37. Christian
THIRTY-SEVEN
CHRISTIAN
When I decided I’d give her the best date of her life, no existing date was perfect enough for her. They were shallow and Adelaide deserved grand.
When I became CEO of Moonshine, the first land I bought was this one. It was a secluded circular land located at the edge of New York. It was the last green land in the city and buying it? A fucking challenge but I did it.
Breaking up with Adelaide was one of the worst feelings I’d felt in my life. When she walked away and left nothing behind—I fell into delusions. Thoughts of what if we saw each other again played in my head.
Every year, I worked on one tent in celebration for her birthday.
Whenever I got hit with the fucking urge to see her, to beg on my knees for forgiveness, I came here to remember.
You did all of this for her and believed you didn’t love her? You fucking idiot.
She loved tent one. Getting materials for a fucking carnival was harder than I thought but thank fuck it worked out.
Tent two was for her twentieth birthday. On the inside was a built-in library for all of her favourite books. On the table set in the middle was supposed to be her favourite author and Adelaide would get to speak with her.
Adelaide loved it despite it being incomplete.
Tears glazed over her pupils, but she didn’t let them out.
Tent three was her twenty-first birthday and it was an obstacle course, which Adelaide thoroughly enjoyed messing up in. Her hair fell across her face, and she looked inhibited as she miserably failed yet laughed her ass off.
I loved seeing her this way.
Hair down, walls destroyed, and carefree.
No man in this world fucking deserved her—least of all me.
But she was here.
She didn’t run away even though she should.
I was going to tell her the truth today.
That’s what I told myself, but whenever I opened my fucking mouth, the words disappeared. She stroked my cheek, looked at me with utter devastation that I couldn’t tell her today.
Later .
Adelaide was enjoying herself without the distortion of feelings or the constant weighing of watchers. She felt safe enough to let her hair down with me. She felt safe enough to be herself.
How could I wipe that away with a couple of truths and bring those feelings back?
It just wasn’t the right time.
Tent four was for her twenty-second birthday and it was pyjama party themed. There were mattresses covering the whole tent. Fuck, this was crazy.
Remind me to pay the workers more money for this shit cause it was fucking insane.
Adelaide took her shoes off and urged me to do the same. She then dragged me into the mattresses and started to jump. “Come on!”
I wasn’t going to the jump because how fucking stupid would I look in front of her?
Before jumping again, Adelaide kissed my cheek. She continued to do it until my feet moved on their own accord.
Then right next to her, in the middle of the fucking day, we were jumping on mattresses like a bunch of children.
“We should take a break,” I wiped away the hair stuck to the nape of her neck while she was panting for air.
Three more tents left.
I was getting fucking nervous.
Tents five and six, twenty-three and twenty-four , were merged into one because inside both of them was a rollercoaster that connected to each other. It wasn’t huge by any means. It was definitely a small rollercoaster you’d find in malls.
“How the hell did you do this?”
Her bafflement amused me.
“It wasn’t hard.”
“This had to have cost a fortune,” her hair spun over her shoulder when she turned to look back. “All of this must have.”
I shrugged. “I have the money.”
Her expressions steadied themselves. “You would have done this for anyone then?”
“No, fuck no.” I grabbed her arms to pull her to me. “Only you.”
Couldn’t she feel what she did to me? My entire existence turned into a speck of dust that didn’t matter when she was in front of me.
She’s what mattered.
I opened my mouth to tell her how long I'd been working on this project, how I did it to remember her, to pretend we were still together, or that one day our paths would cross again, and I could show her this.
But her phone rang in the midst.
“Excuse me,” she answered the call. “Auntie?”
Eda.
Nails dug into my palms.
She picked at the skin surrounding her nails while she spoke with hesitance. “How’s Bali?”
She wasn’t in fucking Bali.
Incoherent words, probably spewing bullshit.
“He’s good.” Adelaide glanced at me, and I forced a smile. “I’m sorry about the wedding. I know you told me I shouldn’t marry him, but he’s a good man and I’ve known him my whole life.”
Why the fuck was she apologising for it?
We were married.
I was her husband .
She didn’t owe anyone a fucking explanation, especially not that two-faced bitch.
Adelaide looked fucking thrilled to speak to that witch about us. It’d kill me to break her apart when she recently started to pull herself together.
Her relationship with Eda wasn’t one I understood, but honesty would lead to more harm.
If you’re not honest with her, you’ll lose her.
Fuck.
I hated this.
How do you tell someone their loved one isn’t a good person?
Adelaide smiled bright at whatever the fuck Eda said to her.
There was a chance she felt guilty about the past.
Is that why she spent so many fucking years impersonating Adelaide? Giving money to young girls to make sure they stay fucking quiet?
I was in a fucking mess because I’d have to be the one to tell Adelaide about Eda.
Isn’t the truth better than lying?
I never lied. I just hid it from her.
That’s worse .
Fuck. I needed to think.
Anger and coherency merged into one.
Marching out of the tent, the afternoon was at its brightest, burning away my logic, my kindness, my fucking sanity.
Halfway across the field, Adelaide came running after me. “Hey! Where are you going?”
I didn’t stop.
“Christian!”
She caught my sleeve and steered to stand in my way. “What?”
Her shoulders dropped from one look at my cold face. “Did something happen?”
Rubbing an impatient finger over my brow, I shook my head. “No.”
Stay calm, Christian.
Tell her something came up at Moonshine or make up another fucking excuse. Don’t fucking hurt her.
“Then why are you leaving when we haven’t seen the last tent?”
The genuine soft expression on her face was a weakness. My blood was boiling, but not because of her.
Eda.
My dad.
Eomma.
Her parents.
The truth.
All of it simmered religiously on my tongue and like a prayer, it stayed there because it didn’t know what higher entity to pray to.
“Why the fuck were you apologising to Eda about our marriage?” I snapped.
Adelaide staggered backwards.
If I could steal her, put her in my pocket, and hide her from the world, I’d do it in a fucking heartbeat.
She shot me a piercing glare. “The conversations I have with her are none of your business.”
“They are when it’s about our marriage.” I didn’t mean this shit. I had to leave before I made this worse.
Adelaide pulled at her sleeves. “She’s a parental figure in my life and I love her. I broke her heart by marrying you, okay? She didn’t want this for me.”
“So the fuck what? You aren’t hers to control.”
“I owe her my life , Christian,” she exasperated by running a hand through her perfectly styled hair. “She took me in when my parents died. Bathed me, fed me, and loved me when no one else did. I owe everything to her.”
Tell her, Christian. Now’s the time.
Instead, my emotions exploded in pure fucking agony and fire and so much yearning I couldn’t yield it back in. “ I loved you! I was young and stupid and so fucking awkward, but I loved you. My mom loved you. Did you fucking forget that?”
“Of course, I didn’t but?—”
“For someone who thinks so damn much, you don’t think at all.”
Adelaide went cold. “You don’t know jackshit about my anxiety.”
“Really?” I raised a condescending brow. “Please do tell me.”
“It was because of our breakup, you asshole!” Tears wallowed in her pearly blues. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
“The moment you forced me to walk out of your life, my thoughts started having thoughts and my anxiety had its own anxiety. I questioned every damn day whether I was good enough.”
Every bad fucking thing in her life somehow started with me.
My throat constricted, trapping the air into my lungs, and blowing it up from within.
“I’m not blaming you,” she continued. “My anxiety stemmed from many situations, but the breakup was the main one. It sucks. It really sucks because the only time my brain shuts up is when I’m with you. So please, stop. Can’t we just go back to having a good time?”
My heart did a fucking skip and wanted to forget about this. About whatever lividity or thoughts were lurking and attaching themselves to my existence.
Instead, being the horrible bastard I was, all that came out of my fucking month was, “I’ll think about it if you get down on your knees and beg.”
Shattering beneath me.
Adelaide angrily wiped a tear away and deadened, “Fuck you, Christian.”
I reached out when her scent wafted past me, but I was too late.
She was already near the top of the stairs, and I was at the bottom.
If I were another man in another world, I’d run after her.
In this world, I was Christian Hayes.
A man burdened with too many secrets, no room for love, and a heart of stone filled with too much fucking acrimony.