Chapter 3 Demon be Gone
DEMON BE GONE
“Hey, girly, wake up.”
I heard the strange grunting voice and felt little slaps to my face, making me wonder what the hell had just happened. Of course, when I opened my eyes, I didn’t realize just how apt that word ‘Hell’ would be.
“AAAAHHH!” I screamed the second I saw the little, grey-skinned goblin man sitting on my lap with his bumpy, lumpy face only inches from mine.
But then he slapped his elongated wrinkly fingers over my mouth.
“Gorgon’s asshole, cease yer banshee wailing, woman!” the goblin said in a strange accent I couldn’t place.
What was I saying?! He was a creepy little creature, and here I was trying to place his origins when, clearly, the little pointy-nosed demon was from Hell!
“Now if you fancy screaming the house to crumbs and bringing in everyone and their cousin’s priest, then be my guesthouse, but I be warning yer that they will nay see anything but a crazy woman sat on a privy talking to herself,” the goblin said, making my eyes go wide and giving me the time to take in more of his weird features.
He had big ears that stuck out into points and looked way too big for his head.
The tops of which were dusted with rusted red skin.
Big eyes with tiny black dots had a ring of yellow and were at the center of a pool of milky white.
Darker skin surrounded them and sagged with fine wrinkles.
His nose matched his ears, as it was wide, long and pointed, and also dusted with the same red hue.
The skin around his puckered lips had too many lines to count and was the most wrinkled part about him.
I could also see the row of pointed teeth beyond the stretched tight skin of his lips that made me want to recoil whenever I saw them as he spoke.
He was mostly bald, and the top of his head was the only stretch of skin that wasn’t covered in lines.
However, it did have a few strands of hair, and enough where I could have easily counted them.
As for his body, this was as I would have suspected a goblin to look.
It was little, with a rounded protruding belly, and skinny, bony limbs that looked too long for his short little torso.
Thankfully, he wasn’t naked, or that would have been even weirder if I could have seen his little demonic twinkie had been dangling between his legs.
No, much to my relief, he was wearing a sort of black leather toga that was jagged at the hem and reached his knees.
As for what he had just said to me, I only understood half of it, as it was like he was speaking in some weird old English accent that was as far from sounding posh as you could get!
“Now if I be moving my hand, will yer stop yer shrieking?”
I found myself nodding quickly, as the fact that he was still touching me was only freaking me out more.
Besides, what if he was right, what if I started screaming and everyone came rushing in here and couldn’t see him?
They would only think I was insane, and we all knew how that tragic story went.
Padded walls and a straitjacket, that was where.
“W-wh… what are you?” I stammered out, making the little goblin dude jump off me and, thankfully, give me some space, despite there only being so much room in the cubicle.
“I’m Boruta.”
“You’re a Borota?”
At this, he frowned, an expression that only managed to create so many more wrinkles and lines to appear on his face, and just when I didn’t think it possible there would be any room for more.
“No, no, I said I’m Boruta.”
“Yes, I know you did, you’re a Boratta,” I repeated, no doubt saying it wrong once again.
At this point, I was also wondering if I should scream, after all, and get myself sent to the nut house, because spending a life drugged up to my eyeballs could be safer if it meant wiping the image of this little goblin from my mind.
“My name is Boruta,” he said, and this time in a way like he was dealing with a dolthead, making me wonder if, right in this moment, I was letting down the human race.
“Oh… okay, so you’re a goblin then,” I stated, making him baulk at me.
His head, one far too big for the rest of his body’s proportions, jerked back as if shocked by what I just said.
“I am not!” he declared haughtily. He even stomped his big, hairy foot that also seemed far too big for the rest of his body, especially his skinny little legs.
“Oookaaay… then what are you?” I asked cautiously.
“I am one of the Kobalos,” he declared, spreading his little legs apart and making a stance like Superman. It was actually comical enough that I had to suppress a giggle.
“Is that like Greek or something?” I asked, thinking it sounded like some dessert I had once in that Greek Restaurant Sabrina and I took our mom to when celebrating her birthday.
Oh no, wait, that was Kataifi. Mmm, now all I could think about was those messy little pastries soaked in sweet syrup with the nutty centers.
Well, that was until Boroto or whatever his name was, clicked his fingers in front of my face.
“Focus, girly!” he snapped.
“So, it's Greek for Goblin.”
“Yes… wait, what? No… look, that’s not important,” he said, shaking his head.
“No, I guess not. Well, it was nice to meet you and all, but it’s time for you to get back to wherever it is you came from,” I said, getting up from the toilet and realizing the ‘not Goblin’ only came up to my hips in height, and I wasn’t exactly tall.
Come to think of it, he was far less intimidating when I was standing.
Which meant I didn’t think twice about barging past him and opening the door to, thankfully, find the bathroom empty.
“I think yer will find, girly, that I ain’t going nowhere,” he stated, after first swinging himself up onto the counter by the sinks, and I couldn’t help but be impressed by how agile he was for such a little guy.
I started to wash my hands, for no reason, as I hadn’t even used the toilet, but I seemed to be on autopilot.
Then he began to swing his feet in the basin, making me want to gag at the length of those yellow, jagged nails at the end of his fat toes.
Toes that he was now dancing in the water before he tried to stuff his big toe up in the tap.
“Eww… quit that… Look, if you wanna make Earth your new home, then go for it, but you will be doing it without me and…”
“Eliza?” I heard Tara’s voice from outside the door.
“Shit! My meeting… coming, just… just… hold on,” I shouted, panicked, and then started to try and do up the zip at my side, jumping around and making the little goblin sigh before he was batting my hands out the way and hissing,
“Here, yer will never get it up like that!” Then he stunned me enough that I froze as he helped me get my dress zipped up and back in place.
“There,” he declared. making me turn around slowly.
“Erh… thanks.” I said.
He bowed his head in acknowledgment, making me shake my own as if still trying to make sense of the situation. Which was still a total mind fuck.
“Look, I have like a million questions, but I don’t have time for any of that now, I know you may not understand this…”
“I’m a demon, not an idiot cookie-cutter,” he stated, folding his arms in defense.
“A cookie what now? And what do you mean by demon?”
He actually rolled his eyes.
“Fuck me some Soul Weed, but if you don’t even know what a demon is then we have bigger problems.”
“Look, it doesn’t matter. I just have the most important meeting in my life, and I can’t screw it up, so you are just going to have to go.”
“Then yer be bags full of shit out of luck, girly, as yer stuck with me,” he told me, making me frown so hard I thought my forehead would crack.
“I’m stuck with you? Exactly what does that mean?”
At this, he rolled his eyes and muttered,
“And yer call me an idiot.”
“I didn’t call you a… look, can you stop putting words in my mouth and just answer the damn question!” I snapped, making Tara ask,
“Eliza, they are all waiting… who are you talking to in there?”
“Erm… just… just… on the phone!” I shouted after Borito, or whatever he said his name was, held up an imaginary phone to his ear, helping me out with an excuse.
“Thanks… again, but can you just answer the question, please?” I said, now holding the bridge of my nose like my last nerve was on the line.
“In a nuttier shell, yer summoned me, girly.”
My eyes went wide, and suddenly it felt as if I was about to choke on my own saliva.
“I did what!?” I hissed.
He leaned back against the mirror, casually folding his legs while looking at one of his wickedly long yellow fingernails. Then he told me in a bored, sarcastic tone,
“Shocking, I know.”
“Eliza, seriously!” I heard coming from Tara, making me close my eyes and take a deep breath before snapping,
“Stay here, we will discuss this mistake after my meeting.”
And he suddenly looked panicked before shouting,
“Wait!”
I paused on my way to the door and looked back at him, seeing that he was no longer looking relaxed.
“Look, maybe we got off on the wrong hoof.”
“Hoof?” I questioned, now looking at his feet.
“I’m from Hell, chicky, what do yer think most of us look like?”
“Yeah, I am so not going there,” I said, making him smirk.
“Then be a good girly and keep me with yer.”
“Okay, listen, first off, it’s YOU, not yer, and second of all, no way! I can’t risk anyone seeing you!”
“Oh well, if that’s what YOU be worried about…” he paused before jumping from the counter and landing with a little roll, then pouncing up and strutting to the door.
“No, wait!” I hissed in a panicked tone, but I was too late as he was strolling through the door and right up to Tara, where he paused and looked her up and down.
“Hmm, fuckable.”
I nearly choked, then snapped,
“You can’t say that!” To which Tara looked at me as if I had lost my damn mind, which at this point, it was more than likely, as well, the jury was still out on that one.
“I didn’t even say anything!” she exclaimed back, and I shook my head and sighed in relief, as it seemed as if the goblin was right, he was invisible to everyone else.
“No, I know, I’m sorry, I was saying that to myself… you know… erm, psyching myself up type thing.”
“Erh… yeah… sure,” Tara replied suspiciously.
“Smooth,” the goblin said, smirking, making me scowl down at him and swallow my insult.
Then Tara’s head appeared next to mine as she asked,
“Are we looking at something?”
I straightened and said,
“Yes, sorry, there was just this gross, pervy little spider.”
“Pervy… erm, not sure a spider knows how to be pervy, Eliza,” Tara said, laughing.
“Look, can you do me a favor and just ignore my weirdness today and pretend when you see me acting bat shit crazy that I’m just drunk or something.”
She laughed and asked, “Oh shit, are you drunk? Is that what took you so long…? Wait, why didn’t you change?”
I looked back down at the goblin man and said sarcastically,
“Something irritatingly unexpected distracted me.”
This made him grunt a huff and fold his little arms.
“Well, you don’t have time now, as they are close to leaving, so you’d better get your ass in there!” Tara warned, pushing me toward the meeting room. One that, unfortunately, I was followed into.
Which meant that as soon as Tara left to go back to her own desk, I ended up walking into the meeting room, trying to close the door on the little demon that was trying to fight his way in.
I ended up kicking my leg out of the gap before turning around and leaning my back against the door, after first slamming it and making everyone jump around the table.
Well, if I had wanted to make an entrance, then that would sure do it. However, it turned out that I wasn’t the only one to make an unexpected entrance…
Because my new Demon did too.