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The moment he was off from work after signing the last document finally free, at least for today, his mind went back to the conversation he had with Jayasvi.
He was agitated more than confused. Why was she making him feel like this?
The change inside her from being a vulnerable girl so in love to somebody who acted like she didn't care about anything in this world.
It wasn't the only thing which made him think about her.
He couldn't help but wonder what she might have gone through from childhood to turn this hard for the world.
No matter, if he never admit it, but she was beautiful, sweet, warm and every other thing anybody would ever want in their wife.
But the worst part, she acted like she knew the whole world around her.
She had mastered the art of acting her mature self who knew what she was doing.
But with her habit chart by now, he was sure that she didn't even know her next sentence yet she delivered it with the confidence of a queen.
He knew this over smartness of her will led her into deep trouble even if she never admit it to him.
No matter, how harsh she try to portray herself to the world, there was a vulnerable side of her which was so sweet, it could melt the hardest metal but that part was never discovered by anyone.
Jayasvi Rana always kept her secured behind her rude words creating that careless girl image around her which made people prevent any contact with her. That didn't really help her anyway only letting her be more lonely in her fantasy.
The fantasy of the stupid books she started to read to find happiness in the love-story of other people even if they weren't real characters.
She raised her standards so high that nobody came close to her liking anymore.
Yet a tiny part of her still wish to get acknowledged, still ached to have the protection she lacked from her father.
In truest sense, Jayasvi never got to grow up. She was still the little girl who hid behind furniture hearing things break and her parents argue loudly. He knew it how?
He had seen the way she flinched whenever somebody raised their voice at her even though she covered it with a neutral face the very next moment; yet the flinch still prevails even now.
He could fathom knowing what she had witnessed in her life to carry this kind of trauma with her and how well did she built herself to change her emotions so soon.
He moved out to his waiting car getting in the back seat with the thoughts clouding his overworked mind.
He had told himself, he need not to think about her.
But at the end of the day, she was going to be his wife.
His responsibility. He couldn't just dust off his hands with what she was facing regularly in her life.
A small part of him was regretting it all.
That night when he broke her heart after that wedding.
There was no need of it. He could've come up with a better reason to everything which would've kept the things the same they were.
A part of him still missed her sneaking glances at him, blushing at his sight, expecting his validation, dumping her whole day in front of him on calls without even caring if he was listening.
She was so full of life with him for once in life and he broke her just like anybody else did.
He did try to come up with reasons to justify himself-- It was the need of the hour or that he was angry. But couldn't like to himself any longer, he did all that in a spite of adrenaline where he thought she might reject him after knowing everything. And he couldn't bear the thought of that.
She had engraved herself so deep in his life, he couldn't envisage her with any other man but him.
He told himself it was for her security, her act of believing in every single person who sweet talked her.
At some point, it felt like she was so thirsty for love that she started getting attracted to anyone who actually heard her.
But wouldn't that mean the love she claimed she had for him was only because she thought he listened to her.
Maybe, she had never loved him. The thought itself felt unsettling.
He ordered the chauffeur to drive to his father's party office. He needed to set few things clear with his father before taking anything further.
It took around half-an-hour for the car to enter through the security check-in and he moved to his father's office on the top floor away. After a knock, he entered inside seeing Gajraaj reading some report with his reading glasses on.
"What brought you here, Raghav?", his father's sharp question pointed at him without even lifting his gaze from his papers.
"Why did you offer place to Jayasvi here, Papa? You know she isn't ready for it", Raghav stated sitting across him pulling his jacket off hanging it on the chair beside.
His father continued reading the content of the page, only stopping when he finished reading all finally looking up at Raghav, giving him his undivided attention. Raghav always hated these small moments where his father taught lessons of patience to him. It wasn't the time for all this.
His father leaned back in his chair, a mocking grin over his lips. "You are worried for her." He declared. There wasn't any questioning done, just the statement made.
He gritted his teeth, fisting his hand resting them over his knees trying to maintain his composure. He hated when his father took fun at his expense.
"You think I am a fool, Raghav? You think I don't know how she is always under your surveillance.
I am your father. I know you better than you know yourself.
Yes, this started as a way to calm Dhara over her wish to marry Rishabh but through this, you have changed.
This wasn't part of the plan", Gajraaj spoke with a gentle calmness.
Every single word of him speaking volumes about what he has observed in Raghav.
The difference Raghav himself denied to acknowledge.
"She is going to be my wife. I can't just leave her in an unsafe condition. It's my responsibility now to keep things under control", Raghav stated, his voice calm but holding a storm inside himself.
"Responsibility? That's a rather bland way of putting it together.
You and I, we both know that it's no longer mere responsibility anymore.
The dynamics have changed both between You and Jayasvi and Dhara and Rishabh", Gajraaj spoke rubbing his hands together.
The man had worked hard upon his posture.
It was hard to predict what he was thinking at the moment. He seemed carefree with the changes.
A long heavy silence covered the room. They both didn't try to break it looking at each other expecting the other to speak still lost in their own thoughts about the situation.
Raghav could even hear the sound of the fabric of his jacket brushing his pants, the sound of his shoes over the marble flooring, the very sound of the clock second hand moving. It was torture. He hated such silence which spoke louder than some words.
"Dhara and Rishabh were never meant to work together. That boy has no manners. He is only good at playing boyfriend. He would prove himself to be a damn disappointment as a husband", Raghav stated pouring a glass of water for himself.
"That isn't actually an exaggeration. That boy proved out to be quite a disappointment in every way.
I don't know what Dhara actually saw in him.
Neither is he so out of the world handsome, or good with money", Gajraaj agreed nodding his head.
He had been keeping a close eye upon Rishabh.
He seemed like a person who was more interested in what other people are doing in their life, rather than working hard in his own life.
"Dhara is still immature with all these decision.
We shouldn't have let her decide about such a grand thing.
She is still playing in her fantasy where the poor guy turns into a billionaire over night.
That doesn't how things work in real life.
And even if not a billionaire, I could've think about him if he had tried to work hard in life.
He is a free loader and total waste of space", Raghav pointed out the obvious taking a long sip from the now filled glass of water to calm his senses.
"And what do you think Dhara is any different? She thinks even if things won't work out, we will keep supporting her. Because in no way is Dhara somebody who is willing to live that kind of life", Gajraaj pointed out drumming his fingers on his mahogany desk in an unplanned symphony.
"I am still not getting the reason why you would want Jayasvi to work for you", Raghav stated coming back to the initial point. Dhara had already broken up with Rishabh, it was no use to waste time upon discussing them. He was deeply disappointed in her actions to say the least.
"She agreed to the proposal firstly so chewing over this is rather stupid.
Secondly, she has worked for me before as well.
She is talented, she is devoted to her work.
Why waste that talent by keeping her locked at home.
Soon, she will be the daughter-in-law of our family, it shouldn't seem like she is freeloading or something.
It would hurt her pride more so I asked her to do something she is passionate about", Gajraaj explained even though it won't change a single thing.
"Right, politics. Interesting? Very?", Raghav whisper under his breath shaking his head.
What was even so interesting in reading those international relations, political thoughts, different kinds of government, comparative politics and so on.
He hated the very foundation of politics and now he was stuck with someone who loved reading about all this chaos.
"Yeah, she is actually the first one in the family who has actually studied it deep", his father went along with his thought. After all he was also a business person before he had to step up to take politics when his father passed away.
Jayasvi sat down near the edge of her bed moving through the pictures from her childhood.
She couldn't imagine how fast the time was flying.
It was like yesterday she was in 9th standard thinking about how some day she'll be in college where she won't be told to wear uniforms, where she could carry her phone with her, where she could skip lectures without being scolded, where she would be independent.
How she wished to tell that 14 year old Jayasvi, it wasn't how things went actually.
Attendance was still an issue even in college, that even if she could carry her phone to her classes not using it was the correct ethic.
That choosing an outfit for the college was another task added to her chaotic schedule.
And finally-- that her college life ended as well.
She found it laughable how it seems like yesterday only when she used to have so many big dreams. How after a 6th class science exam when she scored the highest, she had thought of being a doctor.
How after being told to play the role of an engineer in a school drama, she thought she might end up being one.
But nothing actually happened how she once thought.
But one thing was same in all the pictures in front of her.
In one, she was sad in her mother's arms because she just got scolded; in another, she had a wound on her elbow after falling down; in another, she was smiling brightly at the camera clutching a soft toy dog wearing a white dress with some shimmery bangles-- no match at all.
Yet, the innocence was in every single picture.
And it seemed like she was losing that innocence now.
The thought that she won't be that little Jayasvi anymore who ran to her grandmother after a long school day and college day telling every last bit of her day to her even after she had repeated it thousand times.
She would be expected to take her decision herself and be ready to face the consequences.
She won't have her easy life back again.
Her childhood was gone finally. The dreams she once saw gone.
All the Barbie movies, she grew up watching now a thing of past.
She didn't want to grow up. Not yet. She still wanted to clung to her father begging him to carry her one last time when he wasn't drunk.
She still wanted to describe her whole day to her family without leaving any part edited, without any privacy.
She still wanted to live that life where her only worry was assignment and upcoming exams.
She felt her chest getting heavier with the emotion as tears rolled down her eyes falling on the pictures crying for a past which won't ever come back.
Just than, her phone vibrated with a notification. The result of her masters entrance test was out. She was already getting a bad feeling out of it and the moment she checked, she felt more disappointed even though she had expected this.
She had failed. Another failure in her side.