Chapter 38
CHAPTER THIRTY-EIGHT
I laugh. It’s an awkward and ugly sound. I know it’s covering the panic that’s triggering my rage to awaken, so easily roused and now slamming against my ribs.
“I’m Mievaborn, Eryn. It’s impossible,” I say dismissing him, the memory of my paperwork in Osraed booming in my head like a warning bell.
Unknown/Unclaimed Father.
I finally look at Eryn, and he’s giving me a disbelieving look. He glances pointedly at my exposed skin and hair, then looks me in the eye with a raised eyebrow. “Well, what’s your theory, purebreed ?” he asks, using the slur that, historically, Mutts used to insult anyone born of two parents with the same citizenship.
I try to glare at him, hold his stupid eyes, and intimidate him, but I back down first, not wanting the unpleasant hold to wash over me, not with him. I don’t want that with Eryn, I have no desire to take something from this kid who has already given me so much.
Aiming the rest of my glare in the direction of the door. “I don’t know. I haven’t had a chance to think about it yet. Why would jumping straight to being related even be on your mind?”
Eryn shrugs. “We do look kinda similar. The same nose.”
“The same nose,” I repeat, flatly.
“Yours is infinitely cuter, of course.”
I roll my eyes. “You do have a wild imagination, kid. I’m sorry, but it’s impossible. If I had an Erduborn father, I would at least look like a Mutt—” I cut him off with a glance when he opens his mouth to protest. “I’ve seen Erdu-Mieva Mutts, and they’re obvious. That dark hair is much too strong of a trait.” I mess up his wavy dark tresses to annoy him.
“And you’d be pretty damn short for an Erduborn,” he agrees, slapping my hands away.
Sighing, I change the subject. “Tovi should come next time. Your father wanted you to see her as soon as she recovered, and we can’t deny that she isn’t well anymore.”
“What’s she like?”
“Bossy. Arrogant. Annoying. Bitchy. Snarky. Sarcastic—" I start listing off on my fingers.
“And this is your friend?” Eryn cuts in.
I shoot him a look for interrupting me. “—Strong. Protective. Righteous.”
We sit in silence for a few seconds as the word loyal rings in my mind, but I can’t say it. Not yet. She is loyal, just not to me. And why would she be? I’m the assassin of her nightmares. Before Eryn says anything, I continue. “Caring. Funny. Silly. Smart as a whip, and believe me, she will whip you. And yet, she’s also fucking stupid.”
“What was the strange coincidence that worked out?”
“It’s a long story. First, she betrayed me, but it got out of her hands, and she ended up risking all of us. But I wasn’t her friend then. And she had…valid reasons, albeit misinformed. Then she ran away and got here first. Came lo oking for the princess, hoping to save her but was caught instead.”
“ Betrayed you?”
“I forgave her. Please make sure it’s clear to the others when you find them. I have forgiven her, and they should give her the opportunity to explain.”
“Is she in love with the princess?”
I look at him, blinking in response, connecting the dots that she can’t have lied about looking for the person she loved.
Tovi is in love with Amarilyss?
“You have spider webs in your hair,” I say to Tovi, hanging my cloak.
“Put on some clothes that cover you so I won’t see what you had for breakfast, and come check out the ceiling hatch. It’s too small for me, but I think you’ll fit.”
“What I had for…Oh Tovi!”
“That lace barely covers you. If you start climbing, I’m going to see more of you than I ever need to. Hurry up!”
I grab the set of silky shorts and shirt we were given, putting them over the lace underwear and sheer nightdress for now. When I come out, she’s already moved into the washroom, so I follow her in.
“You know, you’re going to get your own set of doxy clothes too. You’re going to see Eryn next time.”
She gives me a dark look and gestures to the hatch impatiently.
It’s lucky this ugly cabinet is large, as we can climb it easily. I pop open the hatch, and it's pure darkness inside. I turn to ask Tovi for a lantern, but she’s already standing on a chair and handing one to me.
Inside are what look like tunnels, only big enough for someone to crawl on their stomach and elbows.
“There are pipes, and they’re hot, so try not to touch them,” she says as I look inside.
I see the pipes she’s referring to, going up into the floor of the next level. I push the lantern in first and crawl all the way in, trying not to shudder at the spider webs tickling me. Pushing the lantern, I pull my body along on my stomach and hope I’m not making my clothes filthy.
I pick a direction and make sure I’m keeping track of where I’m going so I don’t get lost. After crawling for about ten minutes, I find what looks like another hatch. I rest my ear on it, trying to listen, but I can't hear a thing.
Still, I’m excited at the prospect. This could lead us to the doxies or at least to other rooms. And I backtrack, hoping I haven’t gotten lost. Seeing the open hatch is a relief, and when I stick my head down into it, Tovi blows out a loud breath of air.
“It’s dark and a fucking maze in there, but I found at least one more hatch.” I grin at her, and she grins back.
“Now, did you remember to ask about the king’s eyes?”
All excitement from the hatch is immediately sucked out of me. Climbing down awkwardly, I tell her everything except Eryn’s speculations. Tovi tries to speculate as well but falls short of anything beyond it being a random coincidence. I cannot think of any reason why Eryn and I can see them, but no one else. If anyone else had seen them, there would surely be stories. Too many stories for him to silence.
“We need to try and map the tunnels out,” I say to our brooding silence. “You should ask Eryn for some paper and charcoal when you see him in a couple of days.”
Maybe Tovi wasn’t lying when she said I looked hot in my doxy attire, because, standing there in her own, she looks incredible. I whistle at her, waggling my eyebrows in appreciation as she does an exaggerated twirl, finishing with an offensive gesture. I roll my eyes, and she leaves.
Alone, I run myself a bath.
Soaking in the slightly too warm water, only a dripping sound to distract me, my mind wanders all the way back to Petia, Katla, and Niesha.
They were normal little girls, who liked normal little girl things. I liked all those things too at first. But those girls certainly had no interest in fighting with boys in the mud or having competitions to climb to the top of the tree first. Unlike me. Their bullying didn’t start in earnest until we went through puberty.
The children’s compound had many communal bath houses, and we were all forced to go to one together. One day, while I was in one of the more private baths, the girls busted in. We’re all naked, and Petia points to my newly growing pubic hair and screams, “I told you so!” to the other two.
While Mievaborn are blonde, it varies from white blondes to light golden blondes. The three girls loomed over me with their budding new breasts and light blonde pubic hair beginning to grow, laughing at me mercilessly.
I tried to cover myself, but it was obvious that my pubic hair was not light blonde and was a much darker blonde than theirs. Neither had I even begun to grow anything that would resemble fuller breasts, like them. Turns out I never really would.
“It’s just as dirty as the rest of you! ”
“You’re in a bath, but you’re still dirty.”
“Do you rub dirt all over yourself, or do you never actually wash?”
Their awful taunting was relentless, and my anger festered. Jaena forbade me from fighting anyone outside of the training grounds. Usually, you don’t even see the training grounds until you move to secondary. However, Jaena had me training separately for a few revs by then.
I could have beaten the snot out of all three girls easily, but I still wanted to impress Jaena. So, I let them get away with it. For revolutions , they taunted me, and for revolutions, I allowed it. No wonder Petia isn’t scared of me, even knowing I’m the Silent Assassin.
It wasn’t only my pubic hair that was darker. My blonde hair is much darker at the roots, which fed their unwashed narrative. Their skin is typical Mievaborn porcelain, whereas I am a shade darker. I am still pale, just not as pale as them. My skin looks slightly darker on some of my joints, like my knees and elbows, further proof that I was dirty.
I scrub myself raw before I get out of the bath.
Tovi should be back soon. I think it’s been as long as I usually take. My rage has been simmering and bubbling low in my belly the entire time she’s been gone. What if the king made her detour? What if the prince still hasn’t found the others? What if they hated each other and killed one another? What if?—
The telltale sounds of an escort pop my bubble of panic. Tovi makes a grand entrance, spinning her cloak off with a flourish, throwing it onto the nearby side table, and brandishing her wrists at me dramatically. And now I understand the shit-eating grin across her face: she has two blades strapped to her.
“How in the Divine?”
“He found them, Mika! Or they found him and his weird whispering to himself. Bitty gave over their two wrist blades so we could have something on us.”
My mouth gapes open, and tears prickle my eyes as she undoes one of the blades and gives it to me.
“They’re okay?”
“Apparently. Annoyed that we ruined their grand plan to break you out of the dungeon, but glad you’re okay. Surprised and thrown a little into disbelief that I’m here or…that you have forgiven me. Eryn asked about how much exploring we’ve done, and—fuck—I forgot to ask for paper and charcoal to make a map. I told him we hadn’t explored much more than the entrance so far.”
I raise an eyebrow at her, not missing the irony that she couldn’t believe how I forgot to ask Eryn about the king’s eyes. “Did he tell them about the king?”
She rolls her eyes at my raised eyebrow and tone. “Yes. Confirmed they see what I see, what we all see, except the violet eyes. They’re going to do some subtle questioning, planting seeds that he started acting weird a decade past, and see what grows.”
I blow out a breath. This is all so much. We need to explore, but I’m loath to do so without some way to know where I’m going. “The knives!” I exclaim. “I can use the knives to mark my passage, so I don’t get lost. When is Eryn meeting them again?”
“In a couple of days, let them rustle some shit up first. And yes, good idea. Want to get in there now?”
Yes. Yes, I do. I get changed into the silky clothes I wore the other night that I’ve already ruined. Again, Tovi hands me a lit lantern when I climb in, and off I go.
I spend about two hours in there and find four other hatches, each one silent, and I don’t try to open them. I wish they were mapped, but at least I know how to get back out and how many are around. It’s hot in here and I have a slamming headache. Calling it quits for the night, I vow to do more tomorrow.