Epilogue
Cassian
My hands sweat. My heart beats too fast. My mind is like a spinning slow globe.
This must be how Matt felt last night, when he visited my family for Christmas Eve.
After living together for a couple of months, it was strange to part so we could stay at our respective family homes.
Christmas morning didn’t feel complete without his presence, and the constant exchange of messages wasn’t enough.
I shudder from the cold, but with the sun slowly setting while the crisp snow creaks under my weight, I’m feeling joyful.
Matt is close, and I can already see his red brick home farther down the suburban road.
I know his parents and brother well, so it’s especially weird that I will be now officially meeting them as Matt’s boyfriend.
Even the LED reindeer in the front yard can’t disperse the sense of awkwardness inside me, but I will brave it. For Matt.
Wanting to make a good impression, I brought my mom’s panettone for dessert, but everything else is up in the air.
I knock on the Christmas wreath-adorned door and brace myself.
Matt knows I’m coming so he opens the door moments later with a big smile that makes me melt. “The food isn’t ready yet,” he informs me as if that’s the reason I’ve come.
A wonky reindeer smiles at me from a red sweater that makes his blue eyes stand out. His hair is unusually short, which means his mom must have given him a trim, and his freckled cheeks look rosy.
All I want is to take him in my arms, so I step in and pull him into a hug that soothes my panic a little bit. I can already smell the Christmas ham, and the jolly sound of festive songs makes us both start wiggling from left to right.
“Damn, I missed you!”
“I know, right? It’s been so many… hours!” He laughs and pulls me inside.
I don’t realize it’s an ambush until I’m under the mistletoe in the corridor and he kisses me.
My fingers tremble, but I manage to keep the bag with the panettone from falling when my muscles relax. His touch is perfection, and I hold on to him with my free arm, hoping that time could stand still so that no one could distur—
“Cassian, it’s so nice to see you!”
I flinch, stiff like a piece of wood, because the voice belongs to Matt’s mom, and while she knows about us, I’m still unsure how accepting she is and whether seeing us kiss isn't too much for her at the moment.
She doesn’t seem fazed, but Matt seems a bit sheepish when he backs off. “Sooo… my boyfriend, Cassian.” He makes a wide gesture my way.
“Hello,” I say, annoyed about being so casual. I smile at her and take off my hat. “Mrs. Marshall, the new hair color looks great.”
I know the comment hit the jackpot when her eyes light up. “I know, right? I think it takes away a few years,” she says and adjusts her colorful apron.
I nod, even though I don’t see that much of a difference in that department. “Um, and my mom made this. I glazed it myself,” I say, offering her the panettone.
“Oh, that’s so lovely, did you wish his mom a Merry Christmas from me?”
“I did!” Matt says, and she beams at us, soothing my nerves a little.
She looks as if she just remembered something. “And Spark? Who’s taking care of him?”
“Our friend, Aaron. He’s staying in Springton for Christmas, so he just moved into our apartment for a few days.”
“Oh, that’s nice of him,” Mrs. Marshall says and takes a step back into the corridor filled with colorful seasonal decor. “I need to go back to the kitchen, but you have to introduce your new boyfriend to everyone. Dinner will be served as soon as Adam’s back.”
So Matt’s brother isn’t here yet. I exhale with relief, because knowing him, I’ll be mercilessly teased over the new family development. At least I’ll have the time to adjust before he appears.
Matt squeezes my hand with an overjoyed grin. He’s a bit like a human golden retriever and I love that about him. I want to make him happy all the time.
“I love the sweater by the way,” Matt says when he takes my jacket.
The Marshalls observe the ugly Christmas sweater tradition, so I got myself a green monstrosity with a snowman at the front.
I smirk at Matt. “Squeeze his nose.”
Matt frowns but does as told, and when he presses the orange pom-pom, the tiny speaker inside says ‘Merry Christmas!’. He laughs at it for much longer than the gag outfit deserves. Another thing I love about him. We both find the dumbest shit amusing.
It took me a while to get to terms with Matt being my straight best friend, who could never become anything else, but now that I know he’s gay too, and that he loves me, the future feels brighter than ever. I intend to spend it with him.
I can’t wait.
“Anything I need to know before I enter the lion’s den?” I ask in a low voice, pointing toward the living room.
It’s almost as if a light comes on in Matt’s head. He makes the most ridiculous faces sometimes. “Oh! Oh!” He leans closer to whisper in a conspiratorial voice. “My cousin came out last week. I just found out. He’s the one wearing glasses. Act casual.”
As opposed to… what? Asking him if he has a boyfriend or something?
I nod and smile. Matt bites his lip, positively fuckable.
I fondly remember the BJ he gave me on the way home, the last time we could be with each other without the risk of being walked in on.
Before I remind him of it, he grabs my hand and pulls me toward the noise of music and conversations.
I’m fucking terrified.
But act cool?something I learned from my dad who always says the ‘fake it till you make it’ line.
I raise my hand and greet everybody when we walk in, starting a chain reaction of introductions.
One of Matt’s uncles gives me the side eye, but other than that, everyone seems nice.
The gay cousin barely looks up at us from his phone.
He’s wearing an ill-fitting sweater and I can’t really see his eyes under the mop of black hair.
So much for gay camaraderie.
Then again, he appears to be too young for college, so I guess we’re lucky he’s not wearing headphones to ignore his family.
I can only hope his parents won’t prod him at dinner to talk to the other gays or something.
Matt’s dad approaches us in the same sweater he’s worn each year since I’ve known him.
The ugly thing features Santa using someone’s chimney as the toilet, which is comical on a man who always seems super serious.
He watches at me from behind thick-rimmed glasses and his mustache twitches along with his lip.
“So, you’re my son's boyfriend. It’s nice to meet you... Ca... Callum, was it?” he asks, looking at Matt.
Of course. He’s pretending he doesn’t know me. Har-har.
Matt laughs though. I guess between a real dad and a cat daddy, they share the same sense of humor. “Dad! It’s Cass, don’t you remember? He’s the one who has the gambling addiction.”
Matt’s dad frowns. “No, that’s George. I’m sure this is Callum, who cooks the… you know, the pies.”
Matt shakes his head, still going along with the joke. “No, Callum is the one with the dog, Cassian is my boyfriend.”
“Oooh! That Cassian.” Mr. Marshall winks at me, and his mustache does its twitchy thing again. “Oh yeah, I remember you. My son goes through so many boyfriends each month I barely keep up!”
In any other situation, I’d goad him into more straight-faced jokes, but I’m still tense, so I squeeze Matt’s hand, wordlessly asking him for help.
He rubs my hand with his thumb in reassurance. “Yeah, I found Cass at Santa’s grotto last week. Remember? When I took Tina’s kids to the mall.”
Mr. Marshall finally lets me off the hook and pats my shoulder. “I hope this one sticks around.”
“I intend to.”
Matt grins ever wider. “We already have plans to trek through a few national parks in the summer, so I can only hope he doesn’t dump me by then. We do have a child together though, so it won’t be so easy to get rid of me.”
Mr. Marshall nods and pulls out his phone to show me… that he’s using a photo of Spark as his wallpaper. “I always wanted a grandson.”
How can this man say all this with a straight face? This time, I can’t help but smile. “I will make an honest man out of Matt yet.”
Matt just snorts, but then there’s another ring at the door. Fortunately, I’ve gotten more at ease by now.
I’ve got a true Italian family. We’re loud, there’s a lot of us, and we tease each other often. But the Marshalls can easily compete with us, especially when Matt’s older brother, Adam, is added to the mix.
He comes in like a tornado and it’s game on as soon as he spots us.
“Lastra!” he roars from the entrance and stomps closer in a sweater depicting female reindeer… girls with big boobs and hips. At least they’re wearing fur-trimmed bikinis, for the sake of the one minor in the room.
“Hey, Adam,” I say, holding Matt’s hand even tighter. Like their dad, Adam likes to joke around, but he’s far less subtle about it.
“Don’t you hey me, Lastra. I hear you already have a baby with my brother. I don’t remember giving you two my blessing,” he says, crossing his arms on his wide chest.
“You know how those things happen. When a boy and a boy love each other very much—”
There’s a small chuckle, which I swear comes from the gay cousin, but when I glance his way, he’s engrossed in whatever’s happening in his phone.
Adam points to my eyes with two fingers. “I’m watching you, Lastra. If you break my brother’s heart, I’ll be the one collecting alimony, so think real long and hard if you want to get a puppy as well.” He squints as if he’s serious with all this over the top ridiculousness.
Matt smirks and pets his flat stomach. “How do you know we don’t have a puppy in the oven already?”
Both Adam and his dad gasp in mock-shock.
“So irresponsible! Soon enough you’ll have a whole litter of them!” Adam says before pulling me into a hug that smells of some spicy cologne. “Whatever. Welcome to the family. I always knew, Lastra. I knew.”
He’s bullshitting, but I’m not gonna call him out.
“Adam, get yourself ready and come to the kitchen. You’re helping me serve,” calls out Mrs. Marshall as he pulls away.
Matt gives me a quick kiss out of nowhere, but I’m not complaining. “Mom? Do we have ten minutes?” he yells to the kitchen.
“Yes, but not more!”
Adam squints at us. “Just don’t go making any more puppies!”
Matt shakes his head and pulls me by the hand. “I’ve got something for you,” he whispers.
My heart skips a beat, and I follow his lead upstairs, all the way to his attic bedroom, which still features all his trophies and pictures of athletes, which have gained a new meaning to us both.
I pull him into a kiss as soon as we’re past the door.
He’s putty in my hands, and that always makes me stand an inch taller. Matt Marshall, the golden boy with blue eyes and dark blond hair, the boy with cute freckles, pretty smiles, and a body to die for. All mine.
I’ve got a gift for him too. We’ve had this tradition for years. We don’t get anything expensive for each other, but the gag gifts are always a special treat. We mailed them to each other even when we studied in different colleges.
He’s filled with glee when he pulls away and grabs a large flat envelope with Christmas stickers on it. I respond by removing a little box from my backpack.
“You go first,” I say, offering him the gift.
He bites his lip, as if he’s struggling with the choice, but he’s a sucker for presents and quickly rips the colorful paper wrapping.
He opens the box and pulls out the T-shirt I got him with a large cartoon of a troll’s face inside a prohibition sign. The writing above the image reads Don’t Feed The Troll!.
Matt starts laughing and hugs it. “I love it! Is this your revenge for Halloween? I sure hope you do feed the troll.”
“Oh, he shall be fed,” I whisper, leaning close so that no one could overhear us. “Maybe I should stay over, and we can go through with that plan you had about reliving our high school sleepover on the floor, because the bed creaks?”
Just thinking about it makes me hot.
Matt is such a sex pot.
His eyes glaze over. Oh, he’s thinking about it. I can see the cogs in his head moving.
“I just have to check in with my mom…” he says absentmindedly, so I take the opportunity to open the gift from him.
The envelope contains a little flat box, and when I open it, the first thing I see is a large canine pendant attached to a leather strap. I look up. “That’s… a really cool gift. Are we done with the gags now?” I ask, suddenly feeling like I haven’t gotten an important memo.
Matt shoves at my arm. “Cass! It’s a mountain lion’s tooth, cause you’re an expert lion tamer.
I even got you a tattoo to commemorate you saving my life.
” He reaches into the envelope and pulls out a flat sheet of paper I haven’t noticed yet.
It’s a temporary tattoo of a tacky puma’s muzzle that’s supposed to look badass to a ten-year-old.
I beam at him. My Mattie is so sweet, so handsome, and thoughtful.
I can’t imagine ever loving someone as much I love him. “Okay, that makes perfect sense. Of course. I deserve to start wearing this badge of honor,” I say and offer it to him.
His eyes twinkle with glee when he smiles and I turn around so he can tie the straps of the necklace at the back of my neck. “You can tell my uncle that you tackled it for me.”
“No, you should tell him, and I’ll just make this serious manly nod.” I chuckle and grab his hands, leaning into the warm embrace. “Merry Christmas.”
“Boys! Food!” Mrs. Marshall yells from downstairs, but Matt won’t let me go without one more kiss.
The end