18
Bevin
“Please put Quinn in a bubble,” Wyatt rasped when we were alone. He nodded when I couldn’t make my mouth work. “Please? I know I shouldn’t have come to you and you don’t deserve this, but I couldn’t go to anyone else and he doesn’t deserve to feel this. I’m begging you, Bev.”
“I don’t know what I’m doing enough to risk it,” I worried. “It’s Quinn.”
“You’d never hurt him,” he said with such certainty it took my breath away.
“I told him we needed to work on it after what happened with Jason Berns, so he won’t worry and is having fun harvesting and playing.
” He gave me a serious look when I went to argue again.
“I can’t hide this from him much longer. ”
I had no idea what that meant because I was freaking out—completely all over the place, but I didn’t know what else to do.
So I did what he asked of me, Wyatt more than deserving the favor after all he’d done for me. I focused on their bond and followed it to Quinn, working hard to put the familiar I adored in the most gentle bubble after basically scratching him behind the ears with my magic.
The second I nodded it was done and Wyatt felt it, he slowly sank to his knees and let out a soundless sob. He covered his face and silently broke down.
Then it all made sense. I felt stupid that I hadn’t understood, kneeling as well and hugging him with all I had.
“I’m so sorry,” I whispered as I rubbed his back. “I’m so, so sorry.”
“It was so amazing and kills me to lose,” he choked out. “I’m sorry I came here. I couldn’t handle this alone and hide it from him. I wasn’t strong enough.”
“I’m not mad.” I wasn’t. Hurt? Yeah, but that was life.
Maybe I was mad, but not at Wyatt.
At the gods for their “gifts” always being painful too.
“We can’t stay here,” I muttered when I heard voices not far away. “Can you circle us to my room?”
He nodded and put one under us. I swallowed a yelp when he picked me up when we were in my room and brought me over to the sofa. He sat down with me on his lap and continued crying, simply holding me. It wasn’t sexual, just comfort, but like he knew he couldn’t continue without holding onto me.
“When?” I asked when he seemed to calm down enough to talk.
“About an hour before I showed up,” he said, his voice raw. “His voice started fading. It faded, Bev.”
“That’s horrible,” I rasped, hugging him tightly.
“Him cutting out would be even worse. He said that. He said if he didn’t get to tell me in his voice one last time he loved me, that he would have never stopped crying.”
Then we cried together. That was so Quinn.
“So you took care of him and then realized there was no one to take care of you,” I whispered after we’d settled again.
“I’m sorry.”
“I’m not mad. I hurt for you,” I told him as firmly as I could when so upset as well. I kissed his hair. “I wouldn’t have wanted you to deal with this alone. This was—it wasn’t a gift.”
“It was. It so was, even if it hurt in the end.” He nodded when I started to argue.
“It’s like how I hear humans talk about having their pets.
They know they’ll lose them after a decade—maybe they’ll be lucky and have them two, but then it’s the worst pain of their lives losing them.
But they wouldn’t trade that pain for the love and time they had. ”
“And that’s what this was?”
“Yes. Getting this week hearing him was everything. This pain will fade and I’ll keep the memories.” He hugged me closer and snuggled his face against my neck. “I just couldn’t deal with this alone. I’m sorry, but you were the only one who knew, and I couldn’t let Quinn carry this when I’d…”
Made sure he was okay.
“Sorry,” he whispered again, realizing how bad that sounded.
“It’s okay,” I promised, thinking of the conversation I’d just had.
“Winter just asked me recently to never make him choose between him and his familiar. I would never with any of you. When it was something I needed, you and Quinn were there and adjusted. This is what it should be, and a familiar doesn’t understand what we do. ”
“You are so much more amazing than you can ever understand,” he whispered, and I felt his lips brush my skin, but I honestly thought it was just because of how close we were.
“I feel like I lost a part of myself. Why does everything good have to hurt? I thought I understood why you cry when people call what you do a miracle, but I didn’t. ”
“No, it’s a separate pain,” I agreed and just held him. I thought about what he said about humans and their pets. Sure, familiars could die, but they were meant to live as long as their witch or warlock.
How did humans deal with that? Even if they didn’t hear them and have the same connection, going in and knowing they would suffer such pain sounded insane.
Then I felt silly. I knew this pain.
I told Wyatt about Clarence, the frog from my family’s arboretum, and how scary it had been to realize I’d really heard him. How much I’d loved that frog and how many times he’d saved me. How hard it had been to leave all of them and why I’d been so crushed when my mother had sent me his dead body.
But then going with Winter and laying him to rest where he should have been all along was nice.
It still hurt, but maybe I did understand the humans because I wouldn’t trade that pain for anything, not just because Clarence saved me.
Not because he thought the gods gave him a longer life to help me.
All of it. All of my friends at that house.
“I wish I’d had that growing up,” Wyatt muttered.
He was playing with my hair now. We’d changed how we were sitting sometime during my talking.
I wasn’t really on his lap, but had my legs over his and I was tucked in the corner of the sofa.
He was staring out beyond the balcony and had taken down my hair, playing with it absently as he listened.
“What was it like growing up for you?”
He was quiet a few moments. “Can I tell you another time? I will, but that wound—I can’t open it today.”
“Fair. Sorry.”
“No, don’t be sorry. Thank you for caring and wanting to know, especially when I wasn’t there for you when I should have been. I was selfish.”
“You weren’t.” My heart hurt when he snorted.
I tried to make him look at me, but he wouldn’t, so I climbed over him and moved into his view.
“Wyatt, you weren’t. You’ve always come when I’ve called.
I could have called. I was okay.” I moved my hands to his cheeks and gave him a sad smile.
“I’m okay. I wanted you to have every second of this. ”
“Thanks, Bev. Really.” He let out a long, shaky breath. “Should we surface?”
I studied him a bit more. “I think you need more time. Let’s get some food and maybe just watch the drama unfold?”
Relief filled his eyes. “Thanks.”
So that was what we did. I went downstairs and raided Clare’s meal prep. She gave me a worried look and clearly knew who was there. She asked if this was about the lawsuit thing with his brother.
“I don’t think he even knows about that,” I sighed. “No, it’s my shit that leaked over to him kinda. He just needed a day and somewhere safe to break.”
“Yeah, I needed that too,” she said quietly. “And I’m sorry.”
It took me a minute to think of what she meant and then I flinched, totally forgetting she’d slapped me. “I didn’t mean it like that. I didn’t.”
“Wes helped me see that. I’m sorry. I’m struggling, and the thought of losing you—you not fighting because you don’t care if you die when…” She looked into the freezer and pulled out more food. “Sorry, Bev. I wish I was stronger. I’m not. I’m sorry I slapped you when you’re dealing with so much.”
“You are too, and you’re doing great. I was trying to tell you that I’m not normal.”
“No, you’re extraordinary. Don’t you ever act like you’re broken. You’re better than the rest of us, little sister.” She put more on my pile and walked away.
Okay then.
I brought it up after heating it according to all of the instructions Clare had outlined and found Wyatt sitting there tense. “What now?”
He scrubbed his hands over his head rougher than he probably should. “Just learning why my brother has been trying to get in touch with me again.”
I winced. “Yeah, I just learned about that too. Apparently, Taylor’s people found more dirt. I don’t even know what.”
“Fuck.” He stood and helped me with the food. “My friend from the gym who keeps being a dick to you—he really is a good guy. I’ll beat him into behaving, but—I guess—I can’t—”
“This should be good,” I chuckled darkly.
He was quiet a few minutes while we got settled. “Part of Dustin’s issues is that you haven’t offered to adopt me into the Millen family.”
“What?” I gasped. “Does he have any idea how fucking stupid that is?”
Wyatt reacted like I’d slapped him. “Thanks.”
“No, I’m not…” I looked at my food, suddenly not hungry.
“I can smell the smoke from you working through this from here,” he mumbled after a few minutes. “Sorry.”
I gave a half shrug. “I might be missing something, but you’re already in trouble because of what happened—what people think happened. If I adopted you into my family—we have the same last name, everyone will assume it’s because we’re together. That could ruin your career.”
“I don’t think—”
“And your brother would do everything in his power to have you take over as the head of the Millen family,” I continued. “You’re older. People would think you’re more powerful, so of course you could. How the fuck would we explain when you weren’t?”
His face went pale. “That’s a really good point I didn’t think of because I would never try and Dustin knows that. Okay, yeah, so clearly—sorry.”
I relaxed some. A few slow breaths and I really did. “If you want to live here and get the protection of this place—protection some other way, of course you can. I…”
“What?” he asked gently.