Chapter 26
Twenty-Six
Colt
“Are we safe, Colt?”
I’ve just put some monstrosity of a portable beach cabana in the back of Briar’s SUV when she tosses out the question so casually it takes a second for it to register.
Slowly, I turn to her. “What do you mean?”
“Your…associates in Russia. Or wherever. Do they have access to you or any reason to find you?”
Shit.
I should have reassured her about that the moment I set foot in her house.
“No. Absolutely not. When they caught me, I had the ID of a totally different person—someone who doesn’t even exist. And they have no reason to come after me.
They know—knew—I was a spy, but they never got any useful information out of me, and the whole time I was there it was just a matter of the guards making an example out of me. ”
“So, it was all for nothing?” she asks softly, one hand on my arm, staring up into my face with concern.
“In the grand scheme of the spy game? Yes. A big, miserable waste of time.”
“And suffering.”
I manage to smile, so she doesn’t see the darkness that lurks in my subconscious whenever I talk about all that. “That too.”
“Get help, Colt.” Her voice is a whisper as she leans up for a kiss. “For Frankie, for me, and for yourself. Promise me.”
Like I could refuse her anything.
“I promise.” I bend my head, capturing her sweet lips—one thing that makes all the darkness disappear. Always.
“You’re kissing. Again.” The disapproving little chirp makes us both laugh. “I thought we were going to the beach?”
“We are,” I reply, scooping Frankie up and tickling her. She squeals with laughter, even as a protest escapes her. “I was just asking Mommy how many more toys we have to bring because the whole car is full!”
“It’s not full!” She dramatically rolls her eyes. “But I need my water guns—put me down!” She’s off like a shot and I give her mother a baleful look.
“Water guns? Really?”
She arches one brow. “What? You thought the boys weren’t going to make her a tomboy?”
Yeah, that would be wishful thinking on my part.
Finally, after more bags, coolers, chairs, and toys than three people should possibly need for a day at the beach, we’re on the way. It’s warm for November, Indian summer hitting hard this week, so we opt to take advantage of it and have a nice day.
As a family.
Briar and I are slowly finding our way as a couple, and she and I are working together to ease me into Frankie’s life too. It’s taking longer than I would have liked, but I’m not stupid—moving slowly is the only way this works long-term.
It’s taking even longer with the boys.
Banks and I have hung out a few times.
Royal stops by a lot under the guise of seeing Frankie, but it’s about me too because the last time he came over while she was at school. He pretended he forgot but I know better.
Atlas and Dash are a lot more stubborn.
Atlas texted me the other day to ask if I was interested in having a drink one night in the near future. No date or time, just a generic invitation. Briar warned me to be nice and not tell him to fuck off, so I didn’t, but I will when I see him.
What the fuck is that all about?
“If you set up the umbrella and chairs, I’ll get the food,” Briar says once we’ve arrived. “And Frankie—do not get in the water. Do you hear me?”
“I hear you!” Frankie already has a pail and three water guns, running toward the shore full speed.
“She okay on her own?” I ask worriedly.
“She’s stubborn and sassy and a whole lot of other things that are sometimes difficult, but she’s always good when it’s a matter of safety. She’ll play on the water’s edge until we’re ready to join her.”
“Okay.” I glance out at the water, pausing from jabbing the pole of the umbrella into the sand. “It’s warm today but the water’s choppy.”
She follows my gaze. “Yeah—Frankie! Don’t get in the water unless one of us is with you!”
“I know, Mommy!” she yells.
I bite back a laugh. “She’s hilarious. How do you manage to discipline her?”
“It’s not easy,” she admits, brushing a lock of hair out of her eyes. “It’s nice when we’re all together and someone else can discipline her so I can walk out of the room and laugh.”
“I don’t know that I’ll be much help to you,” I say, chuckling. “Because she cracks me up.”
“Me too. But you’ll figure out when it’s okay to let her get away with stuff and when you have to be strict.
Luckily, she’s a good kid. It seems to be instinctive, that she knows when she can push and when to back off.
The first time I lost my shit and screamed at her she gaped at me.
She was…not quite two? She tried to crawl into the hot oven. ”
“Jesus,” I breathe, grimacing.
“I’d opened the door to put a roast in, but it was heavy so I opened it all the way, then turned to pick up the pan with both hands.
In that two seconds she started to climb up and we both screamed.
I managed to get her before she got burned, but I was scared.
That’s one of the only times I’ve ever shrieked like that, and it was more about getting her to pay attention than punishment.
I try not to ever react that way, but it shocked her into understanding how dangerous it was.
She never did anything like that again.”
“I don’t know how I feel about discipline,” I say, meeting her eyes. “Like I can’t picture yelling or spanking or anything.”
She pauses from where she’s spreading out the blanket. “I don’t spank, but yelling? Oh, yeah. It’s a thing. I don’t do it often, but she gets it when I really yell. You know, the full on Frankie Marie Dash—get your little butt over here!”
We both snort out laughter.
And then it hits me.
Frankie’s last name is…Dash. Not Blackwood. Dash.
I never thought of that before.
Briar seems to realize my train of thought at the same time.
“I couldn’t give her your name without telling the boys who her father was,” she says quickly.
“It’s all right.” I wrap an arm around her neck and tug her against my chest. “I understand. But I’d like her to have…my name. Both of you.”
“One step at a time,” she whispers. “Okay?”
“Absolutely. I just—” My training as a spy ingrained it in me to always be aware of my surroundings. Always. Even when my girl is in my arms at the beach. But something in my peripheral vision makes me react even before Frankie screams.
“Frankie! I’m coming!”
The large wave washed right over her, pulling her into the water and dragging her under. Somehow, I kick off my slides as I run, splashing into the cold water, eyes scanning for her bright pink bathing suit.
A little hand comes up, body wriggling and I grab her by the wrist, yanking her up and into my arms.
“I’ve got you, baby. Daddy’s here… you’re okay.”
Heart racing, tears stinging my eyes, I carry her out of the water.
“Oh my God, Frankie… what happened?” Briar meets us on the shore, wiping water out of her daughter’s eyes as she coughs. “I’m going to get a blanket!” She runs back to where we’re set up and I follow, Frankie still in my arms.
I sink into one of the lounge chairs, holding her tightly as she coughs and sniffles.
“You’re okay, baby. Daddy’s right here.” I hug her so close I’m probably going to suffocate her, but it’s the only way I can reassure myself she’s safe.
“Daddy…I was so scared.” Frankie buries her head in my chest, her little body practically fused to mine.
“I know. But I’ve got you. I’ll always be here, Frankie.”
Briar rushes over with a towel and a blanket, using one to dry us off a little and the other to wrap us both up.
With Frankie’s warm little body nestled against mine, I’ve never felt love like this before.
Not even for her mother, though that’s obviously a different thing.
I would die for both of them, but the connection I feel to Frankie is so strong I almost can’t breathe.
When I finally drag my eyes away, so I can look at Briar, hers are filled with so much emotion. Like she recognizes what I’m feeling. Because of course she does. She grew this tiny little human in her body and has been her sole caretaker for four-and-three-quarters years.
“Fuck.” I say it softly, but I don’t care if Frankie hears me because I can’t hold back. There don’t seem to be any adequate words to express how I’m feeling at this moment.
She called me Daddy.
“Daddy, I was so scared.”
I’ll spend the rest of my life making sure she’s never scared. Not if I can help it.
“It’s okay,” Briar whispers, leaning over to kiss the top of Frankie’s head and then press her lips to mine. “Thank you.”
I give her a shaky smile. “You don’t have to thank me—this is my job now. Taking care of you. Both of you.”
The look she gives me shows a lot of the things neither of us have been able to vocalize. But that’s okay.
Because I’m not going anywhere.
Not now, not ever again.