Chapter 23
TWENTY-THREE
WITHOUT PUSHING FOR more, he came over to hold her hips from behind as they ascended all the way to his floor. Bed. It wasn’t even a focus for sex, yet it brought joy and excitement. The nights she’d been with him…
When his hands kept going and his lips met the side of her neck, she sank back as he pulled her to him.
“Mm, you’re eager, Unicorn. If you’re drunk, you shouldn’t have driven us home.”
“I’m not drunk.” Yeah, that was the joke. Cam was a lot of things and irresponsible couldn’t be further from that list. “I like having you in private.”
“Most of our time together is private.”
“Not since my family burst into our lives.”
Through her hair, he kept kissing while urging her closer to the bed. Her dress was gone before her knee met the mattress, so it was only fair she should strip him of his shirt before laying him down to climb on top.
Hands, fingers, touch, feel. The sensation of skin aching to be explored drew out what might usually be rushed. Maybe there was something to this abstinence thing.
“What do you miss most?” she asked.
“What do I miss most about wh—sex? What do I miss most about sex?”
She nodded. “Yeah, well, it can’t be the orgasm, because you can still self-inflict.”
“Sexy.”
Her fingertips walked up his body. “And you clearly still roll around with women, so it’s not the foreplay.”
He caught her fingers to focus her eyes on his. “You are the only woman I have rolled around with. And, yeah, I missed this, but what I miss most these days is you.”
That sounded like it should be sweet, except she didn’t get it. “Me? I’m right here. I’m here all the time. I practically live here.”
“You’re not always here and that distracts me. You leave the house to run errands, and an irrational part of my brain is pissed I’m not with you.”
“You can run errands with me. Hell, you can run the errands for me, I’m not precious.”
“I’m annoyed and grumpy working downstairs knowing your beauty, your smile is just one floor above. I itch without you, Candy. Nothing is insurmountable when we’re together.”
She rolled her eyes and her head followed. “And I thought you’d say blowjobs.”
He laughed at her tease and flipped her onto her back, putting himself on top.
“Give up your place, your apartment.”
Whoa, that couldn’t have been more unexpected. Was he suggesting…?
She chose to play dumb because right then, the expression was apt.
“Without my apartment, where would I sleep?”
“It doesn’t have to be in this bed. I’ll build you a room. Hell, I’ll build you a house, so long as you know I’m part of the deal.”
Was this a real proposition? It couldn’t be. He’d told her just that morning they were fluid.
“You just want an excuse to build something because you’re bored with whatever project you’re on now.”
“I can’t focus, but it’s nothing to do with boredom. Just stay here. Don’t go anywhere. Stay on this side of the door with me.”
He didn’t have to look at her like that, all probing and pained like he could drink her elixir and become superhuman. She didn’t have that kind of power and there was something to be said for unrealistic expectations.
“You don’t mean that. You said we were still single.”
“I did.”
“Because you didn’t want to scare me? With all this Spencer crap exploding, God knows if I’ll ever be able to go on an anonymous date again…”
“Would you want to?”
This wasn’t just as simple as figuring out her options. Her stance wasn’t about the excitement and possibility that came when exploring new love. Truth was, no one else would match up to this. No man could vibe with her in the same way Cam did.
“I was young and stupid with Spencer,” she said, cooled when he rolled onto his side. “I don’t regret it and no one will ever convince me it was abuse or unreal because everything I felt was genuine.”
“But you don’t want to rush into anything again.”
“Used to be a time that couples knew nothing physical about each other until their wedding night. But, somehow, these days…”
“It’s like you can’t know a person until you’ve slept with them. Okay,” he huffed, accepting, not angry. “We’ll have sex.”
She laughed. “How gracious.” When he tried to return to his previous spot, her hand on his chest stalled him. “For a man of conviction, you gave that up quickly.”
“It was never going to be forever and—”
“No,” she said. “We are not going to have sex. I wouldn’t be able to look at myself in the mirror…” She grinned. “Besides, I need the Collier machine to cleanse me of past sins. I can’t have you getting bored and cutting me off.”
“You know me better than that, Candy, and Roxie would have my hide. Zairn and Knox’s too. She’s not a woman to be crossed. God help anyone who crosses one of her girls.”
The warmth of his hard body protected by his soft skin, oh, it enraptured. She’d touched men before, why was Cam so different? All she wanted to do was curl up with him, spoon until the end of time—no, not spoon, she wanted to face him. That way his lips would be handy.
“I’ve never been near a man who made so much sense,” she said, then instantly blinked at him. “Not sense as in your head, sense as in physical and…” Could she say emotional? Was that it? “You should meet my mom.”
“Okay.” No hesitation. “You’ve met mine.”
“If anyone can scare you off, it’s her.” And it wasn’t that she doubted him, just… “How can you be sure it’s me?”
“I recognize you from all the times I’ve seen you wandering around my house.”
“I meant, you’re a guy in a drought. How can you be sure this connection is real? Maybe I’m just the closest pussy you’ve had to hand in a while.”
“Pussy is not in short supply. I’m no hermit. I do go out in public.”
“And for two years, no woman tried to seduce you?”
“Talking? Flirting? Sure. I like talking to women, they’re better listeners.
I don’t avoid the company of women, I don’t run and hide or scare them off.
If someone approaches me, I’m polite. I’m open.
I give it a chance. Like I said, abstinence was never meant to be a lifelong commitment.
It’s kind of the point that I should figure out if I connect with a woman.
It’s about the pickup, the foreplay, the chemistry, not hitting home.
It’s probably been a few years since Ozzie hit home and I don’t see anyone hassling him. ”
Okay, it wasn’t nice to tease, but she understood the love between the men.
“It hasn’t been years,” she said. “He deserves a break. You and Noble ought to share the wealth. Poor guy will always fade into the background with you two up front.”
“Why are we talking about Ozzie?”
“Because you are an incredible man. Not just to look at. Women would flock—”
“Baby…” the softness of his tone. “Your wild phase isn’t under threat. Do what makes you happy.”
Such a simple thing to say. Happy. Roxie, Zairn, Knox, they’d found their romantic bliss.
Was it out there waiting for everyone? Was it about patience?
Trusting the process? Being open to… Honey hadn’t found her bliss and that didn’t trouble the writer.
That was a result of being well-rounded. By all appearances anyway.
Do what makes her happy. Only one thing in that immediate moment would check that box. Laying a hand on his cheek, she rose to join their lips. She withdrew, returned in teasing temptation only to be snatched back on her next retreat.
Her head buried in the pillow, he took all control of the pressure.
The need of mouths spoke in a carnal language.
It was all physical, the gentle caress of his fingers drifted up her sensitive waist, rousing goosebumps in response to the delicate contact.
They grazed the band of her bra, then descended as she dared to squeeze the resistance of his shoulder.
Her exploration went further, to the back of his neck, into his hair, on to crook around his head to push up, to press her body into his. Upper bodies were okay. Any other guy would be grinding himself into her now, not Cam. The smile that formed didn’t slow their amorous mouths.
Usually she, as the female, would be reassuring her partner that she wanted to go further. That it was okay to touch, to test. There had to be a boundary. How did she marry her want with the lines they weren’t supposed to cross?
The slant of his kiss shifted to force him deeper, the weight of his tongue measured the want burning in him.
Desire was potent, rich, thick in the dense air sustaining them.
No, oxygen wasn’t her life blood, the heart that pumped in her chest was powered by the virile man showing awe-inspiring restraint.
When he relaxed, she traced his facial features with her fingertips.
“Man,” he groaned. “I love being right.”
“By coming to get me at Crimson?”
“Knowing if I was patient, it would come along. You would come along.”
“Looking for an excuse to get that home run?” It was so much easier to play down his claim than consider it implied some kind of destiny.
“I’m nothing special. I’m hot and smart and funny, yes.
I am a catch, but you can do so much better.
You want a house and a wife, kids and a dog all enclosed in a white picket fence. That’s… I’m years away from that.”
“Who said?” he asked. “Who said I’m looking for that?”
No one, she just assumed… Her wandering digits paused though didn’t lose contact.
“Why else would you be saving yourself for marriage?”
“I’m saving myself for forever. What that looks like? My partner and I will figure that out together. I’m not staunch one way or another. We’ll talk about it together.”
“You want her to make all the decisions?”
“No. We’ll make decisions together.”
“What if she wants kids? What if she doesn’t? You can’t have no opinion.”
“I take life as it comes. I don’t know how I’ll feel on the subject until we get there.”
“So you don’t want kids?”
For some reason, that was amusing. “Are we talking about this now? You want to make these choices together as partners?”
Teasing? Presumptuous? Trying to tempt her into a confession?
“You’re my friend.”
“In my bed. In your underwear.”
“I like kissing you.” Her touch floated to his lips. “I like being around you. I like this bed.”
“You’re a conundrum, Candy.”
“How am I—am I?”
“Yes. You want to be wild, I tell you to be wild, instead you’re here talking about having kids.”
Mixed signals much? Okay, she’d admit that. It wasn’t her fault he’d enraptured her body and her curiosity.
“Because it came up.”
Though she had been the one to do that.
“What about the guys checking you out in Crimson?”
Wait. What?
“The—no one was checking me out.”
“One step into the room and I counted at least six. You were sitting on your own.”
“I was with friends. No one made a move.”
“There are rules in Crimson.”
“Against men talking to women?” she asked.
Sounded unlikely.
“About who is allowed where.”
“We were in the VIP—”
“Yeah, in the VIP area. See that square of couches you were sitting in?”
“Yeah.”
“Anyone not in the inner circle has to be invited to approach or sit. You didn’t notice security?”
“I thought they were for Roxie,” she said almost flabbergasted. “Invited?”
“If just anyone was allowed to approach Roxie and Zairn, they wouldn’t get a minute alone. The empty couch? It’s theirs. No one sits there except them.” He shrugged. “Sometimes Roxie has her girls with her if Zairn isn’t around, but the rules stay in place.”
“I wasn’t invited.”
“You arrived with Roxie and one of her people would’ve called ahead to make arrangements.” So much went on behind the scenes; she’d been oblivious to it. “If you wanted one of those guys, you should’ve sat at the bar or invited him over.”
“I wouldn’t do that in Roxie’s private space.” Not that she’d known that was its designation. No one told her the rules, she guessed, because they thought she was with Cam and not looking for other options. “There were really guys checking me out?”
Even if someone had told her, would she really have invited anyone to sit with her? Around Cam’s friends, his family…? It wasn’t fair to put anything on them. They hadn’t prevented her from doing anything. Her lack of action, and interest, was all her.
“Yeah. Quite a few.” He snickered. “You want to go back over there—”
“No,” she said, linking her fingers at the back of his neck. “I honestly didn’t notice.”
It wasn’t like she went into a bar or club, eyes wide, searching every face for interest. But she should’ve noticed, shouldn’t she?
For a woman who wanted to go wild and date, she was keeping herself insulated.
No, she hadn’t known her seat was in an exclusive area, but she hadn’t been looking either.
In fact, she couldn’t remember a single guy.
Tripp was the only guy she noticed and that was because he’d arrived with them.
He was a friend, in a sense. Though it wasn’t like he needed supervision.
“You look confused,” he said, his brow creasing. “More confused than normal.”
And that had to be a lot, she went through life never knowing what would happen next.
Searching his face, the possible answer was in this man. “I was young and stupid with Spencer,” she whispered her previous words.
“You won’t be young and stupid with me. Take your time. I’m going nowhere.”
No and she didn’t want him to go anywhere. Patience. God, she envied him that. Guiding his mouth back to hers, the sensation of his kiss was the one thing that made sense.