Chapter 29
TWENTY-NINE
PEOPLE. PEOPLE EVERYWHERE.
Frank Kearns house was certainly big enough and the baby sure was gorgeous, especially sleeping. The little one was wrapped up warm, all innocence in his beautiful slumber.
She envied him. No one remembered that period of their own life, but if she could go back there… Though it would be a false economy. Save herself some heartache and trauma now, only to likely live it all over again.
If life was meant to play out one way, it wouldn’t be possible to divert it to another path.
Sitting on the end of the bed, she watched Cam take off his shirt.
“Do you believe in fate?” she asked, brushing her palms across the warm linen beneath her.
“Fate? An overarching, sentient power? No.”
“But…”
“I must’ve believed life would turn out okay when I swore off sex. Somehow I was confident everything would come right in the end. What about you? Did you think you and Spencer were meant to be?”
“Relationships are weird things. Why would anyone want to hitch their life to someone else’s? Why should we move around in pairs, often at odds with each other?”
“You don’t want a relationship?”
“No, I do,” she said as he came to sit with her. “I’m just saying, as a concept, it’s weird we’ve evolved this way.”
“We protect each other.”
“Us?”
“In general, as humans. It’s not about hitching our lives to each other for kicks. Yeah, we tow each other around, but it’s about love and harmony.”
“And protection?” she asked. “Like the caveman who protected his mate while she was vulnerable in pregnancy?”
“It’s different times, but the concept is the same. Look where we are right now.”
“I use your resources to bolster my own safety?”
“And I use yours to secure our future.”
“Because I have a uterus?”
“You’re smart. You keep the business moving. Yeah, if we have kids, they’ll come out of you. If we don’t, we still have the business to build, we have friends to care for. We have a life together. One I believe will be incredible. When I think of the future, you’re in it, we’re together.”
She hadn’t so much been thinking about them as a couple when she asked her question.
“I feel like you…” Inhaling, she wrapped her fingers around his and shifted a little closer. “You stopped dating, or sleeping with women, because you were ready to get your life together, to create order in chaos. You’re good at that.”
“You don’t want order?”
“I feel like I’m creating chaos in your calm life.”
“This is a temporary situation. And it might sound dumb, but I want, I am happy, that I have the resources to help you. You don’t deserve the scrutiny.”
“Don’t I?” she asked. “I was young and inexperienced, so, no, I didn’t fully appreciate how life would turn out when I left with Spencer. I loved him, I have no doubt in that, but we, us, you and me, this feels different.”
“It’s not love?”
Her head dropped to the side. “It’s love. Definitely, completely, forever love.” When he bowed closer, she retreated just a little. “I don’t feel grateful. I mean, I am grateful for all you are doing to help me, but it’s not why I love you. What does that mean? Did I ever truly love Spencer?”
“Only you can answer that. All it means is we’re different men, different people, with different personalities and experiences. You can love us both without one meaning less than the other.”
But that was it. Exactly what it felt like.
Her love with Spencer was reactionary, necessary, they were meant to be, for that moment.
In the long term…? If he hadn’t left her in the way he did, maybe they wouldn’t have lasted.
She wouldn’t have been happy in their nomadic life indefinitely.
With so many pieces ever-moving, that adventure lost its sheen.
With Cam, there was choice. No pressure. No necessity. Just emotion. Truth. Honesty. Stability. Not right that minute, no, living in someone else’s house because theirs was under siege. And in that the men matched, Cam said this would be temporary.
“Spence used to tell me our situation was temporary.”
“You didn’t believe him? You don’t believe me?”
“With Spence, I knew there was no plan. No matter how much he reassured me. I didn’t push or argue because what would that have achieved? I knew, and I think he knew I knew, after years of the same thing, how could he not? He said the words anyway.”
“I’m not just saying the words.”
“I know,” she said, fateful hope brightening her lips.
“I looked at him and agreed when I knew it wasn’t true.
I look at you and I see our future. I see us together.
There’s no wondering what it will look like or what might happen to us.
I want a life with you; I’m happy with you. Happier than I ever was with…”
He caught her chin on a curled finger as shame attempted to lower it. “You can love that chaos and love our calm. You can have both.”
“We will make our own decisions. Together.”
“Together.”
“And when the world has forgotten my name and moved on to the next drama, we’ll be left alone.”
“We will be left alone. I don’t care if the press are dogged and we have to move to a private island. I know a great house in the Pacific. We can be in love and alone there together.”
Except his life took him to all kinds of places, he didn’t stay static.
She tightened her hold on his hand. “I don’t care if the press camp outside our house for the rest of time. If they don’t give up, I don’t want to run and hide. Life with you is what I choose. If they want to watch, they can watch.”
In letting Spence choose to take them on the run, she’d been complicit with the shame. He’d been raised a certain way and being with her went against that. She understood why he struggled. Not that he’d ever apologize for them being them, but keeping themselves hidden sent a message to the world.
Once was enough.
She wouldn’t make the same mistake with Cam.
When he leaned in again, she slanted to welcome his mouth.
They were each other’s now. Not only because of the situation but because they’d been allowed to find each other on their own.
Destiny or not, she wouldn’t be there enjoying his kiss if she hadn’t been with Spencer. If she hadn’t lived her past.
Though she considered breaking the kiss when he unzipped her dress, she didn’t. He could touch all he wanted. Her body was his and she’d let him enjoy it. More than that, she enjoyed him enjoying her.
She guided his hand from her waist to her hip, up to her breast, squeezing his hand with hers. Every sensation was brand new. It didn’t matter that they’d done this before, the sweep of his skin rushed hormones and heat in every direction.
Holding her hips, he took her up the bed and rested above her, covering every inch of her body with his.
There were no rules or boundaries between them now. Whatever he wanted to do, however far he wanted them to go, she wouldn’t slow him down.
It didn’t feel like corrupting or pressuring him anymore.
Their declared love promised a future she wouldn’t renege on.
He didn’t want to have sex with a random stranger or someone who may disappear from his life in the cool light of a new day.
She wasn’t going anywhere. No hesitation.
He could have whatever he wanted because she knew for a fact that she was his forever.
If she had to fight for it, damn, she’d do exactly that.
His lips left hers to explore and caress each corner and groove. From her throat to her breasts, she raised enough to let him loosen and toss aside her bra. Rough stubble grazed her delicate skin, but the friction buzzed endorphins in her brain and bloodstream.
Her guy. Her man. Her person. Cam was everything she wanted in the now and for her future. When his fingers dipped into her underwear, her hips rose to meet the hot glide of them in her folds. She should be doing something for him, should be prioritizing his pleasure.
“Cam,” his name passed her lips. When she touched his shoulders, his digit slipped into her and thought became a distant memory. “Cam…” This breath was shorter, sharper, his fingers sped to her clit, massaged, altering his pressure, his rotation, his… “Cam…”
The beat of her frantic heart aiding the ripples of her body writhing in carnal torment. Oh, but it was the best kind of tormenting and exactly what she needed.
“Cam…” she gasped pushing against the hand he pressed down on her, continuing it’s intimate massage until hot, delicious orgasm gripped her so tight she had to gasp for air.
He appeared above her after a few seconds, a few minutes, an eternity, she had no idea. Time, life, need… Her fingers tunneled into his hair.
“I’m rusty,” he murmured before kissing her quick.
Her grin didn’t care about the pulse in her words. “No, you’re not. Though you’ve got the greenlight to practice any time you like.”
“Any time?” he asked, his smile smudging hers. “In the middle of the night? Middle of the workday? What about the middle of Crimson?”
She laughed. “You start that and everything else will melt away. We’ll never get anything done. Still, yeah, no hang-ups here. They’re your friends, embarrass them all you like.”
“They’re our family, and not one of them would stop us.”
Freedom. That’s what they had. Whatever they needed, they’d always be free to be together. In every way they wanted to be together.
As her fingertips stroked his face, he smoothed her hair from her forehead. “Any time feels good, doesn’t it?”
“It does. It’s time for a big future talk.”
“Right now? You want me to commit to you? I’m committed. I’ll wait until you’re ready. Popping your cherry—”
“The longer term future. The irreversible kind that if I don’t ask we could end up tied to each other for the next eighteen-odd years.” He kissed her again when he read her confusion. “Do I need protection?”
It was juvenile to get excited. The bubbles of anticipation in her belly floated and bounced, it had to show in her eyes. Her thrill didn’t trump his conviction.
“You need to be ready.”
“Candy, there’s no one but you. We’ll never be more ready.”
Another zip of a thrill, only this one was mature and prepared.
“Then no,” she said suddenly awed. “We’re the last person either of us will be with. Don’t ask me why or how, but I’m sure of it. I’m yours, Unicorn. All yours.”
During the next gift of his kiss, he shed his jeans. God, skin on skin felt good. Too good. Warm and luxurious, the temptation had become an appetite that could be sated. Finally.
Scooping a hand around his jaw, she eased their mouths apart. “You haven’t—this should be special. If you want to wait—”
“It’s special,” he said. “Every moment I spend with you is special.”
Bingo, what a line.
His sweet kiss was so sure. When his tongue brushed hers again it came with certainty. Acknowledging his values was important, but so was respecting his choice.
He’d chosen her, chosen this. He could feast on her body, explore, relish, enjoy any part of her he liked. And as he slid into her, the slow close of his eyes clenched her gut. That was his bliss. He’d found it. At the same time she basked in hers. What were the chances of that?