Chapter 16
Sixteen
Colt
Last night went so much worse than I anticipated, but my gut told me I needed to be there. Nothing that goes on between me and the boys has anything to do with Briar—outside of the fact that we all love her.
The bond Dash and I share—shared, I guess—is something that’s hard to explain.
I was close to all of them, but Dash and me…
with the military bond on top of the hockey bond on top of the shitty family bond on top of the Gamebreakers bond was…
special. We really did consider ourselves family. Brothers.
When we were in Afghanistan, we were inseparable. Every mission, every duty shift, every basketball game or video call home—we shared it all. About the only thing we never shared was a woman.
And my attraction to Briar, well… it wasn’t black and white.
When I first met her, she was a kid. A teenager with braces and Coke-bottle lens glasses.
She was cute in the way you look at a family member, but not sexually attractive to me.
However, that gave me the opportunity to get to know her.
The real Briar. Inside and out. Her hopes and dreams, her fears, her romanticized wish—the way only a sad teenager can portray—for a family of her own one day that wouldn’t be anything like the one she grew up with.
By the time she got rid of the glasses and grew into her curves and figured out how to tame her wild hair, we were already close. And even though I was deployed for most of her time in college, I watched her grow. Change. Mature.
When we were home on leave, she and I spent a lot of time together, both with the boys and without. Nothing ever happened back then, but I liked hanging out with her. Even her friends in college were cool. Smart. Funny. Not completely absorbed in partying—not like I had been.
I knew she had a crush on me. She didn’t even try to pretend. She would say things like, “someday you’re going to realize the puck bunnies and military bunnies will never understand you like I do.” I’m not sure what a military bunny is, but I got her point.
Because she was right. But I always brushed it off without making her feel bad. I knew Dash and the others would go postal if I touched her, so I pushed those feelings way down to a place where I thought they would wither and die.
That never happened.
Somewhere along the way I realized my feelings were changing.
Growing. The letters she wrote me while I was deployed were personal.
Private. Not ones I shared with Dash. Not because there was anything going on, but because I knew one day there would be.
At some point, I stopped fighting the inevitable.
Then the black ops group came calling.
That changed almost everything, but there was no universe where I gave her up. I just had to come up with a plan.
That weekend before I was supposed to leave for my training, before I really understood what I was getting into, we met for breakfast. I needed to talk to her about my feelings and she was the only one who knew I’d decided to stay in the military, even though that wasn’t a completely accurate description of the job I’d taken.
Again, I was operating on the idea that it was safer for my family and friends if they didn’t know what I was up to.
But Briar was different.
I trusted her in a way I couldn’t trust the others. Mostly because she wouldn’t try to talk me out of it.
One thing led to another, feelings were confessed, and it was the best thirty-six hours of my life.
And now… fuck.
Now everything is spiraling.
The house is quiet and empty, with Briar at work and Frankie at school
I roam the hallways and bedrooms like a ghost, trying to find my place, both here and with my friends.
Royal and Banks, we’re going to be okay.
What I did couldn’t hurt them the way it hurt Dash, and Atlas by extension.
Atlas and I had a strange connection. Both of us had mothers who didn’t want us.
My phone buzzes in my pocket, startling me out of my dark thoughts.
Igor.
“Hey, man.” I walk outside to take the call, staring out at the beautiful landscaping without really seeing it.
“How are you?” he asks in his barely discernible Russian accent.
“Physically on the mend. Everything else… shit.”
“What happened? Your girl find someone else?”
“I wish that was the only issue,” I admit grudgingly.
“Oh, boy. What’s up?”
“The boys—especially Dash—are pissed. Because there’s been a plot twist you don’t know about.”
“Yeah?”
“I’m a father.”
“Briar had your baby?” Igor probably heard more about Briar while I was delirious than someone should.
“She’s four, Igor. Four fucking years old. She’ll be five in February. She had her while I was still in training.”
He mutters a string of Russian curses.
“Right?” I’m almost fluent now, which is weird but also comfortable, so I switch languages. “And she has a boyfriend.”
“Are you going to kill him?” He switches back to English.
“I don’t think so,” I admit. “He seems to adore her. Treats her well. Is very gentle with her. Exactly the kind of guy she should be with.”
There’s an extended pause before he says, “What the fuck are you talking about, Colt?”
Anger I wasn’t expecting.
“Huh?”
“What do you mean ‘the kind of guy she should be with’? You know that kind of guy she should be with? A guy like you—no, wait… exactly like you. Because it should be you!”
I laugh, even though the reality of my situation is in no way funny.
“And what if she doesn’t love me anymore?” I counter. “Or, she loves me, but isn’t in love with me, the way she was before I left?”
“That might be the case, but you can’t know that if you’ve been pussy-footing around. That’s your woman. And your kid! Are you really going to just walk away and let her ride off into the motherfucking sunset with some other guy? Seriously?”
“It’s not nearly that simple.” I tell him about last night.
“Is she hurt?” he asks automatically.
“No, not really. She might have a little bruise, but to be fair, Dash pulled back the moment he saw her move, so it wasn’t even close to the hit it would have been. And I saw it coming, so I managed to get her away before it could do any serious damage.”
More Russian muttering.
“He didn’t mean it. The punch was intended for me. She literally jumped between us. I’m going to have to have a chat with her about her need to protect me.”
He’s quiet again. “A woman who isn’t in love won’t jump into a fist fight between two men who are literally capable of killing with their bare hands.”
Fuck, but I want that to be true.
“You have to fight for your family,” he continues. “I mean, isn’t that why you left the agency? Your country spent a lot of time, money, and resources training you—and you walked away. If you aren’t going back, why aren’t you fighting for the people you left it for?”
I get up and start to pace, ignoring the tugging in my side and the stiffness in my knees.
Carrying Briar to the car the other night set back my recovery, but I wasn’t going to let anyone else put their hands on her and… it doesn’t change what’s really bothering me.
“I don’t know if my family wants me back,” I admit.
“Bullshit. People don’t get upset when they don’t care.”
“That’s what I thought about how angry Dash was to find out I was alive. The things he said about me sleeping with his sister…well, that shit cut deep. It’s a separate issue from me coming back from the dead.”
“What about the other guys?” he asks.
“From what Briar said, Banks had guessed. Frankie’s eyes—her name is Frankie, by the way, named after my dad—”
“That’s nice,” he says softly.
“Yeah.” I pause to gather my thoughts. “Anyway, Banks had guessed because her eyes are literally just like mine. Hair color too. And he’s okay with it.
Royal seemed surprised but not mad because it’s obvious Briar and I had something real back then, if not now.
Atlas was furious but you know how he gets—all stoic and pensive, like he has to decide how to react. ”
Igor chuckles.
Igor played with us in college, so he remembers what they’re like.
“Then you start with them. Make sure they understand your plan to buy a ring as soon as your training was over. How you were in love with her. How you waited because you didn’t want to disrespect them, but you couldn’t deny your feelings anymore. All that nonsense.”
“Have you ever been in love?” I ask after a moment.
He’s quiet for a beat. “I have. Which is why I know what I just said is some romantic sappy shit, but she’s worth it, no?”
“She’s worth everything.”
“Then act like it.”