19 #3
So Kate needed to get all the reports from everyone and give me the updates, but the sessions need to be handled through “the adults.” My priest and Mrs. Reid.
And Tracey wanted to be looped in more because while she was overloaded with her own stuff, she was tired of feeling uninformed on too much.
We shared a look on that, completely on the same page.
We took thirty minutes and set up a real process, looping in Mrs. Reid who would handle it with anyone council-related going forward. Wyatt would handle the rest. Winter’s friends. Taylor’s people. The others around here.
Tomorrow they were meeting to list who was allowed sessions and to log who already had them. Calendar it all out for the council to see how much I’d already done so they could stuff it and for people to see how big it was.
And then start downsizing it. They needed to start putting in their own work. Council members did not need two sessions a week, especially when they weren’t putting in the work.
No. No more. They needed to focus on their own fucking jobs and keeping their people safe.
Relief filled me and Tracey seemed the same.
Through that, we could figure out more with the toys and everything because we’d promised our customers that we were going to be ramping up.
Now that I had been doing so much more, the stock was already dwindling because we’d been focused on blankets and brushes and treats.
So now, at least with Clare, maybe we could use two of the “session” blocks during the week and make it time to make toys. Double the amount focused on what I could do now during like four hours a week? That would be big.
It was a good plan and I felt comfortable with it, and we outlined some more things for the last part of school before finals.
I texted Kate that I was hoping for a time that we could go over exactly what everything would be going forward since we didn’t have the time over break.
I apologized for that because I knew she had wanted to do that.
I felt like I blinked and it was time to go to bed.
Wyatt muttered that he should go but looked so sad like he didn’t want to leave, but he probably knew he should. It was awkward, but I asked if he needed to get ready for classes tomorrow.
Unfortunately, he took it as a hint that he should go, clearing his throat and thanking me for letting him take up my whole day.
I stopped him, and maybe I shouldn't have, but I knew that feeling—that moment of not knowing what to do next. When it was something I didn’t know how to handle by myself, and if he had to leave with Quinn, then I had to take the bubble back off.
Wyatt looked too lost still and I didn’t want him to hurt that way.
I didn’t want Quinn to hurt that way.
Before I realized what I was doing, I heard myself saying he should stay. The look he gave me wasn’t one of hope about our relationship. It was of such utter relief that he didn’t have to carry this alone that I felt better about saying it.
He had carried so much for me when I shouldn’t have even asked.
I knew I shouldn’t have asked him to be my priest when it was platonic.
I knew that wasn’t fair, especially after everything that had gone wrong between us.
That was too much to ask of him, but he still did it for me, and this was something I could do for him.
Even if it was a gift that he received, it was still too much for him to bear alone.
I didn’t mean for him to necessarily end up in my bed, but maybe asking him to sleep on the couch was too much? I wasn’t sure, but it happened naturally somehow that we were lying in my bed facing each other.
“What’s wrong?” he whispered, as if worried he’d ruin the mood and maybe I’d ask him to leave?
No, this was genuine. Not something selfish and manipulative.
“Don’t tell me you’re okay,” he said gently when I opened my mouth. “If you don’t want to talk about it, that’s fine to say, but no one likes being brushed off. You know how that feels.”
I did. I nodded that I heard him and focused on his chest instead of his knowing eyes. I was glad he’d worn his shirt and hadn’t used this as some chance to let me see how hot he was or blur the lines between us. I really did.
Even if my mind was annoyed I’d missed the chance to see how hawt he was.
“It felt weird not talking to Winter today,” I admitted.
“Things were so off yesterday and—every time we get our footing, it’s just gone again.
” I snorted. “Any time I get footing with anyone, I feel that way.” I picked at my fingers with my nails.
“Yesterday was Sergey’s night to sleep over.
He didn’t. It felt like an end, not just… ”
“I don’t think it is if you don’t want it to be,” he said carefully.
I nodded. “But Winter wanted a night and I was annoyed because he seemed to want it because Sergey had one. Now Sergey isn’t using his and Winter isn’t around. My brain is making connections that probably aren’t fair but feel valid. You know?”
He snorted. “Yeah, I know, Bev. That was half of our problem. The connections we make are programmed into us to think the worst because we lived that as always being the right answer.”
I realized he hit the nail on the head perfectly. I nodded. “There’s proof though, so it’s not just me being crazy or like looking for drama like I hear guys accuse girls. I always feel so jumbled inside.”
“Bev, you never dated and then five of us all came at you.” He gave me a look not to even argue about Nigel because even if we were just friends, there was a pending future date basically.
“I don’t know it can be Nigel,” I finally admitted, shocking him. I gave a half shrug. “He keeps too much of himself from me.”
I huffed and sat up and just told him where I was.
How everything went wrong with Kelton because he didn’t listen to me and we both got so hurt, people blaming my inexperience.
Now Sergey and I just sometimes felt like the people who had families I could never connect with.
I was definitely talking to the right person when he snorted.
I went on about Nigel wanting something more from me, but I didn’t even know where he was that week, so it was just too much and overwhelming.
I felt like people asked everything from me—about me—and didn’t give the same back.
And people wanted me to pick points of my stars, but then I didn’t feel like I was getting as much from them as I was giving.
They knew so much about me and I felt half the time that I just wasn’t getting the same. But then I didn’t know if that was fair when they were giving so much to my drama and maybe if that wasn’t a factor then they would take the time to tell me about themselves and show me who they were?
Basically, I just didn’t feel good about all of it and probably sounded as silly as I looked when I stomped my foot.
“Bev, first, the foot-stomping thing is adorable because you realize how childish it is,” he said gently. “You’re not doing it for attention or trying to be a cutesy dipshit. You’re trying to learn how to handle your emotions and express yourself. Plus…” He cleared his throat and looked away.
I didn’t make him say it because Emma had already explained to me the way I got all flustered and stormed off with all the best parts of me bouncing turned guys on. No, I didn’t understand that, but whatever. I didn’t push it.
And neither did he, so I appreciated that.
I didn’t realize I’d fallen asleep, but I did because I woke up with him spooning me.
He was already awake and he kissed my hair, clearly knowing I had woken up.
“I regret this is the first time we’re waking up this way.
I really do. It should never have been like this when I had the chance to treat you better and experience this in the best ways.
” He kissed my hair again before letting me go.
“But thank you so much for letting me stay over.”
I appreciated him not pushing it. I mumbled that he was welcome and then asked if he was doing better when we were out of bed. He said he was and I believed it. Losing the ability to talk to Quinn obviously still hurt, but he seemed more settled with it.
More accepting that it was about getting back to normal… Until someone I wouldn’t have expected was sitting in the kitchen.
“Well, this just got complicated,” Kevin Rose drawled as he glanced between us. He was Kelton’s older brother and I had no idea why he would be there when I should already be at school.
“Kelton knows you didn’t come to campus yet and was worried,” Clare filled in for me. “And he didn’t want to push, but his brother is working for Taylor now and will be pushy it seems.” She gave a half shrug when Kevin shot her a less than friendly look.
“He didn’t want to act like he was trying to make a move when things are tense with Sergey but yeah, he’s a good guy and worried about her,” Kevin replied but really explained for me.
“And sometimes he’s still a trusting twit, so he thought the abduction story was real and was extra worried but doesn’t know where he stands, so he didn’t want to make anything worse. ”
Wyatt moved in front of me a bit and waited until Kevin focused on him.
“Not what you’re thinking. You know I’m her priest. You’re not stupid.
” He waited until Kevin nodded. “The others don’t know that much, so keep it to yourself.
I was on the couch. She severed the bond with a familiar.
Would you leave her alone after she did that kind of magic? ”
“No,” Kevin accepted and glanced at me. “You okay? I didn’t know you severed it. That had to be rough.”
I rubbed my hands over my face. “Don’t worry about me on that. Check on Link. I’m glad that familiar is free of Jason. It’s just all—fuck all the fucks, you know?”
Kevin snorted. “Yeah, that sums up nicely how I feel about a lot. Like… A lot.”
Everyone there snorted. It really did sum up a bit too much too well.