33. Cash
Cash
Watching Aleks leave was one of the hardest things I’d ever done. I knew what he was going back to, and as determined as he seemed that things would be set right somehow, I was scared for him.
Aleks and Viktor both might get pinched between two feuding alphas, and how was I going to look Katya and Leo in the eye then? Leo had saved Evie and swept her to safety, and I hadn’t done a damn thing to help his brothers.
I hated that I wasn’t a fighter. Maybe I should’ve taken dad’s chainsaw and pulled some Rambo shit and helped, but that . . . it wasn’t me.
When Jax hung back to ask if he thought I could trust Aleks, I felt a little better. At least he was open to the idea of working together.
I trusted Aleks fully, but I tried my best to give Jax a measured answer that wouldn’t seem false—that Aleks wouldn’t betray the people he loved for Jax or the Crescent wolves, but that Grant didn’t count among the people he wanted to protect.
I didn’t see any reason for Jax and Aleks to be at odds, except that Aleks’s attitude riled Jax up.
Me? I thought his smirk was the cutest thing I’d ever seen, and I wished like hell I could mirror his confidence.
Now that I had him back and knew how he felt—Aleks loved me—it was lonely being without him. I wanted . . . I didn’t know what, exactly, but whatever came next. I wished he could stay at Jax’s place, just stay with me and not worry about anything.
But life in Wildwood had never been that simple, and I wasn’t going to ask him to abandon his brother for any amount of time, just because I wanted to keep him close.
It was hard to imagine, but I could have that: Aleks, with me. It still didn’t make sense why he might look at me and—and want more, but if he did? Well, I was going to give it to him.
From the moment that he left and the house emptied as most people went to work, I laid there, warm under the blankets, imagining more dinners with Pa and Katya, Evie and Aleks and his brothers. Good food and comfort and laughter and things that were too rare in our pack.
I’d only gotten glimpses of it, but that was the life I wanted, and Aleks loving me back made it all possible.
Maybe. If Grant disappeared.
For a little while, at least, I wasn’t going to think about that, just the good stuff.
He’d only been gone a couple hours when my phone buzzed in my pocket, and I pulled it out to see a message from him: Miss you ;*
I miss you too, I sent back, grinning down at my phone screen.
I could’ve left it at that, but I had absolutely no chill whatsoever.
Are you ok? Did Grant realize where you went?
I waited while little dots scrolled across my screen.
He barely even noticed I was gone. Viktor covered. It’s fine.
And Viktor’s ok too?
He sent me a laughing emoji, tears in its eyes. Viktor is eager to finish this. I think he’s enjoying keeping Grant in his sights.
I swallowed, unsure if the swirling, tight feeling in my chest was excitement or nerves. Probably both, and a hundred other feelings besides.
Just keep yourselves safe.
You worry too much. We are strong Russian wolves.
Oh yeah? Some special spice in your mom’s borscht?
Precisely. It is magic.
A few seconds passed and then he messaged again: Don’t worry. We are ready, and when I see you again, very soon, I want to do that thing with my tongue that made you squeal.
I flushed, pressing the phone to my chest to hide the screen even though there was no one around to see it.
That wasn’t fair. I didn’t squeal.
I just . . . my whimper went a little high pitched. He surprised me.
My face was on fire when I peeked at my phone again.
He was deflecting, trying to distract me. It was working, but he was also right. Nothing good would come of me making him defend his capabilities over and over. Whatever the future required, Aleks could handle it, and however I could help, I wanted to.
So I swallowed my embarrassment down and texted him back.
Yeah, I want that too.
He sent me an impish emoji.
Aleks?
Yes, darling? Another kissy emoji made me smile.
I swallowed my nerves. I didn’t know if I’d have the confidence to say this to him face-to-face, but I wanted to be sure that I did it somehow.
I just want you to know, it feels so good when we’re together.
Better than anything. But that’s not why I love you, and it’ll always be okay if you don’t want to have sex.
I like being with you no matter what we’re doing.
The dots appeared again.
Disappeared.
Shit, that was probably an awkward thing to say, and it came too close to treading on topics that we’d spent years avoiding.
When he finally replied, I took a full breath again.
I know, sweetheart. You love me because I am the funniest Russian werewolf.
Another message came a second later.
And I love you because you are the most beautiful, kindest man I’ve ever met.
Whelp, there went all chance of my face returning to a normal color any time soon. Shit.
A few seconds later, he messaged a third time. Probably because he was trying to kill me.
And no matter what we are doing, I am going to want to lick you. ;P
Yup. Definitely trying to kill me.
I sent back a heart, because it was too much for me to make words in his general direction.
But something about being able to talk to him, even from a distance, settled all the nerves inside me. That evening was the first time I slipped out of my self-imprisonment to be with the Crescent pack.
It was also the night they expelled a traitor from their midst—Kent, who had come from Idaho too, but who’d always struck me more as a hanger-on and suck-up than someone steadfast and reliable. He’d been part of our group when we were kids, sure, but he and I had stood on opposite sides of it.
Turned out, a lifetime around slimy werewolves made them easier to recognize.
He’d been working with Grant, and Dakota had been the one to confront him.
He hadn’t stood back and gone to his alpha to solve every problem.
He’d stepped forward and protected what mattered himself.
That was the kind of mate anyone should hope for, and .
. . and maybe the kind of mate I’d like to be, if I ever got that lucky.
That evening, I watched Jax’s pack come around him to comfort and support him, the same as he’d tried to offer them—to offer me.
That, I decided, was the way it’d be for Aleks when he was alpha. Maybe I couldn’t do anything about Grant, but I’d learned a lot from my time here, and I could make sure that Aleks got the support he needed from our pack moving forward.
Our pack . . .
No longer did it feel like a distant connection that didn’t fully belong to me. I was going to help shape it, build it, and I’d do whatever I could to make it better for him and everyone else we loved.