Chapter two
I’m torn between confusion, surprise, and relief. He’s here. I didn’t need to spend any time studying or trying to summon him; he’s come on his own. Then again, why? The fact that he sought me out isn’t exactly a good thing.
I go to ask how he found me, then pause, remembering what he is. His power. The last I encountered him, my heart stopped, my body completely overwhelmed.
Now, it seems that he learned his lesson; his presence isn’t as extreme. To be sure, I’m affected, my head swimming like I’ve just spun in thirty circles, but my heart is still beating. For now.
When I saw him before, he was just a massive thing in the sky. His true form, Henry, or maybe it was Aris, called it. Now, he appears as a spectacular man—tall and muscular, with rippling pectorals. He’s handsome almost beyond comprehension, with skin glowing gold and shimmering from the light of the slice, rough features so paradigmatically masculine that it is aggressive. His blonde hair is cropped short, and the spiky strands shine as vibrantly yellow as his eyes.
The air pulses around him. It’s different from Aris’ presence. When I saw Aris in my dreams, and for that terrible conversation in the hall, it felt like the air was pressing in on me—weighing my shoulders down, trying to force me to my knees. With Jaegen, it looks like the atmosphere is shifting and shimmering like we’re in extreme heat, molecules now clear to the human eye.
He’s so close that I smell him—lemongrass and ginger—and, bare-chest, his skin can be scented as well. It’s impossible to describe that base scent, the musk that is just him.
I take a breath and squeeze my eyes shut. His magnetism is making me stupid.
Jeez, why’d he have to show up shirtless?
I try to think of what he just said, but the sound of his voice obstructs any meaning of the words.
Harder, Mary. Try harder .
He said something about consequences, but for what? Leaving the mages? Using magic? Many warned me that using magic without a wand could have dire results, but no one explained what they would be.
I tell myself not to worry… for now. Jaegen is here, and that’s a good thing.
My eyes pop open. “I was looking for you,” I tell him.
His head tilts to the side, raising a brow; he is likely searching my mind to see if it’s a lie. “You were?” he asks.
“Yes, I…” I don’t know where to start, unsure how to ask for help—would he take offense to that?
“I see that we have much to discuss,” Jaegen says, spreading his hands amicably. It’s a gesture I’ve made myself, but he does it so fluidly that I could never imitate it properly. He is so poised, the perfect male specimen—a mimic of one, at least.
With a lot of abs. Like, an impossible amount of abs.
Can’t he put on a shirt?
“First,” he says, “I would like to apologize for earlier.”
I blink, confused.
“I learned that I killed you by accident,”he explains patiently. “That could be considered impolite.”
More than impolite, but… semantics.
“I’m better now,” I tell him.
“I see that.” His eyes flit to the spellbook on the floor. “You’ve been using magic.”
There’s an edge to his tone that feels almost dangerous, and my gut tells me to tread carefully. “What do you mean?” I ask.
Jaegen and Aris both think of humans as small and stupid creatures. Why not play to that?
But Jaegen is not charmed. He appears in front of me before I can move, grabbing my arm with a bruising grip, pulling back my sleeve to showcase the swollen, blotchy tattoo.
“Oh… that.”
Jaegen lets my hand fall and takes a step back. “Magic used without a conduit,” he says sternly. “That’s against the rules. You were warned about that.”
Maybe him being here isn’t exactly a good thing.
“I was warned,” I admit slowly, “but no one told me what would happen. ”
“Magic without a conduit makes you indebted. To me .” His voice suddenly is so ancient-sounding that the fine hair at the nape of my neck lifts. Or maybe I’m just starting to understand the gravity of the situation.
Indebted .
The word rings through me. What does it mean to be indebted to something like Jaegen? What could I even offer him?
I shake my head to try to organize my thoughts, but they just get denser and more confused. Aris is a being of chaos who cannot use magic; it’s the one thing he’s vulnerable to. Because magic, in its construct, is Order.
If I’m indebted to Jaegen for using magic, does that mean Jaegen is the creator of magic, its master? Is Jaegen Aris’ foil?
Is that why Aris never spoke of him, why he seemed to dislike Jaegen so much?
“Are you the one Aris took magic from?” I ask.
“No.”
No ? The negative shocks me. If Jaegen isn’t Order, then who is? Is there a whole pantheon of evil gods?
“That isn’t important. I am here because I’d like to propose a bargain,” says Jaegen.
“What?” I say, whiplashed. One moment he’s friendly, then he’s showing godlike wrath, and now… bargaining? I can’t get a read on him.
Why offer a deal when he can just take what he wants?
I feel the need to point this out but hesitate, wondering if this has occurred to him. Surely, he knows. “Why?” I finally say, glancing between him and the light behind him.
He found me so easily. Who else might show up? Does Aris know where I am?
“I like bargains,” he says plainly and shrugs his huge shoulders, the movement so human that I’m momentarily taken aback. “All expectations laid out at the beginning, with a clear understanding between both parties.” He pauses. “You regard this suspiciously. I understand; Aris is a tricky being.”
I hold back a scoff. That’s one word for it.
“But I am an honest party,” Jaegen continues. “And you need something from me, do you not? ”
I shift nervously on my feet. Even if I hadn’t been deceived and betrayed literally yesterday, I’d still distrust bargaining with a god. At my very best, it would be difficult to play ball with him, and impossible to outsmart him. He knows everything I think and feel, anything I could ever want before wanting it myself. It would be so easy to take advantage of me. What’s to say he’s not doing so already?
“You feel as though you have nothing to offer.” His gaze softens, the intensity of his presence flickering. “How unfortunate that he has brought you so low. I can fix that.”
His expression is earnest, unwavering, but I can’t tell if his sympathy is real or not. “You haven’t answered my question,” I say quietly.
“Ah. What can you give me… Well, it’s simple. I would like your help in disposing of Aris.”
I blink. “Disposing…?”
“Removing. Permanently.”
A swell of something strange rushes through me. I’m not sure there’s a word for it exactly… maybe stupefaction. Doubt? Aris has dominated my life for so long that it feels impossible to imagine him gone.
And can he even die? He said it couldn’t be done, but, then again, he’s a liar. And if anyone could kill him, it would be another god.
Slowly, and then all at once, hope flushes through me. It feels like I’m finally being rewarded for everything: the horrible end of the Institute, Henry’s betrayal, my pathetic night in the woods. The three years I spent trapped in a basement. This is exactly what I wanted, and Jaegen is offering it outright. I didn’t need to summon him; he came to me!
The part of me familiar with loss pauses here. When things are too good to be true, they usually are.
What he’s proposing is something that I thought was impossible ten minutes ago. When I planned to summon Jaegen to stop Aris, I figured we could trap him again. But this is…
To permanently be rid of Aris…
“How would I do that?” I ask slowly.
“Firstly, you would need to infiltrate his ranks. Get close to him. ”
I still, brows pushing together from the effort to keep my face composed. I have to bite my lip to stop myself from immediately yelling, no, no, no !
Jaegen spoke so casually, as if it’s not the biggest ask in the world. He wants me to return to Aris. Just when I’ve gotten away.
“That’s a… lot,” I say carefully. I rub at my necklace and catch myself in the act with a start, dropping it.
He shrugs his big shoulders in easy acquiescence. Yes, it is no easy request: returning to my tormentor, who broke my heart and betrayed my trust. To go back, where he will mock and laugh at me for returning willingly. And that’s if he and his followers don’t kill me on sight for my petulance of abandoning them in the first place. And that’s if he doesn’t find out I’m working against him.
The blood of the mages hasn’t yet dried, my hair dye has hardly even set. I have been free for maybe a day. I still see the expression on Henry’s face behind my eyelids when he told me Aris was in him. Can’t I have… a break?
“This is of the most dire importance,” Jaegen says seriously. “He is out of the amulet. On his own, unrestrained. You yourself have seen the destruction he brings.”
I say nothing for a few moments, trying to get my thoughts in order. I don’t want the world to end, but part of me just wants to live in it. Not to save it.
Not to go back to him.
“What would you offer me in return?” I ask. For the blow to my ego, for the possible loss of life. “I would forgive your debt,” he replies easily. “The consequences of using magic without a conduit.”
My eyes narrow. A few lines of ink on my arm in exchange for the life of a god? Compared to Dominachion and Cera’s use of magic, it’s not fair at all. What about their debts?
The temperature of the room increases. “Your kind has always liked to barter,” says Jaegen.
“I was just thinking,” I say carefully.
“Yes, and you think that I am being unreasonable, even though you would also like Aris gone. We both benefit.” He stares down at me for a long moment, neither of us breaking the gaze. His eye twitches, slightly. “Nevertheless… what is it that you want?”
“It’s not that I want anything, just not to be exploited.”
“Exploited.” His voice is flat, and I wince at the tone; I have overstepped.
I remember my heart stopping and Henry resuscitating me. He isn’t here now if Jaegen loses his temper, or if he decides that he doesn’t want to bargain with me after all.
Jaegen takes a step toward me, and I freeze, bracing myself for something unfortunate, but he just talks. “He is vile,” says Jaegen. “A stain. Removing him would solve issues for us both.”
“Yes,” I say nervously, inching backward, “but…”
“You are afraid of the risks. You could be found out; you could die.” He comes closer, raising his hands in a placating manner. “This is reasonable. I understand the concern. But think of how many die every day for nothing: accidents, illnesses, war. You would be dying for something much greater than yourself. Think of your human heroes and martyrs. Are they not admirable?”
To die to maybe save the world…?
I hesitate. I don’t know how to explain this to a being as old as the universe. To him, human life is incomprehensibly stupid, but it’s all that we have.
Aris has already taken so much; I don’t want to give him my life, too. Then again, isn’t it already over? Say I reject Jaegen’s offer, what then? Where would I go? What would I do? My lack of prospects is exactly what Aris thought would make me run back to him.
And Jaegen is right, in a way—isn’t it a romantic notion? To do the right thing, to be the good guy? Wouldn’t it feel good to put my mother’s book out of print— My Daughter, The Devil —for everyone to know that she was wrong?
But I’d be risking so much: death, and seeing Aris again. His cruel beauty and vicious sneers. The way the air presses into me when I look into his black eyes.
“I see,” says Jaegen. There isn’t exactly sympathy in his voice, but something close.
“It’s just… It isn’t just that I might get hurt,” I continue, then pause. I don’t want to say the words, but Jaegen stares ex pectantly, even though he can read my mind and already knows how I feel. Sighing, I finish, “I don’t want to go back.”
“He is mean. He hurt you. I see this,” he says patiently. “You must understand, though; he would let only you get close enough. It has to be you.”
“It has to be me,” I repeat dubiously.
Aris’ remarks flit through my mind. All the times that he told me I didn’t matter, that he didn’t care about me—that I was weak, stupid, foolish.
And then I remember his praise and how my toes curled to receive it. How I preened.
Clever girl.
You are mine.
My host.
My chest hurts from the splintering of my heart. Words deceive; actions do not. And when Aris acted, he acted to hurt me. He doesn’t care. I don’t have to go back—send any mortal his way and he’ll be content playing with them.
“You doubt me?” says Jaegen, bright eyes narrowing. “You should not. Aris would bend only to you.”
Aris , bending?
I don’t agree, but one can’t disagree with a god. So, I sigh. “How would I even do it?” I ask. “How would I… kill him?”
“Let me worry about that,” says Jaegen, placing his big, meaty hands behind his back. His stance is like a commander observing his troops. “What do you think? Will you agree?”
Again, I hesitate—for a different reason this time. I’ve just gotten free of Aris, and now I’m about to attach myself to another entity. It feels… wrong. And too easy?
Once more, I’m reminded of the adage of something being too good to be true. I was just fooled by Aris. What if this is another ploy? Jaegen is openly offering me what I want, and I don’t know if I can trust that. Is this like dealing with a genie or elf, where one word omitted or added to a sentence changes everything? There are hundreds of stories of bargains made with creatures; most, if not all, don’t end well for the human. The moral is always: Do not be arrogant. Understand that there are things in the world more powerful than you. They will put you in your place if you think to play on their level .
I remind myself that I was going to seek Jaegen out, probably to propose a similar arrangement, but this still feels off. Too abrupt. I was going to seek him out, yes, but eventually . I was expecting to spend weeks pouring over sigils. My heart beats out of rhythm, too quick, too hard, at the thought of doing this now.
And the way he started the conversation doesn’t sit right with me. He came in here talking about debt, about consequences, how I owe him.
Further, his proposition is incredibly open-ended. Jaegen wants to “dispose” of Aris, but he hasn’t told me how to do it yet. Besides the gut-clenching revelation that I’ll have to return to Aris’ side, he’s offered nothing else. Committing to a dangerous plan before it’s fully formed feels beyond premature.
I glance at Jaegen, feeling the increasing temperature of the room, and doubt that he’d approve of my asking for five to ten business days to consider this. I wonder if I can even say no. If I refuse, would he let me go, or is my cooperation merely a formality?
A tired breath escapes me. My back hurts from sleeping on the armchair, I’m hungry and heartbroken, and my hair reeks of cheap dye.
“Fine,” I just say. Something churns in my gut, and I immediately want to stuff the word back in my mouth, but it’s out there now; I’ve agreed.
Again, I tell myself: this is what I want. What I need. Aris destroyed everything, and Jaegen is the only one who can fight him. Aris must pay, and this is how. I can’t squander this chance.
“I’ll try my best,” I say, to set some limitation. “But I need magic—at least to shield my thoughts from him.”
Jaegen’s eyes narrow. “You want more?”
“Yes.”
As the word registers, somehow echoing in the room, his shoulders roll back, and he straightens. I hadn’t been aware that he was slouching, but he gains a few inches from the movement. His shadow is longer now, and my heart starts to pang against my ribs.
The way he’s staring is how a driver curls his lips when running over roadkill .
My knees shake, brow wrinkling as I try to determine how this request is a problem. He is an all-powerful being, and Aris is weak only against magic. I need something to stop Aris from realizing our scheme so it can, you know, work . What I’m proposing isn’t ridiculous.
And yet, his face is dark.
After a long moment, his left eye twitches and he dips his head perhaps a centimeter. “I will give you a rune,” he tells me. To say that his tone is reluctant would be putting it mildly. “I suppose it is necessary.”
I say nothing, watching him as he looks around, as if just now registering our surroundings. His brow furrows in understandable distaste—surely, Jaegen is used to luxury beyond that of a supermarket break room.
“You can’t sleep here,” he says. “Let me bring you somewhere nice. Warm.”
Before I can say anything, the room shifts: the fridge turns into an oak wardrobe, the cabinets into a large, set bed. Hard linoleum becomes soft carpet, employee of the month portraits now paintings of fruits and flowers. The ceiling is high, tall enough that Jaegen can comfortably stand to his full height, with a twinkling crystal chandelier so large that it comes down to his shoulders. There’s a fireplace and a gilded bed frame to complete the look of a room I could never afford to stay on my own.
I do a full and obvious once-over, not wanting to seem ungrateful. “Thank you,” I say warily. A gift is never freely given.
Jaegen frowns. “An act of good faith. We are partners now.”
I don’t know what to say to that. “Where are we?” I just ask.
“This is London, one of the human cities Aris tormented on his arrival. One he will likely destroy again. I thought you might like to see it."
I doubt that he brought me for tourism, and Jaegen angles his head in acquiescence. I sigh. “If you’re trying to turn me against him, you don’t need to; I already agreed to help.”
I walk to the window, pushing thick, velvet curtains aside. Maybe na?vely, I expect to see a city burned and destroyed, but there’s just a regular skyline. I try to make out any landmarks I might know: Big Ben, Westminster Abbey, Buckingham Palace, combing the streets for red phone booths and signs for the Tube, but there’s nothing. I could very well be in Denver, for all I know.
“I already hate him,” I say quietly.
“You were together for some time,” Jaegen replies. I feel his gaze on my back. “I wouldn’t blame you if you had reservations. As I said, Aris is tricky.”
At one point, his concerns might have been warranted, but not anymore. Whatever strings tied me to Aris have been cut clean through. Most of my reservations about this arrangement have more to do with Jaegen.
“How long am I supposed to stay here?” I ask. A red, double-decker bus zooms past, and I move closer to the window in interest. I saw something like that in a film once—London is known for them.
“It won’t be long.”
In the meantime… “Can I leave, go out in public?”
“You are free here. If you leave, you won’t be seen.” He pauses, then adds, “Not unless you want to be.”
It’s nice knowing that I can wander. But where would I go? The thought is overwhelming; there are so many options. It’s such a normal thing to be overwhelmed by that I smile, feeling normal for the first time in a while. Then, I frown.
“Can Aris reach me?”
“Aris himself, no, but another magic-user could find you.” He pauses. “The room is warded now. As for your request, I will give you something to block Aris’ mind reading later.”
Later?
“You’re leaving?” I ask, releasing my hold on the curtain in surprise.
“There is much to prepare,” he tells me.
“But…” This has all gone so fast, like Jaegen’s finished a book the moment I reached the title page. It’s overwhelming, and embarrassing how quickly he’s finished with me.
I have the feeling that I’m being tossed away, set aside, and I don’t like it. He doesn’t have to leave me here. He said that we’re working together. Whatever he’s preparing, wherever he’s going, can’t I go, too ?
I take a breath to order my thoughts, to think nice things. I don’t want Jaegen to be angry with me; I don’t want to push. This is a nice room. Why shouldn’t I want to stay in it?
“I will return,” he says.
He looks at me and nods once, before disappearing into the glowing cut in the middle of the room.
Leaving me with the weight of what I’ve just done.