Chapter 31
CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE
B itty meets me halfway back to our accommodations. Apparently, the prince and I were quiet enough that they couldn’t catch everything said. I’m still impressed and slightly horrified by how excellent their hearing Gift is. No wonder they evaded discovery as an abandoned child until they passed out from hunger and were found by Beans.
Waiting until we are safe from prying eyes and ears, I tell the three of them what was discovered and discussed. They are all equally baffled by the prince’s relationship with his father.
Riley puts his head in his hands, breathing a large sigh of relief when I get to the part about the Prince Oferdu seeing his sister two weeks after she had supposedly left. Beans makes a quiet, celebratory “fuck yes” gesture and strokes his mustache one-handed while pacing. Bitty flops back on the bed they share with Beans, thanking the Divine.
Their collective relief is contagious.
I crawl into the bed next to Riley after a quick wash. They’re double beds, but Riley is double the man. His presence is imposing on the bed at the best of times, but more so after the adventures of last night that haven’t been spoken about. Riley and I have our backs to one another, and Beans extinguishes the lantern as we all say our goodnights.
I lay awake listening to the slow breathing of three people falling asleep. I roll onto my back to stare at the ceiling. Why can’t I sleep? I’m considering getting up to stretch on the floor when Riley rolls over in his sleep to face me. Shifting myself down and onto my side, I look at the man who keeps sending me and my rage into volatility. It’s too dark to see much more than vague outlines.
My eyelids are getting heavy while I’m facing him. I close my eyes for a second to imagine his freckles, those endless—almost black, blood-red—lashes, and his perfect lips. When I open them again, I’m facing the wall instead of Riley. The room has lightened, and the birds of dawn are singing their song. Sounds of the city beginning to wake drift through the window and under our door.
Riley twitches his hand in his sleep. He is gently gripping the top of my ribs, while his heavy arm is draped over me. His body is pressed along the length of my back and legs. Moving my head slightly, I feel his other arm above my head, across the pillow I’m not even using, again.
I listen intently for the sounds of breathing from Bitty and Beans, but they’re still asleep. Savoring a small, stolen moment of affection, I try to focus on every part of me that Riley is touching. His knee is resting on top of mine, spooning the back of my other knee. The weight of his draped arm is a comfort, and his chest rises and falls against my back, soothing me.
His hand falls to the bed but moves quickly to pull me closer, like a reflex. I freeze. Is he awake? His heavy breathing suggests otherwise. That’s when I notice it. The distinct hardness of Riley’s erection against my backside. My stomach rockets into my chest, causing me to shoot forward and into a sitting position.
Riley wakes with a startle, looking at me blearily. “Nightmare?” he asks me in a concerned whisper. His hand reaches up to grab my neck, using his thumb to stroke the bare skin. My skin immediately prickles in response, and I turn to respond. But his eyes are shut, breathing already returning to the rhythm of sleep.
In confusion, I watch this enormous man fall back to sleep, while still half stroking the back of my neck. I can’t help myself; I look at the tent in his pants. I didn’t know that men could be aroused in their sleep too. What does Riley dream about?
Riley sniffs, giving my neck a squeeze as he sits up and rubs his eyes, oblivious to me objectifying him in his sleep.
“Good dreams?” I ask, facing the wall as I stretch to hide my knowing smile.
Riley’s unused voice crackles as he tries to whisper. “I don’t often get to remember them, Firecat.”
I turn to look at him, not bothering to hide my stupid grin. “ You might not remember, but something else thinks you had a nice dream.”
He frowns for a moment before looking down and jolting to cover himself. He grabs his pillow and wallops me with it. “Now who’s the pervert?”
I laugh softly, falling to my side and throwing my pillow at him as he stands. He shakes his head smiling and mouthing “pervert” at me as he walks to the washroom, with the sounds of Bitty and Beans waking up as I reach for the pillow I threw.
Riley offers to get breakfast with Bitty, going stir-crazy at being inside this whole time. Unfortunately, the nighthouse doesn’t have its own tavern, so we’re limited to supplies that don’t require cooking while we are here.
When they’re both gone, Beans checks in with me. “You are not alone Mika. Please stop taking the entire Divined world on your shoulders and let us support you.”
“I’m trying. I promise. But you can’t help me with this beyond Bitty being a scout and keeping an ear out.”
“That might be true, but no unnecessary risks. I’m not sure how sober Riley is going to stay if you keep giving the poor kid a heart attack every few weeks. Or me, for that matter,” he says, laughing. I’m frowning at the side of Beans’ face as he makes their bed. I don’t want to know what he means about Riley, I need to focus on today. “You’ve already aged me more than Bitty ever has, little one, and I don’t think Mama or Frankie would forgive me if anything happened to you either.”
I swallow the lump in my throat, unable to speak. At some point in this journey, Beans’ terms of endearment have latched onto the last pieces of my soul, and I’m not sure they’ll ever let go. Or if I even want them to.
Finished making the bed, Beans engulfs me in a giant hug and kisses the top of my head dramatically. He holds me for a few breaths before letting me go and ruffling my hair. Touching. Always with the touching.
Without thinking, I suddenly wrap my arms around the giant Nemorisborn man from behind as he begins to walk away. Over his arms, I can’t make my hands touch in front. It’s only a few seconds. Beans doesn’t turn his head when I release him. He stands frozen for a beat before clearing his throat and striding into our washroom, leaving me with my rage to remind me of the dangers of getting too close.
During breakfast, the four of us go over the plan. After lunch, the king will be hearing from his people, so the castle gates will be opened and I’ll be able to blend in unnoticed. Slowly, I’ll make my way toward the eastern end while Bitty stays a safe distance away to monitor and relay information to Beans and Riley.
Time is flying, and my rage is a consistent buzz keeping me on edge. Ready for action. This type of waiting makes me nauseous. I’d rather be waiting on a rooftop alone than pacing in a bedroom going through the plan over and over.
Bitty and Beans leave to get lunch, but I won't be eating, as an empty stomach will keep me focused. I get changed into the uniform and ask Riley if I look okay.
He adjusts my collar as I fiddle with the waistband of my pants. I still haven’t decided how many weapons I want to take just in case I get caught. Fighting is unlikely to be the best course of action, so best to only take one at my thigh.
I’m mulling it over when Riley finally answers. “You look resplendent.” Looking into my eyes, still holding my collar, one of his thumbs reaches up to stroke my cheek. “And beautiful, as always.”
I clear my throat and move out of his grip. “Stop that,” I say, my voice hoarse.
“Stop what?”
“Playing games.”
“What games?” His frustration shows in his voice as he grabs me by the waist and pulls me toward him roughly, his back against the wall.
“Go and say those things to someone else, Riley,” I whisper as he leans right in, his lips barely an inch away from my own.
“I don’t want anyone else. I only want you. And I know you want this too.”
We stay like that for an eternity or more. Riley’s hands on my waist and my hands on his muscular forearms. Our breath is the only thing between our lips. Neither of us makes to move away. I stare at my favorite freckles on his face and the curve of his lips.
I want to kiss him. Desperately . I want him to kiss me.
As if he read my last thought, he closes the distance, his lips colliding with mine. He pulls me in tighter against his body, heat spreading across my skin like wildfire. I open my mouth slightly, and the kiss deepens. I taste his tongue and dig my fingers into his forearms.
“Stop,” I whisper against his mouth as I break the kiss.
He freezes, letting me go but only slightly as he looks down in confusion. But I can’t do this with him, I can’t. I don’t want to scratch each other’s itches with some kind of transactional sex. But I can’t offer him anything more, and neither can he return it. So, I let go. But he doesn’t.
“I said stop.”
“I have stopped. Tell me why.”
My rage is circling like a predator around its prey. “Because I don’t want to, is that not enough?” The tone in my voice makes the hairs on my arms rise.
“You truly only want my fingers, and nothing else?”
I growl and buck against him, and he releases me further but keeps his hands on me. “I want nothing from you!”
He hisses, looking at me like I’ve lost my mind. And maybe I have.
“Why are you so bothered that I won’t play the game, Riley? Is it because I haven’t yet returned the favor?” I reach aggressively toward his crotch. “Take your fucking pants off, and I’ll do it now.”
Before I even get there, his hand snatches mine, bringing it up and flattening it on his chest. “Why are you being like this? Is the Silent Assassin scared of feeling something other than rage?”
I try to knee him in the crotch, but he blocks it, using the force to pin me against him. He half slides down the wall, caging me in his legs so we’re face-to-face.
“Say you feel absolutely nothing for me, and I’ll let you go, Mika.”
I open my mouth with a sneer to lie, but he grips my face and brings me to his lips. Stopping before his lips touch mine, only for a second, giving me that time to say it. But I don’t. Then, softly, he kisses me. My eyes prick with tears as I kiss him once more, vowing to the Divine that this is the last time. His lips are so soft against mine, his thumb stroking my cheek again, his thundering heart under my hand. The last time. It has to be.
I push myself off him and step back, and he lets me. The shattered pieces of my heart blow away in the wind from the distance I create between us. He reaches for me again, and I step further away. With my hand against my lips, I close my eyes, relishing the taste and feel of him before I close the door on us for good.
“Don’t. Don’t ever kiss me again, Riley,” I plead, my voice barely a whisper.
“Firecat,” his deep voice croaks out as he reaches for me again. And again, I dodge him, leaving his hands hanging in the air. “ Mika …” He says my name as if it’s a plea.
The unhinged tone of my voice forces my rage to scream louder, and I grimace in pain as I beg. “Promise me. Promise me!”
All I get are those red-rimmed eyes and a strained look on his face. So, I leave, slamming the door behind me. I have everything I need for today and I’m not eating lunch. I’ll wait for Bitty downstairs.
Please let there be a breeze outside to calm me.