Or had he? Maybe she was wrong, maybe he’d rolled around with plenty of women without going all the way. Were other women respectful of his boundaries?
Consent was a given right. Limits would be respected. Support wasn’t as explicit. His boundaries weren’t only okay with her. She wasn’t tolerating the situation but was happy for this to be their choice.
The sweet linger of his breath on the side column of her neck unlocked every insecurity, freeing her from sense, feeding her to feel.
“I won’t put out, no matter how much you beg,” she whispered, pushing herself up into him as his lips trailed south. “I never do on a first date.”
“This has got to be at least our tenth.” His lazy fingertips traced down the rise and mount of her stretched ribs, signaling they had all the time in the world. “How many bottles of wine have I bought you? Good wine.”
“Doesn’t count.” Her palms skimmed his shoulders, joining at the back of his neck to furrow into his hair. “We’ve only known each other five weeks.”
Two dates a week wouldn’t be an unreasonable assumption. Shame her teasing was only reassurance.
The intensity in his eyes grew until his soul touched hers. “Feels like I’ve known you my whole life.”
It did. She got that. This was… new. Love was something she thought she knew. This wasn’t like before. What was this?
Her instincts with men weren’t the most honed.
She couldn’t ask another man to guide her.
Not ask, expect. Like she’d said to Terra, a person had to commit to learning themselves.
Except she knew herself, knew exactly what she didn’t want.
Still, she wasn’t ready to let someone else learn. Could she open herself like that again?
Psyching herself out would be too easy. Feel. That was Cam, he fed her deprived senses. Offered her a chance to feel in ways she never had.
Relaxing her jaw, her fingers explored until they were lost in his hair.
The easiest response was to pull him down. She could give him her kiss. Other parts of her weren’t so accessible, even to her. One step at a time, wasn’t that the rule?