Chapter Twenty
LYRA’S POV
Talen moans against my mouth and I fucking melt, my lips parting on instinct at the contact and his tongue answers immediately, sweeping against mine, rough and just as greedy.
“Thorn...” he murmurs, not breaking the kiss as his body grinds down over me, finally letting his weight settle instead of holding himself back.
The movement pulls a gasp from my throat.
“Mmmm...” His lips curve against mine. “There’s that sound I dream about every damn night.
” The rasp in his voice sends a sharp bolt of magic racing up my spine.
God, this is dangerous. I shouldn’t be doing this.
Losing control like this in the middle of a bloody dragon cage, with nothing but Talen’s fire hiding us from the hundreds of lawless half-drunk outerlanders beyond.
Everything about him is too familiar, too easy, too hard to hate, and every hungry drag of his lips against mine feels dangerously close to letting him back in.
But I don’t want to talk. I don’t want to think. Right now all I want is more. More of him. The taste of him. The heat of him pressing up against me.
Without breaking the kiss, he releases one of my wrists and drags his hand slowly along the length of my body, over the curve of my breasts, my stomach, my hips, like he’s trying to memorise every inch.
Pleasure sparks through me, my nerves lighting beneath each touch as his hand slides back up and buries in my hair, tugging just enough to tilt my head back so he can kiss me deeper.
And I let him.
Need surges through me at the pull, and my hips rock instinctively into his, chasing the hard lines of his muscles and the second I roll against him another groan rips from his throat, deep enough that it vibrates through every bone in my body.
“Talen!” I cry out, breathless, almost pleading.
At the sound of his name, a flash of bright orange light flares around us, his flames surging higher like his control is slipping right along with mine.
The heat licks across my skin, but I barely feel it. I barely feel anything except him. The demanding sweep of his tongue over mine. The way his hand tangles deeper into my hair. The way every touch sends my nerves sparking brighter and brighter until the rest of the world starts to disappear.
Fuck, I never want this to end. His fire could consume us whole and I still wouldn’t want him to stop.
My back bows and a broken sound slips from my chest as he breaks the kiss and trails his lips down my jaw until his mouth expertly finds that euphoric spot just beneath my ear.
Then his hand finds mine again, pinning both above my head as his hips shift, grinding against mine, and my thoughts fucking scatter when I feel how hard he is.
I need him inside me.
Now.
On instinct my legs move, wrapping my thighs around his waist as the needy ache between them becomes unbearable.
“Lyra,” he hisses against my skin as I press back into him, desperate for more of that delicious friction. “This isn’t what I came here for.”
Lacing his fingers through mine, he pulls his mouth from my neck, the gold in his eyes shining bright as he stares down at me in a way that sends my pulse hammering against my ribs.
How can someone look so strong, so terrifying, and yet so goddamn beautiful at the same time?
“Don’t you dare stop.” I warn, catching his lower lip between my teeth and sucking before I let it go.
The sound it tears from him is almost feral and his entire body drops, sinking back into mine like something inside him just snapped and for one reckless second, I think he’s going to take me right here.
But then his grip intensifies around mine, restraint cutting through the tension between us and he forces his weight back an inch, cold air rushing into the thin space he leaves behind.
“I can’t do this.” His flames around us stutter as his jaw stiffens.
My stomach lurches for my throat at the confession and my legs fall from his waist. “Did I read this wrong? Don't you want this? Me?”
“Lyra, you have no fucking idea how badly I want this.” His gaze drops to my lips and the heat between us flares all over again. “How badly I want you.” Unlacing one of his hands from mine, he brings it up to cup my jaw.
“Then why are you stopping?” I grab a fistful of his white uniform, tugging him back to me, desperate to feel him against me again, but he barely budges. It’s like trying to move stone.
“Well, for one this isn't exactly the setting I've been imagining taking you in...” He glances around the cage, toward the flames still hiding us from the crowd beyond.
The thought he’s been imagining us fucking only makes the want that much more unbearable and my fingers twist in the fabric at his chest as I arch beneath him. His nostrils flare at the movement, like he’s fighting himself not to close the distance between us all over again.
“But I told you before,” he continues, voice strained. “I don’t just want this.” His eyes flick back down my body, to where my chest is still rising unevenly beneath him, before lifting back to mine. “I want all of you. And right now you’ve closed part of yourself off.”
Stroking his thumb slowly across my cheek, he holds me there like he’s trying to soothe something deeper than just my anger, and the gentleness of it makes my heart ache.
For the briefest moment, I lean into it, the rough warmth of his palm against my face as my eyes fall shut, as some dangerous part of me wants to give in. Wants to hand him everything he’s asking for.
But then I open them, and suddenly, all I can see is everyone else.
Brian, Finn, Rowan. Everyone the fire took in Ashvale. Faces blur, one after another, followed by each choice I made that led me here. Each moment I should’ve done something differently, each person I failed.
Looking up at Talen, the warmth between us curdles so fast it almost makes me sick.
It’s only been two months since Rowan died, and it’s still so raw. So real. Ezzy still hardly looks at me, hell, she can barely stand to be in the same room as me, and every time she turns away, I take it as proof.
Proof that she blames me for everything.
Proof that Rowan’s death should have consequences.
Proof that I don’t get to lie here under Talen’s touch and pretend any of this is something I deserve.
“Why?” The question slips out harsher than I mean, my stomach twisting as I pull back from him slightly.
His head tilts in confusion. “Why do you need to know? Why are you still even trying?” My brows lift, pinching together.
“I’ve been horrible to you since I arrived at the camp.
I haven’t replied to any of your letters.
I’ve ignored you each time you’ve come to visit.
I’ve made it pretty clear I don’t want to talk about it. ”
Something behind his eyes cracks, his expression softening in a way that steals the air from my lungs.
“Because I warned you in Ravenscross that if I started, I wouldn’t be able to let you go...
” His gaze stays fixed on mine, locked so intensely it’s as though the rest of the world has fallen away around us.
“I warned you that men like me don’t get happy endings—that I won’t be able to give you everything you deserve in the future and I gave you the chance to walk away...
” His head shakes once. “But you stayed.” Then he leans in closer, voice dropping more serious now.
“So now I’m staying. I’m not afraid of this, Lyra.
Of you. Not of your anger, not of the work it’s going to take.
I’m not leaving this unfinished. I’ll wait for as long as it takes for you to forgive me. ”
“Well, you’ll be waiting a long time,” I blurt, the words escaping before I can stop them, because the way he’s looking at me—so certain, so patient—feels like it’s peeling something open inside my chest I’ve spent weeks trying to bury.
“Because I can’t stop being angry at you.
I can’t forgive you, because if I do—If I forgive you, then I have to forgive myself.
” My throat closes and my eyes start to sting as guilt and grief knot together so fast I can barely breathe around them. “And I don’t know how.”
The truth lands between us like a wound splitting open and the silence that follows is brutal.
Above me, Talen doesn’t move.
Doesn’t let go.
He just stays there, hovering over me, his eyes searching mine as though he's desperate for me to say more, to take it back. But the longer he stares at me, the more my eyes blur, the more everything inside me starts to hurt and if I stay here any longer something inside me is going to break.
“I yield.” I drop my gaze from his.
“Lyra—” He pleads.
“I yield!” I repeat louder this time.
For a second I think he’s going to argue, going to grab me and force this conversation to continue, but instead he slowly rolls off me and the moment his weight leaves my body, I shove myself to my feet.
Around us, the wall of fire drops away, revealing the silent, chaotic crowd beyond the cage. People shoving past each other, mouths moving, faces twisted with shouting I can’t hear through Talen’s shield.
“Don’t come back here,” he calls behind me as I force myself toward the exit instead of turning around and throwing myself back into his arms. “This place is messed up.”
“Fine,” I mutter, not daring to look back at him.
“No, Lyra.” His voice turns firmer. “Promise me.”
My steps falter at the cage door, the metal hot beneath my palm, then after a beat, I nod, and without turning around I shove the door open and step out into the roar of the crowd.
Back in the tent, my focus stays fixed on the bloody duck resting on Ezzy’s bedside crate opposite me while Ahria lingers outside for once instead of following me in.
I don’t blame her. After the way I’ve been barely holding myself together all day, I wouldn’t want to be around me either.
Canvas cracks, and a strong gust of wind rolls in, carrying the smell of damp grass and rain as the first drops of the oncoming storm begin pattering against the tent above me.