Chapter 19 #2
“It will all work out. Everything will be fine.” She says as she strokes my hair.
I want everything to be fine but I feel like I'm drowning in things I don't understand or have no control over. The pressure is pushing down on me and I don't know what I should do!
I sit back and look at my Mum and decide to just unleash everything going through my head because I can't hold it in any more.
“I don't understand how it will. I know Dad hopes Lukas and I will be mated but he doesn't know about Alistair.
What if rejecting Alistair is what has blocked my powers?
Then I can't keep you all safe. They'll all hate me if they knew and Dad would be devastated.
I can't do that to them after what they've been through!
Then at the same time everyone says I need to stay here and never leave for the rest of my life because I need to protect the pack and the forest but I feel like I'm in a cage.
How can I protect nature and keep balance when I'm just stuck here doing the same thing each and every day with no drive or purpose other than to be mated to Lukas and sire the next generation?
I know I should be grateful for the family that I have now and I am but I feel lost and trapped like I'm floating in the middle of the ocean.
The only thing that is certain is that Gaia wants me to be with her son but why?
And How? His Dad wants us all dead and Alistair is a monster who kills and tortures.
What would my life be like with him? Would we have a cottage with a white picket fence in the underworld and he would just drink my blood until I die shrouded in darkness? ”
Mum brushes the tears from my cheeks as she looks at me with a sad smile.
“What makes you so certain that Alistair is truly a monster?” She says softly.
“How is he not after everything him and Hades have done?” I say in shock.
“Hades is the irredeemable monster. Alistair.
..I think there is some light in him and that's what Gaia wants you to find. Listen, he let you bring him to the brink of death so that you could get your father back. He has a conscience. He knew that when we left him barely alive that he would face more torture at the hands of his father. Why if not for you?” She heaves a heavy sigh.
“I understand Gaia's desperation to pull her son out of the darkness and she knows it won't be easy so she made you more powerful than any Nymph before so you can do the impossible.
A Moira bond can only happen between two people if there is something there already drawing them together in the first place.
It can't be placed on just anyone it needs a tether.
You were drawn to him before you were bonded and despite knowing who and what he is now I know you are still drawn to him.
You will never feel at home here or be happy with Lukas because deep down you want Alistair.
The message Gaia gave you, Fall into the darkness to find the light deep in its depths. I know she means Alistair. No mother could give up on their child and Gaia is no different. She loves him and she knows he can be saved.
No matter what you choose I will support you.
Lukas is a good man and he will make a great Alpha especially with you by his side but Alistair will always be just a thought away and he is your fate.
You will always be drawn to him and you can be his salvation.
Who knows, together you could overthrow Hades for good.
As for your dad and the pack... I don't know.
But your father and I have many years yet.
The pack doesn't need a new alpha any time soon and sweetheart, I know you.
You won't be happy in this life. Like you said you feel trapped and without a purpose. There is a path full of purpose right in front of you. You just need to start the walk down it.”
I hear the break in her voice though she tries to hide it. I know she has tears in her eyes but so do I. This is what I needed to hear. All I ever needed was to talk to my mum and I squeeze her even tighter.
“I love you mum.”
“I love you too baby.”
We sit there for a while in silence as my mum holds me.
I listen to the birds flying overhead and feel the breeze along my skin.
I let my mind empty and try to let go of all the tension.
The small waves lap at the shore and along the pebbles.
I smell the fresh air with a hint of pine and fir from the trees.
From the trees a Doe and her young fawn emerge to drink at the lake.
Mama and Bambi. Warmth and love fill my heart as I watch them thrive.
More deer emerge and then a great Stag. He moves forward to stand with the fawn.
Nuzzling it then he lifts his head to me.
Even though I can't feel the gratitude I can see it in his posture and eyes. I nod to him with a smile.
We sit and just be for a while. Instead of trying to ground myself by feeling the flow of energy, I ground myself by just simply being. Using my senses to feel the forest instead of the energy flowing through it. Just like I used to do before I had my powers.
“I'm going to tell Dad.” I say matter-of-factly. “Without my powers the pack is in danger and they have a right to know. I can't lie to them anymore.”
“OK.” She says softly.
I turn my head to look back at the house and see my dad in a deep conversation with Lukas and Caleb. I get up and take a deep breath.
Here goes nothing.
I walk over to them and mum follows. I try to steady my heart rate but it won't cooperate. Lukas smiles as we approach but I see in his face the second he realises something isn't right. Honestly wolves have no business having senses that heightened. Dad notices just as fast.
“There's my girls! Is everything OK?” He takes my mums hand as he watches me.
“Dad I need to talk to you. Can we walk?” I say as calmly as I can.
“Of course!” He smiles but I see the concern lining his eyes.
“Mum?”
She nods and we walk just the three of us towards the playground.
“So come on what's got you two so tense.” He chuffs.
I take a deep breath and stop to look up at him.
“My powers are gone.”
He stares at me in bewilderment then looks to my mum. Her expression is tentative.
“But I think I know why Dad. Gaia has... Well I think she's punishing me.” I can feel the shake in my voice from the fear of telling him. He's going to hate me for what I'm going to say.
“Punishing you for what?” He asks and I hear the wobble of worry in his tone.
I feel sick and I squeeze my fingertips to give me something to focus on rather than losing my nerve. I can't lie any more. Whether the pack hate me or not they deserve to know.
“For rejecting my Moira bond to her son, Alistair.” I say it slowly and clearly with conviction by some miracle.
He freezes as what I have just said sinks in. His head twists slightly to the side as if what I just said was some kind of joke. Then I watch as the disbelief fades to shock as he stubbles back. Then he pauses as the words I said dawn on him.
When he looks at me again I feel the stab of his expression like a knife to the heart. The disgust on his face and the anger.
“No.” He growls.
“Dad-”
“I said NO!” His voice carries across the trees as he shoves my mum away. “You knew?” He spits at her.
His eyes are molten gold as he fights to stay in control.
“I'm sorry.” Her voice is small.
My dad paces back and forth and the rage is rippling off of him in waves.
Lukas and Caleb come rushing through the trees looking ready to fight and maim but then freeze when they see my Dad and they glance at us in confusion. Izzy, Penny and Jason aren't far behind.
Dad whirls on me his fists clenched. I can't help but flinch.
“Dad I'm sorry.” I choke.
“Sorry?” He shouts. Spit flying from his mouth. “You bonded Hades pathetic, demon of a fucking son and your sorry!”
The gasps from the pack ring in my ears but I can't bring myself to look at them.
He said 'you bonded' like I had a say in the matter.
“And you kept this from me!” He shouts, the hurt heavy in his tone as he looks at Gwen. She looks back at him with tears in her eyes.
He growls a curse as he paces again.
“And now to top it off your powerless!” He punches a small nearby tree and it cracks in half.
“For rejecting him Dad! I don't want the bond!” I shout back with a sob.
He straightens with his back to everyone. His fists clenching and unclenching.
I briefly glance up at the pack and my knees threaten to buckle at the looks of disgust and shock. Lukas stares at the ground his jaw clicking and Caleb is watching me closely. Assessing. His brow knotted deep in thought.
No one dares to speak for a while and bile rises in my throat.
I knew this wouldn't be easy but after living with the pack for months I didn't think they would be so quick to hate me.
It cuts me so deep that they know this is not something I could control but they don't seem to care.
I'm bonded to their enemy and now I have no power to protect them.
Apparently they seem to have forgotten that it was me who saved them in the first place.
Anger begins to bubble under the hurt in my gut but I stamp it down. Tensions are already too high.
“Dad.” I say softly in earnest. “All I want is to make you proud.
I love you and I love the pack. I would do anything for them.
The bond was already in place when I was torturing him.
I felt all of it but I didn't give in because I wanted you back.
I have blocked him out and rejected him to the point that Gaia has taken my powers!
I have given everything I have! What more can I do so that you won't hate me?”
Everything is quiet. I don't take my eyes from my Dad and slowly I see his muscles loosen. He heaves a great sigh as he turns to me with tears in his eyes.
“I could never hate you.” He says. “But I cannot bare my daughter being fated to a monster.”
Mum comes over and puts her arms around me. I lean into her knowing that no matter what she'll always be there.
“Gaia has a plan for her.” She explains. “She wants Krista to save her son. If there is anything to save. We cannot ignore the great goddess's will no more than you can Zeus's. Her power is great and her destiny even greater. Don't turn your back on her when she needs you most.”
Dad strides over to us and wraps us in his arms. I sob into him. He cups my face in his hands as he looks at me.
“I have watched you grow up though your mothers eyes and I have always known you would be incredible. I love you.”
“I love you too Dad.”